Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Goodbye's Never Easy ❯ One-Shot

By: RayneCarnver
~*~:::Goodbye�s Never Easy:::~*~
I leaned down and ran my fingers along the edge of the fine polished mahogany. A silent battle raged within me. I won that battle, and the tears receded, more than likely awaiting a time when they would break through. I lowered my eyes to the peaceful face inside the casket. I smiled sadly and took the necklace from around my neck. With careful motions, I slipped the crucifix hanging on the chain in the cold hands. I kissed the chilled forehead and silently said goodbye. I stepped backwards, took a breath and managed to tear my eyes from the sleeping face and turn away.
I didn�t stop to breathe until I had safely shut the door to the funeral home behind me. I leaned against the bricks and closed my eyes. I felt my nails bite into my palm as my fists clenched next to me. I shook the hair from my eyes and sighed. I gathered my strength and pushed off the wall. As I headed down the familiar sidewalk, I allowed my mind to wander into dangerous territory.
Peace had a cost. It always did. The cost of this peace, we hadn�t seen coming, nor were we ready to accept it. We knew that one of us would fall, but not him. In life, he had seemed invincible, unstoppable and immortal even. But now, looking back, I saw how fragile and afraid he was. No one bothered to see the slight shadow in his otherwise upbeat personality. Now I wish I had noticed and kept him close to me; safe from the rest of the world.
He never would have accepted that, though. Being kept safe and away from the danger he so lived for. He would have pushed me away instead of letting go of the life he�d had for years before I met him. The danger was his life, the thrill of being in the center of disaster. Neither four walls nor would my fear for him. He died the way he always wanted to.
I hadn�t noticed I was home until I had securely locked my door behind myself. I dropped my keys on the table under my jacket and checked my phone. Thankfully, there were no messages. I walked slowly through my small apartment. It was mine now, mine alone. The idea shot pain through my mind. I pushed it back and pulled my clothes off as I passed through the bedroom.
The water of the shower was a shock, although it was warm. I leaned against the cold tiles and just let the warmth run over me. Before I could stop them, tears slid down my cheeks, falling alongside the water. My heart felt suddenly like lead and I allowed the weight of it to pull me down to the floor. I curled up, wrapping my arms around my knees which I brought up to my chest. I put my chin on my knees and let my tears mix with the water that fell onto my body.
After the water began to run cold, I stood and turned the shower off. I stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel. My hand grasped the deep red colored towel: his towel. I sniffled loudly, trying to stop the tears that started again. I placed the towel on the counter and grabbed one of my own. I quickly dried myself off and brushed my teeth, noting how many of the things in the bathroom were his. I knew that at one point, I would be able to put all those things away. But not now, not so soon after his death.
I walked quietly across the bedroom floor and slipped into the bed, not bothering with clothes. The feel of the cool sheets on my skin brought me no comfort, neither did the darkness. I stared at the bright red numbers of the clock, the tears once again running effortlessly down my cheeks, creating a wet circle underneath my eyes on the pillow. I don�t remember how long it took, but sleep finally surrounded my mind.
I didn�t dream often, but when dreams graced my sleep, they were confusing and broken. That night, though, my dream was vivid in reality.
�When the smoke disappears from the horizon, no matter what we�ve been through, we will be standing together.�
The familiar, warm voice broke the darkness in which I stood, quoting the line from his favorite book. I glanced up and sucked in a breath. He stood in front of me, smiling down at me with a soft look in his eyes.
�I�m sorry I have to leave you so soon,� he said softly, his hand brushing my cheek. I turned my face into his palm, tears stinging my eyes once again. �But you know that I will never truly leave you.�
�Yes, I know,� I replied, not trusting my voice to stay steady. We stood in silence for a moment. I finally forced myself to ask. �Why?�
�Because it was needed for me to sacrifice my life for the peace,� he said softly. �If I hadn�t, the war would still be going. Many would�ve lost their lives. It was a great choice, but not necessarily a hard one.� I nodded, trying to force the logic through my numb mind. He continued. �I�m sorry it hurt you so much. I know it hurt my friends, but it was you I had in mind when I decided to do this.�
�Don�t worry about me,� I tried to give him an encouraging smile. I could feel the tears pouring from my eyes. �You should know better than that.�
He laughed lightly. �True, but as you said, I�ll never learn.� I nodded, feeling the dam against my feelings begin to break. He sighed and pulled me into a tight hug. I rested my head on his shoulder, focusing on listening to him breathe. We were content to just hold each other for a while. He stepped back suddenly, eyes shining.
�Its okay, babe,� he said, wiping the tears from my cheek with his thumb. �Don�t shed any more tears for me. I�m happy about what I did; if I had to choose again, I wouldn�t have it any different.� I reached out and caressed his cheek, remembering the feel of his skin. He gently grabbed my wrist with his hand and kissed my palm.
�Go on, live your life,� he began to disappear into the darkness. He grinned at me one last time, an encouraging look. �Just never forget that I�ll always be with you. I love you.�
My eyes reluctantly opened; my mind reached out to hold onto the fading dream. The sunlight that filtered through the shade stung my dry eyes. The cool air of the morning was my only companion.
I held the memory of the dream close to my heart. It showed me everything I could have ever needed. I knew what I wanted to know. Everything was going to be okay in the end. I knew that in my heart, just the same as I knew I would see him again, when the time was right.
My lips were chapped and my voice barely was able to work, though only a whisper. �I�ll never forget. I�ll always love you. Goodbye for now, Duo.�
~*~:::Especially When Its Someone You Love:::~*~

~Rayne Carnver~

Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.04.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 390 | Status: Completed