Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ I Miss You ❯ I Miss You ( Chapter 1 )

I don't own Gundam Wing. If I did I wouldn't need to be writing this. Oh and I don't own I Miss You either, it's by Incubus, though I wouldn't mind having Brandon Boyd as my own. But that's just wishful thinking right?

Okay this is gonna be a quickie, I've been having a hard time writing these past few weeks but I'm getting there. I need more time. This is gonna be really OOC I mean REALLY but then again it takes place about 7years after Endless Waltz and so it's fine… right? Oh! This is the first time I attempt to write anything in this perspective, so please be gentle. And I need more reviews for Misconceptions. Please!! Anyways, I'll shut up and write… like always, lemon abound. For those of you who have heard the song, you know its a lot more music than lyrics so; I've stretched it as far as I can… Thanks.

I Miss You

By Midnight Lover

I open my eyes to the darkness of my room. I roll over with the expectation of encountering your soft skin beneath my fingertips but all I get is the cold sheets. The realization that you are gone sinks in once more like it has every morning since you left. I lay in bed looking at the clock, it's barely 5am; I cannot sleep I can do nothing but think of what I lost. Thinking of how much you meant to me and how blind I was to realize it.

// To see you when I wake up

Is a gift I didn't think could be real,

To know that you feel the same as I do

Is a threefold utopian dream,

You do something to me that I can't explain.

So would I be out of line if I said,

I miss you (?) //

I walk into work late; my life is a mess now. I am always late, and disoriented. I pass your office and catch a glimpse of you through the crack in the door. My heart stops and a lump of guilt rises in my throat. My indifferent demeanor faded when we were together, and now that we are not I am lost. How did this happen?

"Good morning Heero." You say, spotting me at the doorway. "Come in I need to review some things with you." I look at you remembering us. Wondering how you can look at me like you don't give a damn like it doesn't hurt you to look at me anymore. You avoided me for two days and now you want to talk to me?

"Goo- good morning" I choke out as I step inside your spacious office. Everything is so bright, so much different than what I have become accustomed to these past days. "What is it?" I am trying my best to keep my emotions in check. Mastering once more the skills that I lost, when I became a fool and fell in love with you.

You hand me a beige folder, documents to be signed, security information that has been overlooked by the Colonel, nothing unusual. "I need these to be reviewed, signed, dated and sent back to Colonel Une. As soon as possible." Your voice sends chills through me. So uncaring, so far away from me. It's not that sweet comforting voice that would ask me time after time how deep my love was. Those were questions I never answered.

"Done," I take the documents, "I'll have then sent out within the hour." I nod and walk away, feeling the pit of my stomach turn upon itself and the metallic taste of bile in my throat. I stop at the door, with one hand on the doorknob. "Answer me this." I pause, and swallow. "Would it kill you to show emotion?"

"Heero, I'm a politician. I don't have emotions I have masks." Ouch, that hurts me. I don't turn around to look at you, nor do I want to. Maybe it was all just a mask.

I enter my office, and opened my desk drawer; I see the picture of you and I taken a few weeks ago. We were happy. You were happy. I slam the drawer and Duo looks up at me. "Break up blues?" He laughs. I could kill him for that, but I can't remember where I placed my gun, nor can I get up from my chair.

Maybe if I admit it it'll go away. "Yes." Is my answer. Duo's face drops and he's no long cheery and content with my sadness.

"Care to talk? What happened? I know you've been bummed about you and Relena, but c'mon it can't be that bad." He leans over his desk eager for gossip, or whatever I can offer him. I just stare at him for a moment, not saying a word and not focused on anything in particular as I look at his face.

"It was a mask." Is all I can say. Those last words really have hit me harder than I thought. "So she's a politician, big deal. I'm a former Gundam pilot, now head of security at Preventers. But that doesn't mean that she can't care. Hell I care. We were together for years. And she's acting like it doesn't matter that now we're not. I watch her at the parties she's been having this past week, smiling like her world hasn't crumpled to her feet, dancing with every guy in the room like she doesn't have a care in the world. How does that work?" I want to cry, but my ego prevents it.

Duo stares at me with big eyes "Man, she's whipped you. The Heero I know would never cry and fuss over a girl. I remember when we met you were all cold and distant. Hell a conversation like this would have been out of the question. Ha! Things sure change - I mean, there's nothing I can do. I mean, you have to talk to her about it. I'm pretty sure she cares; she's not the type of person, who doesn't give a damn, but yes, like you said she is a politician. And being a politician -"

"Means personal life has to stay out of the way." We both look at the door where an embarrassed Quatre stands. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop, just that I needed to talk to Duo and I caught the conversation." I nod; I don't care if he knows. Not anymore anyways, everyone needs to know something. It's only fair. I've been acting so out of character lately, they need an explanation.

