Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Full Circle: A Zechs and Noin Songfic Series ❯ Scream ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Scream

Part One of a 3-fic ZMLN Series

Song by Collective Soul

Story by Lady Dante

"My name is Milliardo Peacecraft and I declare that we will eliminate
the Earth, the force that conflicts with Space..."

Lucretzia Noin watched the vidscreen, listening in disbelief as the
former OZ officer--her best friend--threatened the population of an
entire planet. The young man stood there with smugly handsome features
unmasked, coolly outlining a plan to annihilate half the human race.
The classic, unadorned lines of his new uniform were a perfect
compliment to his height and regal bearing. Noin frowned at the
impressive sight of the new White Fang leader, trying to detect any
hint of the man she knew as Zechs Marquise.

He couldn't be serious. There had to be something more happening.
Zechs would never do this. Noin turned on her heels and strode off the
bridge of Peacemillion, determined to find out what was going on and
why he hadn't contacted her. The puzzled young woman made her way to
the hanger bay and quickly pulled on an environmental suit. As Noin
grabbed her helmet and started for her mobile suit, Quatre called to
her. The boy tried to reason with her, talk her out of leaving, but
failed. Noin was determined to speak to the man calling himself
`Commander Milliardo.' She needed an explanation. Zechs owed her an
explanation.

~ Pull me to the left, hold me to the right
I never know where to go ~

Noin watched the Epyon fly away moments after confronting the rebel
leader. It took every ounce of power in her Taurus to physically hold
Zechs as he attempted to pursue Quatre and Duo. Straining against the
suit's controls, the young woman demanded an explanation from her
former comrade. His response was little more than an angry jumble of
nonsense. He barely acknowledged her identity. Noin struggled to make
sense of his brief speech, trying in vain to project some method onto
her friend's madness.

"Damn it, Zechs. How could you?"

Noin whispered into dead air as Zechs sped towards fortress Barge,
knowing the young man would never condescend to explain. Why had she
bothered? He rarely explained himself, even to her. There had been a
time when it wasn't necessary. She understood Zechs then. This new
person fighting under the guise of Commander Milliardo was a stranger.

He was serious. He was actually serious. It wasn't some secret plan to
stop the war before it started. It wasn't an attempt to once again
free Sanc from the grip of tyranny. There was no one holding a gun to
his head--or worse, to Relena's head--forcing him to say those things.
He was serious. Zechs wanted war. What was she supposed to do now? She
couldn't fight him...could she? No. She could never fight Zechs, but
she couldn't join him either. He was wrong. This was all wrong.

~ Burning that trail to the Promised Land
You're moving on out of control ~
It finally happened. He snapped. Noin had become increasingly
concerned about Zechs' mental state since the young man started
piloting Wing Zero. His messages had become more and more erratic
since going to space as Ambassador Milliardo. The destruction of
Tallgeese and his hijacking of Wing Zero marked the beginning of the
end of his fragile mind. No, before that. He hadn't been the same
since exacting his revenge against the general who massacred his
family. Something died in Zechs that day. Noin watched it happen,
helpless to stop it. The signs had been there, but she ignored them.
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe in something. He lied
to her. He used her...and Noin allowed it because she needed to
believe.

Zechs had always been obsessive. His objectives outweighed the cost,
but his goals had been noble once. So had he. Hours after learning of
his new purpose, Noin once again confronted Zechs ensconced in the
menace of Epyon. She stood her ground, unable to bring herself to hurt
her childhood confidante, yet unwilling to risk allowing him to pass.
Perhaps the delay her presence caused was enough. If she could keep
Zechs occupied long enough, Peacemillion could ram the battleship
Libra. He shouted, demanding she move. Noin held her position,
answering him with a half-hearted warning. Epyon's speed increased.

He couldn't be that far gone, could he? He wouldn't kill her. Noin
couldn't believe he would kill her. As Zechs plowed towards her, beam
saber raised, Noin found her trust in him wavering. He was going to do
it, she hadn't thought it possible, but the man she loved was going to
kill her. The young woman closed her eyes, preparing to die. Noin
wasn't afraid of death. She was afraid of living in a world where the
person she held most dear was capable of killing her. She would rather
be dead.

"Zechs," she whispered, a final plea to a troubled friend.

At the last moment, just before Epyon delivered a killing blow, Zechs
veered away. Noin gasped in relief and sorrow. Her friend was still
there somewhere. At least, some small part of his frenzied mind still
valued friendship enough to spare her life. As his mobile suit faded
into the distance, Noin allowed herself a tear for her beloved friend.

