Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Give Me Life ❯ Give Me Life ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the G boys, I just borrow them from time to time and return them a whole lot happier. I don't own the song "Bring me to Life" either. It belongs to Evanescence and as such all rights remain theirs. Lyrics taken from A_Z lyrics. Written for pleasure not profit.

 

Rating: NC 17

 

Warnings: Angst, yaoi, citrus

 

Pairings: 1x5

 

Summary: After the wars the pilots have gone their own ways and Wufei thought he had found his solace in joining Preventer. Along the line he loses the will to live and it takes a former, fellow pilot to show him the way back.

 

Dedication: This is a birthday gift fic for Kalico who kindly asked me to consider writing her a fic with Wufei in it for her birthday. I hope you enjoy.

 

// Indicates song lyrics //

 

 

 

 

"Give me Life"

 

August 2006 ShenLong

 

 

Wufei stared at the lifeless body of the agent before him and felt his heart twist. Around him, agents swarmed over the area, arresting those who had surrendered, treating and tagging the wounded. The voices of a few others could be heard to the side, reporting the number of casualties, confirming the number of dead.

 

Three agents dead. That was three agents too many.

 

Inexcusable.

 

He turned, the pain of loss burning inside and he did what he always did - buried it away deep in his soul along with the other 'mistakes'.

 

He bowed his head as he left the scene.

 

It hadn't gotten any better as time rolled on.

 

* * *

 

At the end of the Barton coup, he found himself lost. Skills forced upon him, were no longer needed in peacetime. His colony had been destroyed, the loss of his wife the only reason he had taken up the fight. Books no longer held their appeal and studying even less. Employment was hard to come by when you were only sixteen and had limited experience; and one couldn't exactly put former Gundam pilot on a resume.

 

The offer to join Preventer had given him a way out; or so he thought.

 

At first it had been a challenge, the chance to use the skills he'd gained to keep the peace, but slowly it turned into something more.

 

A nightmare.

 

The assignments got tougher, the casualty rate steadily increasing despite his best attempts to train and keep the agents on his team safe. When Heero Yuy had joined the ranks, he'd thought things might improve. There was no doubting that Yuy had the skills Preventer could use and were in desperate need of.

 

For every fire they managed to douse, two more would spring up.

 

It seemed as if the universe had gone mad once it was known that Preventer had two former Gundam pilots in its employ. All the scum, low lives and want to be rulers came out of the woodwork, each as determined as the next to take out either himself or Yuy.

 

Yuy didn't seem to mind. He took every assignment in his stride, calmly and efficiently as he always had done, impenetrable to the carnage. If Yuy had a conscience then Wufei would have given his right arm to know where it was.

 

With each assignment completed, Wufei died a little more inside until he reached the end of the line. He became numb, functioning as only a robot could, running on autopilot, completely devoid of emotion.

 

He did his job, came home and stared at the same four walls. Household chores were performed mechanically, eating nothing more than a necessary function. With nothing left in his life to interest him, the light in those onyx eyes began to fade.

 

He'd thought about suicide, a way to end his torment and free himself of his emptiness; but that was the coward's way out.

 

And Wufei was no coward.

 

With nothing left to live for, Wufei simply 'existed'.

 

* * *

 

Heero had joined the Preventer team six months after Chang. Once healed from the injuries caused by his spectacular destruction of the Barton stronghold, Heero had undertaken a search to find himself. Like Wufei, he'd found himself at a loss, floundering in a peace he knew nothing about, unwanted and in some cases, feared. After much soul searching, he returned to Earth and the only thing he knew how to do.

 

Partnered with Chang on many assignments, Heero couldn't help but notice the subtle decline in Chang's mental health. No, the man wasn't crazy; far from it, in fact. The number of the casualties, the volume of senseless uprisings, the constant need to be vigilant and destroy those who sought to destroy the peace before they had a chance, all weighed heavily on Chang's mind.

 

Heero knew that feeling well.

 

Chang was spiraling out of control towards his own destruction. Without a purpose, without something worth living for, Wufei's guilt would destroy the once, proud warrior.

