Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing Goes to Hogwarts ❯ Mars is still standing, so to speak ( Chapter 1 )

This story is number eight in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table; Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail; The Magicians of Gundam Wing; Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest; Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder; Gundam Wing on Mount Olympus and Gundam Wing in the Wild, Wild West. If you read this story without reading the others first, it might not make a lot of sense. But hey, jumping in cold turkey might be fun!

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation, as are Alexa, Hadeya and Jett. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama. Everyone else is made up by me, the author.

Additional Disclaimer: The characters of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy and any other characters from the Harry Potter book series were created by J. K. Rowling and published in the United States by Scholastic Press.

Warnings: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for “decent” behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction.

Addendum: This is my first cross-over with the boys, but if my track record is any indication, things are not going to go as planned at Hogwarts.

Hmm: So I spend a lot of time thinking about yaoi, writing yaoi, reading yaoi and watching yaoi. Does that mean I have gay-envy or do I just like looking at and imagining naked guys?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: Mars is still standing, so to speak

“It was cracked!” Noin screamed. “There was a three-meter crack in the dome! I had to replace two panels!”

“The domes get cracks all the time, Noin,” Zechs said in a placating tone. “Without a proper atmosphere on Mars, there's a lot of meteorite activity at ground level.”

“Meteorites,” Noin said while grinding her teeth, “leave tiny little cracks. Not three-meter long cracks with atmosphere whistling out of them!”

“Well…”

“Don't `well' me! That child is a menace!”

“Jett is a sweet little girl. Heero and Hadeya are doing an excellent job training her to control her voice.”

“Training her for what? So she can be used as a lethal weapon?!”

“You're overreacting.”

“Tell that to the people who thought they were going to suffocate!”

“No one was going to suffocate. The emergency inflatables stopped up the crack just like they were designed to. I thought it was a good test.”

“A good test?!” Noin's face turned bright red. “You… you…”

“Calm down, Noin,” Zechs said patiently. “Everything will be fine.”

“Fine?!” Noin choked out in a strangled voice. She raised shaking hands with the fingers curved into angry claws.

Zechs took a step back so she could not reach his throat. “Maybe you should lie down.”

Noin's mouth worked silently while her face got even redder. Then she spun on one heel and stamped off, radiating waves of fury so hot Zechs wondered if she was going to set off the fire-control detectors.

“She wasn't complaining about my dome, was she?” Treize said from behind him.

“No. Jett cracked our residential dome this morning and she was a little peeved.”

“A little peeved?” Treize chuckled. “She looked like she was going to rupture a blood vessel.”

“Well, maybe she was just a bit angry. But it wasn't that big of a crack.”

“I heard it was three meters. They had to do a shelter-in-place drill while it was being repaired.”

“Well, yes, but it wasn't that serious.”

Treize chuckled. “You have a soft spot for little girls, did you know that?”

Zechs frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, nothing!” Treize kissed him on the nose. “Do you have time for a quickie? They started spreading topsoil in my dome today and it got me excited. I want to celebrate.”

“You can celebrate when the dome is finished.”

“The dome is finished. We just haven't planted anything yet.”

“Then it's not finished.”

“You don't love me anymore,” Treize pouted. “You hardly ever want to have sex.”

“We had sex last night!” Zechs exclaimed, then his cheeks turned pink and he looked around quickly to see if anyone had overheard. After all, they were standing in the middle of the terra-forming lab.

“That was last night!”

Zechs threw up his hands. “I have work to do. I'll see you tonight.” He stalked off in the same direction Noin went.

Treize sighed. “Oh, well. Tonight it is. I guess I'll go pick up Alexa from school.” He took the train to the residential dome, where nervous residents kept glancing up at the gleaming semi-translucent panels overhead as if expecting them to crumble into dust at any moment.

At the school, Alexa jumped off the play structure with an excited squeal. “Daddy! I didn't know you were going to pick me up!” She leaped into his arms from a considerable distance away.

