Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ GWvsSM ❯ Remote Madness ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter 7: Remote Madness

It's been several weeks since the Sailor Slaughterfest and all was well with the world. The GW Boys had just returned from another major and USEFUL mission. This had SOMETHING to with OZ. That was fun. They decided to hang out in outer space, within the comforts of the PeaceMillion. This made approaching assignments much easier.

However, it was a BITCH to acquire some deccent food. It's not like they can up to a drive thru in a Gundam. It was definitely attract attention. So the adults aboard the spaceship decided to come up with an idea of their own…

"Hey, kids!" Howard smiled as he strolled in the rec room. "The guys and I are kinda hungry."

Heero gave Howard a side glare as he continued to brood by the window, "So?"

"How's about going to a burger joint and pick up some grub!"

Duo was busy playing Project Justice (good, stoopid fun) on the Dreamcast. He was losing terribly to Trowa--- who was winning Perfects in EVERY round.

"Yo!!! You are distracting me! Can't you see I'm getting my play on----DAMNNIT, another PERFECT?!?!"

"…." Trowa bragged.

Howard sighed, "Come on boys! Let's not be so stubborn." He slowly pulled a remote control out of his tacky shirt pocket. "Boys?"

"No." Trowa protested. He boasted softly, "This is the 50th Perfect in a row-Hyo and I are unstoppable…."

Duo returned with an insult and threat selecting yet another potential sacrifice, "Alright Cyclops! You'll get it now--- I got Roy!!! Come on Baby!!!!"

Quatre was by the window, way across from Heero. He was painting a nearby colony on canvas. He was loving his work. "It's so… tre' cute!!!" He rubbed his tummy and began to complain, totally oblivious to the world, "Drat! I Could go for some cookies right about now."

"DUDE, Shut-the-Hell-Up!!!!" Duo yelled. "Howard's trying to get us on caterer duty!!!"

"…..!!!" Trowa yelled.

"Hn…!!!" Heero cursed.

Quatre was scared senseless he suddenly lost his appetite and continued to paint, "Phew, must've been another Zero System attack or something. I'm not hungry! I want to continue painting."

Howard started to press buttons on the remote, Heero noticed but figured he was reprogramming the memory. He continued to brood.

"Food's on me!" Howard spoke in a last attempt to have the boys willingly go for grub.

Heero's perfect mind wandered for a short while, "Ugh! Get out of here, you crazy old man!" Everyone stared at him. "…..hn…"

Seconds later, Sally Po stormed in. She made her way to the table where Wufei and Raye were having yet another tongue hockey session. When they FINALLY noticed her there, they ended the game.

"Uh…. Hi,Sally." Wufei greeted, in TOTAL fear.

"Get food---NOW!!" Sally ordered. She, too, took out a remote, and placed her hands on her hips.

Wufei stood straight up and nodded, "Yes, ma'am!"

Raye snatched him down and shouted, "What are you doing? You're MY guy!! Tell that chick to get her own grub!!!"

Sally responded, "Why don't you make yourself useful and go with him!!!"

Raye stood up ready to jump over the table and threatened, "Why don't you mind your damn business, you witch, before I torch those crossaints on the sides of your head!!!"

"!!!!"

~~~~~

Sensing something bad was about to happen, Quatre stopped painting and quietly made for the door across the room. Trowa just stopped playing the game and took refuge to low ground and crawled under the cafeteria-styled table. Duo just dropped the controller and RAN--- running Quatre over.

"Ow!!! My heart!!! MY SOUL! My----"

Duo snatched Quatre up and dragged him along, "Walk it off!!!!"

~~~~~

"What did you SAY!?!?!" Sally screeched in ire.

Wufei tried to calm Raye down as she got ready to climb over the table. She jabbed him in the stomach, sitting him down, instead.

"YOU'RE just jealous that I have Wuffie---- AND YOU DON'T!!!! YOU HAG!!!"

Sally fumed, "YOU SKANK BITCH!!! I'LL MOP THE FREAKING FLOOR WITH YOUR DULL HAIR AND FAT HEAD!!!!"

"WHAT!??!!!"

~~~~~~~~

At that moment, Heero bolted from the window and made the only escape he could, the AC vent next to him. During which, Wufei took refuge, under the table, he bumped into Trowa.

"….!" He hissed.

Wufei hissed back, "Listen Jolly-Green-Eyed-Giant, I'm taking this spot, too! So MOVE it!!!"

Wuffie---er Wufei and Trowa made for the next exit nearest to them, across from the table. It was the only way to avoid getting caught in the nasty catfight that was about to go down.

"What now!!!! Bitch!!!! You better get that remote out of my face you------AAAAAAAAAAAyyh!!!!!"

ZAP!!!

Wufei glanced back only to see his boo was gone. He poked his head from under the table only to see Sally with a remote pointing straight at him.

"Sally, what are you----AAAAACK!!!! This is Inj----"

ZIPPO!!!

"!!!" Trowa yelled in shock as he looked back only to see Pilot 05 get blasted into nothingness. He scrambled down the hallway towards the exit. Just as he emerged from under the table he was confronted by Howard, who jumped in front of the door ready to zap him. "….. oh shiiiii---"

POOF!!!

"Man these laser teleportation remotes are great!" Howard grinned vainly.

Sally smirked in annoyance, "You made them, Howard. Now to get the others!!!"

"Right!!!"

~~~~~~~~~

Quatre and Duo raced down the corridor to claim their trusty Gundams. They could hear Howard and Sally closing in.

