Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Grace This Earth ❯ Being Used ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: The Gundam guys aren't mine, much the pity. I own Endless Waltz on DVD, and that's only half mine because my brother paid for the other half. No money made, sadly enough.

Rating: PG, I think.

Warnings: Language, Duo's POV, OOC, Hilde is a b*tch in this, so sorry to anyone who likes her.

Pairings: 2+H, H+R, 1x2/1+2, R+D.

Feedback: If it sucks, tell me. If it rocks (which I doubt, but who knows?) tell me.

Any suggestions, tell me. If you want me to write more, tell me.

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It was all a joke. Right from day one she was playing with me - using me as a toy in her effort to be `trendy'. I now know what she was trying to do. I let myself be easily led astray, easily influenced. Well, not anymore. Hello world, this is me (1).

I have finally been freed by her. She hates me now, and you know what? Good riddens. She is not worth the trouble or the love or the time. Not that I ever loved her in the first place. Love is an advanced state of friendship, and since there never was any friendship to begin with, there can be no love.

Good thing Hilde didn't like anything of mine. It's locked up in storage, not stuck with the witch-lady I moved in with. I stalk into my room, across the other side of the house from Hilde, and grab my jet black bag. Stuffing an assortment of clothes into it, I leave behind everything that had any memory of her to it. I'll just leave behind one year of my life. Grabbing my bag I stomp out of the house, making sure that my bag hits everything within reach on the way. I hear Hilde still ranting in the kitchen, and I honestly don't care. She has the nerve to call out to my retreating back,

"I expect you to be back by in 2 hours so that I can show you off to those friends of mine at the dance tonight."

All that does is fuel my anger. "Fuck you, Hilde. I am not going to put up with your using me any more. Go and find someone else to show off, to prove that you AREN'T a fucking lesbian who's obsessed with Relena!"

I know from the lack of noise in the kitchen that I have hit the right spot and I slam the front door, giving myself a satisfied smile as a picture falls from the wall inside and breaks.

I find myself heading to Heero's house. I am not quite sure why. He may be my best friend, but he is not the sort of person you go to if you need to talk. When you need to talk, to let all your feelings out, it is better to go to someone like Quatre. But, alas, Quatre has gone on a mystery trip with Trowa. I wonder what they'll be getting up to. . .

Heero has a very nice front door. It's strange I never noticed it before. A dark red with cream around the simple rectangular design indented into it. Heero also has a very nice knock for his door. It's a gargoyle, which should look out of place, but it doesn't.

The door opens before I even realise I knocked. Heero is standing in front of me in his trademark spandex and shirt and, of course, no expression on his face. Not even a slightly surprised look - I don't visit him that often.

"Hey-a Heero!" I say, smiling for all it's worth.

Heero just looks at me, waiting for me to state the reason for my unexpected arrival.

"Um, look, you were right. She was using me." I begin to shake and lose my happy, care-free mask. "Fucking Hilde was just using me to `up' her image. Oh, and I think she is in serious denial about her sexuality, because she still dreams about that night she hooked up with Relena." I sound like a bitching, heart-broken teen but I don't care. It's not as though the rumours weren't flying anyway.

Moving slightly to the side, Heero makes way for me to enter his house, saying, "You deserve better, you know."

He has been telling me the same thing for quite a while now. Somehow I just can't bring myself to fully believe him. Hilde was attractive, friendly, she had all the right contacts, is there better than that?

Heero must have read my slight disbelief on his face because he let out an exasperated sigh, quite a sign of emotion for the stoic ex-soldier.

"Why can't you believe me, Duo? You do deserve better than others left-overs!"

"Left-overs? Heero, Hilde is gorgeous, attractive, and friendly and she has friends in all the right places. Can you honestly tell me that there is better than that?"

"Yes, Duo. Better is someone who loves you, who thinks of you as equal and who would think it is the greatest gift to be bestowed just too even be able to tell in secrecy that they have a connection to you!"

I stand back slightly, which is hard because we are still standing in Heero's hall. Where did that come from? I wondered to myself. For Heero to say so much, with even the slightest hint of passion, must mean he felt very strongly about the topic. But I was the topic, so by rights, that would mean that he felt strongly about me. No, that can't be right. I had my sexuality crisis back during the war, and I decided I was going to suppress my homosexual tendencies. I value acceptance to much to be faced with rejection from others. So where did it come from. . .