Treize grunted as she hit his chest. “We started spreading topsoil today so I came home early. How about we eat some ice cream to celebrate?”

“Yay!” Then Alexa's face turned serious. “But Mommy says it's not right to eat dessert before dinner.”

“Mommy's not home,” Treize whispered in her ear. “I won't tell him if you don't.”

“Okay!” Alexa giggled. “Guess what?”

“The dome got cracked?”

“Not that, silly! I passed my math test! I got one hundred percent!”

“Good girl! You definitely deserve ice cream, with chocolate sauce and whipped cream.”

“Hooray!” Alexa squirmed out of his arms and raced ahead. “Ice cream! Ice cream!”

Treize followed her with an indulgent smile on his face. “Maybe Zechs isn't the only one with a soft spot for little girls.”

The Gundam pilots had been home on Mars for six months; their longest stint on the planet so far. Despite Noin's objections, they had started almost immediately on the construction of the new farming dome, financed by the sale of thousands of antique gold coins. No one had come up with a good explanation to give Lady Une where the money had come from, so they told her it was from an anonymous donor. Much to Noin's dismay, Une had declared the project a good idea, so the dome construction had proceeded at full speed.

But Noin could not really complain, because the terra-forming project was also progressing very well. Of course, no one had a really good explanation for why a strange new lichen was spreading across the rocks of Mars, turning the reddish-brown rocks faintly green and emitting beneficial carbon dioxide. But the scientists were delighted by this unexpected helper and attributed it to long-dormant spores that had been awakened by human activity on the planet. They spent a lot of time searching for these spores in the Martian sand, which Quatre encouraged even though he knew perfectly well that there was nothing to find since it was all because of Heero's sprites.

As Treize arrived in front of the home shared by the five Gundam pilots and their children, he caught up with Alexa talking with Jett and Duo.

“Hey, Treize,” Duo said.

“Hey, Duo. Still enjoying the stay-at-home life?”

“You bet!” Duo grinned.

“Shouldn't Jett be in school by now? She looks old enough.”

“That's what I thought,” said Duo, “but Wu-Fei wants to make sure she has a solid foundation before she starts in the public school.”

“I don't think she needs quantum physics before she starts grade school.”

“You know Wu-Fei. He has this detailed curriculum he wants me to get through and he quizzes Jett every night. He still doesn't think I'm putting enough effort into it.”

“Are you?”

“Well,” Duo chuckled. “Jett and I do like riding the trains.”

“Risking other domes?” Treize lifted an eyebrow.

“No wisecracks!” Duo ordered. “Jett's been very good.”

“What about this morning?”

“That was an accident! Jett was startled.”

“By what?”

“Well, um,” Duo hesitated. “One of the fire-control drones flew over her head unexpectedly.”

“Was there a fire?”

“Well, you see, it was like this…” Duo flushed. “Wu-Fei took the morning off to watch Jett's lessons and I figured, since he was home, that we might as well, you know… Anyway, he, um, shot out a little flame while we were, you know, doing it and there was some scorching and that attracted the drone.”

Treize frowned in puzzlement. “Wouldn't the house sprinklers have put out the fire?”

“Well, yes, if we had been inside.”

“You were fucking him outside?!”

“We weren't in the open!” Duo said defensively. “The bushes definitely hid us.”

“Until Wu-Fei set them on fire.”

“It was unexpected! He's been taking his antihistamines,” Duo grinned, “but apparently, I was doing a really good job.”

Treize put a hand over his face. “So the drone zoomed over Jett's head and she shrieked in surprise.”

“Something like that.”

“And the dome cracked.”

“It was a little crack.”

“I heard it was three meters.”

“It looked small from here.”

“Even with the atmosphere escaping?”

“It was cool! The temperature and pressure drop made some really beautiful clouds.”

“I daresay the alarms sounded just like lightning.”

“That's right! I knew you'd understand. Everyone else made such a big deal out of it. I thought Noin was going to have kittens right on the spot.”

Treize shook his head. “Duo, I am not agreeing with you. Cracking the dome is a bad thing.”

