Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Theater Presents: Hamlet (AKA How to Off Releena in Ten Scenes or Less) ❯ Act I, Scene I ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: We own nothing from Gundam Wing, Masterpiece Theater, Austin Powers, Quest for Camelot, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Hamlet or Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. We also do not own any of the songs listed in this story. We'll leave all of that credit to their creators/ writers/ singers/ songwriters... And if I knew who all of those people were, I'd list them. Also, no insults were intended for any of the singers/ songs/ performers... this was all written in good fun! The few times we quoted (or nearly quoted) songs or lyrics were also not intended to be ours (“Suicide is Painless” lyrics, a few brief snippets of R&G are Dead and tweaked versions of Hamlet lines and A Midsummer Night's Dream lines.)

Now, please, sit back, relax, and enjoy Gundam Theater...

Gundam Theater Presents:

Hamlet

(AKA: How to Off Releena in Ten Scenes or Less)

Now for a brief description of our cast and crew (if this seems like a weird format, it was originally posted in play format, but as we couldn't post scripts on the site this originated on, it was pulled. Now, it is no longer a script, so all should be good!) Hamlet will be played by Duo. Horatio is Heero. Polonius is Releena. Claudius is Lady Une. Ophelia is Wufei. The Player is Trowa. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (or Guildenstern and Rosencrantz) are Treiz and Zechs. Queen Gertrude will be played by some random anime guy. (Take your pick. We don't care.) Laertes will be played by Quatra. As for our crew, Quatra is the director, and Trowa is in charge of music (God help us all!)

And on to our first act and first scene.

Releena and Heero are standing onstage. Releena gushes to Heero, “Oh, He-chan! I'm so glad you invited me to be in this play!

Heero says nothing, his hand twitching on the scabbard of his sword.

Releena continues, “And it's so brave of you to use real swords! You're so daring, He-chan!” Her eyeballs turn into little pink hearts.

Heero takes aim at the little pink hearts. Suddenly he realizes the gun is only in his head, and all he has now is the sword for the play. He mentally curses Duo for taking away his gun.

At that moment, Quatra comes out, clapping his hands for attention. “Places! Places! Let's get started, people!” He notices Heero contemplating whether to kill Duo or Releena.

Before he can think too much about it, Wufei bursts into the scene from a dressing room backstage, wearing a dress of an undetermined, but ugly color. “Dishonorable director! You did not tell me that Ophelia is a girl's name!”

Quatra sighs. “But Wufei, you're the scholar! I thought you knew this play! You picked this part!”

“I just picked it because I thought I died quickly,” Wufei snaps.

Music begins blaring from stage left. “Walk Like a Man” plays full volume!

Wufei attempts to hit Quatra, only to see Trowa staring at him from over the speakers with one of his sisters knives. There is a stare-down until the song ends.

Just then, Duo comes out singing, “I feel pretty. Oh so pretty!” He begins humming when he stops knowing the words, which is two sentences in. “Heero,” he says cheerfully, “want to help me with these tights?” Duo tugs on the tights, which are beginning to twist uncomfortably on him. That is all he's wearing.

Quatra sweatdrops. “Duo, as Hamlet, you're supposed to wear a tunic over that.

Duo looks down. “But I think I look good.” He turns to Heero once again. “Hey, Heero, you aren't wearing your tights.”

Heero's hand tightens on his sword as he imagines it's a gun.

Releena tries to break the tension, asking, “So, who am I playing?”

“Polonius,” Quatra replies. “You just stand there...” He points to where she is. “And here...” He points stage left. “And then here behind this curtain.” He points to a tapestry stage right. “It's very important that you stay behind the curtain, no matter what. In fact... let's just start you at the curtain.”

Releena hesitates, looking at the creepy curtain.

“Heero wants you to,” Quatra says.

Caution thrown to the wind, Releena flounces off to curtain. “Okay!” she says brightly with a mental image of her and Heero smooching behind it.

Heero chases Releena with his sword, trying to pop the thought bubble.

Quatra gets in Heero's way, forcing him to stop. “Not yet...”

Zechs and Treiz appear out of nowhere. “We've been summoned.” Wind blows past them, north northeast.

Quatra shakes his head. “No! No! Not yet! Go!”

Zechs and Treiz wander off. Zechs is making a paper gundam suit. He pauses momentarily, commenting, “Oh, and Duo... you're right. The tights do fit better without underwear.”

“Go!” Quatra snaps.

Lady Une drools from stage right. A thought bubble appears over her head stating, “They were summoned...”

“Okay,” Quatra says, “we really have to do the actual acting part now. Places!”