Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing in the Wild Wild West ❯ Food of the Gods? ( Chapter 12 )

It's a little short, but at least I finished a chapter! Take that, stupid job!

-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 12: Food of the Gods?

Standing in a circle, everyone stared down at little Jett in her bassinet. The dark-haired baby stared back up at them with wide, curious eyes.

“What the hell did you feed her last night, Fei?” Duo finally exploded. “She's huge!”

He pointed accusingly at his daughter. Her little feet, which had fit just fine in the bassinet the night before, now stuck out over the end and her little shoulders were bunched up against the sides.

“It was just milk!” Wu-Fei exclaimed defensively. “The same stuff Quatre's been feeding her.”

Duo turned accusing eyes on Quatre.

“What are you looking at me for?” Quatre demanded. “You know perfectly well that the pregnancy acceleration spell causes unexpected growth spurts. She'll settle out after a while, just like Roku and Alexa did.”

“But… But…”

“Give it a rest, Duo!” Heero growled. “It's not like we haven't seen this before.”

“But she looks like she's two months old and it's barely been a week!”

“I think she's cute,” Roku said. He leaned over the bassinet and favored his little sister with a long, slobbery swipe of his tongue. Jett gurgled and made a grab for his whiskers.

“Oh, great! Now she needs a bath,” Duo groaned.

“No doubt the first of many brought on by a liberal application of tiger drool,” Zechs noted, glancing pointedly at Alexa.

Alexa knelt down beside Roku. “Do you think her hair will stay fluffy like that?”

“It's hard to say,” said Quatre. “Your hair was a lot straighter when you were born. Now you've got all those curls.”

“Babies' hair tends to change as they get older,” Trowa said. “But it will probably stay dark like that.”

“I think it's pretty,” Alexa said and she ruffled the fluffy dark hair on top of Jett's head.

Jett tracked Alexa's hand with a little frown of concentration and tried to grab a finger. Alexa giggled and let the baby capture a digit, which Jett promptly shoved in her mouth.

“That tickles!” Alexa squealed as Jett gummed her finger vigorously.

“Don't tell me she's teething already!” Duo exclaimed. “She'd have to be like… six months old for that, wouldn't she?”

“Just be glad you're not nursing her,” Treize remarked.

Duo winced and reflexively covered his chest.

“Anyway, she probably needs food after a growth spurt like that,” Quatre said matter-of-factly. “Let's get a couple gallons of milk.”

“Gallons?!”

“Remember how Roku used to drink it by the bucketful?”

“And he pretty much ate his weight in raw meat every day,” Trowa added.

“He sure was cute!” Wu-Fei grinned.

“And remember how he used to fight when Quatre would try to wash his face?”

“And now you can barely keep him out of the bathtub.”

“I think Jett's going to cry,” Alexa interrupted.

Jett's face was scrunched up and turning red and she began making little whiny noises.

Duo scooped her out of the bassinet. “There, there, little one. We'll get you some breakfast.”

Roku changed forms and everyone trooped downstairs and into the hotel dining room.

“Good morning, my friends!” Hieronymus Gree called out cheerfully as soon as they entered. “I was hoping I would see you today. Ah! Miss Maxwell! Is this your lovely baby?”

“Yes, although she's about to be very unlovely. She needs breakfast.”

“Here we go,” Wu-Fei said. He appeared at Duo's elbow with a bottle of milk. “I just told the waitress to make a few more.”

“Good.” Duo plopped down at a table and nestled Jett into the crook of one elbow. She squirmed and let out an angry little shriek. “Give me that!” Duo exclaimed. He snatched the bottle from Wu-Fei and jammed it in her mouth. “I almost understood that.” He stared suspiciously at Heero. “Have you been swearing around Jett?”

“What?!”

“So what brings you to see us today, Mr. Gree?” Treize spoke up loudly, hoping to distract Hieronymus from staring too closely at Duo's flat chest.

“Oh… uh… Ahem, yes!” Hieronymus' normally effusive grin returned. “Recalling that you gentlemen seemed to have rather unlimited resources at your disposal, I thought you might be interested in joining a little business venture I recently learned about.”