Quatre comes in and smiles at me one of those sympathetic smiles that make you want to puke. "Heero, can I ask you something?" I must have made some indication that he could because the blond continued, "When she asked you if you loved her, did you ever answer?"

It hits me then what I must have done wrong. A play by play of every time she asked me that question runs through my mind and I cannot once remember answering her. "Yeah." I say, I am not completely sure of myself, but this will have to do. Suddenly the conversation revolts me, I do not wish to have my relationship analyzed by them. "Look you guys, as much as I want to hear what you have to say, I have work to be done and a Princess to watch." The word Princess came out harsher than I wanted. Oh well.

~*~

The days go on and I walk around in the shadow of the man I was, the man she made me. I wonder how things will ever be the same in my life as I walk into my apartment with the sun setting in the background. I can't see the sun except through the cracks in the blinds. Pretty pinks, bright oranges, and purples, blues colors Relena wore. I slam the door and slump down to the floor, thinking of her. Crying, something I never experienced in my childhood but learned when I met Relena. I look up with watery eyes and see a picture of her on the bookshelf in the next room. It only makes things worse.

// I see your picture I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.

You have only been gone 10 days, but already I'm wasting away.

I know I'll see you again

Whether far or soon

But I need you to know that I care

And I miss you. //

In my mind I remember Quatre's question, did I ever tell her loved. If memory serves me right I don't think so. I don't remember saying I loved her, I always thought she knew. I love her. "She knew that!" I cry out into the emptiness of my dull apartment. "She knows!" my eyes fill with tears again and I stay slumped against the oak door crying even more.

As I finally get myself up off the floor, I walk across the living room looking inside the darkened room as memories of the times we shared race through my mind. We had some good times in there. I shake my head, clearing it as I go to my room and throw myself on my bed. I don't want to think of this anymore, I'm a wreck and it's my fault. I killed my relationship, how stupid am I?

~*~

I wake up in a cold sweat by midnight, finding myself in my usual green wife-beater and jeans and shaking. My dream was terrible and I hope not prophetic. I don't care if it was or not, I have to be sure for myself. I get out of bed and walk out the front door, with the keys to my motorcycle swinging in my hands as I dash to the garage floor and ride out into the night.

Once I reach my destination I carefully hide my bike in the bushes, something that in the past has come in handy. I check my watch it's been 5 minutes since I left home, I could be too late. Panic suddenly rushes though me, and I quickly climb the wall into the garden. I think back to the first time I did this, the first time that I climbed the outside wall of the Peacecraft mansion and up the wall into Relena's bedroom; it was how our relationship started.

I gain back whatever is left of my stoic disposition, as I climb the wall, making sure I have my gun in its holster belt before I go. The memory of my dream and the fear of being too late to save Relena is grating on my nerves. Somehow this dream seemed so real, and that's why I'm here. Even if it was just a dream I don't want to take the chance and find out in the morning that Relena is dead.

The lock on the balcony door is easy to break and slowly I open the glass door just wide enough for me to slip inside. There is not shadow because the moon is covered, I remember the same thing in my dream. Shadowed moon. As I shut the door silently I take out my gun and slowly walk over to Relena's bed.

I can see the outline of her body under the covers and I sigh in relief, thank God she's here. I can't help but get closer to the bed, nor can I stop my hand as it reaches out to touch her. So warm. I feel tears welling up inside me, and my loss becomes greater. "Oh Relena. I'm sorry." I whisper. I pull my hand away and start to leave the room, there's no reason for me to stay nor is there a use for me in her life. It was my fault.

As I open the door to the balcony I look back to see her once more. On my way over here I thought a lot about her and me. I no longer know what I have become, I realize now, thinking back on the past few days that I'm nothing but the shell of the man that I used to be. The shell of the man that she made me and the thin remains of that pigheaded soldier boy I grew up as. I cannot stand to live like this anymore, and I think as I close the balcony door I feel my tears coming up again. "Good bye Relena."

I tell myself that once I get home I am going to start and finish my resignation letter to Colonel Une. I am quitting the Preventers. I think that's what needs to be done to get things back the way they were. Find myself an apartment somewhere on earth; it's the last place they'd look for me.

The dark night sky seems to reflect everything inside me as the gray clouds cover the moon making everything dark and dreary. Just as I begin to leave, going back the way that I came; down the wall, I hear the balcony door swing open and the light patter of feet above me.

