Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag ❯ Chapter 2!! ( Chapter 2 )

Part II of:

Gundam Wing and The Old Hag

Last time, Freakazoid had become Patsy, and uh… Trowa had lost his memory…

Duo: Where are we goen` now?

Wufei: How should I know…ask the almighty king…

Heero: Very funny…

(Meanwhile, Freakazoid is running around acting like he's flying in the background)

Heero: We're heading for Camelot…remember?

Trowa: No…

All: ¬-¬`

~5 minutes later~

Quatre: Look!

Milliardo: Camelot!

Heero: Camelot!

Wufei: that's not Camelot!

Duo: Yeah! He's right! Who's that woman?!

(An old woman is seen on the side of the castle banging a cat against the wall.)

Wufei: Hey isn't that the old…

(Wufei is cut off by Duo)

Duo: Maybe we can ask her where the Old Hag is!!

All: ¬-¬`

Quatre: Duo, that is the old hag…

Duo: Oh…

Heero: What are we waiting for? Let's go catch her!

Wufei: Ok…

(They all gallop over to the woman)

Heero: Old woman!

Old woman: Who are you calling old? (Takes off her hood)

The knights: **Gasp**

Heero: It's…it's…you…

Duo: No {censored} way!!

Milliardo: What the {censored} are you doing here?!

Author: The woman in **cough-cough** Noin…just in case you have figured that out yet…

Noin: I had to leave the castle Anthrax to come here and fill in for the old woman…

Duo: Hag…

Noin: Whatever…

Heero: Do you know where she went?

Noin: No…I hear she got a urgent message from a castle tower…but I gotta go…I have to get back and give Pigglet and Crapper their medical training…Buy!

(Milliardo comes out from behind a bush)

Milliardo: Is she gone?

All: Yes…

(A Frenchman pokes his head out the top of the castle)

Frenchman: Hello!

Freakazoid: (doing a Bob Hope impression) Well, the guy, at the top! Hewo!! Hiya! How ya doen!? Wooo!!

All: RRRRightttt…

Duo (while stepping in front of Freakazoid): …well uh…Hello!

Frenchman: Well uh…if ayou vant ze holy grail…we don have it no more!

Wufei: What are you doing in England?

Frenchman: Zats none of you're busyness you English pigdog!!

Duo: …look at the script…

Frenchman (in a more American voice): what do you mean?

Duo: …none of us are English…

Freakazoid: Yeah! I'm not Engish! I am Insaino!

Frenchman (in the French accent again): Sorry! I mean you…uh…people from many different country…pigdogs! … (Thinking: that was pathetic…)

Duo: Um…well…

Wufei: Can we ask you a question?

Frenchman: You just did!

Wufei: Can I ask you a…different question?

Frenchman: You just did!

Duo: …oi…

Wufei: Now you numbskull! Can I…

(Duo covers Wufei's mouth before he can finish)

Duo: We won't bother you anymore…

Frenchman: Well, then I'm gonna bother you! You stupid Kinnnnnnn-nigets!

Freakazoid: the man with the funny accent gone an said bad words `bout my master! Now Patsy gonna get cha!!!!!

(Freakazoid flies up to where the Frenchman is and starts beating him up…)

Duo: …o…k…

Wufei: I'm with you…

Trowa: …

Heero: I've got a good mind to fire him…

(Freakazoid flies back down)

Freakazoid: Mon-Clavin!

Milliardo to author: this guy has got to go…

Author: o…k… but I don't have very many people for you to replace him with…

Frenchman: (weakly) your mother…was a…**cough** hamster!

Milliardo: Ok…Who then?

Author: Well…um…we have…

Duo: not Michael Jackson!!

Author: OK!

Wufei: Thank you!

Author: We have…(game show music plays in background) Michael Jack…

Duo: NOOOOOOO!!

Author: Fine! We have Treiz Kushranada!

Wufei: GOD NO!

Author: o…k…

Frenchman: And your…father…**cough** smelt of Elder berries! **Faints**

Freakazoid to Heero: You Really want to get rid of me? **Sniff**

Heero: Yes…

Freakazoid: WHAAAAA!!

Frenchman: I have an…idea…UGH

Duo: What?

Frenchman: **gets up** why not take the Minstrels?

Wufei: Minstrels?

Milliardo: Uh…Oh…

(Faint music plays in background)

Quatre: He doesn't mean those Minstrels does he?

(Music gets louder)

Duo: Oh {Censored}…

Heero: Well…it's better than Freakazoid…

Freakazoid: WHAAAA! You don` like me!

Duo: No doy…

Freakazoid: Why?

Quatre: Duo, that wasn't very nice…

Duo: So…

Quatre: you have a point…

Frenchman: Here!

There is a small cracking noise coming from the top of the castle.

Duo & Wufei: Is that what I think it is?

Wufei: I dunno…

Suddenly all the minstrels come flying over the castle wall.

Duo: Holy crap! Run!

Frenchman: Haw, haw, and haw! Yes! Run you chickens!

Duo: Who you callen` a chicken!

Duo runs up to the castle but is pulled back by Quatre.

Duo: {Censored} {Censored}!

Quatre: Sorry, Duo, but that was just too perilous…

All: ¬-¬`

Trowa: What's going on?

All: ¬-¬`

Frenchman: Haw, haw, and haw! Look at you, you stupid pigdogs!

Duo: Grrrr…

Wufei: I'm gonna get that weakling…

Duo: Me too!

They both charge at the castle.

Frenchman: Picha da batch!

Frenchman#2: Wha?