“A business venture?” Treize frowned slightly. “It's not snake oil, is it?”

“Oh, nothing like that!” Hieronymus laughed. “That only works in the plains. This is something more suitable for the sophisticated atmosphere of a fine city like San Francisco.” He leaned closer and lowered his voice. “I have learned that a gentleman up north on the other side of the bay is interested in selling his vineyard. Wine is the drink of the future, my friends! This is our chance to get in on the ground floor of what will one day be a thriving industry. What do you say?” Hieronymus stared at them with sparkling eyes.

“He is selling snake oil,” Heero muttered.

“Is the vineyard in an area called Napa Valley?” Treize asked casually.

“You've heard of it?” Hieronymus' hopeful grin widened.

“I might have. There are a few vineyards up there already, aren't there?”

“Yes, but only a few. This is our chance to get one of the finest properties.”

“Do you know anything about growing grapes or making wine, Mr. Gree?” Zechs asked.

“No, but I'm sure I can hire someone who does.”

“It seems like a lot of work just to make money,” Duo said. “Why not just keep gambling? That works too and it's a lot faster.”

“Alas, but I haven't your natural talent, Miss Maxwell. I fear I will need an actual vocation if I am to retire in comfort.”

Quatre gestured furiously at Treize and drew him aside. “You're not seriously considering this, are you? We can't leave that kind of evidence of our presence in the past.”

“So Duo fathering half a dozen kids in old England wasn't leaving evidence?”

“They didn't know his name! And we aren't that far in the past right now. Record-keeping from this time is good enough that people in our time might still know about who owned vineyards in Napa Valley in the 1870s.”

Treize looked wistful. “I used to grow grapes on my estate. I made this really nice little Bordeaux…”

Quatre made a strangling noise. “Have Zechs set aside a dome for you on Mars! We are not buying a vineyard.”

“We'd just be partners…”

“You're supposed to be the sensible one!”

Treize sighed. “You're cruel, Quatre.”

“Just do as I say.”

They rejoined the others.

“I'm sorry, Mr. Gree,” Treize said sadly, “but we feel it might not be in our best interest at this time to invest in such a venture.”

Hieronymus' shoulders slumped. “How unfortunate…” he began, but Duo interrupted.

“Oh, just give him some money and let him try his luck. It's almost like gambling, in a way. If he fails, he's on his own and he owes us nothing. If he succeeds, we'll turn up in twenty years and demand our cut. Sound fair?”

Hieronymus' eyes lit up. “Miss Maxwell, such generosity is… is…”

“I know, I know!” Duo waved a hand modestly.

Wu-Fei put a hand on Duo's forehead. “Do you feel all right, Duo? Giving away money…”

“He caught me in a generous moment.”

Jett abruptly shoved the now-empty bottle away and shrieked at the top of her lungs. Two crystal goblets on a nearby table shattered.

Duo grimaced. “Get me another bottle! Quick!”

Heero promptly handed him one. Duo shoved it quickly into Jett's mouth before she could utter another piercing shriek and possibly shatter more glassware.

“The kid's got lungs,” Heero remarked.

“Indeed,” Trowa agreed.

“So,” Hieronymus said, “I myself have about one thousand dollars in gold to invest, but I think the final sale price will be around ten to twelve thousand. I know that sounds like a lot…”

“Roku,” said Duo. “How much do you have?”

“I don't know. I haven't counted it lately. Just a second.” Roku sat down on the floor cross-legged. He sat quietly for several seconds with a pensive look on his face. “Ok,” he said finally, “There are three hundred ninety-five thousand eight hundred and seventy-seven gold coins and one hundred twenty-one thousand two hundred and nine silver coins. I didn't count the copper ones because there's like a million of them.”

Dead silence greeted this statement. Then several people spoke up at once.

“How did you count that?” Wu-Fei exclaimed.

“Is there really that much?” Trowa asked.

“Hey, that's more than I thought!” Duo remarked.

“Where are you keeping it all?” Quatre groaned.

