Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Hello ❯ Chapter Ten ( Chapter 10 )

A/N: Thanks to everyone who left reviews and to Solaris for her wonderful beta work. On a note of misfortune, I will be out of the country for two weeks. I don't anticipate posting anything during that time, although I hope to get plenty written. So… there will be nothing new for two weeks, but there should be a lot after I get back. Also, this chapter ends rather abruptly (I wanted to get what I had posted).

 

CHAPTER TEN

 

I woke Friday morning with a pounding headache. I felt marginally better after breakfast and a shower.

 

I was at Commander Une's office at 9:55 a.m., eager to get our meeting over with, although I was still unsure of how much I was going to tell her. I hesitated in the door to her office. When I did not immediately enter, Une waved a hand.

 

“Sit, Agent Yuy.”

 

She stared at me, but the glare from her glasses made it impossible for me to read her expression.

 

“How have you been since our last meeting?”

 

“Good,” I answered.

 

Une looked surprised at my answer before smiling warmly. “I'm glad to hear it. I take it you are adjusting to life outside of this building?”

 

I nodded in response. “I am. I have been spending time with friends, as well as continuing to explore other interests.”

 

Une studied me for a moment. “How is that going?”

 

I debated what to tell her. On the one hand, I did not want Commander Une to know more about me than was necessary. On the other hand, the more I told her about some things, the happier it would make her with me. I also acknowledged the possibility that she might have valuable insight into my thoughts. I decided to tell her about my realization of the night before, although I would not mention what made me come to the realization.

 

I tried to tell her, but I could not look at her and speak of my innermost feelings. It was simply too private. I compromised by staring out her window while speaking.

 

“I came to a realization recently that I have been … mistaken about parts of myself for some time now. I believed that I was different from other people, that I was not quite as human as other people. I took that uniqueness and I wrapped it around myself like a shield. I was told a long time ago to follow my emotions, and I have tried to follow that advice. But since I started spending more time from work, I have come to realize that I have confounded my own ability to follow that advice by ignoring my emotions. You cannot act on what you are unaware of. So I am going to try and let myself feel things, and examine my emotions, rather than fooling myself into believing that I do not have any.” I glanced at Commander Une to see her reaction, and was slightly amused to find her mouth open in an “oh” of surprise.

 

As she saw me look at her, she shut her mouth with a faint snap.

 

“That is wonderful news, Agent Yuy. I am glad that you have found out more about yourself.”

 

Une seemed to hesitate before speaking again. “If you need someone to talk to, I would remind you that we have psychiatrists on staff as part of our medical facilities.”

 

I glared hotly at her and opened my mouth to respond when she held up a hand to stop me.

 

“I understand that you do not want to go, Agent Yuy. And I am not demanding that you do so. I just simply wanted to make sure that you were aware that such help is available to you.”

 

“Duly noted,” I ground out as I worked on smoothing the glare from my face.

 

Une nodded and then took off her glasses before looking directly at me. I found the effect more than a little disconcerting, but did not look away.

 

“Heero, let me give you some advice that someone once gave me. It has served me well, so maybe it can help you. Sometimes we realize things about ourselves that we don't like, things that we wish we could change. And for most people, our natural reaction is to think about what we want to change. We tell ourselves that if we can just shift our mindset, we can change something about ourselves.” She leaned forward and looked at me intently. “But that's not the right way to approach things. Our brains are complex, slippery creatures who hate change. If you approach change intellectually, your mind will derail every effort that you make to change. Instead, you must act differently. Even when your mind screams in protest, act the way you want to be. One day you will find that your head has caught up with the rest of you, and your mindset will have shifted.”

 

She sat back again and waited a moment before speaking again.

 

“I don't know what you're trying to accomplish, or if you've even given it much thought. I know you must not be happy with the realization you came to, simply from the way you talked about it. Just don't think it to death. Act. Try not to get caught up in analyzing everything.”

 

I digested her advice in silence, and when it became clear that I was not going to respond, Une nodded briskly and put her glasses back on.

 

“Is there anything else that you need to talk to me about?”

 

I thought for a moment. I saw no reason to tell her about my hacking project. I was not doing anything illegal or anything that could jeopardize the Preventers. “I do not think so, Commander.”

 

“Then you are free to go, Agent Yuy.” Une paused and her voice softened as she said, “And good luck. I hope you achieve something that will make you happy.”

 

I nodded and even managed a small smile for her before I got up and left her office.

 

* * *

 

Although I had not looked forward to my meeting with Commander Une, I recognized that I felt much calmer now that I had spoken with her. Perhaps I had been worried about the meeting on some level. Perhaps I was simply glad that she had no inkling of my hacking activities. Whatever the reason, I felt relatively good when I got back to my apartment.

 

To be completely honest, I felt more than simply calm. I was eager to open the program and continue my progress.

 

After I booted up my computer and ran “Challenge,” the same command prompt appeared, cheerfully winking at me.

 

[Hello].

 

/Hey, hey! Did you miss me?/

 

I pondered my answer for a brief moment.

 

[I am not sure. Is being eager for something the same thing as missing it?]

 

/Good question. You should come up with an answer./

 

[I will think on it. Would you like to talk some more about music?]

 

/Sure. I'm happy to talk about just about anything with you./

 

I was not surprised that the program had managed to place the conversational ball in my court.

 

[Would there be anything wrong with liking “chick” music? You made a comment yesterday…]

 

/Just a joke. I don't think there's any right or wrong music to listen to. You can correct me if you think I'm wrong./

 

[I never answered your question yesterday. You asked if “Pull out the Pin” applied to my life experiences. The answer is yes, although I did not realize it until last night. In fact, I have realized that much of the music that I listen to acts as a mirror for my own experiences. It is hard for me to admit that I feel the same things as a songwriter somewhere. Is that wrong?]

 

/I don't think so. It is difficult for many people to admit that they share common experiences with people very different from themselves. By the way, you've unlocked part of the challenge. Whenever you save, you'll find a new shortcut on your desktop. You're more than welcome to keep talking to me, though. You might unlock more things./

 

I quickly debated what to do. In the end, my curiosity won out over my desire to attempt to unlock more parts of the program.

 

[!SAVE].

 

I was returned to my desktop, and there was indeed a new shortcut: “Bowser.”

 

The name meant nothing to me, but a quick internet search revealed that Bowser was the final boss in a series of pre-colony computer games. I made a mental note to ask Duo if he had played any of them.

 

After I learned everything about Bowser that I thought could be relevant, I opened the program. A massive grid appeared, with numbers sparsely scattered throughout. I had no idea what it was supposed to be.

 

I was still trying to discern a pattern to the numbers when a message appeared in a chat window:

 

/One hint: Nikoli./

 

Nikoli? The word meant nothing to me.

 

I went to the `net to see what I could discover.