Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Frozen Heart ❯ Chapter 14

Disclaimers: Sorry, have been very forgetful about this portion. Don't own them (wish I did, though), with the exception of Derek and Jason.

Author's Note: We're almost there…thanks to my ever-loyal beta and inspiration- euni; and thanks for all the great reviews and reminders. I appreciate the very warm welcome Derek has received, and though I was very tempted to desert Heero in favor of him, I had to listen to Duo's heart. For now, at any rate…

Frozen Heart 14

The atmosphere in the room was tense. Duo had been allowed an hour's grace period after waking up before the pilots and Dr. G had trooped to his room for the `interview'. Judging from the sounds of movement, he pictured the pilots scattered about the room, leaning against the wall or lounging against furniture. Dr. G had seated himself at the edge of his bed, since there were no chairs to be dragged around. Duo had made sure of that.

"You shouldn't be here." The statement was addressed as much to Dr. G as to the assembled pilots.

Dr. G smiled, amused at the bewilderment in Duo's voice. "Well, if a certain Gundam pilot had stayed put I wouldn't be, would I?" He rejoined mildly.

Duo flushed at the reminder.

Dr. G gazed at the bedridden boy, his expression contemplative, even slightly troubled. He was a scientist, not a psychiatrist. He put up a good front before the boys, but inwardly he worried that he was about to do more harm than good. He sighed. He really didn't have much of a choice anyway. Keeping his pilot alive and functional had to be his first priority.

"Your last message to me only said you were going solo. That working with the team had become- difficult." He watched Duo intently. "I suppose that was before your accident?" Tell me you weren't lying, Duo. Tell me you weren't really going to just walk out on us.

He remembered his surprise at reading that message. He had always thought Duo's partnership with Heero an extremely effective one. However, he had been willing to let Duo go back to flying solo. After all, Shinigami had been effective too on his own. Which was why Duo's sudden `desertion' had surprised him and led him to come to Earth himself. Now, if Duo had been lying all along; had truly intended to abandon Deathscythe, that he couldn't forgive. On the other hand, if his untimely accident had been the reason behind his failure to retrieve Deathscythe, well, that put an altogether different complexion to the entire affair.

Duo nodded slowly, and Dr. G felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"I was heading back to the safehouse." He stated softly, remembering. "Had to get my stuff and Deathscythe out." Before I lost hold of the anger and deluded myself into believing that Heero's feelings would change. That there was still hope. Pathetic idiot that I was.

Heero didn't stir from his position by the wall, but his eyes darkened. Duo had really meant to leave him. Not the mission. Him.

Duo continued. "I saw a group of guys ganging up on another boy and I couldn't just walk away." His voice fell. "One of them got a lucky hit in. Next thing I knew, the world had gone black."

-flashback-

He woke up to the dark. He blinked, wondering at the complete darkness around him. He heard movement.

"Who's there?" He called out sharply, groping under his pillow for the gun he kept close. It wasn't there.

"It's alright." A soothing voice spoke up a short distance away. Duo's head swung to that direction, eyes straining to make out the speaker. "My name's Derek. Jason, the boy you helped out the other night- he's my younger brother, remember?" The voice warmed. "We've been introduced, but I'm afraid you weren't in any shape to be thanked properly. We weren't even able to get your name in all the confusion."

"Max." Duo improvised quickly. He winced as the memory came back, and with it, the awareness of a throbbing ache at the side of his head. The other night? "How long have I been out?"

"Just a day." Derek assured him. "We were getting worried. In fact, if you hadn't woken up today I would have had to disregard your wishes and take you to the hospital."

"No hospitals." Duo stated quickly and firmly. He couldn't believe he'd slept an entire day away. It had to be the middle of the night already. The room was so dark he couldn't see an inch in front of his eyes. He touched the bandage circling his head gingerly. He vaguely remembered the guy. Remembered, in spite of the blood and the incredible pain in his head, refusing vehemently an offer to take him to the hospital. He'd have to think of a good reason to explain that away. At the moment though, he was more concerned about the darkness. "Hey, do you mind turning on the lights? I'm not that fond of the dark."

Dead silence followed his request.

"It's dark?" Duo almost jumped. The voice was right beside him.

But he could still see nothing.

Icy dread uncoiled at the pit of his stomach. He struggled to sit up.

"What time is it?" He asked, struggling to keep his tone even.

"Max-"

Fear snapped his control.

"What the fucking time is it?!" His voice rose sharply. "Tell me!"

Silence. Duo could hear his heart thundering in his ears. He shook his head in denial. This couldn't be happening to him. God couldn't do this to him on top of everything else.

He couldn't.

A trembling hand lifted. Halted right before his eyes. Waved.

Nothing.

Duo let his hand fall, his mind numbing.

"I'm blind." He whispered disbelievingly.

"Max-" A soothing hand touched his arm. "I'm sure it's only temporary. Let me take you to a doctor-"

But Duo couldn't hear him anymore.

Blind. He'd gone blind.

With a panicked cry he shoved the other man away and slid off the bed.

The floor was cold to his bare feet. He ignored that, just as he ignored Derek's warning. He ran blindly, listening to the age-old instinct's cry to flee in the face of a horror he could not accept.

"Max!"

Duo stumbled on something. A chair. He threw it aside. Something- a piece of cloth- snagged his feet and losing his balance, he crashed to the floor.

"Max!" Hands latched on to his arms from behind, and Duo exploded. He shrieked, pushed, shoved, kicked. Trying to get away from the hands that tried to restrain him. Trying to escape the impenetrable darkness that had swallowed him. But the hands were tenacious, sliding around him, holding him tightly against a broad chest.

Words, unintelligible, repeated over and over in his ear. Seeking to soothe. To calm.

