I Love You

By Andrea Sinisterra

Just a few things I wanted to say before you read this. I'm a HUGE Sarah McLachlan fan; all her songs are either heart wrenching and beautiful, or humorous and beautiful. You take your pick. For those who know her songs, you know that what I just said isn't mere babble, and that I actually said something coherent. <Snickers> This fic is written from a first person focus. Relena's POV, if you don't mind, which I know you won't... Remember to review... And here I'm foolishly believing you are ACTUALLY reading this... <sigh> Now, THIS is babbling.

***

It is always like this. Some sort of anxiety that rushes through my body, curling my toes, and warming my skin to an almost unbearable heat. I don't even need to look up, to know exactly how he must look like: his tall frame, broad and hard; his hair, soft and long enough to cover his ocean deep blue eyes, that are the windows to his soul. I'm smiling, but I don't know if it's because I'm eager, or just nervous... maybe a combination of both.

I have a smile

stretched from ear to ear

to see you walking down the road

I see him near me, the distance between us coming short with his long, but slow strides. We've been playing these sorts of games for years now. The not speaking, the foreplay, I just don't know anymore if we're on, or off, if I should jump him, or slap him... I feel so disoriented with these games of ours. It's been years. But, I'm afraid of him, afraid to tell him that I love him; the same way he's afraid of telling me he loves me. And really, we fool each other, for I know that he knows, and he knows that I know.

It's really not so complicated when you come to think of it.

We meet at the lights

I stare for a while

The world around us disappears

And it really disappears. As if the sky is no longer above, nor the earth beneath us; there is no light, no air, no sound... a void with just the two of us. I don't know where we are, what time it is. There is no reference, no reality, and no fantasy.

It just 'is'.

I can feel his touch, even before his hand touches my skin. I know what part of the game this is. And I know what comes next. His face is just a few inches from mine, his breath warm and cool at the same time; his body shielding mine from the coldness of the night. One of his thighs wedges between my legs, our pelvises pressed together. And the heat is almost unbearable.

His arms, one hand low on my back, the other behind my neck, have me pressed to his body, enabling me, to my eternal pleasure, to feel every single inch, every hollow, every hard muscle of his beautiful body. I risk a long look at his eyes, before closing them when the pleasure of having him holding me turns too much.

My pleasure will soon turn to desperation if I don't feel his lips.

Is just you and me

on that island of hope

a breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you

my sea to your shore

let me be the calm you seek

And, as if somehow sensing my thoughts, I feel the smile a miniscule second before his mouth closes over mine in what was meant to be. There are not many things in this world that can be considered 'perfect' in every sense of the word. There are few things, if not, that I can begin to consider as equals to perfection. Like for example, this kiss.

Honestly, hand on heart, there is no comparison to his kisses; to the softness of his lips, the smoothness of his tongue, the nip of his teeth. If it weren't for our current situation, and our rather nonexistent relationship, this kiss could go way beyond perfection.

But still... it's pleasure in its purest form.

Oh, and every time I'm close to you

there's too much I can't say

and you just walk away

A moment too soon, our lips part; the space between us growing cold, even though, I am still held within the cradle of his arms. Such strong arms... Our labored breaths form little condensed clouds of air that slowly disappear into the night. I am distracted from my momentary fascination with said little clouds, the pair of stormy eyes a much more interesting view. But what I saw in their depths made me sigh in resignation.

This was the moment. I can read him so easily now. There is a certain sparkle, a different shade of blue, lighter than its Prussian depths, that gives him away. A sparkle I've just recently discovered. There is regret, resignation, desire, hesitation... and love. I know the words rest on the tip of his tongue, for they rest on mine, as well. I know my eyes reflect the same as his, because he withdraws his fingers from my hair, his gaze falling to the floor in, what I suspect, embarrassment.

A moment of silence hangs around us as we gather our breaths. Gravity makes our arms fall to our sides, the space growing between us. There are words I need to say, things I need to confess, but my fear is too great. My fear to get hurt by him. For I know that heartbreak is something I won't be able to overcome.

My heart is in my throat; the sudden hope that he has something say disappears in a fraction of a second as he turns to go. He doesn't look back. He never does. I stare at his back, until the sight of him turns blurry... from the tears in my eyes.

Our lives are so complicated; a sticky cobweb of feelings; a maze of games. Nothing is ever simple. What I know and trust blindfolded... are his eyes, for they are the windows to his soul, and I trust them never to betray me.

And I forgot to tell you I love you

and the night's too long

and cold here without you

I grieve in my condition

for I cannot find the words to say

I need you so

**THE END**