I decide to take the easy way out and call upon my jokers mask. I laughed, and then grinned at Heero. "Mr Perfect Soldier, your perfect stoic façade is crumbling!" I half teased.

Heero gave me a look that instantly made me regret what I had just said. The strange thing was, it wasn't his trademark glare that caused my regret, it was just a spark of hidden emotion in those gorgeous eyes. . . wait, I mean, in those beautiful, enchanting blue. . . damn it. . . in his eyes.

I cautiously let the mask down, hidden just below the surface in case of an emergency.

I sigh, knowing that some of his words were, in fact, true. Hilde didn't love me. . . ever. I still felt the need to clarify Hilde's feelings, to myself and him.

"Hilde did use me Heero, but you are implying that she didn't have feelings for me. She did, they just. . . lessened, a lot, after she hooked up with Relena."

Heero snorted. Then a very nasty grin formed on his features. "Well, if Hilde is hoping to get with Relena again, she is dreaming. Relena called before and told me of her lover of some time, though they only just `came out of the closet'. Dorothy and Relena have been together for over a year now."

I stand stock still, shocked at the news. Dorothy and Relena? That made no sense whatsoever. But. . . if that was the case then Hilde would be shocked and hurt and would need someone to comfort her! It could be his chance to return to her and rekindle what was, before. . .

"Duo. . . " Heero looked at me, his face relinquishing the look of triumph he had moments before at the look of hope that crossed my face. "Ok, that's it."

Heero violently shoved me out of his hallway and into his sitting room. Grabbing me by the shoulders he pushed me down on the nearest couch. As I make to get up and go back to Hilde, Heero sits next to me grabbing me down once again.

"Did she treat you well, Duo?" Heero asks me earnestly, staring into my eyes.

"Yes, of course!" I exclaim immediately. At the incredulous look on Heero's face, I reconsider.

Not once had Hilde ever said that she felt anything for me. I had moved in with her because she told me that she didn't like my apartment and at my annoyed questioning of where else I could stay she seemed to resign to allowing me to stay with her. She always used it against me, making me be indebted to her for allowing me to live with her.

It was better between Hilde and me during the war, hell, even for a short time after the war. Once that night, though, it had changed and she treated me differently. Perhaps it was a very bad idea to get drunk and listen to hormones.

"She treated me like I owed her something, like she was all that mattered and it was a huge sacrifice of her part to spend time, energy or patience on me. She never told me she cared and she took me for granted." The revelation hit me now that the words had been spoken out loud. I looked at my hands, knowing that there were tears fighting to get to the surface.

Heero, surprisingly, looked with softened eyes at me. At least I think he did, for I could only see him with my peripheral vision. /I could read his every though through his eyes. . . /I think suddenly. /Where did that one come from?/

The tears come to the surface, despite my silent pleas. I was feeling hurt and lost before I arrived at Heero's, thus I had thought the `screw her' and `I never liked her that much anyway' type of thoughts. But that wasn't the case. Regardless of what I would like to convince myself of, I had, indeed, felt something for Hilde. I had given her the past year of my life, how could I not?

Heero, he must have really been in the mood for surprises, moved towards me so that he was very close and wrapped his arms around me. I collapse in his arms, incapable of stopping the body shuddering sobs that wrack me. The fact that I was in Heero's arms, the guy who had held my undivided attention before I decided that homosexuality wasn't his cup of tea and therefore shouldn't be mine, didn't even cross my mind and I cried unashamedly into the crook created by his neck and shoulder.

As I cried I realised that we fitted perfectly together. Because of our height difference my head fitted perfectly in the place where his shoulder and neck met and his arms were just long enough to fall comfortably around my waist. It was like. . . two halves of the one whole coming together. /Whoa, Maxwell, that's a bit cliché, even for you!/

I was crying for a good hour, letting all of the hurt, pain and misery that had built up continuously over the year out. I wonder what state Heero's shirt will be in after this? Then, because of the uncharacteristic mood Heero seemed to be in, the picked me up and carried me to his room, placing me carefully on his bed. I was still sobbing, but they were dry sobs now, no tears. Slowly I drifted off to sleep, unaware of the time or of my situation just the gentle stroking at my back and soft words of comfort in my ears.

//Flashback/Dream//

"You're late!" the sharp voice cut through my already pounding head like. . . well, like a knife through butter.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I started getting a migraine late this afternoon, so I had to get a prescription for some aspalgin." Even though it hurt my head to talk to her I knew that without an explanation she would rant loudly and continuously until I passed out.