Roku blinked in confusion.

“Well, it sounds like we certainly have some to spare,” Zechs said dryly.

Hieronymus' mouth was hanging open.

Duo grinned. “Why don't you give Hieronymus fifteen thousand or so gold coins, Roku?”

Roku glanced at Hieronymus. “How's he going to carry it?”

“Good point,” Treize said. “We should probably go to a bank and transfer it into a letter of credit.”

Alexa pointed at Hieronymus. “He looks funny just staring like that.”

“It's not polite to point, sweetie,” Zechs said quietly. “But you're right, he does look funny.”

Hieronymus swallowed once or twice to get his voice working again. “Gentlemen, Miss Maxwell, I don't know what to say.”

“Just say thank you,” Duo chuckled.

Jett bunched up her little fists and sent the second empty milk bottle flying. It bounced off the side of Trowa's head, who had the misfortune to not be looking at that moment.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Jett howled.

Goblets in all directions exploded into shards. The chandeliers overhead shuddered and dozens of crystal pendants plunged to the floor. Cracks appeared in the nearer windows. People clamped their hands over their ears in a desperate bid to save eardrums from shattering or having their brains turned to mush.

“BOTTLE!” Duo shouted, although his voice barely registered above Jett's furious shriek.

Three bottles were flung at him.

Duo snatched one out of the air and jammed it into Jett's mouth. The ensuing silence sounded quieter than the emptiness of space.

“Good god!” Quatre whispered. “What have we created?”

Wu-Fei picked up the other two bottles, which miraculously had not broken, and knelt by Duo's chair, ready to replace the one Jett was working on the instant she finished.

Duo stared round-eyed at the others. “Get more bottles!”

Heero and Trowa dashed for the kitchen.

“I think,” Treize said dazedly, “that Roku and I should go to the bank with Mr. Gree.”

“Alexa and I will go with you,” Zechs said, rubbing his ears.

The five of them quickly left the hotel.

“My ears are still ringing,” Wu-Fei said.

“I wish I could hear well enough to tell if my ears are ringing,” Duo said. “How can someone this small make a sound that loud?”

“Was it the volume or the pitch?” Wu-Fei wondered clinically.

“A little of each, I'd say,” Quatre said. He pulled a chair over and sat next to the others. “She certainly seems very decisive about what she wants.”

“I think I can see her growing,” Duo muttered. “This bottle's almost empty.”

Wu-Fei staged the next bottle and they executed a neat handoff. Jett sucked contentedly on the new bottle, poking a foot at Wu-Fei.

“What cute feet!” Wu-Fei said. “Who's do they remind you of?”

“Heero's” Quatre and Duo said in unison.

“She looks a lot like Roku, though.”

“Yeah, she does.”

Trowa and Heero returned from the kitchen with two more bottles a piece.

“This better be enough,” Trowa said. “They're out of milk.”

They all watched in alarm as Jett continued to suck down bottles of milk.

“I think she's slowing down,” Duo said with relief as Jett worked on the next to last bottle. Her eyelids were starting to droop a little. “Her thought images are getting kind of fuzzy.”

Jett finished the bottle and they gave her the last one. She sucked on it slowly, blinking sleepily up at Duo.

“She sure is cute,” Duo said, “but I don't remember Alexa eating this much so soon.”

“She did,” Quatre said, “but you were too busy screwing Heimdall to notice.”

“I was not always screwing Heimdall!” Duo protested. “Sometimes I was screwing Wu-Fei.”

“Leave me out of this.”

“If she keeps eating like that, we're going to need our own herd of cows,” Heero muttered.

“Maybe not,” Quatre said. “At this rate, we can probably start her on solid food next week. Rice porridge should take longer to digest.”

“Rice porridge? Why not steak and eggs?”

“She doesn't have any teeth yet.”

“I doubt that would inhibit her much.”

“I think she's finished,” Duo announced. The remaining bottle had less than an ounce in it, but Jett's eyes were closed and a little trail of milky drool was running down her cheek. Duo handed the bottle to Wu-Fei and shifted her up onto his shoulder.

