Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder ❯ This is why Bored Scientists are Dangerous ( Chapter 1 )

This story is number five in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table, Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail, The Magicians of Gundam Wing, and Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest. If you read this story without reading the others first, it might not make a lot of sense. But of course you, the reader, have total control!

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation and so is Alexa. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama.

Warnings: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for “decent” behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction.

Random Thought for the Afternoon: “Do transgendered men yell at themselves if they leave the toilet seat up?”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: This is Why Bored Scientists are Dangerous

“Hey! You're back!” Sally waved at Roku, who was sitting on the front porch of his house in human form eating yet another bowl of cereal.

Roku waved back. “Hi Miss Sally! Yeah, we got back last night. Everyone else is still, uh, sleeping.”

Sally sat down next to him. “How was your trip? Did you have fun?”

“It was great! We did all kinds of neat stuff.”

“How long were you there?”

“All summer.”

“That long, huh? It's weird, because it's only been two weeks since you left.”

“Mama planned it that way.”

“That's pretty clever.”

“Mama is very clever.” Roku spooned up the last of his cereal and licked his lips. “Would you like some cereal, Miss Sally?”

“No thanks, Roku. I already had breakfast. When do you think everyone will be up? I'm sure Noin will want to put everyone back to work. She's convinced herself she can't run things as smoothly as Zechs, even though we've had no problems.”

Roku cocked his head to one side and listened. “They're getting up now. Why don't you come in?” He stood up and led the way into the house.

Wu-Fei was just emerging from the rear hallway, scratching his back. “Sally! Good morning! Nice to see you.”

“Good morning, Wu-Fei! Welcome back.”

“Thanks. I was just about to make some breakfast. Can I offer you anything?”

“No, thanks. I'm looking forward to hearing about your trip.”

“You mean Roku hasn't already bent your ear with all the details?”

“Not yet.” Sally patted Roku on the head.

“I wasn't sure which parts you wanted to keep secret,” Roku said innocently.

Wu-Fei snorted. “Given our excellent track record in holding back embarrassing details, I don't think it's a problem if you tell Sally the whole sordid story from beginning to end. How much worse can it be than what we've already let slip?”

“Good point,” Sally chuckled.

“I'd have to agree with that,” said Trowa, who appeared at that moment. “Hey Sally.”

“Hi Trowa.”

“How have things been? No problems, I hope?”

“Everything's fine, although Noin has been having a rough time rebuffing the attentions of that shuttle pilot. He really has a thing for her.”

“Maybe she should give him a chance,” Wu-Fei said. “I remember she was pretty bummed about Zechs. A little romance might be just the thing.”

“I agree with you, but I think she needs a little more time. How is Zechs? Are he and Treize still…?”

“They stopped being naughty an hour ago,” Roku volunteered. Then he paused. “Oh, wait, I take that back. They're in the shower now.”

“No kidding!” Duo complained loudly as he entered the room rubbing his head. “And Heero kicked me out of bed. He's so mean!” Then he saw Sally and flushed. “Oh! Hi Sally! Um… What I meant was…”

Sally held up a hand. “Don't bother explaining. I think I figured out what's going on.” She grinned. “You guys certainly are entertaining. Where's Quatre?”

“He's coming. He just had an idea about a scientific experiment he wants to try. He said he's going to gather some materials he needs.”

Wu-Fei stared at Duo suspiciously. “You haven't been giving him ideas, have you?”

“Who? Me?” Duo blinked in wide-eyed innocence. “Quatre and I just talked for a little while after the rest of you went to sleep. He wanted help with the unpacking.”

“Duo…”

“What?”

“I don't trust you at all.”

“Then you shouldn't have fallen asleep so quickly last night. I still had a bunch of energy to work off. What's for breakfast? I'm starved.”

At that moment, Quatre came in carrying a small metal box. “Sally! Good morning!”

“Welcome home, Quatre. What's that you've got there?”

