Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest ❯ Blackguards and Fools ( Chapter 5 )

Chapter 5: Blackguards and Fools

“ARGHH!” Wu-Fei sat up with a furious growl. “God dammit!” He twisted around trying to scratch his back with both hands.

Duo opened an eye and blinked at him sleepily. “What's the matter with you? I let you go to sleep early last night didn't I?”

“…fucking dragon…!”

Duo sat up. “Are you shedding again already?”

“Don't say that word!”

Duo moved closer and peeked down the back of Wu-Fei's shirt. “Wow! You just did this, like, two months ago.”

“This is SO unfair!” Wu-Fei wriggled around unhappily.

“Stop squirming!” Duo said. He stuck his hand under Wu-Fei's shirt and scratched briskly.

Wu-Fei closed his eyes with a moan of pleasure.

Heero rolled over. “Hey, don't waste those. Where's the pot?”

“Roku's got it.” Duo kept scratching. “Most of them are falling on my leg. We can pick `em up afterward.”

Heero got up. “I'll go get the pot from Roku. We should have enough of those things for my mail shirt after this.”

“Why is this happening again so soon?” Wu-Fei complained bitterly. “The last ones barely had time to grow in. If I ever see that damn dragon again, I'm gonna rip his tail off!”

“Don't be so bitter, Fei.”

“You're not the one itching like a sonuvabitch.”

Duo kept scratching.

“Wu-Fei's shedding again?” Quatre asked as he, Trowa and Roku returned with Heero.

“Don't say that word,” Wu-Fei muttered.

“Looks like it,” Duo said.

“It must have something to do with climate change,” Quatre said. “Whenever we change time, we've also experienced a pretty significant climate change. It might be triggering early shedding.”

“I knew coming into the past was a bad idea,” Wu-Fei grumbled.

“We probably should have started oiling him as soon as we got here,” Trowa said.

“I was oiling him,” Duo chuckled, “just not on his scales.”

Roku plopped down on his butt beside Duo. “I gave the pot to Papa Heero, but it's almost full.” He leaned over to put his nose close to Wu-Fei's falling scales. “They're so pretty and shiny,” he said.

Heero knelt down on Duo's other side and began pinching up the scales between thumb and forefinger and sprinkling them into the pot. “Do you have another pot, Roku?”

“I think so.” Roku stuck his nose under his right foreleg. He produced a little clay pot. “Will that work?”

“Perfect,” Heero said absently. He snagged the second pot, worked off its waxed lid and started scooping scales into it.

“You better get the oil out, too, Roku,” Duo said. “He'll need it when I get the scales off.”

Roku peeked around at Wu-Fei's face. “Papa Wu-Fei is purring.”

“It feels really good,” Wu-Fei admitted.

Roku grinned. “I like getting scratched, too.”

Heero handed the full pot of scales to Quatre. “Will there be enough for you to make that mail shirt you promised me after we get this set of scales off? We have that pot, the tub they collected at Sally's and now this.”

Quatre settled down on his heels and pinched a scale out of the pot. “They're really small. But then…” He examined the scale thoughtfully. “There were enough to cover most of Wu-Fei's back three times over. It should be enough.”

Roku shifted into human form so he could help Heero pick up scales and put them in the pot. Duo pushed Wu-Fei's shirt up onto his shoulders so he could scratch with both hands.

“This has me thinking, though,” Quatre said thoughtfully. “Roku and I should probably fly up north and look for Gift. I still feel badly about having the Holy Grail. But we can ask him about Wu-Fei's shedding while we're there. Maybe he will have some advice.”

“Or you could turn him into a squeaky little salamander,” Wu-Fei muttered darkly.

“Be nice, Fei,” said Duo. “Gift thought he was doing you a favor.”

“Just like letting you steal a knife that made you psychic was a favor?”

“I accept that I brought that on myself,” Duo said philosophically.

“I still wouldn't mind seeing Gift's carcass bloated and rotting in the sun.”

“Thank you for that appetizing image!” Duo commented dryly.

“What are you complaining about? You'd probably try to eat him!” Wu-Fei groaned. “I wish I hadn't said that. Now I'm going to be sick.”

“You brought it on yourself,” Duo said righteously. “Anyway, I'm done. I think you're starting to shed faster. Those came off pretty fast.”

Wu-Fei wiggled his shoulders. “What about the oil?”

“Right here, Papa Wu-Fei.” Roku held the oil out to Duo, who poured a generous portion into his palm.

Wu-Fei grunted with pleasure when Duo slathered it onto his back. “Oh, that feels so good.”

Duo chuckled. “Keep making noises like that and you'll get me all excited.”

“Just keep rubbing it in,” Wu-Fei moaned.

