Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ I Am A Coconut Version 2.0 ❯ I Am A Coconut Version 2.0 ( One-Shot )

(A/N: I learned the Coconut Song during my first summer at writer's camp, and I thought it would be . . . amusing if it was introduced to the Gundam boys.)

 

WARNING: OOC-ness!! I try not to do it, but for humour purposes, it must be done. Please don't hurt me. You have been warned, so don't bug me about it. Thanx!

 

I AM A COCONUT

 

Sun began to stream in through the curtains, heralding the new day. The bedroom was shared by Trowa and Duo, both sleeping peacefully. Suddenly Duo sat up.

 

“Hey, Trowa,” the braided pilot said cheerfully—and loudly, “I have a song a song stuck in my head. Wanna hear it?”

 

Trowa grumbled, rolling over to squint at the alarm clock. “Duo . . . why the hell are you awake at three am?” Normally he wouldn't have been so grumpy, but he had just been awake for nearly seventy-two hours straight while on a mission.

 

“I have a song in my head,” Duo repeated. “Wanna hear it?”

 

Trowa, a little more awake, merely stared at Duo, speechless.

 

Duo grinned. “It starts like this: Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I said—

 

I am a coconut!

 

I live in a tree!

 

With all—

 

The little—

 

Bananas!” He stopped singing and continued to grin maniacally at Trowa.

 

“You woke me up. . .for that,” Trowa managed.

 

Duo thought for a minute, then nodded innocently. “Yes.”

 

Trowa turned to the bedside table and opened the drawer, pulling out a gun. “Good bye, Duo.”

 

BLAM!

 

---

 

“Trowa, tell me again why you missed?”

 

“Shut up,” Trowa growled at the grinning American pilot.

 

“Trowa missed?!” Wufei asked, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a cup of coffee.

 

“I was half-asleep,” Trowa said in his own defense.

 

Quatre glanced at him over the morning paper. “Why were you shooting at Duo?”

 

“Because he woke me up at three AM, to sing me this idiotic song.”

 

“Duo, are you crazy?” Quatre asked.

 

“Why are you asking?” Wufei said. “It's been scienticfically proven that Duo is insane. Especially after ingesting three boxes of Girl Guide cookies.” Everyone present (except Duo) shuddered at that particular memory. “Even so, I would think you could shoot Duo—half-asleep of not, his braid makes an interesting target.”

 

“Look, I'm sorry, okay?” Duo exclaimed. “But I couldn't help it—I had a song stuck in my head, and I just had to get it out! Even though it didn't help—not even the fear of almost being shot helped—even though Trowa was off by five feet. I still have the song stuck in my head!”

 

Wufei rolled his eyes as Quatre shook his head sympathetically. Trowa grumbled over his Cheerios.

 

“Want to hear it?” Duo suddenly asked, brightening.

 

“Dear God, no,” Trowa said quietly and made a hasty exit. Wufei and Quatre looked at each other.

 

Duo cleared his throat. “Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I said—

 

I am a coconut!

 

I live in a tree!

 

With all—

 

The little—

 

Bananas!”

 

“That's . . . catchy,” Quatre said with a smile.

 

“That's disturbing!” Wufei shot back, a twitch developing beneath his eye.

 

“I KNOW!” Duo laughed. “It's fun to sing, and the best part is you can sing it over and over again.”

 

Quatre looked excited. “Ooh . . . let's try it!”

 

And with that, the two boys began singing: “Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said—

 

I am a coconut!

 

I live in a tree!

 

With all—

 

the little—

 

Bananas!”

 

“Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said—”

 

“God Almighty, kill me now!” Wufei cried, covering his ears and running out of the kitchen.

 

Duo stared after him, a little confused. “I don't think he liked our singing.”

 

Quatre, too, was puzzled. “But why not? It sounds so nice.”

 

They glanced at each other and grinned. “Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said—

 

I am a coconut!

 

I live in a—”

 

“What are you doing?” Heero asked, a weird look on his face as he entered the kitchen.

 

Duo and Quatre grinned. “Having fun!”

 

The stoic pilot raised an eyebrow. “You're having fun torturing everyone within a ten-mile radius with your third-rate karaoke routine?”

 

“Aah. . . .” Quatre trailed off, looking sheepish

 

“When you put it that way. . .” Duo continued.

 

They looked at each other, mentally decided they didn't care and. . .

 

“Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? they said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said—

 

I am a coconut!

 

I live in a tree!

 

With all—

 

the little—

 

Bananas!”

 

Heero stared. “I don't get it.” He walked away, though the other two pilots didn't notice as they headed out the back door, still singing.

 

“Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's—”

 

(A/C: For the sake of the readers' sanity, I won't write this out again.

 

Akkiko: You're just being lazy.

 

Kat: Shut up. I'm not done.)

 

Duo and Quatre finished the song—again—but before they could launch into another round, a hand clamped down on their shoulders. A manicured, carefully lotion-ed hand, the fingernails coloured a scarily bright pink.

 

“RELENA!!!” they screamed. (Well, Quatre said “Miss Relena”, but it's basically the same thing in the same horrified tone)

 

Relena smiled. “Hello, Duo. Hello, Quatre. I was just looking for Heero, but I heard you singing. What was that cute little song?”

