Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail ❯ Whose Idea was this Again? ( Chapter 1 )

This story is a sequel to another story of mine: Gundam Wing and The Knights of the Round Table. This is really a continuation of the other story; I mostly just wanted to change the title, because the boys are forging off into new territory. But that means you should really read the other story first, if you haven't yet.

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton and Quatre Reberba Winner are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. . Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation.

Warnings: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, mayhem, bloodshed, and a general disrespect for upstanding moral behavior.

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Chapter 1: Whose Idea was this Again?

“I hate horses!” Quatre grumbled. “My butt is so sore!”

“Are you sure it's not because of all the sneaking around you did with Trowa last night?” Duo asked brightly.

“I can turn your underwear into a cactus, you know.”

Duo paled. “Just kidding! I'm sure wrapping your legs around a horse is completely different.”

Quatre glared at him. “We should have asked Arthur for a carriage.”

“Or perhaps a wagon,” said Wu-Fei. “Then we wouldn't have needed so many pack horses to haul Duo's shit.”

Duo looked aggrieved. “Did you expect me to leave it? What if we couldn't come back for it?”

“You could always steal more,” Heero remarked.

“I didn't steal it!” Duo protested. “Every item was purchased with money I won fair and square.”

“From knights who were too drunk to notice you were cheating,” amended Wu-Fei.

“I was not cheating! I was… taking advantage of… a general lack of attention.”

“He was cheating,” said Wu-Fei.

“Don't listen to them, Roku,” Duo said in a highly offended tone. “Your Papa Duo is a completely honest man.”

The little tiger Roku was sitting on top of Duo's baggage on one of the pack horses. Trowa had soothed the mare into accepting this arrangement, although she still didn't look all that happy about it, and Roku couldn't move around too much. Trowa was confident the horses would get used to him eventually and then Roku would be able to walk if he wanted to.

“So it's not cheating if you know which cards the other players are holding?” Roku asked.

“No,” said Duo.

“Yes,” said the other four.

“Well, it depends on how you figured out what cards they have,” Duo conceded.

“You're splitting hairs, Duo,” Heero said flatly.

Duo sniffed. “I don't care to talk about it anymore.”

“When do we stop for lunch?” Roku asked. “I'm hungry.”

“I'll ask Percival,” said Trowa, and he trotted ahead to catch up with the knights.

“Do you suppose that whole lot will stay with us the entire way?” Wu-Fei asked.

A total of seventeen knights were trailing along after Percival. His original party, in addition to the five pilots and Roku, had been four. The others had all joined in, more or less at the last minute, because the excursion sounded like fun.

“I hope not,” Quatre said. “All they do is eat and make lewd suggestions.”

“That sounds a lot like someone else we know,” said Heero.

They all looked at Duo.

“Hey!”

Trowa came trotting back. “Percival says we'll stop just over that rise. There's a stream.”

The stream was actually a good-sized river, which they forded where the road crossed it at a shallow spot. Before his horse stepped into the water, Roku leaped down and dashed ahead, plunging into the river with an excited squeal. He splashed across happily, getting himself thoroughly soaked in the process.

Quatre put a hand over his face and shook his head.

“At least he's clean,” Trowa remarked.

“There's that,” Quatre conceded with a sigh.

“The horses barely panicked at all that time,” Wu-Fei noted.

“That's true,” Trowa agreed. “I was sure they'd get used to him.”

Roku reached the far bank and jumped up and down. “Let's do it again!”

“Aren't you cold?” asked Quatre.

“Nah-ah!” Roku shook, flinging water everywhere. Then he bounded over to where Percival was dismounting. “What's for lunch, Sir Percy?”

Roku was the only one who got away with calling Percival Percy.

“Well, little one,” Percival answered, “we have ham, a little bacon, some beef jerky, bread, cheese and a few apples.”

Roku licked his chops. “May I have some ham, please?”

“Of course!” Percival patted Roku's head and started unloading lunch from one of the pack horses, a process that was complicated by the fact that Roku kept winding around Percival's legs, causing the pack horse to shy away.

“Roku, give Percival some room,” Quatre said. “You're completely under foot.”

Roku backed off several steps and sat down, curling his tail neatly around his paws. Percival finally dug out a small ham and tossed it to Roku, who snatched it neatly out of the air and settled down to eat, the ham caught between his front claws.

Duo pointed at him with a strip of beef jerky. “Those claws of his are getting huge.”

“They sure are,” said Heero. “I'll have to come up with a training plan for him so he learns how to use them properly.”

Duo lifted an eyebrow at him. “You're going to teach a tiger how to use his claws?”

“For fighting,” Heero replied. “How else will he learn? We're a little short on tiger instructors.”

“Good point.” Duo shoved the rest of the beef jerky into his mouth.

Percival was sitting cross-legged on the ground, eating a piece of cheese and studying a large map he had unfolded on the ground in front of him.

“Do you have a planned route, Sir Percival?” Wu-Fei asked.

“Not yet, but I have a starting point.” He pointed at the map. “There is a woman living in the Abbey of the Seventh Cross who is supposed to be an oracle. I thought I would ask her where I should go first.”

