Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ I Think I'm Gay ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the G Boys, I just borrow them from time to time and return them a whole lot happier ne?

Warnings: AU, OOC, Yaoi, Lemon, sap

Rating: NC 17

Pairings: 4x3, Relena x Noin

Archive: http://gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com

http://sweetlysour.net.

http://adultfanfiction.net

http://www.theforsakenwk.com

Summary: Quatre has been dating girls and involved in a steady relationship or two but finds he isn't interested in taking things to the next level with his companions. Thinking he has yet to meet the right person he is persuaded to go out with his friends to a nightclub where the unexpected happens and he meets someone very interesting.

Authors Notes: This is a fic along the lines of my other one "Am I Gay?". A sort of companion piece if you like. This fic explores Quatre and Trowa's get together and first time.

"I Think I'm Gay."

May 2004 ShenLong.

Chapter 2

It was Saturday night and Quatre was going to the club again. He'd arranged to meet Relena and Noin in the car park. Right now though, he had a more pressing problem to solve.

What the hell was he going to wear?

He frowned as he searched through his wardrobe. Finally he settled on a pair of black dress pants and a pale blue button down shirt. He quickly donned the clothes and checked out his appearance in the mirror. / Not bad, / he thought. He'd rolled the sleeves of the shirt up to his elbows and left the top two buttons undone, the color made his eyes more vivid. The pants were a tailored fit, hugging his body in all the right places without being overly tight.

He ran the comb through his blonde locks, the bangs refusing to be tamed, the back brushing against his collar and tickling his neck. The silver violin at his ear sparkled in the light and Quatre smiled at himself.

He was ready.

Ten minutes later he was on his way to the club. He hoped that Trowa would be there again; Quatre really needed to talk to him. At the thought of the tall, lithe man Quatre felt his body flush with heat. He felt guilty for not having called Trowa, but he needed to try and sort things out in his head first, try to understand a little of what was tearing through him.

He hadn't had much success.

He turned the car into the parking lot at the rear of the club and found an empty space. He parked the car and checking he had his wallet, climbed out, locked the vehicle and scanned the parking area for Relena and Noin. He couldn't see Relena's red convertible anywhere so he leant against the bonnet of his own car to wait for them. Five minutes later he looked up as the sweep of headlights passed over him. His eyes tracked the car as it pulled into a vacant space and shoving off the bonnet of his car, he strode over to where the girls were getting out.

"Ladies," he addressed them.

"Quatre," Noin replied and gave the blonde a hug.

"You look dressed to kill," Relena snickered as she also graced Quatre with a hug. "Shall we?" she asked as she released Quatre and indicated to the club's entrance.

"I think we shall," Noin replied with a laugh.

"Lead on, Mc Duff," Quatre quipped with a grin and linking arms with the girls he escorted them into the club.

~ * ~

The interior was the same as the previous week, dim lighting, crowded dance floor and throbbing music. Perfect. They found a table and sat down, Quatre stopping a waitress and ordering their drinks. The drinks arrived and the three sipped at them whilst observing their surroundings.

Quatre found his eyes wandering over the people on the dance floor, searching for one in particular, but not seeing him. He turned his gaze to the bar area and over the tables but was again disappointed. Well, it was his own fault, he surmised. He should have called Trowa and at least talked to the man.

Quatre returned to sipping his drink and watching his friends enjoying themselves. Several drinks later, Quatre could feel the effects of the alcohol running through his blood stream and began to slow down his intake. As much as he would have loved to keep drinking to block out the empty feeling inside, the problem would still be there once the effects wore off and he did have to drive as well. He'd knocked back several requests to dance, preferring to sit and watch instead. His attention was taken by the waitress who stopped to clear the table of empty glasses and fill Quatre's request for another drink.

His eyes strayed to the dance floor and he drew in a sharp breath. There he was...

Trowa.

Quatre's eyes widened and his stomach tightened when he spotted the man. He was just as stunning as Quatre remembered him to be. He allowed himself the privilege of watching as Trowa danced. Then he saw Trowa lean in to his partner, a partner he hadn't seen before, pulling them close to himself as his head lowered and appeared to nuzzle a neck.