~ Well I don't want to be some puppet on a string
And I don't want to learn of things you can't explain~

She was useless now. Noin could not fight against Zechs, nor would she
fight with him. The only thing she could do was stand beside him and
wait for this to end. Wait and hope. She knew he intended to die here,
to offer himself up to God as a sacrificial lamb on behalf of the
whole race. She didn't bother to make any last minute pleas or angry
rants. Noin was certain anything she said would be ignored, so the
young woman watched sadly as Wing Zero approached. Zechs would fight a
duel after all. The last battle was about to begin and only one of
those young men would come out of it alive.

Noin sat in the discomfort of her cold mobile suit and waited for this
all to end. When her comlink sounded, she ignored it. She wasn't
interested in answering any pleas for help, any frantic questions
regarding her inaction. The shocking news of Treize's death blared
across the communications links of every pilot in the sector and still
Noin remained silent. She waited and watched and hoped. The comlink
once again interrupted her silent prayers and Noin finally deigned to
respond.

The image of Lady Une flickered on the screen as Noin responded to the
colonel's greeting with reserve. The Lady's request to relay images of
the duel was met with a stiff reminder that Noin was no longer under
the colonel's command. Surprisingly, Une smiled sadly and asked
again...as a favor. Something about Une's tone or perhaps the sad
resolution on the Lady's face touched Noin and for the first time she
saw her former commander as a kindred spirit. They were both caught up
in events far beyond their control and following men determined to
cleanse the world with their own blood. Both women were trying to make
sense of the senseless deaths surrounding them. Noin hesitated only a
moment before activating the vid relay.

~And I don't want to have your views on everything
I just want to scream ~

Noin gritted her teeth as she observed the Epyon and Wing Zero fly
into Libra. She gripped the controls of her own mobile suit, anxious
to follow, but understanding her presence was not needed. She waited.
The sudden inactivity gave Noin the unwanted opportunity to think
about what was happening, of what had become of the man she loved.

Zechs betrayed everything he professed to believe. He betrayed her as
well. Noin fought with him, for him and he simply changed his mind and
took a different path without warning. He didn't have an excuse for
that and she wouldn't make one for him anymore. This was wrong and she
was certain he knew it. He just didn't care anymore. Zechs wanted his
miserable life to end and he was going out with a bang. Still, like a
lovesick child, Noin pleaded to stay by his side, knowing...knowing
that he had no intention of surviving.

Noin watched from a distance as the once proud battleship Libra
exploded in waves of fire. Acting only on instinct, the young woman
ignited the thrusters on her mobile suit, preparing to fly right into
the middle of the inferno and find Epyon. Only Quatre's quick action
stopped her as he used Sandrock's superior size to pin the smaller
suit. Noin increased power, hoping to blast free, but soon gave up. It
was useless.

~ Scream about hurting
Scream about mercy~
Well, he finally succeeded. Zechs was gone and left Noin to clean up
the mess. He wanted to be a martyr. No. He just wanted to be dead.
Zechs took the easy way out. Noin let her head fall back against the
seat, a cynical laugh breaking through her dry lips as she realized
what a coward Zechs truly was. He couldn't live up to the impossible
goal of total pacifism, so he simply gave up.

Noin had never believed in total pacifism. She believed that it was
sometimes necessary to fight. Freedom wasn't free. It should be fought
for, to demonstrate its worth. There was only one problem with that
idea. Freedom was subjective. Noin sat in the cockpit of a perfectly
space-worthy mobile suit, free to fly to Earth or any one of a hundred
colonies, yet she felt trapped. Chained to that bit of airless space,
enslaved by her own emotions.

~Scream about something
Scream about nothing ~
"How could you do this?" Noin screamed at the blank comlink screen,
pounding on it in shocked frustration. "HOW COULD YOU!?"

Her screams dissolved into choked sobs as the young woman finally let
loose her pent up fury. She and Zechs had been fools. They threw away
everything. Everything they were, everything they could have
been...everything they might have been to each other. Noin had
followed him, believed in him, loved him with every fiber of her being
and Zechs didn't give her a second thought. He should have killed her
when he had the chance.

~ Drop me in the hills leave me in the plains
Give me some room to breathe~

How did she get here? This was not how it was supposed to be. They
were supposed to save the universe from the Alliance. Give the
oppressed a second chance to live in freedom and peace without the
mistakes of the past. They were all fools. Noin was the biggest fool
of all. She lost her faith in OZ long before she deserted, but
remained for him. She believed in Zechs, as a friend and a leader.
Romefeller's objectives might not have been particularly benign, but
she and Zechs could still fight for what was right. She idealistically
believed that the purity of her intentions would somehow lead her to
the right course of action. Instead, good intentions led her straight
to Hell.