Then Quatre stopped, "Oh migosh!!! Trowa!!!! I can't believe I left him!!!!"

Duo breathed, "He's fine!!! Let's haul it!!!"

"He's calling me…."

Duo sighed and muttered under his breath, "…not this again…."

"He's so angry….. he's surrounded by cows…. "

"Wha??!!?"

"He's scared of cows…."

"Cows?!?"

"He thinks they're gonna eat him….."

The voices and clamoring steps of Howard and Sally disrupted Quatre's Space heart connection thingie, and the two Pilots found themselves running for dear life.

~~~~~~~

From the safety of the AC shafts, Heero spotted Sally and Howard in hot pursuit. They didn't notice the Wing Zero Pilot's uncanny escape through the AC vent. It maybe freezing cold up here, but it was a lot better than playing caterer or having to break up a catfight….

Damn I'm good. He thought to himself as he continued to make his way within the AC shafts.

* * * *

Milliardo Peacecraft, AKA: Zechs Marquise, had just arrived at the hangar of the Peacemillion. He was of for the weekend and decided to take his woman-Noin-upon her offer to grub.

Why not? Rations suck! Besides ANYthing would be more enjoyable than hanging with that freaky-looking Dorothy, that funny-looking Cannes, and WORST yet the WHINER Relena.

As he strolled down the corridor towards the deck he heard some scurrying over head within the AC vents. "Probably a mouse…." He growled with his I gargle-with-broken glass-and acid voice.

"Zechs…"

"…. Probably a talking mouse…."

"It's me, Heero Yuy."

"…..a talking mouse named----HA!!! I'm just joking. What are you doing up there, Gundam pilot? Relena's not here."

Heero announced, "Sally and Howard have lost their lolipop minds and are going on a zapping spree. You best watch out for them."

The rebel prince waved his hand in jest, "You must be joking! I have nothing to fear!" he growled vainly. "Noin has my back! She won't let anything happen to me!"

"Zechs…"

"We are likeT-I-G-H-T! I got it going on! She's whipped! She's----"

"She right behind you, Zechs!" Heero breathed in exasperation. "Run, stupid, run!"

Zechs turned around, sure enough it was his gorgeous sidekick standing there with a funny-looking remote. She was tapping buttons on it, and Zechs figured she was reprogramming it… (?!??!? Don't you need to be in front of the TV to do that??!? DUH!!!).

"Hey, Noin how are you?" he smiled the perfect smile.

"Oh Zechs!" the brunette beamed. "It's been 2 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 15 minutes, and counting 28, 29, 30 seconds."

"?!?! Okay, Pumpkin!" he gave a slight….. and worried grin. So! When do we eat?

Noin calmly aimed the remote at Zechs and smirked devilishly, "As soon as you pick up the food, Zechs!"

"Noin!!! AAARGH!!!!"

BZZZZZOOOP!!!!

"kyahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!" Noin cackled.

Heero hurried down the shaft. "Oh shit!!!" he hissed.

~~~~~

Quatre and Duo finally made it to the hanger bay. They were surprised to see the Epyon was also stationed here.

"Wow! Zechs must be here to save us?!" Duo exhaled. "You think?!"

Quatre leaned against a nearby structure and huffed, "I don't know about all that, but I'm leaving this nut house."

Duo nodded, "You're right, Quatre. Let's dip!" He climbed up the holding structure that held his precious Deathscythe and opened the cockpit.

"AHA!" Howard shouted zapping the God of Death.

"Oh jeeezus------"

BZZZAPPO!!!

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" Quatre screamed. He scratched his head in confusion, "I've got to stop doing that!" He made for the doors only to be blocked by Sally. "Oh gawd!!!!!"

"Gotcha, Winner!!!" Sally smirked blasting her remote.

Quatre screamed like a girl again, dodging the blast. He ran to the men's restroom, opposite of Sally.

"Damn! I CAN'T GO IN THE MEN'S RESTROOM!!!" Sally yelled in resentment.

"Why not?! No one's in there." Howard announced as he climbed down.

"Well…." She blushed. "It's a men's restroom…."

"???"

~~~~~~~~

Quatre locked the door and fixed the trash can under the handle to give him more time to escape…. Or prolong the inevitable….

"I-I--- Don't wanna get zap!!!! I have to find Trowa or Catherines gonna kill meeeeeee- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!"

"Shut-up and climb up here."

"ACK!!! A talking rat!!!"

"…" Heero growled. Not this again. "It's me Heero!"

"AAAAACK! A talking rat named Heero---WAAAAAAH!!!!!"

Infumed, Heero punched the vent cover off, dropped down, and aimed his gun at Quatre. "Are you climbing up here with me or not!"

"Aaaaack!!! A huge mutant rat that looks like----- Oh, Heero it's you! Thank Allah!!! You saved me!!!" He rushed over to the Perfect Soldier and shook his hand.

"You scare me…" Heero frowned. "Come on let's go."

~~~~~~

Howard and Sally came busting in the restroom and starting zapping.

Noin strolled by and was about to join in, but she realized something. "People, the place is empty." They were too busy shooting up the restroom to hear her. "PEOPLE!!!! THERE IS NO ONE HERE!!!!"

They stopped shooting staring in amazement at the damage they'd done.

"The Winner kid ran in here, I saw him!" Sally moaned in aggravation.

Noin pointed to the AC vents. "He and Heero escaped through there! We can pick them up on the monitors at the control room." She gave a sadistic smirk and added, "And I know just who to call to help us out…..YHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"The hell?!" Sally and Howard uttered.

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