"It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay." Over and over.

Duo shuddered.

"Liar!" He got out hoarsely.

It was not going to be okay. He was blind.

Blind.

He sagged, the fight draining out of him. A sob broke from his lips. He was blind.

He wept.

-end flashback-

Duo shuddered, struggling to bring himself back to the present. That was the last time he had cried. He would not, could not lose control again.

He'd rebuilt his life, hadn't he? Like always. He'd coped. Adjusted. Adapted. Survived. It was hard. Damn hard. But he had done it. He couldn't let anything- or anyone- undo it.

Dr. G watched the gamine features smooth out. Duo was hiding behind his mask again. Dr. G was used to that. All the pilots wore masks. Hell, everyone did. However, he was used to the other mask Duo wore. The flippant one. The one that maintained an inane chatter no matter how dire the situation was. This mask was quieter. More controlled. Unreadable. Dr. G decided he liked the other mask better.

He cleared his throat.

"Winner believes your condition is only temporary. In fact, he has a team of doctors waiting to make it so."

"It's true, Duo." Quatre spoke up from beside Trowa. "We'll get you fixed up in no time."

Duo was momentarily silent. Then he said softly, firmly. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not willing to take that chance."

Dr. G frowned. "You ought to have more faith in your friends." He chided gently.

"I don't doubt Quatre's resources." Duo said evenly. "I know he'll go to any extent to help me. He's my friend. But-" He `looked' down at his hands, picking idly at the bedsheets. "I'm- content- where I am, Dr. G. I'm learning to live with my condition. Besides, I've been to the doctors. They all said the same thing. An operation may not necessarily bring my vision back. Even if it did, they can't guarantee against side effects. Without an operation, my optic nerves may or may not heal naturally. My eyesight might come back. It might not." Faint bitterness echoed in his voice. "No guarantees."

"But they didn't rule out the possibility of full recovery either, did they?" Wufei broke in. He didn't understand what Duo was waiting for. Here was a chance to regain his eyesight and he was quibbling over details.

"No, Wufei, they didn't." Duo agreed.

"So what's keeping you from taking a chance? What have you got to lose?"

**What have you got to lose?**

Duo's mouth tightened.

Heero too, was perplexed. If Duo regained his eyesight, he could regain his place in the team. He would no longer be helpless or at the mercy of the darkness. They could find their way to being friends -and more- again.

So why did Duo hesitate? Why?

His eyes narrowed. Or did Duo want to stay here, with Jason and Derek Wallis? Did he think that his eyesight was the price to pay for their presence in his life? Jealousy seared through him.

"Duo," Quatre cut in, shooting Wufei a telling glare. Challenging Duo was only going to make him dig his heels in deeper. "the procedure may take time, but I've discussed your case with the doctors and they've assured me your eyes aren't beyond recovery."

"Did they?" Duo's eyes pinned him unerringly. "They can guarantee you that, even without having examined me? They must be a bunch of geniuses then." His voice shook slightly and he shut his eyes briefly. When they opened again the depth of the sadness lurking there stunned Quatre. "Quat, do you know what's more cruel than being blind?" He went on without waiting for a response. "It's the hope. They keep telling you that it could be temporary. That my eyesight might come back. Could. Might. They give you hope so you wait. And wait. And wait. And with each day that passes a little bit of that hope dies." His voice fell to a whisper. "I waited, Quat. I hoped. But nothing happened. I'm still blind." He stopped, waiting for the pain to ease. "I can live with the darkness, Quat. I can. But I can't go on hoping for something that might or might not happen. It'll drive me mad."

"Duo…" Quatre couldn't help himself. He crossed to Duo's side and embraced his friend roughly. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you." He whispered. "You needed me and I failed you."

Duo hesitated, then squeezed back. "You're the best friend any person can ask for, Quat." He assured him. "I'm the one who should be sorry. You must have been worried sick."

"He was." Trowa voiced out drily.

Light laughter dispelled the tension in the air and the two boys disengaged.

"But Duo-" Quatre plunged ahead. "even if your eyes don't heal fully, you're still one of us. You can't just walk away."

Duo allowed his mouth to twist. "On the contrary, Quat, without my eyes I'm more a liability to you guys. I can't operate Deathscythe and if I get caught-" He shrugged.

"You can stay with my Maguanacs." Quatre pointed out. "They'll protect you."

"No." Duo said simply.

"Baka." Heero spoke up, his tone searing in its intensity. "You're just running away."

Duo's head shot up, his eyes narrowing.

"Get out of my room, Yuy." He ordered flatly. "In fact, get out of my house. Now."

Heero straightened. "Neither one of us is leaving this room until after we've talked." He said softly. He didn't even turn to look at the others. "Leave us."

"NO!" Duo's voice was more than a little panicked. He did not want time alone with Heero.

Quatre squeezed his arm. "Give him a chance, Duo." He said softly before moving away.

Heero waited until the door had closed before stepping to Duo's bedside and sitting down.

Duo steeled himself, just barely stopping himself from inching away.

Heero steeled himself, just barely stopping himself from reaching out to touch his partner. They needed to talk first.

Uncertainty gnawed at him. He wasn't sure what he had to say was still relevant to Duo. It was a risk, because if after baring his soul Duo chooses to stay with the Wallises he would be left with a hole in his heart. However, when he weighed that against losing Duo without a fight, there was really no choice. He couldn't lose Duo.

He wanted his partner back. Wanted the inane chatter, the ingenious pranks, the irrepressible banter. Most of all, he wanted Duo to smile at him again. It was insane, but he needed to have his partner wreak havoc in his life and heart, and to have that he would go to any lengths.

This was the mission he could not afford to fail.

-end Chapter 14

note: I'm working on Chp 15. Promise.