The shock hit him... hard.

Trowa was dancing with someone...

Trowa was with someone else...

Trowa was with a... girl.

Quatre felt his whole world crumble around his ears. He lowered his eyes and bit his lip. He felt like crying, but men don't cry.

It was his own fault, his conscience told him. He'd had the guy's 'phone number and hadn't called him. Of course Trowa wasn't going to sit around waiting for him. If he'd been interested he would have called Trowa, but he'd hesitated, unsure of what he felt and now Trowa had found someone else; the hardest part to swallow was that Quatre had no one to blame but himself.

Relena and Noin chose that moment to return to the table, Relena immediately noticing Quatre's change in demeanor. / What the hell had happened? /

"Quatre, are you okay?" Relena asked, placing a hand upon his arm, her voice filled with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Quatre replied but his voice was a little shaky.

"No, you're not," Relena stated. She turned to Noin and asked her to fetch them all a drink. Noin made herself scarce, knowing the drinks ploy was an excuse for Relena to be able to speak to Quatre alone.

Relena intended to get to the bottom of this, and fast. She put her finger under Quatre's chin and tilted his face up so as she could see into his expressive eyes. "What happened?"

Quatre could feel the tears in his eyes. There was no escaping Relena. "Trowa," was all he said.

"Trowa?" Relena repeated.

Quatre nodded towards the dance floor and Relena followed the gaze, her eyes narrowed. She watched Trowa dancing and wondered what the hell was wrong with that. "Yes, Trowa is on the dance floor. So?" she said, puzzled.

"He's, he's with a, a girl..." Quatre finally managed to get out.

Relena studied the dance floor again and saw what Quatre meant. Trowa was there all right and he was dancing, with a girl, but to Relena's practiced eye, Trowa wasn't dancing with her like he'd been dancing with Quatre last week. She turned back to her friend. "Look, Quatre. He's dancing with a girl, so what? After the way he was dancing with you last week and the eyes he was making at you, I'd say he was pretty interested in getting to know you better. Now, you're saying you're not sure if you swing that way but Trowa made you feel things you'd never felt before. The only way you're going to find out for sure is to spend some time with him. You want him,; then you're just going to have to go out there and get him." Relena took a breath. "So what are you waiting for?"

Quatre knew Relena was right; if he really wanted Trowa and wanted to find out if he was gay then he would have to go out there and 'get' him. Quatre stood up, took a deep swallow of his drink for Dutch courage and set his sights on the dance floor and one certain green eyed man. "Thanks, Relena,'" he said quietly and then with determination in his eye, he headed for the dance floor.

"Go get 'em, tiger," Relena whispered to his retreating back.

~ * ~

Quatre took several calming breaths as he walked towards the dance floor. Butterflies were going crazy in his stomach, his knees felt weak and his heart was racing. As he moved through the gyrating bodies and ever closer to the man he wanted to get to know better, he broke out in a cold sweat. / What if Trowa doesn't want to dance with me? What if he prefers girls? What if he's pissed because I haven't called him? / Quatre didn't have a chance to think anymore, the tall dancer was right in front of him. Quatre moved closer and tapped the girl on the shoulder. She stopped her swaying and turned to see who was behind her.

Trowa also noticed that she'd stopped moving and turned to see why. His eyes lit up when he spied Quatre.

"Mind if I cut in?" Quatre asked, surprised at how calm and steady his voice was.

The girl peered down her nose at Quatre and then looked at Trowa.

Trowa gave her a wink and nodded.

She turned back to Quatre. "Fine, go right ahead. I need a break anyway." With that she left the dance floor and the two men facing each other.

"Hey," said Quatre softly.

"Hey, yourself," came the husky reply.

Quatre felt the butterflies start up again. They began to sway to the music together.

"I didn't think you were here, " Trowa stated.

"We arrived a short while ago."

"So, how have you been?"

"Not too bad, and you?" Quatre asked.

"Keeping well."

They continued to sway, the music throbbing through their bodies while thoughts raced through their heads.