~The words you spill, the moves you make
I find them all hard to believe ~

Noin and Zechs weren't alone as they walked that path to damnation.
Like the Roman emperors he studied, Treize Kushrenada had created a
wasteland and called it `peace.' Noin had the gnawing feeling that His
Excellency had planned this from the beginning. The details might not
have been what Treize intended, but the result was exactly what the
young general maneuvered towards from day one. He wanted to save the
world, but first he had to create a threat. That was why he led the
troops. Treize had foreseen his death--counted on it--making certain
he would be remembered as the hero. The chivalrous knight defending
Lady Earth. Offering himself up in a duel of honor. Man to man. Of
course Zechs refused, he was supposed to reject the antiquated
gesture. Treize was setting the scene. Rewriting the textbooks. His
Excellency would always be remembered as Earth's savior, not the
architect of a war no one wanted.

~ Well, I don't want to be a statistic
And I don't want to give when all you share is greed~

All Noin ever wanted was to be a good person, to do the right thing
and perhaps leave the world a little better than she found it. Like
her parents. She didn't remember much about them and what she did know
was remembered through the adoring eyes of a 7 year old, but Noin
recalled enough to know her parents were good people. Teachers. They
dedicated their lives to making the world a better place by teaching
children right from wrong. In another life, Noin would have been a
teacher as well. Not a military instructor, preparing soldiers to
follow the cause of another, but a real teacher. Opening up the world
to young minds, encouraging free thought and self-determination. Noin
never had the chance to make that choice.

~And I don't want to have one more enemy
I just want to scream ~

Little Lucretzia Noin had been part of the military establishment
since she was 10 years old. Orphaned at a young age, she was sent to
live with a great uncle who had neither the time nor inclination to
nurture a small child. The first boarding schools she lived in were
expensive, all-girl institutions designed to train young girls for
socially acceptable marriage partners. Her incredibly high marks
caught the attention of an Alliance recruiter, who convinced the young
girl's uncle that his niece would be an asset to the government. Eager
to be rid of his burden, Noin's uncle sent her to the furthest
military academy he could locate. Though she continued to receive
highest class ranking, the little girl hated her new school and made
no attempt to hide her resentment. Enter Treize Kushrenada of the
Specials.

~ There you go with all your might
Giving promises by decree~
Noin was a year into Specials training before she was informed of the
true nature of the elite group. They were not merely an exclusive
division of the brutal Alliance Military machine, but rather, a secret
order dedicated to freeing the world of Alliance domination. The Order
of the Zodiac, she was told, would set the world free and Noin could
be part of that extraordinary event. Seven years later, she bore
witness to that, `extraordinary event,' the final purge meant to rid
the human race of its will to fight.

~Well God is great and God is good
But God you'll never be ~

Noin searched for the remains of Epyon for days, but found only small
scraps of the suit's left arm. Finally resigned to the fact that he
was gone, the young woman simply stopped. She allowed her Taurus to
float aimlessly as she watched scores of young soldiers begin the
arduous task of collecting survivors and bodies from the battlefield.
Noin remained there for hours as she watched countless rescue and
retrieval craft pass by. She kept her comlink open, eavesdropping on
stray conversations. Most spoke of the death of their beloved leader,
Mr. Treize, and their aim to carry on his ideals under the guidance of
Lady Une. None of them realized what really happened here.

Noin couldn't fault their blind devotion to His Excellency, she had
fallen under Treize's spell once upon a time. There was something
about the young man that inspired intense loyalty, even from Zechs.
Noin bought into the illusion of grandeur Treize represented. A return
to the gracious past, full of hope and freedom. She followed the man
with as much devotion as any of his other officers, at least at first.
She had become disillusioned much earlier than Zechs, yet she still
followed. Treize had that inexplicable quality that draws one to his
illusion of greatness. He fancied himself the world's protector,
defending Camelot against the mystical foes slinking in the shadows.
The man could give one damned fine speech, encouraging even the most
battle-hardened cynic to believe his rhetoric.

~Well I don't want to be in your hospitality
And I don't want to live in false reality ~

The streets were crowded with joyous people, noisily rejoicing the end
of the Eve War. Noin watched a celebration from the safety of her
hotel room. After ending her search for Zechs' body, she decided to
lay low for a while, uncertain of how to proceed. Relena had attempted
to contact her, but Noin avoided the calls. The recently appointed
Vice Foreign Minister no doubt wished to employ her former Imperial
Guard captain as an aide, or bodyguard, or some such nonsense. Une had
requested the ex-lieutenant's assistance in dismantling OZ, an equally
odious proposition to the weary Noin. So, she was hiding out.