“Now you're definitely getting me excited.”

“Not in front of the child, please,” Quatre said absently. He was lost in thought. “I suppose I could ask the spell book, but I think I already know a spell that would work.” He took the new pot of scales from Heero. “Give me that other tub please, Roku.”

Roku produced the plastic tub of scales that Wu-Fei had shed at Sally's apartment. Quatre balanced the three containers one on top of the other and wandered back toward camp, muttering to himself.

Duo sat back. “Is that enough?”

“For now.” Wu-Fei pulled his shirt down carefully. “I'll want more later, though.”

“Ok.” Duo hopped to his feet. “I'm ready for breakfast.”

Everyone returned to camp.

“Good morning!” Robin greeted them cheerfully. “Your comrades have brought good news from Nottingham. The Lord High Abbot himself is returning to his abbey today. It would please me well to aid the church in her service to the poor by divesting that stuffed bird of any tithes he might be holding.” He chuckled gleefully. “And any rings and necklaces he might be wearing as well!”

“Did you spend the night in town?” Trowa asked Treize and Zechs.

“Lady DeBoers offered us the hospitality of Nottingham Castle,” Treize said. “We could hardly turn down such a charming lady.”

“The bed was very comfortable,” Zechs said with a grin.

“Too bad we didn't sleep in it,” Treize replied with a smile.

“But we made good use of it.”

“Very good use.” Treize smiled affectionately at Zechs. “But we left early so we could tell Robin about the abbot.”

“And your thoughtfulness is most appreciated,” Robin assured him. “We shall put this knowledge to effective use forthwith. Little John! Where do you think is the best place to waylay the Lord Abbot?”

Robin and Little John huddled together debating the merits of various locations along the high road. Finally, having settled on a good spot, they urged everyone to finish eating so they could lay their ambush.

“Like as not the Abbot will have the tithes from the Nottingham nobility,” Little John said. “He always takes it back to the abbey so he can take out his share before sending it on to the Bishop in London.”

“Ah, that would be just grand!” Robin exclaimed. “A fortune of that size would feed a lot of hungry bellies.” Then he looked a little dismayed. “My lords Treize and Zechs, although your manliness and valor would no doubt be of great value in our endeavor, I think it might be best if you remain unseen. Should you be recognized so soon after visiting at the castle, someone might take you for spies.”

Treize smiled urbanely. “Which is in fact what we are, but your warning is well taken. We will hang back and let the rest of you do the work.”

Robin beamed. “Good man!”

Zechs smoothed his hair back behind his ears. “I like a job where a man is praised for doing nothing. But there is something else you should know. The Sheriff made a point of mentioning that a fellow named Guy of Gisbourne would be escorting the Lord Abbot.”

“Gisbourne?!” Little John exclaimed. “That blackguard?! I thought he was in London.”

“Who is he?” Trowa asked.

“Gisbourne is the worst of the Sheriff's henchmen. He is a knight, but still the very lowest sort of man. And he hates Robin.”

“For no good reason, I hasten to add,” Robin put in. “I've never done anything to offend the fellow except breathe the same air.”

“I find it hard to imagine Robin offending anyone,” Duo whispered to Wu-Fei. “He's just about the nicest guy I've ever met.”

“I'd have to agree with that.”

“Well, there is nothing to be done for it,” Robin concluded. “I'll have the Lord Abbot's valuables for the poor either way. If Gisbourne is there, we'll just have to make short work of him.”

There was general agreement all around and the party set out soon after for the spot chosen by Robin and Little John. They had picked a place not that far from the abbey itself where the road climbed up a steep grade. The carriage would be forced to slow, and once Trowa's warning shot convinced the driver to stop, it would be difficult to get the carriage moving again. Also, the road was hemmed in on either side by closely spaced trees, which would force guards to either precede or trail the carriage, making both them and the carriage easy targets.

Trowa looked the spot over approvingly. “I think I'd like to stand behind that tree. I can catch them while they're halfway up the slope.”

Robin nodded in agreement. “A good choice.”

“Aye,” said Little John. “The rest of us will line the road to either side where we can keep the escort at bay.”

No sooner had they made these plans than everyone moved into position.

Roku stood at Quatre's side. “Mama, may I go look for the carriage?”

“All right, but stay out of sight.”

“I will.”

Roku trotted off into the trees. Time dragged by with nothing but the singing of birds, the humming of insects and the rustle of the wind in the trees.

Wu-Fei shifted uncomfortably. “Did Roku take the oil?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Damn! I'm starting to itch again.”

“Hang tough, Fei.”

“Easy for you to say.” Wu-Fei kept shifting about with an unhappy grimace on his face.

