Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Hello ❯ Chapter Four ( Chapter 4 )

CHAPTER FOUR

 

Less than a week after my Friday meeting with Commander Une, I received an email from Duo. It was the same email that I received from either him or Quatre every month, inviting me to a dinner and night out with the other pilots. A year ago, I had frequently attended these dinners. As time passed, however, I found more and more reasons why I could not attend. It has been months since I last attended one.

 

I contemplated how to respond to the email. I worried that it might be awkward to meet with the other pilots after I had declined their invitations for so long. In fact, now that I thought about it, I have not been very good at being a friend to any of them. Trowa, Wufei, and Duo used to invite me to lunch with them. After being turned down, sometimes brusquely, they stopped inviting me. I have not made any real effort to maintain my friendship with any of them.

 

In short, I needed to think about how to respond.

 

I spent an hour practicing Tai Chi, then another hour making delicate cranes out of some new paper that I had just gotten in the mail. Finally, I sat down at the computer to type my response. I briefly apologized for not being in touch more frequently, and then stated that I would be pleased to join them for dinner and whatever else they had in mind this Friday.

 

Within minutes, a response came from Duo, expressing enthusiasm. At least, I think “holy shit!!” is Duo's way of expressing enthusiasm. I hope so. He also offered to pick me up beforehand, an offer that I declined as politely as possible. This had the potential to be awkward enough without the added strain of a quiet car ride together.

 

* * *

 

Friday afternoon I sat down to make a crane for each of the other pilots. I had gone on the internet a week before and ordered special paper in anticipation of this project. Orange with a deep crimson foil for Trowa. Dark green with a hint of metallic silver for Wufei. Inky black with golden accents for Quatre. The same inky black, plus gray and just a touch of brilliant green foil for Duo. I had carefully chosen each piece of paper to match our respective gundams as closely as possible.

 

I know I started making the cranes around two o'clock. It should have taken me around an hour and a half to finish each piece.

 

I became aware, around five thirty, that my bladder needed to be emptied. When I looked down, the table in front of me was spilling over with paper cranes. My fingers were sore from carefully folding down the little sheets of paper. Instead of making one crane for each of the other pilots, I had made dozens. My hands shook as I gathered them up.

 

I lost three hours of my life. Were it not for the cranes, I would not know what happened during those hours.

 

I was terrified. What if this happened somewhere unsafe? What if I had hurt someone?

 

I have to find something else to occupy myself, and fast. Either that, or look for another job.

 

Still shaking faintly, I went to get ready for my night with the other pilots.

 

* * *

 

Duo, or perhaps Quatre, had chosen a new Indian restaurant, Sarovar, for dinner. The restaurant was in what appeared to be a small wooden house, painted sky blue and decorated with numerous strings of twinkling lights. A short set of wooden stairs led to the restaurant entrance, and as I walked up them, I could smell a faint hint of jasmine from the blossoms next to the door.

 

Once inside, I paused to look for the others. More of the tiny lights were strung inside against walls painted a shade that was not discernable in the dim lighting of the restaurant. As I looked around, the aromatic, curry-spiked air inside the restaurant washed over me.

 

For some reason, people always assume that I enjoy nothing besides bland food. This assumption is understandable, but incorrect. I enjoy spicy, tasteful food. I simply don't feel the need to consume it at every meal. Also, the few times I have attempted to cook spicy food on my own ended with disastrous results.

 

In the end, Duo found me before I found the others.

 

I had dressed carefully for tonight. A tailored pair of black slacks and a snug cobalt blue turtleneck that had been a gift from Relena. She has promised me that I look “devastating” in this outfit. I have trouble thinking of myself in those terms.

 

Duo had clearly also dressed carefully for tonight. He was wearing charcoal gray slacks and a fitted, sleeveless shirt that was a purple so deep it almost seemed black. It was a look that most men could have never pulled off. I think Relena would have called Duo “devastating” as well though.

 

I thought I detected a hint of trepidation or worry in Duo's eyes before he smiled broadly. “Heero! So glad you made it - just follow me to our table.” Duo turned and led me through the restaurant to a table that seemed more secluded than many of the others. Apparently it helps to have Quatre Winner making your reservations.

 

The others were already waiting at the table. Quatre smiled at me as I sat down. Since I arrived last, I ended up sitting at the head of the table with Duo to my right and Quatre to my left. I carefully placed the box with the paper cranes directly under my chair as I sat down. “Heero, we're so glad you decided to come. We've already ordered some naan and samosas for an appetizer. I have it on good authority that korma is the specialty dish of the house. I was just telling Wufei about this merger that I've been working on. . . . ” I sat back and listened to Quatre tell Wufei about the rather difficult merger that had just gone through for WEI. When the waiter came, I followed Quatre's subtle advice and ordered the vegetable korma.