“I know that.” Duo wrinkled his nose. “Jett and I talked about it and she promised not to hit that particular frequency again.”

“She knows what frequencies she's producing?”

“Not down to the specific waveform, but yeah, she does.”

“That's astonishing!”

“Why? Any professional opera singer can do that.”

Treize considered that. “I suppose that makes sense. Maybe we should teach her to sing if she has that much control.”

“I'm pretty sure Wu-Fei would say that's a waste of time.”

“I believe everyone should have a talent,” Treize said loftily. “I myself am a skilled swordsman and marksman.”

“And a pretty good lover, too, I hear,” Duo chuckled. “Although maybe you already covered that.”

“Don't be disgusting.”

“Hey, it's me!”

“Daddy!” Alexa interrupted. “We're supposed to be having ice cream before Mommy gets home.”

“Quite right. Would you and Jett like to join us, Duo? We're celebrating Alexa's successful math test results.”

“Ice cream!” Jett squealed.

Duo grinned. “Sounds like we're all over that action. Let's go.”

When Zechs got home from work that evening, he found the four of them in the small living room of their cottage playing a raucous game of Go Fish. Now, Go Fish is not normally a raucous game, but Duo made it pretty wild by his theatrical demeanor when he was forced to fish for a new card, earning hysterical giggles from Alexa and Jett. Even Treize could not help smiling.

“Mommy!” Alexa popped to her feet and jumped into Zechs' arms. “I got one hundred percent on my math test!”

“That's wonderful, sweetheart!” Zechs kissed her cheek.

Jett clambered to her feet and tugged on Zechs' pant leg.

“What is it, Jett?”

“I'm sorry I cracked the dome, Uncle Zechs,” Jett said gravely.

“I know you are, dear,” Zechs replied. He patted her on the head. “It's all fixed now, so it's ok.”

“A bird pee'd on Papa Wu-Fei,” Jett said with a giggle.

“It wasn't a bird,” Duo said. “It was a fire-control drone. And that was water, not pee.”

Jett wrinkled her nose.

“He didn't start another fire, did he?” Zechs groaned. “Noin is already angry enough.”

“It was nothing serious,” Duo said quickly. “And the dome getting cracked pretty much distracted everyone from the tiny little fire. I'll have Heero tell his sprites to re-grow the bush and no one will be the wiser.”

Zechs sighed. “Maybe Noin has a point,” he muttered.

“Mommy, can we have dinner at Uncle Duo's house? I want to tell Uncle Wu-Fei and Roku about my test.”

“I suppose so.”

With that, everyone trooped over to the Gundam pilots' house to find the others had all arrived home from work and school.

“Jett!” Heero exclaimed from the couch as soon as they walked in, “I thought I told you not to crack the dome.”

“I'm sorry, Papa Heero,” Jett said, climbing into his lap.

“Don't blame her,” Duo said. “She was startled by something.”

Heero scowled at him. “I don't blame her, I blame you. It was probably your fault, anyway.”

“It was not!” Duo declared with wounded innocence. “It was just an unfortunate sequence of events.”

“Undoubtedly started by you.”

Wu-Fei said nothing.

“They showed it on the news broadcast,” Roku announced. “I saw it during lunch. The clouds were pretty.”

“Yes, they were,” Duo agreed.

“There are not supposed to be clouds in the dome,” Hadeya said.

“Details.”

Sally Po knocked on the door and stuck her head in. “Can I join you for dinner? Noin's about as much fun as a shuttle crash right now.”

“Come in, Sally,” Quatre said. “We were just discussing how it's probably Duo's fault that Jett cracked the dome.”

“So it was Jett?”

“I didn't mean to,” Jett pouted. “The fire-bird startled me.”

“Fire-bird?” Sally asked curiously.

“A fire-control drone,” Quatre clarified.

Sally glanced at Wu-Fei. “There was a fire?”

“No!” Wu-Fei snapped. “Just a little scorching! Can we eat dinner now?”