"You didn't call." There wasn't any accusation in the tone, just a mere statement of the fact.

Quatre lowered his eyes; he couldn't face those emerald pools and see the pain there. "No, I didn't. I'm sorry."

"Why?"

/ Why didn't I call? Why am I sorry? / Quatre wasn't sure but he thought it best to be open and honest with the guy. "Look, Trowa... All this; well, it's all new to me."

Trowa frowned.

"I was scared, okay?" Quatre felt his voice crack with the confession. Now Trowa certainly wouldn't want anything to do with him.

Trowa's eyes lit up with understanding. He reached forwards and cupped Quatre's cheek, forcing Quatre to look at him. "You're scared because you've never been in this sort of situation before, am I right?"

Quatre nodded. / Shit! / "Trowa..."

"Yes?"

"I,… I.… That is, I,… I don't know if this is what I want. I mean, I'm not sure if... Oh, hell! I'm making a right balls up of this, aren't I?" Quatre turned his teal eyes to meet with green.

Trowa gave him a smile of understanding. "You don't know if you're gay or not, is that what you're trying to say?"

Quatre found himself blushing all the way to the roots of his hair. "Yeah."

"That's no problem and nothing to be embarrassed about," Trowa said quietly.

"I've been with girls and all, but, well, I've never wanted to go any further than friendship with them. None of them really sparked anything inside me to desire a more permanent, physical relationship," Quatre said sadly. He looked up when he felt Trowa's hands upon his hips.

Trowa leant forward and placed a gentle kiss to Quatre's cheek. "Would you like to get out of here and go somewhere we can talk?"

Quatre nodded, he didn't trust his voice. The sweet kiss that had been bestowed upon him had triggered all sorts of different reactions in him, physical, mental and emotional and he was having a tough time trying to figure out what they all meant.

Taking Quatre's hand, Trowa began to lead him from the dance floor when Quatre suddenly jibbed. "Wait!" he almost yelled.

Trowa stopped and looked at the blonde. "What's wrong?"

"I need to let my friends know that I'm leaving and you, ummm... need to tell your girlfriend."

Trowa laughed, the sound was music to Quatre's ears. "She's not my girlfriend."

"She isn't?" It was Quatre's turn to look shocked.

"No. She's my sister."

"Oh." Quatre felt like a complete idiot.

Trowa laughed again. "Come on, let's find your friends."

Quatre again allowed himself to be led from the dance floor. They paused for Trowa to inform his sister that they were leaving and then continued on to where Relena and Noin sat, watching their approach.

Trowa greeted the girls again in his polite manner and they sat down for a few moments for Quatre to finish his drink. Noin chatted to Trowa while Quatre took advantage of the moment to inform Relena of his intentions.

Relena gave him a quiet smile and squeezed his hand. "Be careful, Quatre. I don't think that Trowa is the kind of guy who would hurt you, but just make sure you listen to your head as well as your heart and do whatever you are going to do because you want to, not because you have to."

Quatre placed a kiss to her cheek. "I'm following my instincts and my instincts are telling me that this is right." Standing up he turned to Trowa. "Shall we?"

Trowa smiled. "Lead on." As he stood and turned to follow the blonde so he paused and whispered in Relena's ear, "Don't worry about him. I promise I will not hurt him in any way."

"I trust you to take care of him, Trowa. Thank you." Relena returned.

The two men exited the club while Noin and Relena watched them leave. "You think he'll be all right?" Noin asked as she took Relena's hand in hers.

Relena smiled at her girlfriend. "I think he's going to be just fine. He's on a journey of discovery, trying to find himself and where he fits into the cycle of things. Now he has a guide, I have a feeling he's going to discover the joys of life and living."

~ * ~

Trowa and Quatre stepped outside into the cool evening. After the heat and smoke of the club the night air was clear, sweet and crisp. Quatre paused for a moment to let the freshness sweep over him.

"There's an all night cafe a few blocks from here. We can grab a coffee there and sit and talk."

"Sounds good," replied Quatre. He was glad that Trowa had suggested somewhere where there would be other people.

"I'm afraid I don't have any wheels," Trowa said softly.