 

We chatted about Quatre's work, and a little less about work with the Preventers. Appetizers came and empty plates were taken away, and eventually dinner came. The vegetable korma was close to perfect: creamy, a little sweet, and just spicy enough to create a pleasant burn on the tongue. I sighed a little in pleasure as I ate, and Duo smirked at me. “Good, Yuy?”

 

“Fantastic. Quatre, thank you for the advice.” Quatre smiled demurely at me and nodded enthusiastically. Like me, he had chosen the vegetable korma, so I had no doubt he was pleased with his selection. I eyed Duo's plate with curiosity. “Duo, what is that?”

 

“Ginger chicken. It's really good.” Duo grabbed a spoonful and held it out. “Want to try some?”

 

The look on his face told me that he thought I would not take him up on his offer. “Sure,” I said, grabbing the spoon out of his hand. He gaped at me as I stuck his spoon in my mouth. “Mmm… you're right. It is good.” It was, too. Spicier than mine, and not nearly so sweet, but with a subtle current of ginger that was delicious. I grinned and handed Duo his spoon. His lips snapped closed as he took the spoon. Quatre and Trowa exchanged a look that I could not decipher as Duo closed his mouth.

 

I had just finished my korma when Wufei asked me, “So where have you been Heero? We've noticed that you haven't been at work as much for the last few weeks.”

 

I grunted sourly. “Commander Une has decided that I need to limit the hours that I work and find my `passion' outside of work. She claims that it will make me a better agent. So far I have not found anything else to be passionate about though.”

 

“When you say `limit', how many hours is she letting you work?”

 

“Forty-five each week. And any weight training or gun practice counts as time at work.”

 

Quatre gave me a sympathetic look. “This must be really hard for you. Do you know how many hours you were working before?”

 

I shrugged. “According to Une, I was working an average of one hundred and seven hours per week.” I could see Duo shaking his head as I continued. “Sometimes not working is not so bad. Other times I wonder if I will eventually have to find another job just to keep myself occupied.”

 

Duo frowned thoughtfully. “I bet you've kept yourself occupied by any other person's standards. When you say you haven't managed to find anything else to be passionate about, what have you tried?”

 

“I've tried chess, go, origami, video games, bowling, meditation, photography, and Tai Chi. I like some of them. But I didn't find any of them overly engaging, and that seems to be what Une wants.”

 

“I imagine that she wants you to find someone more than something,” Quatre mused thoughtfully.

 

I gaped at Quatre with shock and growing alarm. Someone? The thought had never occurred to me. I am not supposed to be close to someone else like that. It would be dangerous for them, and it would be dangerous for me. I am incapable of such a thing, I'm sure. If that is what Une wants, I may as well start looking for a new job now. What am I going to do? How -

 

I was interrupted from my thoughts by Duo's hand gently squeezing my arm before letting go. “Hey, it's okay, Heero.”

 

“But what if she wants me to find someone? I will not be able to do that.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I have never… thought of anyone that way. I do not think I would be good for someone else.” I'm a weapon. You cannot love a weapon.

 

Duo frowned at my answer. Quatre gave me a small apologetic smile. “I didn't mean to upset you Heero. I was just musing out loud as to what Une might be thinking.”

 

I thought for a moment. “But Une doesn't have a problem with any of the rest of you. I am not the only one who is alone.”

 

Quatre began coughing and shot a look at Trowa that I could not interpret. Trowa rolled his visible eye and then looked at me. “Heero, Quatre and I are together. We have been for a couple years now. We didn't want to tell you because we weren't sure how you would react.” Quatre managed to take a long drink of water, stopped coughing, and then stared intently at his water glass.

 

“Your personal lives are not my business, but if you are happy together, then I am glad you found one another.”

 

Quatre looked at me in surprise, eyes searching mine. Whatever he saw there made him smile at me. “Thank you, Heero. That means a lot to me.”

 

Wufei spoke into the somewhat awkward silence that followed. “I've been dating Sally for a few months now.”

 

“Ah.” It made me sad to realize how little I had known about my friends. If Une hadn't forced me to take time off, I would still not know these things. It made me feel even guiltier about the lack of effort on my part to see them and be involved in their lives. I resolved to do better in the future.