At least, she was trying to hide out. The populace, high on pacifism,
was caught up in the party to end all parties. All around the young
woman, citizens of the newly peace-oriented Earth Sphere were joyously
toasting to the new treaty with the Colonies. Happy, shiny people,
singing to a new dawn. Their naïveté turned her stomach. Didn't they
see it? Couldn't they see the truth?

The peace everyone prized was an illusion. No...a delusion. A fantasy.
Noin knew better. She knew the truth, but no one wanted to hear it.
They still wanted to believe what they were building would last. Let
them. They could run around, basking in the glow of their newfound
peace and pretending it was unbreakable. It would break as easily as
everything else and there would be no one to pick up the pieces. She
sure as hell wasn't going to do it. Not anymore.

Noin had given her life to clean up other people's messes and she was
tired. Sick and tired and used up. It was all so useless...she was
useless. She didn't want any part of the charade. Zechs and Treize
believed that an all-out holocaust would change the hearts of human
beings for good, that the survivors would undergo some miraculous
metamorphosis into saintly beings capable of total pacifism. Maybe
there was a time when she also thought such a transformation was
possible, but no longer. Humanity would never change. History was
littered with equally horrific displays of barbarism, none of which
ever left a permanent mark on human nature. People were flawed
creatures with the capacity to kill and love in equal measure.

There would always be someone who wanted chaos and disorder. Ignoring
them wouldn't make the threat go away. Ignoring the possibility would
breed new tyrants. However, the public didn't want to hear that. They
didn't want the truth. They preferred the pretty lie wrapped up in the
illusion of brotherly love.

~ See, I'm the one obsessed with truth and honesty
I just want to scream ~

Relena still believed, just as she should. She was young. Hope is for
the young. Noin simply couldn't lie to herself anymore. She couldn't
buy into the idea of the indestructible human spirit any longer. She
had nothing left to give. She was used up and angry, an old woman at
the ripe old age of 19. Noin surrendered her childhood, her beliefs,
her soul and she had nothing to show for those sacrifices. Yes, she
made the sacrifices willingly, but under the assumption that there
would be a new life waiting for her on the other side. Some ray of
light leading her to the true beginning of her life and away from the
false existence she had endured since being recruited to OZ at the age
of 12. There was no new beginning. Instead, Noin received betrayal and
emptiness.

There was nothing but the anger welling up from the pit of her
stomach. Nothing but her own heartache and broken dreams stirring an
ever-present resentment. Nothing but the cold, hard truth of it all.
They all died for nothing. Her young students, the idealistic soldiers
and their charismatic leaders...all dead and for what? A debris field
hundreds of miles wide orbiting between the Earth and Colonies. It was
all pointless and she was the only one who could see that one
essential truth.

~ Scream about hurting
Scream about mercy~

Une called again. Noin had no idea how the woman kept finding her, but
Une kept calling. This time she wanted Noin to help plan the funeral.
Treize, Zechs, and a thousand others were to be honored in a memorial
cemetery located on Sanc soil. The idea sickened Noin. She would not
help make heroes of such misguided and duplicitous men. The young
woman leapt to her feet and started pacing angrily. She would not
contribute to such hypocrisy. Nor did she deserve to participate in
such a ceremony. She made no real contribution. She hadn't made any
difference. She simply survived.

~Scream about something
Scream about nothing ~

She found herself in the small bathroom, staring into the mirror. Noin
didn't know what to do, where to go now. She had nothing left to fight
for and nothing in which to believe. She was a wasted life, screaming
for consolation and finding only silence. Disenchanted by the truth.
The truth, which was supposed to set the soul free, trapped Noin in a
prison of cynicism and disillusionment. Unable to contain her anger
any longer, Noin slammed her fist into the mirror and screamed. A
scream emanating from her fractured soul, the plaintive cry of the
girl she was and the woman she should have been. A scream that echoed
through the small room, bearing witness to the young woman's pointless
life.

The last tribute to Lucretzia Noin.

+++++++++++++++ The End +++++++++++++++++++++

Ok, so I was angry when I wrote this and it got a little melodramatic.
Well? What do you think? Too angry? Depressing? So much drivel?

This is actually #1 in a songfic series. #2 is `Forgiveness'; #3 is
`It's Been A While." All are Zechs and/or Noin related fics (of
course! Do I write anything else?)...this is the shortest Author's
Note I've done since ch. 11 of `Lilac Princess'...don't worry, won't
happen again...

The Disclaimer Cha-Cha: ...Don't own `em...1,2,3...I don't
charge...1,2,3...please don't sue...1,2,3...