“Oh, nothing!” Quatre laughed weakly. “It's just some, ah, materials for an experiment I want to try.” He quickly put the box in the refrigerator and rubbed his hands together briskly. “Well then,” he said brightly, “what's for breakfast?”

“Wu-Fei's making some tasteless vegetable thing,” Duo informed him grumpily. “I was about to make a light breakfast of bacon, sausages, ham, eggs, toast, kippers and oatmeal. Want some?”

“That's a light breakfast? And what about the cereal you're eating right now?”

“That's just to tide me over until breakfast is ready. I was practically fainting from hunger.”

“Poor baby,” Trowa whispered to Sally.

“He does look a little pale,” Sally whispered back.

Heero appeared while Duo was cooking and by the time Duo's “light” breakfast was ready, Treize and Zechs finally made their appearance.

“Sally!” Zechs exclaimed. “It's good to see you. How is Noin? How is the project going?”

“Fine and fine. Noin will be glad to see you, though. She's been in a frazzle.”

“I shouldn't have dumped everything on her like that,” Zechs said apologetically. “I was being very selfish.”

“I think it's understandable, under the circumstances,” said Sally. She smiled at Treize. “How are you feeling, Treize?”

“Exhausted, but a meal will refresh me.”

“Didn't any of you guys sleep last night?”

“I did!” Roku piped up.

Sally shook her head and laughed. “Men!”

Noin was extremely glad to discover that Zechs was back. She didn't even seem to mind that Treize was there, too.

“Zechs! Thank god! I had no idea how much work you were doing! Thank god you're back!” She flung her arms around him.

“I'm sure you've handled everything just fine, Noin.” Zechs hugged her for a moment and then pushed her away a little so he could look at her. “Sally told us there haven't been any problems.”

“Well, no big ones, it's just…”

“I knew you could handle it, Noin. I had complete confidence in you from the very beginning.”

Noin stared at him with round eyes.

“Uh oh!” Duo whispered. “He really has to learn how to turn off the charm.”

“We'd better distract her,” Wu-Fei whispered back. “Where are the presents?”

“Roku has them.” Duo raised his voice. “Hey Roku, why don't you get the presents we brought for Sally and Noin?”

“Ok.”

The presentation of gifts caused a momentary distraction, but after a while, Noin fell to contemplating Zechs and Treize again with an unhappy look on her face.

“Zechs, why don't you go to work with Noin?” Treize said casually. “I'll go put our things away at your cottage.”

“All right,” Zechs said. He glanced at the Gundam pilots. “The rest of you should go to work as well and Roku can go to school. We should get back into our routine to avoid attracting attention.” He smiled at Treize. “I'll see you tonight.”

“I'll make dinner.”

Noin looked from one to the other with a slight frown. “Let's go, Zechs.”

The next few weeks went by without incident. Everyone settled back into their routines. Now that Heero was back, the sprites returned, but he kept them busy with chores and errands so they wouldn't cause trouble. Roku made numerous projects in his art class which he proudly displayed all over the house. Trowa's staff kept slithering off to watch Noin change clothes, but kept out of sight.

Quatre spent long hours holed up in a laboratory working on an experiment which, suspiciously, periodically required Duo's help.

This caused the other pilots to begin speculating on what Quatre might be doing.

“Duo has no scientific training at all,” Heero noted. “Of what possible help could he be in a lab?”

“I don't know,” said Trowa. “When I ask Quatre about it, he becomes extremely vague. It's not like him.”

Wu-Fei mumbled something under his breath.

“What's that?” said Heero.

“I said I hope they aren't doing what I think they're doing.”

“And what might that be?”

“I'm not going to say. I just hope that Quatre isn't being foolish.”

Then one night, Quatre and Duo stayed out very late. Trowa was decidedly unhappy. He kept pacing back and forth in the living room, stopping every now and then to look out the front door.

“Do you think he's worried or jealous?” Heero speculated.

“Both,” replied Wu-Fei. “And well he should be. I wouldn't put it past Duo to try something.”