 

Duo shot me a wide grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. “Maybe you should get a cat. Maybe that would be close enough to someone for Commander Une.”

 

I nodded and waited for conversation to resume around the table before excusing myself to go to the bathroom. Once there, I leaned my forehead against the cool glass of the mirror before rinsing my face. I needed a minute or two to myself to process. Like the rest of Sarovar, the bathroom was tastefully decorated, although a little more dimly lit than I generally preferred that sort of room.

 

I hadn't been there very long when Quatre came in. He watched me for a moment. “Are you okay? I'm still very sorry that we didn't tell you about us before. It just… never seemed like the right time.”

 

I nodded and waved my hand. “It's fine. I understand. I know I have done little to stay in touch with everyone. I cannot expect to keep myself apart and yet know everything that's going on at the same time. Tonight has been enjoyable, though. I am going to do a better job of staying in touch in the future.”

 

“I'm glad to hear it, Heero.”

 

I hesitated before speaking again. “I know it's none of my business, but no one said anything about Duo… is he with someone too? Is there anything I should know about?”

 

Quatre studied my face for a moment before answering carefully, “Duo is not with anyone, but that is not to say that there is not someone that he feels strongly about. I won't say anymore than that. How much more he decides to tell you is between you and him.”

 

I nodded. “But I still do not understand what is missing from me. Why does Une think I need something? Do you think I need something or someone?”

 

Quatre shrugged. “I think only you can really answer that question for yourself, Heero. But I have observed that you seem more focused on work than on your own happiness. If work truly made you happy, that would be okay. But sometimes it seems like work doesn't make you happy, so much as you think work should make you happy. Do you understand the difference?”

 

I nodded in response. “Thank you.”

 

“Heero, you know you're always welcome to talk to me about anything. You don't have to try and handle everything by yourself.” Quatre gestured to the door and smiled. “Why don't you head on back, and I'll spend a few minutes here and then rejoin all of you.”

 

I paused with my hand on the door. “Thanks again, Quatre.” I left the restroom feeling much better than I had when I entered it.

 

On the way to the table, I mused over what Quatre had asked me. Did I know the difference between work making me happy and wanting work to make me happy? I couldn't help but think: I understand the difference, but what if nothing can make me happy? Maybe weapons like me cannot be happy. And even if we can, maybe we shouldn't.

 

When I got back to the table, the plates and bowls from dinner had been cleared from the table. Wufei, Trowa, and Duo were engaged in a discussion about a promising new recruit and his scores on the Preventer entrance exams. I gathered that he had almost broken Duo's record for the sharpshooting field test - an impressive accomplishment if it was true. After a few more minutes, Quatre returned to the table. I used his return as an excuse to bring out my box and give everyone their origami.

 

I nervously cleared my throat before speaking. “So, I mentioned that I have been experimenting with origami. I… made something for each of you.” I opened my box and carefully passed out the delicate creations.

 

“Heero, they're… beautiful,” Quatre breathed. His eyes looked oddly damp.

 

“I'm glad you like it.”

 

“Truly, Yuy, they are amazing. You honor us with these gifts.” Wufei was cradling his crane in his hands as though it were made of glass.

 

Trowa looked me directly in the eyes with his one visible eye. “Thank you, Heero.”

 

I looked at Duo, who was gently holding his Deathscythe-colored crane in one hand. He looked up to meet my gaze, and even I could see the emotion swirling in his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered. He ran one finger down the neck of his crane. A corresponding shiver ran down my spine, although I was unsure as to why.

 

“So,” I cleared my throat. “Is there anything else planned for the evening?”

 

“Well,” Quatre answered, “Duo's place is nearby… we were planning on going back there, maybe playing some cards or video games.”

 

I nodded. This would give me the opportunity to experiment more with video games, which I had dismissed as not intellectually stimulating enough. Perhaps they were better when played with other people. “Sounds good.”

 

* * *

 

The rest of the evening was spent playing a variety of video or card games at Duo's apartment. His two cats, Panel and Trigger, were, for lack of a better word, charming. He has apparently vowed to name all of his pets after Gundam parts. I suppose that they should be glad they came out with monikers no worse than Trigger and Panel. Maybe I should take Duo's suggestion about pets more seriously. The video games were more enjoyable playing with the other pilots. Duo in particular is very animated when he plays, jerking from side to side and squawking out insults left and right. As much fun as I had, I am certain that I would not find them intellectually stimulating enough to hold my attention for very long, at least without Duo.

 

At the end of the night, I went home happier and more content than I had been since that fateful day when Une called me into her office.