 

Heero had been in the same dark place Chang was now, and he wasn't about to sit back and let his friend drown.

 

During his own fight with the demon of depression, Heero had realized a few things about himself and managed to claw his way back.

 

It was time to show Wufei that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

 

* * *

 

Wufei sat on the stool and motioned for the bartender to bring him another. When he'd reached the age of eighteen he'd experimented with the odd alcoholic beverage. As time had rolled on and Wufei found himself deeper in the pit of his own hell, alcohol had become a way of easing a little of the pain. It helped him to forget for a short while who he was and what he did.

 

He wasn't an alcoholic, no. Wufei respected his body too much to destroy it like that. He rarely had more than two or three drinks, just enough to numb the pain and ease the ache of loneliness.

 

A hand rested upon his shoulder and Wufei turned to see who had the audacity to touch his person. He met with a steady, cobalt gaze.

 

"Time to go home, Wufei."

 

Wufei snorted. "Home to what?"

 

Yuy's gaze was strong, burning into his own with an intensity that scared Wufei.

 

//How can you see into my eyes like open doors

leading you down into my core

where I've become so numb

without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold

until you find it there and lead it back home.//

 

Cobalt locked with onyx, each searching the other's for answers to unspoken questions. Heero could see the pain, the guilt and heartache all trapped deep inside Wufei, threatening to tear him down and drag him under.

 

Gently, Heero eased Wufei from the barstool and led him outside into the fresh air. They didn't speak as Wufei allowed Yuy to sit him in his car and drive him home. Entering his sparse apartment, Wufei was about to close the door when Heero blocked it with his foot. Shrugging, Wufei left the Japanese man to follow, trying to figure out what Yuy wanted.

 

Heero walked through to the small kitchen and made them a pot of tea. Returning with the small tray containing the cups and teapot, he set it down on the table next to the couch where Wufei was staring off into space. He poured the tea and handed Wufei a cup before sitting down on the couch and taking his own tea. The silence stretched for a few minutes before Heero spoke.

 

"It's not too late."

 

Wufei turned his head and found those mesmerizing eyes locked onto his once more. He could feel the heat of the gaze as it burned deep inside, searching, probing every inch, discovering all of his secrets. Never had he felt so vulnerable. When their gazes finally broke, instead of seeing pity in those cobalt depths, he found understanding - compassion.

 

"It's not too late," Heero repeated and raised his free hand to trace his fingers along Wufei's cheek.

 

Wufei's hand began to tremble.

 

Gently, Heero removed the tea cup from Wufei's shaking fingers and placed it with his own onto the table. He turned back to the trembling man and leaned in a little closer.

 

"Trust me. Please. I know where you are, I know what you're going through. Let me help you."

 

The words were genuine, Wufei could tell that much from the tone of voice. But how could Yuy possibly know what he was suffering?

 

"I've been there, Wufei."

 

Suddenly, Wufei felt his whole world spin, the darkness was trying to drag him in again, the screams of the many over the years invaded his senses and he gasped in fear and anguish as everything began to turn black.

 

//(Wake me up)

Wake me up inside

(I can't wake up)

Wake me up inside

(Save me)

call my name and save me from the dark.//

 

"Wufei...? Wufei...?"Someone was calling his name. Through the swirling darkness a voice penetrated, slowly calling him, urging him to find the source of that voice.//

 

(Wake me up)

bid my blood to run

(I can't wake up)

before I come undone

(Save me)

save me from the nothing I've become.//

 

The sound of the voice grew louder as Wufei fought with all he had against the dark veil that protested his leaving. The demons of his past shrieked and fluttered their ugly wings, frustrated that they were losing the battle with his soul and the voice that called so strongly."Come back to me, Wufei," the voice coaxed.

 

Wufei blinked his eyes and shuddered. A soft cry escaped his lips as tears burned behind his eyes. A pair of strong arms enclosed his form, rocking and soothing his distressed body. A hand caressed his cheek, soft lips whispered over his hair and all the time he was being calmed by the gentle monotone.