“Makes sense. How far is that?”

“Not far. We should arrive tomorrow morning.” Percival leaned closer to Wu-Fei and lowered his voice. “In truth, I had thought to arrive today, but all these hangers-on are slowing us down.” He frowned slightly. “While I can easily accept that your purpose in accompanying me on this quest is less pious than my own, these other knights have no such excuse. But if you ask me, they have just come along as a lark.”

“Well, I'm sure the less dedicated ones will turn back if we run into any difficulties.”

“One can only hope.”

“Roku!” Quatre exclaimed. “What are you doing in the river again?”

“Washing my face.”

“And your whole body needs to be in the water for that?”

“My paws were dirty, too.”

Quatre sighed. Trowa smiled.

“Do you see any gold in the water, Roku?” asked Duo.

Several of the knights perked up.

“What does it look like?” Roku asked.

“Shiny, gold-colored pebbles.”

“Lots of the pebbles are shiny.”

One of the knights, Sir Hagrimore, who had accompanied Wu-Fei and Duo on their quest to fight the dragon, stepped into the river beside Roku and leaned over. “Ah, those are but bits of quartz. Pretty, but of little value.”

“I like shiny rocks,” said Roku.

“So do the ladies, my little friend!” Hagrimore laughed and patted Roku on the back.

“Can you get out of the water now, please?” Quatre said. “You're making me cold.”

“Yes, Mama.”

They arrived at a large town late that afternoon and settled at a well-appointed, comfortable inn.

“It would be better if only a few of us go to see the oracle,” Percival said. “Sir Hagrimore, Sir Heero and I will go in the morning.”

“If you don't mind, I would like to go, too,” said Wu-Fei.

“Certainly, Master Wu-Fei.”

“How long do you think it will take?” Trowa asked.

“I have no idea,” said Percival. “I think we should plan on being here for at least two nights.”

Duo grinned. “That means I have time to shop!”

“Oh, great!” Heero groaned. “More shit to lug around.”

“I'll carry it for you, Papa Duo,” Roku said.

“Ok, but you better give it back to me when I ask for it,” Duo warned.

“I will.” Roku grinned.

“Don't let him load you down too much, sweetie,” Quatre said. He frowned at Duo.

“It's ok, Mama. It doesn't weigh anything when I put it in the storage place.”

“I have got to learn how he does that!” Duo exclaimed.

With a large influx of free-spending knights, the innkeeper did not mind special requests at all, so Roku was treated to a large chunk of raw beef roast, which he tore apart with savage glee.

Quatre watched with dismay.

“Wishing you had that river back to dip him in?” Trowa asked with a smile.

Quatre grinned wryly. “Yeah. Unless he gets a bath, he's sleeping on the floor tonight.”

Roku's head popped up. “A bath?” he said eagerly. “Will Papa Wu-Fei warm it for me?”

“Of course,” said Wu-Fei.

Roku flicked his tail happily and resumed eating.

The inn had a dining room for eating and a separate common room for drinking. After dinner, most of the knights, along with Duo and Heero, moved to the common room to toast each other with a few rounds of ale.

Quatre, Trowa, Roku and Wu-Fei adjourned to the inn's bathing room, which boasted four large wooden tubs and a cistern of rather chilly water. Baths were free, unless you wanted warm water, for which the innkeeper charged by the bucket. The three young men filled one of the tubs with water and Wu-Fei breathed fire on it, being careful not to set the tub itself on fire.

“You're getting pretty good at that, Wu-Fei,” Trowa said. “Your control is quite refined.”

Wu-Fei looked rather pleased with himself. “It is getting to be less of a nuisance, I have to admit.”

Roku leaped into the tub with a splash and showered them all with water. “Yippee!”

The three stared at him with water dripping off their noses.

“Oops!” Roku said sheepishly.

“Where's the soap?” Quatre grumbled.

“I'll just leave you to it, then,” said Wu-Fei and he beat a hasty retreat.

Trowa pushed up his sleeves. “Right. Let's get to work.”

After his bath, Trowa and Quatre took Roku up to the room the three of them were sharing and rolled him in a blanket to dry him off.

“It's time for you to go to sleep, little one,” said Quatre.

Roku yawned. “May I have a story?”

“Of course.” Quatre sat on the bed with his back to the headboard and Roku climbed into his lap.

“Oof!” Quatre grunted. “You are getting mighty big, young man.”

“I still fit,” Roku mumbled as he snuggled against Quatre's chest. His big front paws rested on either shoulder, his warm nose was tucked against Quatre's neck and his tail was draped across Quatre's knees.

Quatre lifted an eyebrow at Trowa and Trowa smiled. He sat on the edge of the bed.

“Once upon a time…” Trowa began.

In the common room, one of the knights, Sir Damodin, was favoring the assembly with a song. It was a little raunchy.

The knight said unto the lady fair, “Oh maiden, how shall I woo thee?”

And the maiden said with a modest blush, “Oh knight, thou must undo me.”

Said he, “These knots I cannot breach! Thy purity still eludes me!”