“Yeah,” Roku echoed. “I'm hungry.”

Trowa struck his head in from the kitchen. “Dinner's ready. Who wants to help me bring it to the table?”

“I do!” said Roku. He dashed into the kitchen with Alexa on his heels.

“How come Trowa ends up making dinner when you were home all day?” Heero growled at Duo.

“Treize and I were spending quality time with our daughters,” Duo said archly.

“We played cards,” Jett reported.

“Sounds like fun,” Sally said.

“Come on, everybody,” Trowa said, coming back in with a platter of steaks. “Let's eat while it's hot.”

Roku entered carrying a tray with a big bowl of fluffy mashed potatoes, a tureen of gravy and a basket of rolls. Alexa followed him carrying a bowl filled with peas and baby ears of corn. Everyone took seats around the big dining room table and began helping themselves. They were just finishing dinner when Noin appeared at the door.

“Did I miss dessert?” she grumbled.

“No,” Trowa said. “And there's a steak left if you want it.”

“Duo left food on the table?” Surprise took the edge off of Noin's voice. She took a seat and stabbed a fork into the remaining steak. “Looks good.” She tucked into the steak, looking less irritated than she had when she arrived.

Jett ducked her head. “I'm sorry I cracked your dome, Miss Noin. I won't do it again.”

“Well,” Noin mumbled around a mouthful of food, “I guess accidents happen. But you need to be more careful. People could get hurt.”

“I'll be more careful, I promise.”

“Good.” Then Noin stopped chewing and stared at Jett. “You're bigger.”

Jett nodded vigorously with a huge grin on her face.

Noin looked around. “She was a toddler when you got back. Now she's big enough to be a pre-schooler.”

“Um…” said Quatre.

“It's not natural for a kid to grow four years in six months.”

“It's not natural for a man to have a baby,” Sally pointed out with a wide smile.

“But that doesn't mean the baby should grow faster than normal!” Noin stared suspiciously at Jett and then her eyes slid to Alexa. “Come to think of it, Alexa has grown up suspiciously fast as well.”

“Try not to think about it,” Sally advised.

“But it's weird! What if someone else notices?”

“No one has,” Quatre said quickly.

“Just like no one's noticed the weird lichen growth?”

“Well…” Quatre said. “I've got that under control.”

“Just because no one else can see these sprites you say are responsible…” Noin began.

“That's just because they're not looking,” Roku piped up. “Sprites aren't invisible; they just prefer to decide when they can be seen.”

Noin stared.

“Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned that,” Trowa suggested.

“Oh.”

“I have a headache,” Noin groaned.

“I think things have been going rather well,” Treize volunteered. “We'll be able to start planting in my new dome very soon. I've been dividing my cuttings for the past several months so I have quite a few plants ready to go in.”

“Your dome?!”

“It's just a figure of speech!” Zechs put in quickly.

“Oh, really?” Noin glared at Zechs. “I knew all along you were doing this for him!”

“The new dome benefits everyone on Mars!” Zechs exclaimed. “The construction has employed hundreds of people and the vineyard will continue to employ several dozen.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Noin,” Sally interrupted sternly. “You promised.”

Noin subsided into inaudible grumbling.

“I made her promise to quit whining about Treize,” Sally explained.

“I haven't been whining!” Noin stated loudly.

“It sounded kind of whiny to me,” Duo whispered to Wu-Fei.

“Uh-huh,” Wu-Fei agreed.

Noin scowled at them.

“Maybe we should change the subject,” Trowa said, setting a full glass of beer in front of Noin. “Roku, how was college today?”

“Fun! We started reading a new book in my Ancient Literature class. It's one in a series of books about a boy who is a wizard; like me.”

“Oh, yes?” said Quatre, “what's it called?”

“Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.”

“Never heard of it,” Duo said.

“Why would you have?” Wu-Fei said. “Have you ever read a book in your life?”

“Yes, I have!”