"That's okay; my car is out back in the lot." Quatre led the way to the parking lot and found his car. Unlocking it, he motioned for Trowa to hop in while he settled himself behind the wheel. "Which way?"

They were soon on the road, Trowa giving directions and Quatre following them.

The cafe was small and quiet after the noise of the club. Trowa made his way to the rear of the cafe and sat in a secluded booth, Quatre sat opposite him. The waitress came and took their order, returning a few minutes later with a latte and a flat white. Trowa began to sip at his coffee, Quatre played with his. Neither one knew how to start the conversation they knew they needed to have.

Finally Trowa couldn't stand the silence anymore. It had to start somewhere so he took the plunge, repeating his question from earlier. "Why didn't you call?"

Quatre lowered his eyes. "I,… I was scared. I wanted to call, and, I did try to, several times... but then... well..."

Trowa leaned forwards. "It's okay, Quatre, I do understand. It's not easy trying to figure out and come to terms with your sexual orientation."

"But that's just it!" Quatre exclaimed and then lowered his voice. "I don't know what my orientation is."

Trowa sat back and thought for a moment before speaking again. "You said you have dated girls..."

"Yes, I have."

"But nothing sparked?"

"That's right."

"Tell me about it."

"Huh?" Quatre was confused.

"Tell me what happened when you went out with a girl, what you felt inside, what you felt when you touched her, what you felt when you kissed her and what you felt when you had sex."

"Well, I..." Quatre frowned. He wasn't sure exactly where to start. He saw the patience and understanding in Trowa's eyes though and for some reason, he knew Trowa wouldn't make fun of him. Taking a deep breath he tried again. "I've been out with a few girls, none of them bad looking; in fact most guys would have given their right arm to bed some of them. I found them to be pleasant enough company, easy to talk to, but..." Quatre paused for a moment and looked at Trowa. The sincerity in those green eyes prompted him to continue. "But I didn't feel anything more for them. Oh, I cared about them but it was more of a friendship than anything else. When I kissed them, I was waiting for the fireworks to go off..." Quatre gave a wistful smile. "I'm still waiting," he sighed.

Trowa reached across and placed his hand over the blonde's. The touch was reassuring and sent tingles along Quatre's nerves, something he'd never experienced when a girl touched him. He continued on while he still had the courage to do so.

"I had sex with a few of them but again, I didn't really feel much. I mean, I could get it up and all and I enjoyed it, but..."

"There was something missing?" Trowa supplied.

"Yeah, I guess so." Quatre ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know, I hadn't given it a whole lot of thought and then I met you." Quatre's voice trailed off.

Trowa watched the blonde carefully, knowing full well what inner turmoil he was going through. Patiently he waited, somehow knowing that Quatre would continue in his own good time.

Seeming to have come to his decision, Quatre took a deep breath. "When I first saw you it was like, wow! I mean, I admired the way you moved, the way you looked, how you danced. You captured my attention like no one ever has before." Quatre gave the green eyed man a small smile. "I bet that sounds all stupid, doesn't it?"

Trowa smiled back. "No, no, it doesn't. Quatre?"

Quatre looked up.

"Quatre, it isn't wrong to feel attraction or admiration for another person of the same sex. In fact it's quite normal. It's what you do with those feelings that decides who and what you will be."

Quatre thought on that for a moment. "I'm still confused though. I like girls, I find them attractive and I admire them but I don't feel much of anything else. When it comes to guys though, I'm not sure. I've seen a few that I find attractive, but..."

Leaning forwards, Trowa whispered softly in Quatre's ear. "But what, Quatre?"

Quatre closed his eyes. "When I saw you, it was different. I felt something stir inside me, something I've never felt before. I,… I think I'm attracted to you. Damn it! I know I'm attracted to you and I haven't a clue what the hell to do about it!" Quatre felt the heat rise to his cheeks and opened his eyes.

Emerald met teal and an understanding passed between them. Slowly Trowa reached forth and cupped Quatre's cheek. "Would you like to come back to my place and discuss this further?" Feeling the ripple of apprehension run through the blonde, Trowa was quick to add, "I promise we will not do anything you're not comfortable with."