Frenchman: Picha da batch!

Duo: Huh?

Quatre: If my memory serves me right…that means 'pitch the animals'…

Trowa: …

Heero: This won't end well…

Millions of animal calls come from inside the castle walls.

Quatre: They wouldn't! That's animal abuse!

Wufei & Duo: ????

Duo and Wufei both look up just as a penguin begins to yell.

Penguin: NO! Don't throw me!!

Heero: That voice sounds familiar…

Suddenly a penguin was launched over the castle wall.

Freakazoid: (Doing his Bob Hope impression) Hey! Did anyone wemeber that I'm, like, still here?!

Duo: No one cares! Just run before these animals get a sudden urge to go to the bathroom!!

Wufei: Animals are weak!

Trowa: …

Duo: Wufei you just called yourself weak…

Wufei: NOOOOOO!!

Duo: That's my line!

A cow hits Freakazoid.

Freakazoid: NOO! Not a cow!! My only weakness!! (Screams like a girl)

Wufei: HA! See I'm not weak! Freakazoid is weak!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Duo hits Wufei over the head with a large mallet.

Duo: That was getting annoying…

All: No doy!

Quatre: Should we just leave Freakazoid?

Heero: YES!!!

Quatre: O.K…

Everyone walks over to a ditch as Wufei wakes up…

Wufei: Injustice!!

Duo: OK! Just Shut up for a sec will ya?!

Wufei: Humph…

Trowa: I have a plan…

All: ???

Milliardo: You have a plan? What?

Trowa: To attack the French people!

Duo: This is a one in a life time experience! Trowa actually said more than one sentence and he has a plan! Wow!

Wufei: Tell me about it…

Heero: Well…what is it?

Trowa: Well…(Fades into a whisper)

~20 minutes later~

There is a creaking noise coming from the woods near the French castle…and the French guard has a stunned look on his face when he sees what it is...

Frenchman: Haw, haw, and haw?

Freakazoid and Robins minstrels are seen pushing what looks like a giant wooden Gundam…or should I say trogon Gundam…

Heero: I mush say this is the brightest plan you've ever had!

Trowa: Heh…

Freakazoid: Did I do good?

Minstrels: o/`We did good…did good yes we did! o/`

Milliardo: oi…

Freakazoid: What do I do next?

Trowa: Well, Freakazoid, you have to telleport the minstrels inside the trogon gundam…

Freakazoid: OK!

Freakazoid sits down, feet crossed, in a trance…then gets out of it…

Freakazoid: I just remembered something!

Duo: What?

Freakazoid: I can't telleport things!

Quatre: Ho, boy…

Out of nowhere a Taco appears just as a moose goes flying over head.

Taco: Hello!

Duo: Who the {censored} are you?

Taco: I am the all knowing all doing taco, who can do anything! I can leap the tallest buildings! I am faster than a speeding bullet!

Duo: Yeah, yeah, yeah…OK, superman…we get the point…what do you want?

Taco: I am Freakazoids sidekick! The network just hired me today! And I can telleport things!

Freakazoid: WOW! My very own taco sidekick! Mr. Devils gone overboard this time! WOW! This is facinating! When I am fighting crime and get hungry, you'll be there Taco boy!

Wufei: …right…really who knew, huh? Can you just…telleport them…then go away??

Freakazoid: OK!

Duo: YES! WOOOOO!! Fei! Has done it again!

Wufei: Um…yeah…

The Taco telleports the minstrels into the trogon gundam and the Frenchman just happen to pick it up right after he did so…

Duo: ok…now what happens?

Trowa: You'll see…

Wufei: …

Heero: …

~After many …'s they hear a strange kind of music playing from the castle~

Duo: Is that what I think it is?

Quatre: I think it is…

Suddenly all of the Frenchmen run out of the castle screaming like little girly men…

Freakazoid: (dramatically) Well, citizens… I guess our work here…I done! (Whips a tear from eye) Good bye!

All: R…i…g…h…t…

Freakazoid and Taco boy then disappear into the distance…

Duo: Well there's somthin` you don't see every day…

Wufei: You're tellen` me?

Trowa: …

Heero: Well…we got the French out of the castle… now what?

Milliardo: Beats me…

Freakazoid reappears in the distance…

Freakazoid: Hey Guys! (Does Darth Vadder impression) Before I go! Know this! **breaths like Darth Vadder** I am your father…

All: really?

Freakazoid: No not really! Just thought I'd say that…just for the heck of it…

Duo: o…k…

Wufei: Well…here we are again with absolutely nothing to do…

Author: well… um… we have to get to the next scene now, guys…

All: Oh…

The producers of this Fan Fiction do believe that we should add in something a bit different… so here you go!

Eric Idle: (is talking to someone off stage) but this is John Cleese's line! …Well I know that…well I know that too but…

Man-off-stage: You're on…Eric…

Eric Idle: Oh I am! Sorry! (Bong) Start again!

(Bucktufus comes out yet again and waves at the crowd)

Eric Idle: And now for something completely different!

The Story of Wufei!

Wufei: Well here I am! And this is that story about…me…

Author: Just get on with it…

Wufei: Fine! (walks over to where he is supposed to start his lines) Ok…I guess I'm ready…

Man-off-stage: OK! In 5-4-3-2 (Click)

One of the minstrels is following Wufei around in a marsh area…

Wufei: Well Concord…or…whatever your name is…we have to wait till next time to see what happens…

Minstrel: o/` That is too bad…too bad yes it is…o/`

Wufei: Oh well…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Author: Be sure to read the next episode!