“Anyway,” Roku continued, “I want to read all of the books, but my professor only has the first three in the class computer. It would sure be fun to visit Hogwarts, though. It sounds really interesting. I think it would be fun to take some of their classes.”

“Roku, visiting a book isn't the same thing as time-traveling,” Wu-Fei said.

“Why not?” Noin said flippantly. She chugged her beer. “Time-travel should be impossible, but you do it as routinely as space travel. Going into a book should be a piece of cake.” She waggled her empty beer glass at Trowa.

Quatre got a thoughtful look. “Going into a book…” he murmured to himself.

“No!” Wu-Fei said firmly. “It's impossible.”

“Oh, you just don't want to,” Duo chided him. “I think it would be fun.”

“It sounds rather interesting,” Treize agreed, “but I do have my vineyard to take care of.”

“Your vineyard...” Noin grumbled. Trowa quickly handed her another beer.

“If we did go,” Quatre said, “we wouldn't be gone that long. And we could wait until after the planting is finished and you've trained the workers on how to tend the vines.”

“That's true.” Treize glanced at Zechs. “What do you think? Care to visit a book?”

Zechs shrugged. “If you want to go.”

“By all means,” Noin said, waving her glass. Her speech was starting to slur. “I can hold the fort here. What're a few sprites and dome cracks and grapes growing all over the place? Perfectly normal, all of it.” She held out her empty glass. Trowa refilled it.

“She can't really hold her liquor, can she?” Duo remarked to Sally.

“She doesn't drink very often,” Sally replied.

“You talkin' `bout me?” Noin demanded blearily.

“I'll have to do a little research,” Quatre said, “but I'm sure we can manage this.”

“It sounds like a plan, then,” said Trowa. “Who wants to wash dishes?”

“Duo,” Heero said promptly. “After all, he let the dome get cracked.”

“I did not!”

“Quit arguing!”

“Oh, all right! But Wu-Fei has to help, too.”

“Me?”

“It was your fire-bird that startled Jett.”

“But that was only because you…”

“Are you sure you want to finish that sentence?” Duo said with raised eyebrows.

Wu-Fei scowled. “Never mind! I'll help wash dishes.” He grabbed a stack of dishes and stamped off into the kitchen.

Duo skipped after him with an armful of glasses, grinning.

“How do you plan to visit a book?” Sally asked curiously. “By your very presence, you change the story, so how would that work?”

“Well,” Quatre said thoughtfully, “I think the process of entering the book will create an alternate universe and once there, pretty much anything can happen. The written story should certainly serve as a guide, but I suspect we can alter the plot to a small degree. Just enough to accommodate ourselves, really.”

“That sounds reasonable.”

“Oh, sure!” Noin declared, waving her glass and sloshing beer on the table. “Create reality! Why stick with this one? It's so boring!” She tried to take another drink, partially missing her mouth in the process and getting beer down the front of her uniform. “Damn!”

Sally regarded her with a raised eyebrow. “Perhaps you should turn in early, Noin. It has been a difficult day, after all.”

“I'm fine!” Noin said, mashing at the beer on her chest with a napkin. “It's just a little damp.”

“I think you should take a shower,” Sally said.

“Yeah, maybe,” Noin stared down at herself. “Don't wanna smell like beer.” She emptied her glass, getting even more beer on herself in the process, and pushed to her feet. “G'night.”

“Good night, Noin,” came a general reply.

Sally grinned as she helped Noin to the door.

“She really can't hold her liquor,” Quatre said as the door closed behind the two women.

“She never could,” Zechs chuckled. He stood up. “It's time for your bath as well, Alexa.”

“Ok.”

So Zechs, Treize and Alexa went home, leaving the Gundam pilots alone with their children.

“Visiting a book is a really silly idea,” Heero stated.

“Yeah, but it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to get out of Noin's hair for a few days,” Quatre replied. “And honestly, I really like the idea. I want to see if it can be done.”

“That's what you said when you got Zechs pregnant.”

“But see how well that turned out.”

“You're a dangerous man, Quatre Winner.”