Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ In His Dreams ❯ In His Dreams- Nightmares ( One-Shot )

"In His Dreams"

"NO! Please, stop it…" He bolted up right in bed. No one, no one was there. It was dark, and his room was empty. He'd had another nightmare. Would they ever cease? His past was and is his past, so why did some things still haunt him? Argh?!

He threw his covers off and got up. He stretched a bit, with arms-over-head and continued to head to the bathroom. He turned on the water, icy cold he splashed it one his face, bushing his hair out of the way, he took a good look at himself. He saw something he hadn't seen in quite some time. He saw fear. And when fear is evident, there's a breaking point coming as well. He couldn't place this fear though. Was he afraid of his dreams, or of what they could mean? What could they mean? What possible thing is there to be afraid of anymore? He didn't know, and did he want to know? He shook his head and cleared his thoughts. He'd have to let it go for now. He was going back to the circus tomorrow and he was going to see a friend and his sister along with the rest of the troupe.

He wet and dried his face one more time with a last glance at his eyes… 'When had they become so revealing?' He shook it off again, he had to let it go for now. He walked out of the bathroom and back towards his bed.

As he walked by his window he stopped to look out it. The moon, so very real, here on earth, was bright…bright and beautiful. Not a graveyard as it looked from the nearer colonies, but a bright sphere in the onyx sky. It was truly a glamorous sight. It's silvery glow around it made it seem heavenly: if only it were so. For some it was a graveyard, and he pitied them. His mind stopped for a moment, then pondered: pitied or empathized? He didn't know. Again, he didn't need to think about this. Tomorrow was going to be a good day. He glanced at the clock. Or rather, today would be a good day.

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His act was just about to end. His twirls and flips ended and he landed perfectly graceful in the middle of the ring. The audience clapped and roared for him, cheers echoing throughout the tent and he bowed for them. Some referred to them as his "fans" he just looked at them as civilians looking for a getaway and a good time. He provided them with that good time.

He looked over the audience as he stood up from his bow. They were happy, so he was doing his job. He continued along till he got to the center of the left half. There she was. Her hair was waving along madly as she jumped once and clapped excitedly. A small smile crossed his lips. Yes, he was indeed doing his job.

He turned quickly and walked back behind the curtains. He stopped as his sister came up to him and gave him a hug, tender, yet firm. She could always make the two fit.

"You were wonderful Trowa. You bring so much joy to us and them" she gestured out to the audience. "I'm very, oh so very proud of you brother. You've changed so much since war times" All this was whispered in his ear as she hugged him from atop her toes. As they let go he nodded his thanks. She would never know how much those words mean to him.

"I will see you later Catherine. I'm going to go change. My friend will be back here soon." Catherine nodded, her warm smile comforting. Trowa turned to go on his way.

He rounded the corner to his trailer, looking down at his half clown's mask. He was about five feet away from his door when he noticed someone was already there waiting for him. 'She sure does move quickly' She stood there, back against the door, face cast downward, and arms crossed over her chest. Her golden hair had fallen slightly into her face, with an expression so peaceful. If he were anyone else, he would've sworn she was asleep, but he knew her better than that.

Just as he was about to say something she lifted her head and looked at him, eyes locked instantly with his. He faltered slightly, just slightly, but enough for her to get the first word. "Your performance was great Trowa. I commend you skill. That has to have been your best so far." She advanced towards him. "It's good to see you again Trowa, I've missed you." With that she embraced him gently, not unlike his sister had. He returned the gesture.

"And I you 'Lena. It's been a while. I'm glad you enjoyed the show." The hug ended and they pulled apart, both with their own smile in place, but in any case, sincere.

Relena's manner changed then into one of a child all most. "Oh I did, very much too! You were great!" Trowa chuckled at her change. He would almost say it was "cute", had she not been 22.

"I'm glad to hear it. I'm going to change, your welcome inside, then we'll head out." Relena nodded, knowing full well that her right as a friend was unlimited access to his candy and drinks.

They entered his trailer and she went straight to the fridge as he went to his room. She got her Dr. Pepper® but she couldn't for the life of her find his candy. What was going on, Trowa always had candy! She sat impatiently in one of his chairs as he changed.

When the door finally opened from Trowa's room, she bolted up from the chair, to standing right in front of him. She fixed him with a very stern stare. At first Trowa didn't know what to think. What did she want, but the minute she spoke, he had a light of amusement in his eyes.

"Candy?" Right then. Yep, she knew it right then. Trowa was up to something.

He walked over to his table. It was placed in the middle of his chair and couch. He sat on the couch and gestured for her to sit with him. She did as told.

"So, you've looked everywhere?" She nodded, uncertainly. "Are you sure?" She looked grudgingly at him. He was playing games with her!

"Damn it Trowa, just tell me where it is!" With that he out right laughed. Not hard, but enough to shock her. It was rare for him to do such a thing. The most he would do is chuckle a bit. "Oh, come on Trowa, this is so not nice!"

"Alright, alright. Check under the table." She did so, "Do you feel anything?" She moved her hand around a bit, but she eventually came across something that felt like a switch. She looked questioningly at him and he nodded, his amusement replaced. She flicked the switch and out from the very center of the table rose a bowl full of various types of candy. She almost squealed. She grabbed a handful and put it in her pocket then grabbed a small bag of jelly bellies from the side and opened them. They both left the trailer content with themselves.

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Their day together was fun and very pleasant. They had gone out to a movie, then to eat, and finally for a walk. When they returned to the trailer they both plopped down on the couch.