“Me neither.”

“Would you two shut up?”

At that moment, Duo and Quatre burst in cradling a medical container between them.

Trowa rounded on them. “Where have you two been? I've been worried.”

“We were finishing our experiment.”

“Is that it?” Trowa pointed at the container.

“Yes, but now we have a problem,” said Quatre.

“What do you mean?”

“My experiment worked. It's viable and now we have to do something with it.”

“Viable? What do you mean it's viable?” Trowa stared at the container. “What do you have in there?”

“Um… Well…” Quatre looked guilty. “It's an embryo.”

“A what?!”

“An embryo. I made it from material I, ah, borrowed from Treize and Zechs. If I was on the Winner station I could put it in one of our incubators, but…”

“What the hell were you doing making an embryo?!” Trowa exclaimed. “What were you thinking?”

Quatre hung his head. “I wanted to see if I could make a viable embryo using just reproductive material from men. I wasn't sure if it would work and, well, I admit I resorted to just a tiny bit of magic.”

“Quatre…” Trowa covered his face with one hand. “So just what are you planning to do with it now that your experiment worked?”

“Well…” Quatre mumbled.

“You can't!” Wu-Fei exclaimed. “Not without asking!”

“But what if he says no?”

“You should have thought of that before!”

“But it's their baby!”

“Oh geez!” Heero exclaimed. “Just put the thing in Zechs and get it over with. You're gonna wake up Roku.”

“Heero!” Wu-Fei said sharply. “He can't just go turn Zechs into a woman without his permission.”

“I don't need to do that,” Quatre said. “I can plant it in him and then take it out later after incubation.”

“Using magic?”

“Uh huh.” Quatre sat down on the floor with the medical container between his knees. “Duo, you can tell where Zechs is, right?”

“Sure.”

“Good, sit next to me. Give me your hand.” Quatre closed his eyes and began muttering a long string of Latin syllables.

“This is so not good,” Wu-Fei muttered. “Zechs is going to be seriously pissed off.”

“Then don't tell him,” Heero said. “It'll be a while before he figures it out. I'm going to bed.”

Quatre finished his spell and there was a faint puffing noise.

“Is that it?” asked Duo.

“Yup, it's done. Zechs Merquise is now expecting.”

“Will his pregnancy run fast, like yours did?”

“I think so. I worked that into the spell I used to plant the embryo in him. I think it should only take four or five months.”

“You realize if women ever get wind of this spell, you could become the richest man in the history of civilization.”

“That's what they said about the artificial incubators.”

“And the Winners are one of the richest families in the Earth Sphere. You could become even richer.”

“No thanks.”

“Then teach me how to do it so I can be the richest person in the Earth Sphere.”

“Shut up, Duo.”

Everyone watched Zechs curiously the next morning, but he showed no sign of feeling anything unusual. In fact, the only one who noticed anything was Roku.

“Mr. Zechs smells different,” Roku remarked casually.

“What's that?” Quatre asked worriedly. “Different? What do you mean?”

“I don't know. He just smells different.”

“Why don't you keep that observation to yourself for awhile?”

“Ok.”

A few more weeks went by and still no one seemed to notice anything different. But then one night, Treize and Zechs joined the Gundam pilots for dinner.

“I don't know what's wrong with me lately,” Zechs remarked. He pushed his plate away. “Food tastes really funny too me all of a sudden.”

“Oh?” Treize touched a worried hand to Zechs' forehead. “Maybe Sally should examine you. Your stomach has gotten a bit puffy, too.”

“Maybe it's the baby,” Roku said. “Can I eat your dinner if you're not going to, Mr. Zechs?”

“Baby?” Treize and Zechs questioned in unison. “What are you talking about?”

Roku did not appear to notice the frantic shushing motions that Quatre and Duo were making.

“The baby in Mr. Zechs' tummy. I can hear its heart beating.”

“Oh no!” Quatre groaned. “Roku, I was really waiting for the right moment to tell Zechs about that.”