 

“Oh, just a song I had stuck in my head this morning,” Duo said warily, checking his shoulder holster for his gun. (It was empty, for reasons of convenience.) “It's called, `I am a Coconut'.”

 

“That is SOO cute!” Relena squealed. “Can you teach it to me?”

 

“Why the hell would I—mmff!!” Duo glared at Quatre who had placed his hand over his mouth.

 

“We'd be happy to, Miss Relena,” the Arabian said with a smile.

 

I think you can guess what was said—or sung—next.

 

---

 

(Elsewhere in the house. . .)

 

“Trowa, why are you hiding behind a potted plant?” Wufei asked, looking slightly disturbed.

 

“I'm trying to avoid Duo. Didn't you see what happened to Quatre?”

 

“Yeah, he got that stupid `I am a Coconut' song stuck in his head.” Wufei shrugged. “What's wrong with that?”

 

“Don't you get it?” Trowa hissed. “Duo's trying to brainwash us all into singing with him.” He shuddered as Wufei paled.

 

“Are you serious?”

 

Trowa gestured to the window. “Go look outside.”

 

Wufei glanced out the window, and there stood Duo, Quatre and—

 

“RELENA?!” Wufei exclaimed.

 

All three of them seemed to be singing.

 

(Outside)

 

“Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? they said. And I-I-I-I-I said—”

 

(Inside)

 

“My God, you're right!”

 

“They might come for us next,” Trowa said. The two pilots looked at each other for a moment, and then—“Every man for himself!!” And with that, Trowa dived into the nearest room and locked the door.

 

“Bastard,” Wufei muttered. He heard the back door open as the three song-happy nut-jobs entered the house. “Dammit.”

 

“Hey, Wu-man—?” Duo called as he came into the living room. “Huh. That's weird—I thought I heard him in here.” For some reason he didn't notice Wufei hiding behind the potted plant.

 

Wufei let out a battle cry. “You'll never take me alive!!” He barrelled past Duo, and kept going, right into the kitchen.

 

Relena smiled as the rampaging Chinaman. “Oh, hello, Wufei. Duo just taught me a lovely song, would you like to hear—”

 

Wufei ignored her (obviously), knocking her over as he ran out the back door.

 

“What's up with him?” Duo asked, slightly disturbed.

 

Quatre shrugged as he help Relena up. “I have no idea.”

 

Zechs walked through the open back door. “Relena—”

 

Relena, oblivious to the fact that she had just been run over, smiled at her brother. “Hello, Zechs. What are you doing here?”

 

“Don't you remember?” Zechs sighed. “We have a party to go to. Let's go.”

 

“Oh, my! I had forgotten.” She turned to the two Gundam pilots. “Good-bye Duo, Quatre. Send Heero my love and thank-you for teaching me that lovely song.”

 

“What song?” Zechs asked as he and Relena headed to the street.

 

Relena beamed and Zechs developed an ominous feeling deep in his gut. “Oh, Zechs, it's the cutest thing. It's called, `I am a Coconut', and goes like this—” Her voice was cut off as they got into a limo and drove away.

 

“Well, that was an interesting morning,” Duo said.

 

Quatre nodded and turned to him. “Let's sing that song one more time, Duo. Please?”

 

Duo stared at Quatre, dumbfounded. “What song?”

 

“`I am a Coconut', of course.”

 

“Huh?” The braided pilot scratched his head, completely and utterly clueless.

 

Heero walked into the kitchen. “He must have gotten the song out of his head,” he said, calmly pouring himself a cup of coffee.

 

Quatre deflated. “Aw. Now who will I sing it with? I have it stuck in my head now.” He look pleadingly at Heero.

 

Heero glared at him over his mug. “Perfect soldiers don't sing.”

 

Wufei ran into the kitchen from outside, some leaves in his hair. Apparently he had tried to hide in a tree. “AAAAARRRRRGGHH!! Maxwell, you will die slowly and painfully!!!” He pulled his katana from some alternate universe and advanced on the braided pilot.

 

Duo back away, panicking. “ACK! Whad I do? Whad I do?!”

 

“I have that damn song stuck in my head, now!! ARGH!!” Wufei pulled at his hair, the katana clattering to the floor.

 

Trowa came into kitchen. “Duo, I am going to kill you now.”

 

“What—”

 

“Let me guess,” Heero said. “You have the song stuck in your head as well.”

 

“Yes.” Trowa pulled out the gun and aimed for Duo.

 

“Yay! Now I have someone to sing with!!” Quatre said, clapping his hands together.

 

And, to cut a long story short:

 

Quatre continued to sing `I am a Coconut' frequently for the next two weeks.

 

Duo remained immune to it, but suddenly and for no reason got Britney Spears' songs stuck in his head for the next two weeks (which, personally, I think is worse).

 

Heero maintained that soldiers—especially perfect ones—don't sing, but the Gundam pilots could swear they heard him humming to himself at times.

 

Trowa and Wufei eventually got the song out of their heads, but not without sending each other to the hospital on several occasions with severe head injuries caused by trying to beat it out with blunt objects.

 

Zechs was sent to therapy having had a mental breakdown after hearing the song one time.

 

Finally, Relena managed to alienate herself from everyone at the party she went to by singing `I am a Coconut' all night long.

 

---

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, nor do I own the song “I am a Coconut”. I just like singing it in order to annoy everyone around me. XD