Quatre was tempted. He wanted so much to spend some time alone with Trowa, to find out what these strange feelings were that he got every time he was near the slender youth. He gazed deeply into Trowa's eyes, reading the sincerity there. "Okay."

Trowa gave him a warm smile and stood. Dropping a few crumpled bills onto the table, he led the blonde out of the cafe and back to the car. A few minutes later they were on their way, Quatre driving while Trowa gave directions.

It didn't seem to take long before Quatre was pulling into a long driveway that led to a pretty impressive looking house. "You live here?" Quatre asked, unable to hide the incredulity in his voice.

Trowa chuckled. "Not exactly. I live in the self contained studio around the back.

"Oh," Quatre grinned sheepishly and steered the vehicle along the driveway and around the back of the *mansion*.

"That's my place there," Trowa stated.

Quatre looked at the modest building. It looked... cosy. He parked the car and cut the engine, waiting, unsure of what to do next.

"Would you like to come inside?" Trowa asked, an amused smile on his face.

"Umm..... yeah," replied Quatre.

They stepped out of the vehicle and Trowa waited while Quatre locked it, then he led the way to the front door, producing a set of keys from his pocket. Trowa opened the door and ushered Quatre inside, turning the light on as he did so. "Would you like something to drink?" Trowa asked, leading the way into the lounge and dining area.

"Yes, please."

"Alcoholic or non-alcoholic?"

"Non-alcoholic, please." Quatre thought it best to keep a clear head.

Trowa left him for a few minutes and disappeared into the small kitchen, Quatre took the opportunity to look around. The studio seemed small but cosy. Besides the lounge / dining area he was sitting in, he could see the doorway that Trowa had gone through, leading to the kitchen. Another door on the opposite side led to the bedroom and bathroom, or so Quatre assumed. He shivered at the thought of the bedroom. Trowa returned,; two drinks in hand and placed them on the coffee table. He sat on the couch next to Quatre and leaned back., letting his long legs stretch out in front of him.

Nervously, Quatre plucked at his pants, unsure what to do or say next. He could feel the heat rolling off Trowa's body, smell the cologne mixed with another male, musky scent and again, he felt something stir inside him.

Turning to face the little blonde Trowa spoke., "Shall we continue our conversation from earlier?"

Quatre wasn't sure how to respond so he gave a shy smile. Sensing the unease, Trowa chose both his words and actions carefully so as not to intimidate Quatre. Gently he placed a hand on Quatre's knee as his eyes sought those of his guest. "It's not easy to accept that you find a person of the same sex attractive," he stated quietly., "And even harder to admit that you are drawn to someone of the same sex."

"Isn't that the truth," Quatre muttered glumly. The weight of Trowa's hand upon his knee felt good.

"Look, Quatre. You say you're confused, that you don't know if you're gay or not," Trowa kept his voice calm, as if soothing a skittish colt. "You know how kissing a girl feels, how it makes you feel..."

Quatre nodded.

"Have you ever kissed a boy? Do you know how that makes you feel?"

"No." Quatre lowered his head. "No, I haven't."

"Would you like to?" Trowa asked.

Quatre gave him a shy look. He wanted nothing more than to kiss Trowa, to see if it was any different to kissing a girl. "Yes, I would like that very much," he breathed out.

Smiling warmly, Trowa slowly leant forwards, placing a hand to Quatre's cheek and tilting his head slightly. He could almost feel the tension rolling off the blonde. Softly he brought his lips to the sweet ruby ones that awaited his caress. He brushed gently over them, savoring the touch.

Quatre's eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the feeling of Trowa's lips as they moved against his own. All too soon the touch was gone and Quatre felt- bereft? He opened his eyes to find a pair of amused green ones staring intently at him.

"Tell me, Quatre. How did that compare to kissing a girl?"

Quatre's brow furrowed. "It was different," he mused out loud, and then a spark lit his eyes. "I'm not sure though on just how much it differs. I think I may need to try it again. Just for comparison of course."

