Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table ❯ One Surprise After Another ( Chapter 9 )

Herald Girl: Thanks. This story is about as close to a stream of consciousness as you're likely to get and still have some kind of coherence. Although I have some major plot points planned out, how I get to them and when is pretty much up to chance; I really am mostly making it up as I go.

Manga-Chick: What's wrong with a pregnant Q? Having been pregnant once or twice myself, I relish the idea of putting a man through it!

 

Chapter 9: One Surprise After Another

“I'm bored,” Wu-Fei announced.

The proof of this statement could be found in the fact that he was slicing a piece of parchment into progressively smaller pieces, while keeping all the pieces in the air simultaneously. His katana made a nice whistling sound as it slashed through the air.

The handful of knights watching this demonstration in wide-eyed astonishment kept a careful distance.

“Damn!” Wu-Fei muttered as the last tiny shreds of parchment were carried away on an errant breeze. He looked around for something else to slice up.

The knights all backed up.

“If you lack sufficient challenge, Master Wu-Fei,” one called out, “you might have a go at the dragon in Hammersly. I hear it's been active again, eating livestock and the stray traveler or two.”

Wu-Fei perked up. “A dragon, you say? They really exist?”

“Of course they exist. And a damned nuisance they are to,” the knight replied. The others all nodded in agreement. “They're always eating some poor village or other out of their livelihood and then starting a few fires for the hell of it. They think it's funny watching people running around trying to put them out.”

“Aye!” growled another knight. “They've a right rotten sense of humor, but they're sweet-tongued devils too. They're always wooing some empty-headed maiden into wandering off, so some poor knight will take it into his head to go rescue her. Then the damn dragon eats up the knight and his horse and lets the maiden go.”

Wu-Fei's eyes widened with excitement. “They talk, too?!” He grinned at the knights. “Just how do I find this dragon?”

The babble of conflicting directions, coupled with outbursts of “You're completely wrong!” and “That's not the way to Hammersly!” and “You couldn't find your own ass with both hands!” left Wu-Fei staring in confusion.

One knight finally shouted the others down. “Don't listen to those imbeciles, Master Wu-Fei. I, Sir Hagrimore, will guide you there. Though mind you, I plan to hang back a fair ways while you engage the beastie.”

“Fair enough,” said Wu-Fei. “I'll see if my friend Duo wants to come along.”

“That's a good idea,” Hagrimore said. “It generally takes a dragon longer to kill two people.”

Wu-Fei sheathed his katana. “How long will it take to get there?”

“Tis a good two days ride, but there are some very nice inns between here and there.”

The group of knights got excited. “That's true! An excursion to the countryside would be a welcome break from the tedium of court life.”

Wu-Fei told Duo about the excursion when the five of them met in the suite before dinner.

“A road trip?!” Duo cried delightedly.

Heero snorted. “Did you miss the part about the fire-breathing dragon at the end?”

“Oh, come on Heero, how bad can it be?” Wu-Fei said. “I've fought worse.”

“From inside a gundam.”

“Details. Besides, I need to get out. I want to do something strenuous.”

“What you were doing to me last month wasn't strenuous enough for you?” Quatre grumbled irritably. He was looking a little pale.

“Are you still complaining about that, Quatre?” said Duo. “We said we were sorry.”

“You don't look sorry to me. Anyway, I'm not going to dinner. I don't feel well.”

Trowa looked concerned. “You're starting to worry me, Quatre. You've been sick practically every day for weeks now.”

“Yeah,” agreed Wu-Fei. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were pregnant.”

Dead silence greeted this statement and the five pilots stared at each other.

Quatre's eyes went round and he shook his head slowly. “Oh no! That's not possible! I'm a guy!”

“But you were a girl for a few days there, Quatre, and you did put out,” Duo pointed out.

“Maybe we'd better go talk to Merlin,” Trowa said.

“No, no, no!” Quatre cried as the five hurried to Merlin's tower.

Thankfully, he was there and they all crowded into the cluttered room.

“Master Merlin,” Trowa began, “Quatre's been sick a lot lately and we're a little worried that he might be… well… expecting.” Merlin's eyebrows lifted in surprise. “It seems unlikely, since he's a guy again and all,” Trowa continued, “but is there any way you can check?”