“Are you sure you want to try to burp her?” Wu-Fei asked nervously. “Who knows what she'll produce? She may knock the windows out.”

“My ladylike child will not belch like a beer-swilling sailor!”

“Or you?”

“Shut up!” Duo patted Jett's back gently. After a moment, she emitted a small burp, along with a few milk bubbles. “There we go. Now I think she needs a nap. But she's not going to fit in that bassinet.”

“True,” said Quatre. “We should get her a crib. In fact, I think we might want to find an entire house to go with the crib.”

“What for?”

Quatre nodded toward the door, where several hotel employees, including a gentleman who was probably the owner, were staring at the damage to the dining room.

“Oh.”

“I'll talk to him,” said Trowa. “I'll tell him we'll pay for all the damages. And then we should go look for a place to rent, because I think Quatre's right. We don't need people noticing how fast Jett's growing.” Trowa trotted over to the hotel owner with a friendly smile.

The owner immediately began complaining in a surprisingly shrill voice about the state of his dining room.

“That doesn't appear to be going well,” Wu-Fei remarked.

“Trowa will calm him down,” Quatre said confidently. “I wonder how one goes about renting a house in these times.”

“They have newspapers,” Wu-Fei said. “We'll look in the classified ads.”

“Hey, yeah!” Duo perked up. “They printed those on big presses with real ink and everything. I read about it once.”

“You read something?” Heero stared in astonishment.

“Quit making fun of me,” Duo pouted. “Go get us a newspaper.”

“Ok.” Heero slipped out of the dining room, trying not to draw the attention of the owner, who was still complaining bitterly to Trowa.

“We'll have to give that guy some money as soon as Roku gets back so he'll shut up,” Duo grumbled. “He's going to wake up Jett.”

“Why don't we go upstairs while we wait for Heero?” Wu-Fei suggested.

“Good idea.”

“I'll give Trowa a hand,” Quatre said.

“You know, Fei,” Duo said as they started up the stairs, “we could have a quickie while Jett is sleeping.”

“And you think that won't wake her up?”

“We can be really quiet.”

“You're never quiet.”

“I'll try really hard. Please!”

“Oh, all right! Just quit making that face.”

“Yay!”

Unfortunately for them, Heero caught them in the act when he returned with the newspaper.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“You know perfectly well what we're doing,” Duo grunted.

“Jett is sleeping right there!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I can't believe you're a party to this indecent behavior in front of a child, Wu-Fei.”

“She's asleep!” Wu-Fei groaned. “Besides, what difference does it make if she's on the outside or the inside? She's been there listening to us do it for a while now.”

“But…”

“Oh, shut up and take your clothes off!” Duo panted. “You can join in.”

“What?!”

“Don't be such a prude, Heero,” Wu-Fei gasped. “Hurry up, before the others get back.”

“I can't believe I'm doing this,” Heero muttered. “I'm at least going to lock the door.”

Downstairs, Trowa and Quatre finally managed to convince the hotel owner that they would indeed pay for all his damages and he had only to give them a bill. As he stomped off, still complaining, Quatre shook his head.

“What a jackass! A sensible businessman would have been figuring out how to slide other things into the cost of repairing the damage Jett caused.”

“True,” Trowa agreed. “I wonder if Heero's back yet. I didn't see him come in.”

They went upstairs and found the door to Heero, Duo and Wu-Fei's room locked.

“Do you hear something?” Quatre said.

“I do,” said Trowa with a smirk. “I daresay Heero is back but we may have to wait awhile to see the paper.”

“Can't they go for four hours with fucking?” Quatre exclaimed. He knocked on the door. “Can you stop for two seconds and slip the damn paper under the door?”

There was a muffled exclamation, followed by a thump and the sound of scurrying feet. A second later, the paper shot out under the door.

“Thanks!” Quatre snapped sarcastically.

An explosion of giggling wafted through the locked door.

“Idiots!” Quatre grumbled. He led the way back to his and Trowa's room so they could sit down and look through the ads. “Let's look for two houses. I'm not sure I want to live with those fools.”