Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing Suicides ❯ Heero's Note ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: I was just kind of in a suicidal note writing mood one day, and hey, writing a characters suicide note has to be better than writing your own, right? (I'm not depressed or anything though. I'm just peachy in fact.) I decided to extend the note theme by writing the reactions other people had upon the suicide. I'm not sure if this type of thing has been done frequently in gw fanfiction; I certainly don't have time to read them all to find out. Oh, and I decided to throw releena into the suicidal group, 'cause hey, she seems unstable, so it'd be easy anways. And just to make things clear an' all, all of the chapters are separate little note stories, they're not supposed to connect at all. K, I'm done babbling now, on to the fanfic.

Duo laughed at Trowa's glare. "Oh relax you pansies. Tonight we're going to party, and you can at least act like you're enjoying yourselves." He smiled at the crowd; Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Releena. They were nearly at Heero's apartment now, and after that they'd pick up Zecks, Noin, Hilda, and Catherine.

It took only a moment to ascend the two flights of steps to Heero's room. Duo tried knocking, but Heero didn't answer. He realized the door was unlocked and let himself and his companions in. He almost laughed at how excited Releena looked, finally going inside the apartment of her crush.

She giggled and pointed to where Heero lay, asleep on his duct-tape patched couch. "I don't know how he could sleep through all our racket. I thought you gundam pilots were supposed to be extra aware and all."

She sat next to him on the couch and shook him gently. "Heero, wake up. We have a party to go to. Wake up." Frowning, Releena shook him harder. Her voice was panicked when she looked to Duo, "Duo, he's not waking up. Something's wrong."

By now everyone was standing around Heero, concern showing on their faces. "Heero, man, this ain't funny. Wake the hell up." Duo frowned, and wondered if he should try jumping on the sleeping pilot.

Trowa cleared his throat and everyone looked to him. He had traveled to Heero's desk, and in one hand he held a large bottle of aspirin upside down to show it was empty, and in the other he held a piece of paper. "I don't think Heero's going to wake up, ever."

"Nooo!" Releena wailed, desperately throwing herself on him as if to shield his body from their words and somehow their truth. "Heero, I know you wouldn't leave me. Please, please wake up! I know you're alive, you have to be alive . . . " Soon she was reduced to whimpering and gently shaking him. "Please wake up Heero. Just wake up. Wake up Heero."

Wufei sniffed at Releena disdainfully. "Just like a woman to loose control of her emotions. And just like Heero to run away from his emotions."

In a flash Releena was on her feet and backhanded Wufei with all her strength, managing to leave red marks on the slight man's face. "Don't you ever say that about Heero. He was too brave to ever run away. He was stronger than you, he was stronger than anyone!" She put her face in her hands, a sob rising to her throat. "He was so strong . . . " She slid to the floor weeping.

Duo sat next to her, hushing her and putting an arm around her shoulders to hold back some of the sobs that racked her body. He comforted her still in a daze. How could he have lost Heero? He had been like a brother, a friend. How could he just be gone?

Duo looked around him for a moment, trying to gain clarity. Instead he saw Quatre clutching his stomach with tears pouring from his eyes, Trowa looking like he was trying to look stoic but like he really wanted to cry, and Wufei holding his cheek indignantly.

Trowa cleared his throat again. "I'm going to read his note. Does anyone think they can't handle it for me to read aloud?"

Around the room heads shook. Trowa looked at the piece of paper and with his quiet, eloquent voice read the words Heero had used his last thoughts on.

Just the fact that I'm writing this note as an explanation of my death proves that becoming a gundam pilot changed me. Having the four of you as brothers made me realize that I didn't have to be alone. Knowing Releena made me realize that there was someone out there that could perhaps care for me.

But as much as I've changed, it isn't enough. I am a warrior. My life has been one to train me for fighting, my dreams are of fighting, my hopes of fighting well. And now that the fighting has ended, so must I. The world has no use for me, and I have no longing to stay here where there is no enemy. How ironic, my Releena, that you wanted peace and me at the same time, but to get one the other would die.

I hope no one will feel sadness at my passing. I have been close to death since becoming a gundam pilot. Always facing self destruction and battles that left me outnumbered. But now that I've given myself the mission to die, I will not fail. I accepted it a long time ago, when I figured that my purpose was to bring about peace. Perhaps that is why I was so fearless to self destruct; I knew my time would come soon anyways. Please don't see my suicide as running away, or as tragic. Think of it simply as a warrior completing his last mission.

Goodbye forever,

Heero Yuy

Releena sniffed. "He called me 'my Releena'." A small smile showed on her tear stained face. Then it turned to a grimace. "But why wasn't I enough for him? Oh God, why couldn't I have been enough for him? I am so sorry." She went back to sobbing.

Wufei awkwardly put a hand on his shoulder. "I am sorry for the things about Heero I said." He told her grudgingly. "I suppose he was too brave to run away."

Duo stood up slowly. "Heero lived a hard life. He probably would have hated an easy life anyways. He wanted to die. We should respect that, and move on." The words were hard to say; he wasn't sure he believed them all. But both Quatre and Releena seemed to take some comfort in them. Releena wiped her eyes, and Quatre stood up shakily.

"We'll remember him always." Releena said softly. "And I'll love him forever."