Merlin pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Well, normally this is a woman's purview, but as it happens, I have a potion that may show us the answer.” He began searching through the jumble of instruments and whatnot on one table. He handed Quatre a small wooden cup. “Would you provide me with a little of your water please, young Master Quatre? There's a good lad.”

Quatre stared at the cup while Merlin began fetching various bottles and jars off shelves and mixing things together in a small glass beaker.

“He wants you to pee in it,” Trowa said.

“I know that!” Quatre grumbled. He stepped to the side of the room and turned his back.

“All right, my boy, I'm ready for that cup now,” said Merlin.

Quatre handed him the cup and Merlin poured a few drops into the beaker. The pale green liquid in the beaker immediately turned bright blue.

“Well, isn't that something?” Merlin exclaimed.

“What?!” Quatre cried.

“Congratulations, my boy! You're going to be a mother.”

“Oh lord!” Quatre exclaimed weakly. His knees buckled and he sank to the floor. He glared up at the others accusingly. “You bastards knocked me up!”

The other four pilots exchanged innocent glances.

“Oh, dear!” said Merlin. “You don't know which one…”

“I blame all of them!” Quatre buried his face in his hands. “How is this even possible? I'm not a woman any more.”

“Well,” Merlin speculated, “as the condition was no doubt precipitated while you were a woman, the magic must have made some adjustments to account for it when I changed you back. This is really quite fascinating. You don't mind if I study the progress of your pregnancy do you?”

“Study it?” Quatre jumped to his feet. “I want you to figure out how to end it!”

“Dear me, I couldn't do that,” said Merlin. “This is an unprecedented opportunity. Think of all we can learn!”

Quatre's mouth worked, but no sound came out.

“Look, Quatre, this is our fault and we'll take care of you,” Trowa said gently.

“What does he mean `we'?” Duo whispered to Wu-Fei.

Quatre rounded on him. “You horny sons-of-bitches are all going to pay for this, do you hear me? I think a few months eating bugs as a lizard is only fair!”

“Now, Quatre…” Duo began nervously, but Merlin interrupted him.

“I think it would be better if you did not cast any spells in your condition, Quatre. You're already a boiling teakettle of magic. It might be better not to stir things up any more.” Merlin smiled encouragingly. “But, under the circumstances, I will see what I can do about accelerating your pregnancy.” Then he put his finger on the side of his nose. “But don't mention this to anyone, or every expectant woman in the castle will be clamoring for the same treatment.”

Quatre grumbled under his breath as they headed back downstairs.

The others wisely said nothing, until they reached the passageway leading to their suite.

“Are you sure you don't want to come to dinner, Quatre?” Trowa asked.

“After all, you're eating for two now,” Heero remarked with a straight face.

Quatre glared at him. To Trowa, he said, “Bring me some bread. I'm going to go decide which spells to cast on you guys after this thing is out of my body.” He stamped away down the passage.

“You know, under the circumstances, I think he took that pretty well,” said Wu-Fei.

“I think this calls for a drink!” Duo said. “We're gonna be dads!”

The four of them continued downstairs to the main hall.

“So Heero,” said Wu-Fei, “you want to come with me and Duo to fight the dragon? Right now, that sounds safer than facing Quatre.”

Heero shook his head. “Nah, you guys go ahead and play without me. Some of the knights are going to a jousting tournament in some muddy little village on the Thames and I thought I'd tag along. Supposedly, some French knights are coming over for it, so it might be fun.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” said Trowa. “Staying out of Quatre's way till he calms down is probably for the best.”

“I agree with that,” said Duo, grinning. “Trowa can deal with him. It's probably his anyway. He did go first.”

Trowa frowned.

“Well, unless we get back to our own time and do a paternity test on the brat, we'll probably never know,” Heero said.

“Unless it looks like one of us,” Wu-Fei remarked.

“There's that,” agreed Heero. “Let's just hope it wasn't Duo. We don't need another idiot in our midst.”

“Hey!”