Trowa's eyes danced with laughter. "Of course," he replied and gently pressed forwards again. His lips moved over Quatre's, his tongue gently sliding over Quatre's bottom lip, seeking entrance.

Quatre's mouth shyly opened and admitted the intruder. Trowa needed no second invitation, instantly his tongue swept inside, gently stroking, touching, exploring. Quatre's mouth was like honey and Trowa suddenly found himself developing a sweet tooth. He longed for more.

Hesitantly Quatre's tongue pushed forth, eager to experience what Trowa was offering. He'd never had a French kiss like this before, it was different, exciting and yet dangerous somehow. Quatre felt the tingles of pleasure travel down through his spine as his temperature began to rise.

Reluctantly Trowa brought the kiss to an end and pulled away, his body felt on fire, the blonde nymph had completely captivated him. The fresh, youthful innocence, the touch of uncertainty and the shy need to know more, all added up to one thing... Trowa had fallen and fallen hard.

The new sensations were overwhelming Quatre. Some were similar to what he'd experienced before but there were so many new ones. The pleasure he'd gotten from that simple kiss had evoked feelings and responses in him that he wasn't aware he could feel.

"So tell me, Quatre," Trowa breathed huskily. "How does kissing a man compare to kissing a woman?"

Barely catching the moan Quatre replied. "Well, I think I prefer your kisses. I've never shared or enjoyed a kiss like that with a woman."

Trowa leaned in and placed feather kisses along Quatre's jaw and neck before working his way up to Quatre's ear. Softly he began to suck and nip at the earlobe.

This time Quatre didn't even try to stop the moan., Trowa's lips and tongue against his skin were setting him on fire. Never had he felt this much pleasure with a woman before and Trowa was only kissing him! He felt himself flush as his mind wondered how different other things would feel with Trowa.

"Are you enjoying this?" Trowa asked softly.

Quatre could only moan.

"Would you like me to stop?"

A growl.

Trowa chuckled to himself and worked his way back along Quatre's neck and jaw until he located those sweet lips and proceeded to kiss Quatre senseless.

Quatre responded with an enthusiasm he wasn't aware he possessed.

When Trowa pulled away again, Quatre was flushed and panting.

"Oh god, Trowa. I've never felt anything like this before, nothing even remotely like it. I feel... I feel..." Quatre's brow furrowed as he searched for words.

"Loved? Excited?" Trowa offered as he placed feather kisses to Quatre's nose.

"Yeah, something like that. It's really hard to put into words."

"Ahhh..." Trowa murmured as he leant in again, peppering soft kisses to Quatre's neck once more. "This is only the beginning, my sweet one. There is more, oh, so much more for you to experience when you are ready."

His mind fogged as the fire from Trowa's kisses burned upon his skin, the quiet words barely registering in his brain as he tried desperately to make sense of everything that was happening to him. "More?" he managed to whisper out.

"More? More of what, my sweet one? More kisses?" Trowa teased, his voice low and husky.

"Mmm..." Quatre moaned softly. "I want to learn more, Trowa. Will you teach me?"

It was Trowa's turn to feel flushed. "What exactly is it you want me to teach you, Quatre?"

The blonde buried his face against Trowa's chest, his skin burned with embarrassment. He couldn't believe he was doing this, asking another man to teach him about being intimate with a fellow male. Somehow though, he knew that Trowa would teach him, would show him and not hurt him. He felt Trowa's hand against his cheek, his fingers caressing gently under his chin as his head was coaxed carefully away from Trowa's chest. A pair of bemused emeralds smiled down at him.

"What do you want, Quatre?" Tell me what it is you wish to know."

He couldn't tear his eyes away. He was held, mesmerized by the soft expression in Trowa's eyes, the gentleness of his voice. Quatre breathed out slowly as he fought to find the words he wanted. "I know what it's like with a woman, I've been with a few as I've already told you, but... I don't know, Trowa. It's all so... confusing to me. I,… I feel attracted to you and your kisses are certainly much better, they make me feel... Umm... excited." Quatre frowned a little. "Does any of this make sense?"