After a while, Roku reappeared through the trees moving at a brisk canter. “They're coming!” he announced as soon as he got close. “It's a big carriage with two men inside. There are six knights escorting them.”

“Just six?” Robin asked.

“Yeah. That's all I saw and I didn't smell any more horses.”

“Well that's no fun,” Heero grumbled. He stepped away from the road and sat down with his back to a tree.

Wu-Fei, on the other hand, scowled and checked the freedom of his kitana in its scabbard. “Will anyone care if I kill a half dozen or so of them?”

Robin's eyes went round in alarm.

“It would be better if we did not take any lives,” Little John said anxiously.

“And half a dozen is the same as six, Fei,” Duo pointed out. “You probably shouldn't kill all of them.”

“You may not kill any of them,” Quatre amended sternly.

“Fine!” Wu-Fei snapped petulantly.

“That includes hacking off limbs, Wu-Fei,” Heero pointed out.

Wu-Fei muttered something unrepeatable under his breath.

The sound of horses and a carriage sent everyone scurrying into hiding.

The carriage rolled into view, its four horses laboring up the grade. Two knights trotted side-by-side in front of the carriage. Four more trailed along behind it. One of the leading knights was a big broad-shouldered man with bushy black hair and a thick, roughly trimmed black beard.

“That has to be Guy of Gisbourne,” Quatre whispered. “He looks like an arrogant bastard, doesn't he?”

“He is an arrogant bastard,” Little John muttered darkly.

“I'll take care of him,” Wu-Fei promised with an angry scowl.

Trowa waited until the carriage was halfway up the hill before letting fly with his arrow. It thumped into the seat back between the driver and the footman with a resounding thud. The footman recoiled with a startled cry and fell from the seat, smashing heavily onto the packed dirt road. The driver jerked back on the reins and the horses reared up, bringing the carriage to an abrupt halt.

At once, the Merry Men stepped into the road on either side, their drawn bows aimed steadily at the six knights. Robin also stepped out, striking a dramatic pose.

“Take heed, you men!” Robin cried. “You are at our mercy!”

“I think not!” Gisbourne cried. He swept his sword out and spurred his horse toward Robin, leaning low in the saddle to present less of a target. Wu-Fei calmly stepped into his path and deflected Gisbourne's sword away from Robin. “What?!” Gisbourne shouted. The look of shock on his face was comical.

Wu-Fei spun around on one foot and leaped after Gisbourne as Robin tumbled out of the way. He slipped the tip of his kitana between the girth strap of the saddle and the horse's belly and slit the leather neatly. The saddle came free and slid off one side, dumping Gisbourne into the road.

Gisbourne came to his feet quickly, his face a brilliant red. “You'll pay for that, you wretch!” he shouted. He charged toward Wu-Fei, his heavy sword raised high over his head.

It quickly became apparent that he had never fought an opponent of Wu-Fei's speed before. His heavy-handed blows always came a second too late as Wu-Fei spun out of the way. Wu-Fei, on the other hand, had no trouble at all slicing Gisbourne at will, although he deliberately avoided inflicting anything more than superficial injuries. But the more he bled, the angrier Gisbourne became. He cut and slashed and hacked at Wu-Fei until he was gasping for air. Finally, he stumbled and fell to one knee. Wu-Fei immediately stuck his sword under Gisbourne's chin with the blade resting against his throat. He forced Gisbourne's head up and back.

“Be thankful I was told I couldn't kill you,” Wu-Fei growled. “I'm in a really bad mood right now and hacking off your ugly head would make me feel a whole lot better.”

Gisbourne managed to look both frightened and furious at the same time.

“Stop this at once, I say!” a rather high-pitched voice cried from inside the carriage. “This is the King's High Road. I'll have you thieves swinging from the gallows for this!”

Little John stepped to the door of the carriage and yanked it open. The two men inside recoiled in fear, but Little John reached in and dragged them out one by one. The first to come out was a skinny little priest with a shaved head. The front of his cassock was damp where he had obviously wet himself. He collapsed to his knees in round-eyed terror.

“Have mercy on a man of the cloth!” the little priest cried.

“Get on your feet, you coward!” the second priest cried as he was unceremoniously dragged from the carriage. He straightened his robes angrily, but his shaking hands nevertheless betrayed his fear.

Little John inclined his head politely. “My Lord Abbot, I'm most sorry to inconvenience you, but I thought I might make it up to you by taking care of the poor in your name. I'll just be taking whatever valuables and cash you have in your possession to provide for those in need.”

“How dare you?!” the Lord Abbot cried. “I am the lawful representative of the church! Only I may decide how the tithes will be distributed!”