Duo and Wu-Fei left the next morning for Hammersly with Hagrimore and a dozen or so other knights.

“Tis a fine day for an excusion!” Hagrimore said brightly.

It was pouring down rain. Most of the knights were riding stripped to their under-garments, commenting on their good fortune in getting their fall bath out of the way early.

“I say, young masters,” Hagrimore cried, “You'll not get clean all bundled up like that!”

Duo peeked out from under the hood of his new sealskin cloak. “I've had my fall bath already, Sir Hagrimore. I wouldn't want to run the risk of getting wet to the skin again so soon.”

Wu-Fei nodded vigorously in agreement from beneath his own matching cloak.

“Ah, that's very wise,” Hagrimore said approvingly. “And I've heard folks say you foreigners have no sense when it comes to bathing.” He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper that only carried for a league or so. “You may not have heard, but there's a rumor going around that you lot bathe EVERY DAY!”

“You don't say!” Duo exclaimed in a shocked voice.

Hagrimore nodded. “But then, since your handsome blond friend is a wizard, folks are inclined to overlook such talk. Wizards are a touchy lot, and your friend especially so.”

“Well, that's true, especially now,” agreed Duo.

Wu-Fei gave Duo a warning look.

“But you've the right of it, in any case,” Hagrimore continued. “If it's still raining tomorrow, the lot of us will be bundled from head to toe.”

“Master Wu-Fei, have you a plan of attack for the dragon?” asked a knight, Sir Damodin by name. “Not that we really expect you to destroy it, but this particular dragon is rumored to have a hoard large enough to satisfy a hundred men.”

“Well…” Wu-Fei began, but Duo interrupted him.

“What's that you say? A hoard?” Duo's eyes got very bright. “You mean treasure? Like gold and jewels?”

“The very same,” Damodin laughed. “Dragons are notorious for their taste in pretty things, especially the sparkly stuff.”

“Why didn't you mention this before?” Duo cried, aggrieved. “We could have brought more horses to bring it all back.”

The knights laughed.

“That dragon's a thousand years old!” Hagrimore said. “We're just hoping he doesn't reduce the pair of you to cinders right off.”

Wu-Fei sniffed loudly. “Your lack of faith in my abilities offends me.”

“Now, now, Master Wu-Fei,” replied Hagrimore, “we mean no insult, but we've known this dragon a sight longer than we've known you.”

“Aye, and even Lancelot hasn't tried himself against this particular beastie.”

“So if this thing is so invincible, why hasn't it eaten and burned up the entire country?” asked Duo.

“Dragons sleep a lot.”

“That's it?”

“Aye. They sleep nine years out of ten, so they don't really trouble folks that much.”

“And the older they get, the more they sleep.”

“And this dragon's really old.”

“He probably sleeps nineteen years out of twenty now.”

“They tend to be short-tempered when they're awake, though, because they're quite hungry.”

“I can relate to that,” Duo put in. “When do we stop for lunch?”

Hagrimore pointed up the road. “There's an inn just over the rise ahead. We'll stop there.”

“Good.”

The rain let up later that afternoon, so they reached the next inn, where they were spending the night, reasonably dry.

“What are the sleeping accommodations like?” Wu-Fei asked suspiciously upon reaching the large, slightly rundown-looking inn.

“Well, this place charges by the bed,” Hagrimore said. “Same price, no matter how many bodies you pile into it. We find we can fit three men in the same bed pretty comfortably, although, as you and your companion are slight of build, we might manage four.” He grinned and some of the other knights leered suggestively.

Wu-Fei shuddered. “I think, since we need to be properly rested to face the dragon, my friend and I should sleep together without any company.”

“How's that going to result in proper rest?” Duo whispered.

“Too bad,” muttered one of the knights.

As it turned out, the inn boasted a handful of serving maids who weren't above exchanging a few favors for a little coin, so Wu-Fei and Duo went to bed more or less unmolested.

A second day of similar travel brought them to rolling countryside, dotted with trees and grazing sheep. Lowering gray clouds lent everything a dreary, dismal air. A dark wall of forest could just be seen in the distance through the gloom as they rode down a steep slope into Hammersly village. Upon hearing that Wu-Fei and Duo were going to fight the dragon, the innkeeper politely suggested that they settle up beforehand.