Said she, “Oh sir, make haste, anon! My chastity sweats to serve thee!”

With many a grunt, he strove in vain to bare the lady's bosom.

But alas, her gown held proof until he gave up in frustration.

Said the knight, “Lift up your skirts, dear lass, and let me sow your garden!

The need to know your loveliness has made my manhood harden!”

Said the maid, “Thy words have made me faint! I fear I must bend over!

What can I do to stop your plow from furrowing my clover?”

And thus the knight did know the lass in the sweetness of her bower.

For there in happy intercourse he took her maiden flower.

 

Damodin bowed to a raucous chorus of cheers and applause.

“Well sung, Damodin!” Hagrimore cried. “That's a right catchy tune. Let's have a toast!” He raised his mug. “To Damodin!” and he drained his ale in one long quaff.

The other knights raised their mugs and echoed the salute. “To Damodin!”

Heero and Duo glanced at each other and followed suit. “To Damodin!”

Wu-Fei looked a little green, but he lifted his mug, too. “To Damodin!”

Everyone tipped up their mugs and chugged their ale, except for Wu-Fei who only took a sip. He was definitely turning green.

Duo drained his mug as quickly as any knight and banged it down with a flourish. “Another round!” he cried, and tossed coins onto the table.

“Aye! Another round!” the knights cheered.

The waitresses brought out more mugs as fast as the bartenders could pour them.

One knight lifted his mug. “To Master Duo!”

“To Master Duo!” everyone echoed, and mugs were drained again.

Wu-Fei managed another sip, but now he was starting to sweat.

“You're not looking too good there, Fei,” Heero said.

“I think I may be sick,” Wu-Fei answered faintly. His voice quavered. “How can you drink this stuff?”

“I think it's pretty good.”

Wu-Fei groaned. “If you'll excuse me,” he whispered and hurried out.

“His stomach sure is sensitive,” Duo remarked as he reached for Wu-Fei's half-finished ale. He drained it. “I think we need another round.”

“Ho there, youngling!” Hagrimore exclaimed. “You're a bit slight to be drinking so much. You'll be gripping the bucket like your fire-breathing friend soon.”

Duo straightened up. “Are you saying you can out-drink me, Sir Hagrimore?”

Hagrimore grinned. “Why lad, I fear that would be no contest at all.”

“You don't say?” said Duo. “Would you care to put a little money on that?”

In no time at all, bets were being laid right and left on who could drink the most.

“You're not placing a wager?” Percival asked Heero.

“No,” Heero stated flatly. “I've seen Duo drink. It wouldn't be fair.”

Percival looked surprised. “But Hagrimore is so much larger.”

“Trust me,” said Heero. “Bet on Duo, if you've a mind to wager at all.”

When the wagers were settled, five contestants sat at one table. The first round was brought and all five downed it immediately. A second round was brought, and then a third. One of the contestants fell over backward while he was still drinking his third mug and was left to snore on the floor.

“One down!” Damodin cried.

After two more rounds, a second knight passed out. The third clapped a hand over his mouth and staggered from the room after the next round, leaving just Hagrimore and Duo. Hagrimore's face was flushed and he seemed to be having trouble focusing. Duo just looked uncomfortable.

“ 'Nother roun'!” Hagrimore brayed.

Two more mugs were placed in front of them. Hagrimore tried to grab his and missed.

“Hol' still!” he slurred. “ `s'movin'!” He closed one eye and tilted his head, trying to focus. He made another grab and slapped his hand around the mug, sloshing out some of the contents. “Ha!” He lifted it unsteadily to his lips and drank, pouring half the ale down his chest.

Duo picked up his ale and gulped it down, with only a little liquid trailing down his cheeks. He plunked the mug down onto the table. “Ready for another round?” He grinned viciously at Hagrimore.

Hagrimore swayed unsteadily and squinted at Duo. “Ur pourin' it out!”

“No he's not,” Damodin said.

Hagrimore turned to look at Damodin and fell off the bench. “Wait,” he mumbled from the floor, “ `m not done!” He clutched the bench and tried to drag himself back onto it. The bench toppled over on top of him instead. He began to snore.

“The victor!” Damodin declared, clapping Duo on the back.

“Get outta the way!” Duo shouted. He jumped to his feet and charged for the door. “I gotta pee before I explode!”

Heero calmly finished his ale and winked at Percival. “Like I said, I've seen Duo drink.” He collected Duo's winnings for him and left.

Heero went to the room that he was sharing with Wu-Fei and Duo and found Wu-Fei passed out on the bed. Duo arrived shortly after.

“Percival said you have my money.”

“On the table,” Heero pointed. “You cleaned up.”

Duo grinned and rubbed his hands together. “When will these knights learn that size doesn't always matter?” He chuckled gleefully as he counted out the coins. Then he grinned at Heero. “You're not tired are you?”

“No.”

“Oh goody! Shove Fei out of the way, I'm gonna need to lie down for this.” He started to strip. “I confess I'm a little dizzy.”

“And I thought you could hold your liquor.”

“Up to a point,” Duo replied good-naturedly. “But hurry up and get your pants off before I pass out.”