“Sorry, Mama.”

Treize fixed a stern glare on Quatre. “I think now might be the right moment to tell us about that. Why is it that Roku can hear a baby in Zechs' tummy?”

Quatre put a hand over his face. “Because I, ah, put one there.”

Zechs went pale. “You put a baby inside me? How the hell did you do that?”

“Well, you see, I was doing this experiment and it worked, so, well, I ended up with this viable embryo that I had made from you and Treize so I thought, well, you wouldn't mind having a baby with him, so I, well, sort of, um, used magic to plant it inside you.”

Treize looked dumfounded. “You made a baby from me and Zechs?”

Quatre nodded. “It's a girl.”

Treize and Zechs stared at each other.

“We're having a little girl,” Treize murmured. They leaned close together and whispered quietly to each other for a moment.

“Won't Miss Noin find it kind of strange?” Roku asked innocently.

Zechs froze. “Oh crap!” He looked down at his stomach. “I'm already starting to show. We have to do something.”

“We should go somewhere until after the baby's born,” Treize suggested.

“What a minute!” Zechs exclaimed. “Now that you bring that up, I'm not giving birth to a baby! I'm not designed for it. And I can't just turn myself into a tiger like Quatre did.”

“I'll take care of that when the time comes, Zechs,” Quatre assured him. “I would never make a man go through that. We're not strong enough.”

“Treize is right, though,” Wu-Fei said. “We can't let anyone see Zechs in this condition.”

“Let's do a little time traveling, then,” Duo said cheerfully. “We can go somewhere until Zechs has his baby and then all we have to tell anyone is that they adopted.”

“We might as well tell Sally the truth, though,” Heero said with a snort. “She'll find out anyway. And she can cover for us with Noin.”

“Oh goody!” Roku said. “I like time travel. I picked the last place. Who wants to pick this time?”

“Well,” Trowa said thoughtfully, “I've always been interested in the ancient past. I wouldn't mind going to Midgard.”

“Midgard?” said Duo. “Where's that?”

“Did you learn nothing in school?” Wu-Fei said disgustedly. “It's the creation legend from Norse mythology.”

“If it's a myth, how can we go there?”

“How do we go anywhere in the past?”

“Good point.”

“You're not too angry with me are you Zechs?” Quatre asked. “I really wasn't sure if my experiment would succeed and I was caught a little off guard when it did.”

“I think it would have been better if you'd asked me first.”

“You're right. I apologize.”

The next morning, Wu-Fei collected Noin for work and told her that Zechs was feeling a little under the weather.

“Is he?” said Sally. “Maybe I should go over and check on him.”

“I'm sure he'd appreciate that,” Wu-Fei said.

When Sally arrived at Zechs' cottage, she found Quatre and Trowa there along with Treize. “Wu-Fei said you're not feeling well, Zechs.”

“Yeah, I'll let Quatre explain why.”

“Quatre?” Sally stared at the named gentleman in confusion.

Well you see, I was doing this experiment and it worked out really well, so the upshot of the whole thing is Zechs is pregnant.”

“What?!”

“Um, Zechs is pregnant.”

Sally glanced at Treize.

Treize held up his hands. “I was only peripherally involved. It's mainly Quatre's doing.”

Sally looked back at Quatre.

“I used some magic, but the baby is genetically theirs.”

“I see.” Sally turned back to Zechs. “I guess I'd better examine you, although I'm not entirely sure what to look for.” She palpated his abdomen and listened to it with a stethoscope. “Yup, there's a baby in there all right. We absolutely cannot let Noin find out about this.”

“That's what we thought,” said Trowa. “We're thinking of taking another trip.”

“Good idea. But don't stay gone so long this time, ok?”

“Ok. We can leave tonight and be back by morning.”

Sally chuckled. “You guys just don't know how to stay out of trouble, do you?”

Quatre looked sheepish. “It was just a really interesting idea.”

“Yeah, well next time, keep your ideas to yourself,” Zechs muttered.