“Do we really look that incompetent?” Wu-Fei complained.

“Well,” said Hagrimore, “you're not so large as my older boy, who is but a year into his knight's training. That does introduce doubt into folks' minds.”

“Size isn't everything,” Wu-Fei grumbled.

“Oh really?” said Duo.

“Shut up!”

The dragon lived in a cave under a stony hill that jutted up out of the forest about an hour's ride from Hammersly village. The area in front of the cave, visible from a neighboring hilltop, had been burned clear of brush and trees, and the bones of several animals, including a few men, were scattered about.

“Yep, that's a dragon's den, all right,” one knight announced sagely, producing an immediate chorus of snide remarks about the astuteness of his observation.

“Do you suppose it's in there?” asked Wu-Fei.

“If it is, it will come right out when you call,” said Hagrimore. “They like it when meals turn up on their doorstep.”

Wu-Fei gave him a dark look and dismounted. “Let's walk,” he said to Duo. “The horses will just get in the way.”

Duo dismounted and they walked toward the cave.

“Say, Fei, why don't you keep the dragon busy while I nip into the cave and see if there's anything in there worth having?”

“What's the point of that if we can't kill it?”

“What's the point of killing it if there's nothing worth having?” Duo shrugged. “Besides, I thought you just wanted to play with it anyway.”

“That's true.”

They walked up to edge of the burned area.

“Hello the cave!” Wu-Fei called. “Are you at home, Dragon?”

There was a deep rumble from within the cave. A plume of smoke trickled out. The sound of something very heavy slithering along rock could be heard. Then a scaly snout poked out of the cave, followed slowly by a long sinuous body.

The dragon was lizard-like in proportion, with gold and green scales on its back fading to dark blue on its belly. Long white claws tipped its fingers and toes, and long white fangs protruded from its green scaled jaws. Its leathery golden wings flared out to either side as it cleared the cave entrance. The spiked tip of its long tail flicked back and forth as it regarded them with jet black eyes.

“Thou shouldst address me by name, puny mortal,” the dragon said in a deep, rumbling voice that hissed slightly on the esses. “I am Phuketanapitispoor Manakawatra.”

“That's quite a mouthful for us simple folk, Master Dragon,” Duo said. “Have you got a nickname?”

The dragon grinned, showing even more sharp white teeth. “Thou mayest address me as Gift, for dragons are God's gift to the world.”

“And humble, too,” Duo muttered under his breath.

Wu-Fei executed a courtly bow. “Noble Gift, I have come to engage you in single combat to protect the local people from your depredations.”

Gift flicked his tongue at Duo. “Single combat?”

Duo held up his hands. “I just came to watch.” He walked off to the side and left Wu-Fei alone in front of the dragon.

Wu-Fei drew his katana with a flourish.

A deep chuckle rumbled out of the dragon's chest. “Pray tell, what is that little toothpick?”

Wu-Fei frowned slightly. “Let me show you.” He took three quick steps and leaped into the air, flipping and twisting as he went over the dragon's head. He landed neatly on the dragon's shoulders and slashed it across the base of the skull. With a metallic clattering sound, several scales were knocked off and a bright ribbon of blood appeared. Wu-Fei leaped to the ground on the side opposite Duo.

Gift let out a bellow of surprise and whirled toward Wu-Fei.

Duo slipped into the cave.

“Thou hast given me an itch, little man,” Gift rumbled. “Methinks I should return the favor.” The dragon leaped forward and slashed at Wu-Fei with one clawed hand.

A fierce battle ensued, with Wu-Fei slashing several more red gashes into the dragon's scaly hide, while Gift managed to catch Wu-Fei with one good clout that tumbled him across the clearing and bloodied his arm.

They stopped to catch their breath.

“How art thou called, human,” Gift asked with a grin. “Methinks I like thee.”

“I am Chang Wu-Fei.”

“Not so noble as a dragon's name, but adequate for one such as thee.” Gift looked around. “But how now, where has thy companion gone?” He turned toward the cave and sniffed. “Hoy, thou thief!” he called, “come forth lest I decide to toast thee for a snack.”