"Heero?" I hear her sleep-roughen hopeful voice just above me. I move further beneath the balcony and don't move until I hear the door open again and then close, the sound that she's gone back inside and given up on me. But as I start to descend once again I look up and see her still standing on the balcony looking up at the gray sky. She has the shine of tears in her eyes and down her pale cheeks, and is hugging herself tightly as she silently cries. "Oh Heero, all I ever wanted was for you to love me. It's not enough that I know you love me, I need to hear you say it, I need to know you really love me and can admit it." Her silent crying suddenly becomes a mass of broken sobs and hiccups, "I miss you."

"But Relena, I do love you. I love you so much." I think I said that out loud because suddenly Relena's head turns swiftly and she's leaning over the balcony looking at me.

"Hee-Hee- Heero." She stammers, her entire frame shaking as her mouth gapes open with the fading sound of my name on her lips. "Wha - What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'm leaving in the morning." I can't look at her as I tell her that I'm quitting Preventers and leaving Sanc Kingdom, and that's because I know that I don't want to go, because I don't want to leave her, but I feel that I must do so. As I begin to descend once again, she calls my name, stopping me.

"Do you mean it?" She asks, whipping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Heero, do you love me?"

"Yes Relena, I love you. I love you so much that being who I was it was hard for me to admit. I just never thought, I had to tell you. I thought you understood, I thought you knew." I look away, at the wall, at the sky, at the bushes beneath me, anywhere, I don't really remember all I know is that I didn't look at her because she was crying and I hate seeing her cry. Finally I am able to pick up whatever pieces of that calloused Perfect Soldier I have left and look back up at her, "I have to go." I continue my descent.

"No! Heero! Don't!" She cries, "Heero, please, don't leave me, I'm sorry. I knew you loved me. I just wanted to hear you say it. Please come back, I can't do this with out you, I can't walk into work pretending my life is fine, that it's perfect, because it's not. Not without you in it." She looks down at me reaching out her arms as if trying to pull me out of a hole. Her eyes are bright with tears that are streaming down her face.

Everything inside me is telling me to go, not to look back and just leave but instead I reach up and touch her hand, no matter what every part of me says, my heart tells me that I love her and that with her is where I want to be and that's something I cannot deny myself of. For the life of me I cannot remember a time when I was truly happy unless it was with her. Even during that war all those years ago, I fought for her. And it's because of her I am here now. I climb back up, jump over the railing and pull her into my arms; her little form crushed against me once again and I feel like I'm floating on the air.

"Oh Heero." She breathes against me, and I feel her breasts press against me as she softly cries. "It's been too long, Heero I'm so sorry." I pull her tighter in my arms.

"No Relena, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that I can't give you what you want, that I can't say what you want to hear, I really am." I lift her chin and look down into her blue eyes, I've grown considerably since I was 15 now I guess you can say that I stand a good foot taller than her. She sniffs as I bring my hand up to wipe away her tears, "Don't cry angel, I hate to see you cry because of me." I place my lips softly against hers; sealing my silent promise that I won't hurt her again, as long as I live and she kissed me back, pushing me back into her bedroom.

She pulls away her lips with one last gentle kiss and looks down at her feet; I hook my finger under her chin and force her to look back up at me. Nervously she bites her lip before she speaks. "Heero," she says silently, "Stay it me tonight." Her pale face seems so full of fear, like she doesn't know that she means the world to me and my answer is yes.

I pull her to me, sealing our lips again in a hard kiss as I lift her lightweight body into my arms and carry her to her bed. As I press my body against hers I can feel her the warmth from her skin through the flimsy material of her nightgown and it drives me crazy with want. Yet, I've been without her for so long this all seems so foreign to me. I lift my head and watch, as she gets comfortable amongst the many pillows at the head of her bed, I've always wondered why she slept with so many pillows, there's about five of them on the left hand side alone, I only sleep with one!

I kiss her again, savoring her sweet lips, as my hand slides up her leg to massage her thigh, she purrs against my mouth, and I take the chance and slide my tongue into her mouth, touching it to hers. I feel her soft little hands pulling on my shirt and I pull away long enough for her to take it off. As I feel her fingertips trace odd designs over my skin I kiss my way down her neck, moving lower to the covered valley of her pale breasts. With my free hand I ease the thin cotton gown over her head, leaving her bare to my hungry eyes.

I bend and capture a pink nipple in my mouth, I hear a soft moan come from her lips and it adds to my excitement, already straining in my pants. As my hand plays with her left breast, caressing and pinching her pink nipple, she whimpers, reaching up and hand to take mine and bring it down to the place between her legs. Slowly, I slide my finger across her wet lips, feeling her warm body shutter beneath mine.

Relena's fingers tangle in my hair and I place one last kiss on her breast before she crushes her mouth to mine, my fingers continue to play down at her pussy, finding her clit and rubbing it until she writhing and moaning beneath me. Just as she is about to come, I slip two fingers into her tight warmth. Oh God, Relena I missed you, I cry mentally as she tightens around my fingers in release.