 

The man in his arms began to settle a little, the trembles eased until they were soft shudders, tears continued to flow, but Heero simply held the Chinese man and gave him the time he needed to reorientate himself. Feather kisses were bestowed upon the raven locks, lips fluttered against a temple before moving over the forehead and along a cheek. Locating their counterparts, Heero allowed his lips to take those of Wufei's in a gentle kiss.

 

//Now that I know what I'm without

you can't just leave me

breathe into me and make me real

bring me to life.//

 

The warmth of Yuy's lips against his own broke through the final barriers Wufei had desperately tried to erect. He found himself floundering. The kiss promised so much, but also left the door open for retreat. As those lips left his, Wufei felt bereft and he tried to follow them. Something had stirred deep inside, something long thought dead and buried, and while it hurt to feel the awakening, he knew he didn't want to be left alone again.

 

The soft touch had sparked an ember. Wufei desperately clung to it, prayed for the breath of another to fan the ember to life.

 

//(Wake me up)

Wake me up inside

(I can't wake up)

Wake me up inside

(Save me)

call my name and save me from the dark.//

 

Feeling the turmoil with in the young man's body, Heero partook of another kiss. He let his lips move softly over Wufei's, not demanding, simply offering. His heart warmed as his gift was accepted.

 

Deep inside Wufei, the stirring continued as long forgotten emotions began to break away from the demons that had held them there.

 

//(Wake me up)

bid my blood to run

(I can't wake up)

before I come undone

(Save me)

save me from the nothing I've become.//

 

The kiss ended and Wufei found himself leaning into the arms of Yuy, accepting the strength the other man's body was offering. The kiss had sparked the ember, igniting it and now the flame began to burn. Warmth began to flow through Wufei's veins, his blood thawing and flowing once more, reviving a once dead heart.

 

//Bring me to life

(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)

Bring me to life.//

 

Heero began to feather kisses across Wufei's throat, his hands stroked over the solid muscle of Wufei's back, noting the coldness of the Chinese man's skin through the thin fabric of his shirt. He slipped his hands underneath and began to caress the shivering skin with his fingertips.

 

The gentle strokes across his skin felt good. With each soft touch, Wufei felt the trail of fire begin to follow. Nerves previously sleeping were teased from their slumber, coaxed to life.

 

"Feel the passion, Wufei. Let the kind hearted man I knew come back."

 

"That man is dead, Yuy. There's nothing inside, nothing."

 

"Yes, there is. I can feel it, sense it. Let go, Wufei, let the light shine through for it is there, if you want it."

 

//Frozen inside without your touch without your love,

darling, only you are the life among the dead.//

 

Softly, Heero let his fingers dance across the planes of Wufei's back and then to the front. One hand remained underneath, holding Wufei while Heero's other hand made quick work of the buttons of Wufei's shirt. With the garment now open, Heero's hands had unlimited access to the golden skin and he was determined to discover every inch of it. Fiery trails were left in their wake as those fingers explored the well muscled chest. Locating a nipple they began to tease, pleased when Chang's body shivered and arched into the touch.

 

A quiet moan escaped as Wufei felt his body reacting to the touch. Warmth began to flow through his veins, heating him slowly and thawing the frozen soul inside, allowing his heart to swell, his icy emotions to shatter the cold barrier that had been drawn around them, suppressing and containing them.

 

//All this time I can't believe I couldn't see

kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems

got to open my eyes to everything.//

 

Heero continued his gentle worship of the Chinese man, knowing that if Chang didn't want this, he would stop him. Unless that happened, Heero was determined to show Wufei that life was worth living, that there was more to be had and enjoyed from the peace they had fought so hard for. He knew the inner torment Wufei was going through, the feeling of being utterly lost, confused, the longing to be accepted by someone. It had taken him a long time to claw his own way back from the dark pit of his personal hell; but it could be done and Heero was determined to save Wufei.

 

"Why?" Wufei didn't know what he was asking for an answer to, and frankly, he didn't care. He knew instinctively that Yuy would know.