Duo came out of the cave looking somewhat sheepish. “I meant no offense, Gift. I was just curious to see what you had in there.”

“And how didst thou like it?” Gift's black eyes glittered.

“Well…” Duo said, “this dagger's mighty pretty.” He held up a thin-bladed dagger in a black leather sheath with white gold chasing and tiny green jewels worked into the sides. The handle of the dagger was polished ebony and a single green jewel embedded in a white gold setting at the end of the handle glittered, despite the lack of sunshine to really set it off.

Gift smiled. “Art thee of a mind to keep it?”

“I wouldn't say no if you were giving it away.”

“Well, I cannot give it to thee, but as thou hast taken it, I avow it is now thine.” Gift's smile widened. “Although, in good conscience, I should tell thee, there is a curse on that bauble.”

Duo paled. “A curse?”

“Aye. Not a bad one, especially, but a curse nonetheless. Now that the blade is thine, thou cannot be rid of it, except that it be stolen from thee. It will always find thee, no matter where thou mayest leave it.”

“That's a curse?”

“I bet there's more to it,” Wu-Fei muttered.

Gift flicked his tongue out as he chuckled. “That blade has the power to find any object less magical than itself, but if thou make use of that power, over time, it will begin to affect thee in ways that thou might find unpleasant.”

“What kind of ways?” Duo asked suspiciously.

“In truth, I do not know, for I made use of its power only once. I did not notice any undue effects. But then, I am a dragon, and we are far superior to you humans.”

“So if I don't use its power, nothing bad happens?”

“So I believe, but then, one never knows with magical objects.”

“Great!” Duo stared at the knife with faint dismay. “I can't get rid of it, and it may do something bad to me.”

“But it still works as a knife,” Gift pointed out.

“Oh, thanks!”

Gift looked at Wu-Fei. “In fairness, now that thy friend has stolen from me…”

“You let me take it!” Duo protested.

Gift hissed at him. “In fairness,” he continued to Wu-Fei, “I should kill thee for helping him to enter my home. But, as I enjoyed our fight, I shall give thee one chance to redeem thyself in my eyes. Answer this riddle, and I shall give thee a gift. If thou cannot, I shall take something precious from thee to add to my hoard.” He eyed Wu-Fei's katana covetously.

“We can take him, Fei,” Duo whispered.

“I don't think so,” Wu-Fei whispered back. “All the time we were fighting, he didn't fly and he didn't breathe fire, and he nearly had me twice.”

“Oh.”

“What is your riddle, Gift?”

“Black as dragon's eye, rimmed with fire, will blind as sure as a funeral pyre. What am I?”

Wu-Fei thought deeply for a moment.

“Do we get a hint?” asked Duo.

“Hush,” said Wu-Fei, still thinking. Then he smiled. “A solar eclipse!”

Laughter rumbled deep in Gift's chest and smoke curled out of his nostrils. “Well done, Change Wu-Fei! That is my best riddle and none has ever answered it. This has been a pleasing day, all around.” The dragon opened his jaws wide and reached in with one clawed hand. He pulled a small tooth from near the back and held it out to Wu-Fei. “Take this. Wear it around thy neck and it will render thee unkillable.”

Wu-Fei accepted the tooth with a bow. It was as long as his palm and quite sharp.

“There is one thing I should mention,” said Gift. “By accepting a blood gift from a dragon, thou wilt take on aspects of a dragon's nature. Thou art a most fortunate human.” With a wide toothy grin, Gift turned and slithered back into his cave.

Duo stared at the dagger in his hand. “Well, that didn't go quite the way I expected.”

“What do you suppose he meant by `aspects of a dragon's nature'?”

“I dunno.” Duo slapped at cave dust on his clothes.

Wu-Fei sneezed.

A jet of fire shot from his mouth and set Duo's sleeve on fire.

“What the hell?!” Duo cried as he patted it out.

Wu-Fei stared at him with a look of alarm.

Duo pulled his braid over his shoulder and cradled it protectively. “You're riding in front of me on the way back!”