"You've always got migraine! What the hell is wrong with you?"

My vision swam as the bright lights in the room pained me. I had to keep fighting not to throw-up, because I knew that if I did, then Hilde would make me clean it up, even if I was practically dying.

"Doctor said it was continuous stress. I am supposed to take it easy for a while." Now my vision was blurring and I was swaying where I stood.

Hilde laughed disbelievingly. "You have NO stress! What the hell is there to stress you? I do all the work around the house! You wouldn't know stress if it came flying at you painted bright orange with bold black lettering proclaiming it to be stress!"

I groaned unconsciously and walked off. I didn't need this right now. All I wanted to do was get into bed, turn the lights off and die quietly.

I made it to my room, thankfully, and shut the door in Hilde's face, not caring if she bitched about it for the next year. I turned out the light and crawled into bed, thanking whatever God that was listening for the automatic lock on my door.

//End flashback/dream//

I woke up, remembering every detail from the dream. That was only two days ago. Heero was still holding me, but I don't think that he realised that I had woken up, because I was still shaking. He was whispering softly in my hair, telling me that Hilde wasn't worth it and there were others who love me, others that I didn't even know about. He was saying that he knew that I wouldn't be interested if I knew, but that he loved me, had loved me ever since I shot him. No one had ever stood up to him before that. He admired me and thought I was the greatest person to grace this earth.

I listened to the soft confessions. They made my heart lighter than it had been before the war. I didn't want to break this torrent of admissions, but I had to be sure he wasn't just saying it to clam me down.

"H'ro?" I whispered quietly. He immediately silenced and tensed. "Did you mean it?"

He was still incredibly tense when he replied. "Of course, you are the greatest person to grace this Earth."

I shook my head slightly, seeing through his act. He knew what I was talking about.

"You know what I mean Heero. Did you mean it when you said that you loved me?"

I felt Heero tense even more.

"Y. . . yes." He said, so quietly I had to strain to hear the word.

I relaxed in his arms, letting go of tension I didn't know I had gathered. Lifting my head up, I looked into his stunning eyes. I was trapped in that gaze for a second reading the trepidation and apprehension in his eyes. Then I lifted my head up, pressing my lips to his in a chaste kiss. After a moments shock, in which his lips felt numb, I felt him respond. Wow, he was a good kisser. The kiss was kept chaste, no tongue. Then we both pulled away, his eyes now clouded with lust and his hair looking perfectly messy in collaboration.

He looked very cute, with wrinkled clothes and lustful eyes, and he was invoking thoughts I knew hadn't happened. Suddenly, Heero nodded and stood up, as if coming to a conclusion.

"Duo. . . " He said quietly, as if unsure of what he was about to say.

I just looked at him, listening silently.

"I. . . well. . . I have liked you for ages. I don't want this to be a rebound for you. If this is something that you want to use to forget how Hilde treated you, I don't want anything. We'll both get hurt. But. . . if you do feel something, don't cheapen it with memories of Hilde. I'll help you through the pain, but I won't take it away or dismiss it."

I looked at him, still silent. He had passed his word quota for the day. I new I needed to say something but I didn't know what. I figured to say what I should have just come out and said during the war.

"Heero, I have. . . liked you and admired you ever since I discovered the reason for you trying to shoot Relena. I didn't pursue it because I figured that you. . . well, that you didn't swing that way, so I suppressed it, coming to the conclusion that if I couldn't have you, I would have no man. I wouldn't cheapen what we could have for the world, now."

Heero looked relieved. He moved back to his bed and wrapped his arms around me.

"This is nothing, as yet. I am just your friend comforting you. Perhaps after the pain lessens we could give it a shot?"

I smiled. Yes, this was what I wanted. "Heero, with you here that pain has lessened. She used me but she gave me a gift. I now know that I can have you. I don't care about her in any way other than as one person to another."

Heero looked at me, but he knew I never lied. Then he smirked. "Well, it looks like we can give it a shot earlier than expected then."

I had to say it. I couldn't avoid it any longer as Heero's love-filled eyes looked at me.

"Heero. . . I love you."

And with that Heero took my lips in a kiss that was quite literally breath taking.

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(1) Anyone who wants to join my vendetta to kill the Saddle Club, tell me. Grr. . . I REALLY don't like them.

TBC. . . .

Anastasia

~*~ Proud member of SDDI ~*~

~*~ Proud member of SDQB ~*~

General of the Baka Brigade!!

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