A brief moment later her fingers are undoing the buttons of my jeans, pushing me up then onto my back as she struggles to take the jeans off me, I offer to help but she pushed my hands away. As I lay flat on my back looking up at her she smiles at me, and leans over, placing a warm kiss on my lips then my chin before her face disappears in a thick mass of burnt blond tresses. The ends of her hair brush against my throbbing dick and I can't suppress a groan. As if sensing my desperation to be touched there, her warm wet mouth closes my cock and I grab hold of the bed sheets beneath me as her head bobs up and down. It feels as though I'm once again this is the first time I experience this, the warm sensation of her mouth, the feeling of her tongue as it moves against the underside of my dick. I groan, the fear of it all being over too soon. "God… Relena… stop." I push her off me, running my hands through my hair as her mouth goes back down on me. "Re-lena."

She smiles, and looks up at me before pushing me back onto my back, straddling my waist and sliding back onto my throbbing cock. "Mmmm…" she moans as she starts to move on me. I watch as her back arches, and listen to her soft moans of pleasure and gasping breaths. As I reach up and fondle her breasts, she moans again. "Oh, Heero-- uh " I think that she intended to say more, but that's okay, no words are needed now. I place my hands on her thigh to help her move, taking all the pleasure in feeling her ride me again.

When I feel her muscles tighten around my shaft I take her by the waist and turn her onto her back as I drive my dick into her slowly, wanting this to last. Yet I want it to be over so we can be complete again. I nip her neck, not hard enough to hurt but maybe hard enough to leave a mark. I lick away any possible hurt, and kiss her lips again. Here eyes are partly open as we continue to kiss. It sends an erotic shiver down my spine, I don't know why but I can't take my eyes off her, watching her watching me it feels so, different; so sexy. I lick her bottom lip and her mouth opens, letting my tongue slide in and play with hers.

Relena wraps her legs around my waist, as she breaks our kiss, "Harder." She moans, more shivers. I love it. "Faster." I comply, no use keeping us waiting anymore. I drive myself into her wet warmth, so slick, warm. Her muscles clench around my shaft, and I can see by the contorted look on her face she is coming. I thrust harder, there's nothing more beautiful that the look on a woman's face when she comes, especially when you're the one making her feel so happy. Her nails dig into my shoulders as her body begins to shake slightly.

The more I feel her muscles tighten around me, the more I can feel my own release. I drive my cock into her as hard as I can, feeling her body grow rigid as she comes around me, that's all I need to come inside her. "Relena!" I manage to grunt out as I come. I can't hear myself, just her crying my name out to the empty room.

I collapse on her, catching most of my weight on my elbows, but resting my head on her shoulder. For a few moments the room is silent save for our heavy breathing. She is the first to speak, and her voice is low I have to strain my ears to hear it. "Heero, I'm glad you came back to me. I'm sorry."

I look up and kiss her lips before I speak, "No, Relena, I'm sorry. Thank you for taking me back. I… I…" I search for my words, trying to think of the best way to say what I need to say, "In the time that we've been apart, I've had a lot of time to think, about my life, and the way it was before you, with you and without you. I don't want to be without you. My existence was bleak, meaningless; I don't want a meaningless life. I need you. Relena I love you so much. " I look up, look around, pushing back my tears, I don't want to cry, and I don't have to cry anymore. When I finally look down at her, her eyes are full of tears and she is crying. "Please don't cry."

"Oh Heero." She kisses me, the pulls me against her chest. "I'll never leave you. I need you too. Come heaven or hell, I don't want to be without you either." She yawns, and smiles softly. "I missed you."

"I love you." Is all I can say. Maybe it's the wrong words, maybe it's not. I don't know. I don't think I care. All I care about is that smile on her face, I brush away the tear stains on her cheeks, "I love you." I kiss her, and her smile broadens. I am happy with this. Maybe I'll say it more often. I slide out of her, and take her in my arms, pressing her small body against mine. Happy at last. Home. Where I belong.

We fall asleep in each other's arms, and well I don't know how this story is going to end, but I hope we live happily ever after.

~*~

Okay, I know I know. This was meant to be a quickie, but like my teachers tell me, I can't write short. And I know that I haven't posted in a long few months, things have been kinda crazy and I promise everything is being worked on. I PROMISE!!! Umm, one last thing, this fic, is semi-dedicated to N¥mβl₤; "Je t'aime même si tu m'as cassé le coeur. En espèreant qu'un jour nous serait ensemble encore, je serait toujours ici pour toi." I should be getting things out soon, hopefully, work has calmed down, and school is quiet.