“Well, now, I'm sure that's true, but I know how busy you are, so I thought you'd appreciate the help.” Little John nodded to two of the Merry Men and they proceeded to search the carriage.

“Stop!” the Lord Abbot cried, but it did no good. In no time at all, the men had found a small but heavy iron bound trunk under the seat of the carriage. “Return that at once!”

Little John patted the Lord Abbot on the shoulder. “I'm sure the poor will remember you in their prayers, Holy Father. Now honestly, I know it will do your heart good to donate personally, so why don't you just hand over that necklace you're wearing and those fine rings on your fingers?”

The Lord Abbot huffed and puffed himself up importantly, but it did not good. His fingers and neck were stripped of their finery.

“I offer you my deepest thanks, Holy Father,” Little John said with a slight bow. “We'll bid you good day.”

The Merry Men retreated quickly into the trees. Wu-Fei was the last to go, keeping his sword at Gisbourne's throat until the last. Then he kicked that unworthy gentleman firmly in the stomach and doubled him over before leaving.

Gisbourne wheezed out angry curses as he struggled to catch his breath, ignoring the Lord Abbot's furious cries to “get after those blackguards!”

Robin and his men kept a brisk pace until they had put plenty of distance behind them. After that, they made their way back to camp, leaving a rearguard led by Trowa to cover their trail in case they were followed. In camp, they broke open the trunk eagerly, anxious to see their haul.

“Look at that!” Will Scarlett cried. “Have you ever seen that many coins in the same place before?”

“I never have!” said an astonished Little John.

“It's a fortune like nothing I've ever seen!” said Alan.

“It's like that all over England,” Friar Tuck informed them sadly. “The church collects tithes like the King collects taxes, but not enough of it goes back to those in need.”

“Well, we shall remedy that shortcoming in this part of England!” Robin exclaimed grandly. “Friar Tuck, as you are the most honest man among us, I place this treasure in your charge. I trust you to see it put to the right use.”

“Thank you, Robin,” Friar Tuck said gravely. “I'll start right away. I know many poor families who need to buy food and shoes.”

“But shall we not keep a little for ourselves, Robin?” Will said. “I do not want to make anyone go hungry, but we risked our lives for this.”

“Well…” Robin said, “perhaps we deserve a little reward…”

Little John stepped in then and counted out what he deemed a far reward for their effort and turned the coins over to Will.

Will jingled the coins in his pouch and grinned at the Merry Men. “So, who's for town? A stout ale would soothe my palate about now.”

“That sounds good.”

“I wouldn't say no.”

“Perhaps I'll go too,” Duo spoke up.

“You would be most welcome, sir!” said Will.

Without any more ado, most of the men set out for town, accompanied by Duo.

Quatre gazed curiously at Robin. “Robin, I thought you were trying to raise money to buy back your estate. That chest would go a long way toward that.”

Robin sighed. “Indeed it would, Master Quatre, but I could not live comfortably in my home if it were bought back through thievery. I must earn the money on my own.”

“You're a decent man, Robin.”

“I thank you, sir,” Robin said. “The praise of an honest man is worth more than gold.”

It was near dawn when the Merry Men returned from Nottingham. They rushed into the clearing in a great commotion calling for Robin and Little John.

“That vile Guy of Gisbourne tried to force himself on Alan outside the inn!” Jarvis cried. “Will Scarlett came to his rescue and took a sound thrashing for it ere we could come to his aid. That coward Gisbourne took to his heels when we arrived.”

Will's face was black and blue and his eyes were swelling shut. He was helped along by two others supporting him under his arms. “I'll give it back to him in spades soon enough!” Will wheezed out. Alan fretted over him as he was eased to the ground.

“Did he recognize you from the High Road?” Robin asked anxiously.

“I don't think so,” Jarvis said, “and besides, Alan and Will were out of sight the whole time.” He scowled. “I think the wretch just lusted after our sweet Alan.”

“Didn't someone say this Gisbourne is a knight?” Heero grated out.

“Aye, he had his spurs from King Richard himself,” Little John said. “He's a blackguard and a coward off the lists, but he fights like the devil in tournaments. He's never been defeated.”

“Is that so?” Heero's grin was vicious. “He reminds me of a little pink-nosed bunny I used to know.”

The five Gundam pilots grinned at each other. Roku burst out laughing.

“Do you think I should do something about him?” Quatre asked.

“Maybe later.” The bloodthirsty look on Heero's face made several men take a step backward. “I'd rather defeat him on the lists first. Isn't there a tournament coming up soon?”

“Aye, Nottingham hosts one of the largest tournaments of the year at its Midsummer Festival. That's some three weeks from now.”

“Perfect. Roku, fetch out my armor. It's time to start polishing.”

“Ok, Papa Heero.”