 

"Loneliness is a terrible thing. It leads to many other problems. I've fought the same demons, suffered through the torment and anguish so I know exactly what you're going through, Wufei."

 

"How?"

 

"You don't have to be alone, Wufei. That's what saved me, brought me back from simply existing. I found a purpose, someone who needs me as much as I need them." Heero leaned in close and pressed his lips again to Wufei's. He poured everything he had into the kiss, all the life, living and love that he could, hoping Wufei would understand.

 

The sheer intensity of the kiss had Wufei drowning in a different kind of darkness; but this darkness carried a torch, a light to show him the way. Tired of giving in to the demons that had held him captive for so long, tired of living in a frozen world where warmth was difficult to find, Wufei let himself be consumed by the kiss, giving himself over completely to the passion. It wasn't until the kiss broke that Wufei registered the words Yuy had spoken.

 

All this time he'd thought himself to be alone when companionship was right there under his nose. Had he been so consumed in his own depression he hadn't been able to see the affection, the promise never to be alone again right there in front of him?

 

The demons rose their ugly heads again, clamoring for his attention, fighting amongst themselves to keep his soul locked away. But this time, Wufei found the strength to fight back.

 

"Help me," Wufei whispered.

 

//Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul,

Don't let me die here.

There must be something more

Bring me to life.//

 

Those were the words Heero had been waiting for. Enveloping the Chinese man in his arms again, Heero let the warmth of his body flow into Wufei's. He felt the other drawing on his strength, fighting the inner demons and severing the ties that had held him in the pit of hell for so long.

 

"Let it go, Wufei. Let it all go. Find your way back to me, I'm here and I'll help you."

 

"Please," Wufei sobbed as his heart tore, the flashes of his guilt playing behind eyelids. Accusing glares of those he'd killed all mocking him, taunting him and desperately trying to keep him within their clutches.

 

Heero was gentle, fingers sliding over golden skin, awakening nerve endings and bathing Wufei in nothing but pleasure. Clothes were removed as hands, fingers and lips sought to replace all the despair, the self loathing and lack of will to live with pleasure and the promise of being cared for, cherished and loved.

 

When Heero finally entered Wufei's body it was like coming home.

 

Their lovemaking was gentle, passionate and sweet, Heero giving all he could and Wufei drawing on that emotion and freeing his own.

 

The chains were broken, shattering apart as Wufei let himself be loved. Accepting the precious gift he was being given and freeing his tormented soul in the process. The demons knew they were beaten, but they didn't go away completely. They retreated for the moment, hopeful to have a second chance.

 

//(Wake me up)

Wake me up inside

(I can't wake up)

Wake me up inside

(Save me)

call my name and save me from the dark.//

 

 

The intensity of their joining increased, both striving for that pinnacle. Deep inside, Wufei felt the last of the barriers beginning to crumble as he clawed desperately out of the black hole he'd been locked in for so long.

 

Knowing his end was rapidly approaching, Heero sped up, coaxing Wufei to join him in nirvana. His body stiffening, Heero cried out Wufei's name as he fell over the edge and into paradise.

 

That passionate call of his name broke through the last of Wufei's bonds, breaking them completely, sending the demons howling back to where they belonged and freeing Wufei's soul.

 

//(Wake me up)

bid my blood to run

(I can't wake up)

before I come undone

(Save me)

save me from the nothing I've become.//

 

The fire in his blood tore through him, burning all the pain, hatred and self loathing in its path, leaving nothing but exploding white light and the promise of a future filled with hope.

 

Panting heavily, they separated, still clutching tightly to each other as they returned slowly to themselves. For the first time in a long time, Wufei felt at peace.

 

//(Bring me to life)

I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside

(Bring me to life.)//

 

Breathing began to even out as heart rates slowed. Tenderly, Heero brushed a few stray locks of hair from Wufei's face and kissed the warrior.

 

Wufei returned the kiss and then cuddled closer to Yuy.

 

"How do you feel?"

 

Wufei searched his mind and body before replying.

 

"Alive."

 

~ Owari ~