Smiling, Trowa nodded. "It makes perfect sense. You're still very unsure of your sexuality as well as your orientation." Trowa pulled Quatre a little closer to him then continued. "I"'m gay, Quatre but it doesn't mean that I dislike women. On the contrary, most women are lovely people; I find that I enjoy their company but I don't want a physical relationship with them. You may have yet to find the right woman, Quatre. Maybe that is why you haven't experienced the proverbial fireworks yet."

"No, I don't think that's true," Quatre stated. "While I won't deny I enjoyed my experiences with women, I still felt and feel that there is something missing. I have noticed that I check out other men, but with you though - there was something, something I'm not sure about. I know your kisses feel way better than any woman's; they make me feel, special. I know what sex with a woman is like and you say that there is more to experience with you..." Quatre took a deep breath and then plunged on before he lost his nerve. "I can only assume that the more is sex with a man." There, he'd finally said it. He ducked his head so as Trowa couldn't see how embarrassed he was and left the ball in Trowa's court, left it up to him to further the conversation.

Thinking about Quatre's words, Trowa's mind began the task of processing the information. He knew what it was the petite blonde was asking and Trowa knew deep inside that he was only too willing to 'teach' Quatre anything and everything he wanted to know; in fact, his fingers tingled at the prospect of being able to touch that milky skin, his mouth watered with the idea of tasting the youthful body and his cock ached at the thought of being buried inside the tight, virginal channel. He mentally chided himself for letting his lust get the better of him. No, he would have to do this right, take it slow and explain everything as clearly as possible so that Quatre could fully understand how the sexual side of a relationship between two men worked. He chewed his bottom lip as he searched for the right words. Finally deciding on his 'course of action' he began to speak, slowly and clearly.

"When you are with a person of the same sex, Quatre, and you take that relationship to the sexual level it is very much different to being with someone of the opposite sex."

"I kind of gathered that,' " Quatre said softly. "Obviously the physical make up is different." There was a light teasing tone to Quatre's voice, an attempt to ease the tension that permeated the air suddenly.

It had the desired effect and Trowa gave a soft laugh, feeling the blonde relax against him and thereby relaxing Trowa as well. "Yes, I agree. But aside from the physical differences, there is also another difference."

"Oh? What's that?" Quatre asked.

"Being both men, we know exactly what feels good and what doesn't." The shift in Quatre's facial muscles against his chest told Trowa that the blonde didn't fully understand. He took a deep breath and decided to elaborate on his statement. "Tell me, Quatre. Have you ever had a woman go down on you?"

A pair of confused teal eyes stared back at him. "I don't..."

"Oral sex. To be blunt, have you ever been sucked off by a woman?"

Quatre's cheeks flushed and he lowered his eyes. "Oh, Um... Yes. A couple of times," he replied.

"Did it feel good?"

"Ahh..... yes, yes it did."

"If it felt good with a woman sucking you off, then I can guarantee that having another man suck you off will blow your mind."

Frowning, Quatre tilted his head to gaze at Trowa. "How? I mean, what's the difference?"

"It's quite simple really. A woman will touch you, caress you or give you oral sex in the way that she thinks you will like or will feel good for you. Another man does it so much better because he knows what feels good; he knows what is a turn on. The reason for this, Quatre, is because he knows what feels good to him. By understanding what feels good to ourselves we can apply that knowledge to pleasuring another. Take for example masturbation. You can't tell me you've never jerked off, Quatre?"

Quatre nodded.

"When a woman gives you a hand job, it's okay, but when another man gives you a hand job, it's better. Why? Because he knows just how hard to squeeze, how much pressure to apply to the shaft, he knows how fast to move, when to rub his thumb over the head, that teasing the slit can give immense pleasure. A woman doesn't."

"Ahhh... I think I'm beginning to understand," a rather red faced Quatre replied.

"I"m sorry to put things so - crudely, Quatre, but there isn't really any other way to explain it properly," Trowa apologized.

"That's okay. I did ask," replied Quatre

Silence invaded the room while both men thought about the words that had been exchanged. Quatre's body was heated, the flush on is face having spread completely over the rest of his body. The ache in his groin surprised even himself. With just a few simple kisses and a frank discussion, Trowa had Quatre once again asking himself if he was sure he wasn't gay. So far everything he had experienced with Trowa had been so much better than his experiences with a woman, and all they had done was kiss! Oh, and hold each other. Trowa's strong arms wrapped securely around him felt so right, they made him feel safe, not to mention the goose bumps. He noted that what Trowa had said made perfect sense. A man would be able to pleasure another man much better than any female could, he did after all have personal experience on his side.

The stirrings in his body only served to make him more curious, more confused. Everything about the way he'd been raised told him that to be with a same sex partner was wrong but he couldn't deny the attraction noror the excitement he felt by being with Trowa. He gave a frustrated sigh.

Hearing the sigh, Trowa shifted slightly so as to see Quatre's eyes better. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

Sighing again, Quatre sought to find the words he wanted to express himself with, without sounding like a complete idiot. "I'm not entirely sure..." Scratch that, he sounded like a complete dork! He tried again. "Everything you say makes sense but, well, I"'m still confused. I mean, sitting here like this, holding you, having your arm around me feels... so right. Kissing you is a hundred times better than any kisses I've shared with a woman." Quatre paused. "Does that mean I'm gay?"

"There's no real way to answer that question, Quatre."

"Riddles," Quatre stated.

"Pardon?"

"Riddles. You're talking in riddles now." Quatre could feel himself becoming more and more frustrated.

Trowa frowned. "I'm sorry, Quatre. I wish I could give you an answer but there really isn't a simple 'yes' or 'no' to this. There are so many differing influences here. The word 'gay', while small in itself covers many meanings."

"Like what?"

"Well, it can mean anything from just enjoying the company of the same gender in preference to the opposite sex to engaging in full on sex with a same gender partner. Or you can enjoy both sexes."

"I want to find out. Will you teach me?" Quatre's bold words stunned even himself. But he had to know, he had to find out if he enjoyed sex more with a man than with a woman, if he was gay or not.

Trowa was taken aback with Quatre's words. While he was fully aware of the blonde's predicament, he thought they would pretty much just be talking and sharing a few kisses and cuddles, nothing more. His mind was wary, his body was cheering. "What exactly is it you want me to teach you, Quatre?"

Having gotten this far Quatre drew on all the courage he could find. He wasn't about to back down now. "I want you to teach me, show me how to pleasure and enjoy the pleasure of a same sex partner. Maybe then I can finally sort out this confusion inside, find the answer to my question. Please, Trowa, will you teach me?"

The soft eyes of the blonde searched his, looking for an answer, begging Trowa to understand and grant his request. "Quatre, I would love nothing more than to make love to you, have you experience what it's like; but..." Trowa swallowed. "Are you sure? Have you thought seriously about what it is you're asking for here?"

Quatre frowned again and his lip trembled slightly as he spoke. "All I know is that I need to find out. The women I've been with, whilst enjoyable to a point, just..." Quatre shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. There was this feeling afterwards, like there should have been more, something deeper; I'm not sure what though. I find men attractive, well, some men and I've sometimes gotten hard just thinking about what it would be like with a man and, well, there's definitely something more exciting about that."

"Are you sure that it's not simply curiosity of the unknown that's making you feel this way? Not that I have any objections to teaching or sharing anything with you. I just want you to be sure, Quatre. I don't want you to go through with this just on a whim, or because others are doing it," Trowa said and then added softly, "I don't want you to hate me afterwards, or worse still; hate yourself."

Quatre had to think hard about that. "No," he began slowly. "I really want to find out, I have to know. The kisses you've given me feel so much better than a woman. They excite me, make me want more. That's something I've never felt before. And I would never hate you," Quatre raised a hand and cupped Trowa's cheek. "You're much too sweet a person to hate, Trowa." Shyly he leant forth and stole a brief kiss. "Teach me," he urged again.

Moaning softly, Trowa knew he was lost. He would do as Quatre had asked and show him the pleasure that could be shared by two men. He dropped a soft kiss to the tip of Quatre's nose. "All right, I'll teach you."

~ * ~

tbc.......