"Hey Trowa how about another movie for a last event for the evening"

He nodded his approval. "Which movie?" He went to the movie stand and opened the door for her to see what the choices were. As she ran across the choices she picked out which ones were possibilities. After choosing one, the popcorn was made and then the lights turned out. Trowa retrieved a blanket from his room for them to use, and then Relena to use when she slept (on the couch). The both got under the blanket and the movie started.

About half way through Trowa nodded off to sleep, Relena staying awake, intending to actually finish it.

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*~*

"Stop this, it's not gonna help!"

"Nananshi, you're just a boy you wouldn't know. How could you possibly know what's right, wrong, helpful, or hurtful?"

"I don't but I know beating her won't do anything, so why. Why! Why hurt her!!!" A younger image of Trowa screamed, tears streaming hot rivers down his cheeks. Why did this man, presumed to be his father/guardian hurt her, this boy's mother figure, why did the man hurt the boy? The boy didn't know…how could he, he was only a boy?

The man raised his hand again and hit the woman he held tightly by the arms. His hand made a loud 'slap' as it made contact with her cheek. He pushed her away, but no, he was not done with her yet. The woman hit the wall with a thump and fell to her knees, where he felt she belonged: "On her knees, where every woman belongs" the woman practically twitched and shook with fear. The boy couldn't take it anymore. He ran in front of her, arms straight out to his sides.

"No more! She didn't do anything!"

"Why you little, ungrateful, bastard! You want this instead then fine, Nananshi, you'll have your turn: after her!" He pushed the boy to the floor and grabbed the delirious woman sobbing on the floor. She knew something was wrong, but couldn't place what it was. What did he mean "After her"? She found out soon enough.

He grabbed her and picked her up. "Listen to me woman! You are mine, and mine alone. Now you will act like the wife you were intended to be!" He pulled her closer and bit her neck so bits of blood came out, and then traveled down to her shoulder drawing bits more. She whimpered under the pain, but she was too weak to defend herself now. More specifically, it was to late. He tore off her clothes from the waist down and touched her in ways no women deserves, or even man.

Nananshi crawled into the corner trying to pick himself up. When he turned around he knew he was too late. The woman lay on her stomach, eyes open and vacant, body vulnerable and soiled. She had a white gel like liquid on her back and downward, even on the floor. There was another liquid on her though. It was red. It was blood, and it dripped from her neck and spilled on the floor. The boy screamed bloody murder as the man's previous words replayed in his mind. He was next. He grabbed the closest object to him, a dagger, and held it out towards the man as he advanced towards the boy.

"Stay away!" The boy ran to the middle of the room and again held out the dagger. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he had to stop this man.

"What's wrong boy, lost your nerve?" The man chuckled, in what Nananshi thought was the most evil manner he had ever heard.

"No. No! NO!" The boy didn't even hear the words leave his mouth. He blindly went forward, running towards his enemy…his first enemy. The next thing he knew, the dagger was in the man's abdomen, and the man on the floor, dead.

*~*

"Trowa!" Relena yelled urgently to the man next to her. "Please wake up!"

"AHHH, please no! Leave me al…" Trowa woke up. He woke up terrified and screaming. Relena sat back startled for the briefest second then was immediately holding him, rocking him back and forth gently, using soothing words to calm him down. 'What's wrong, you're shaking…what did you see Trowa?'

"Trowa, it's okay now, please, calm down and tell me what you saw?" Trowa forced his shakes to stop and his breathing to regulate.

"Do you really want to know?" He looked at her, eyes searching. Could he confide in her his nightmares. Could he burden her with his nightmares? He didn't have a choice; he needed to get this out before he died in his sleep of horror.

"Please Trowa, tell me, I can be your confidant, just tell me what you need and I'll become it. Just, you must, you have to tell me!" Relena was on the border of tears. Her closest friend was suffering, how could she have known, and how could she not have?

//Come and step inside and you'll realize/tell me what you need, tell me what to be/Watch the visions you'll see/what do you expect of me/I can't live a lie//

"You want me to let you in?" She nodded, he sounded so…she didn't know, but it was very unlike him, then again, he had been unlike himself all day. "Alright, but I'm sorry if you see what I see when I describe it, I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want you to relive my past as I do."

"I don't expect anything from you, and I'm sure it goes both ways, just say everything you need to get out." She was so calm, so…sincere.

And then he started. "My whole life has been a lie from as far as I remember…I do not remember my real parents" he paused. 'And this is where the story begins, I'm sorry Relena' "I do remember a pair of guardians though; an abusive man, and a sick helpless woman. Neither of them knew my name, and I couldn't remember, so he decided to just not give me one, so they called me "Nananshi"" Relena thought about this.

"No name, right?" Trowa nodded

"I was young, so very young… maybe six or so? I can't remember. The man was always yelling at us, me and the woman. 'Be a good son and do this' and 'Be the wife your supposed to be and go there' The first time he said that to me, I thought he was accepting me as his son, but then a minute later a string a degrading words came right after. He always used them "Little, ungrateful, bastard" He always made me feel like nothing. Well one day I decided to not be nothing" he paused again.

//Cry, a sick mom, with a fucked dad, dealing with your life, dead bodies every where/ You really want me to be a good son, then why you make me feel like no one?//

"But from the first time he said them all I wanted was the lies to go away, though I knew, even at that age, that they would grow, not decrease. With every day that went by, I could stop the pain a bit more, and I would defy him a little bit more as well… Well, one night, he had started on the woman again, but this time I stood up for her. I didn't let him take control this time. This time would be different, and it was…it was worse."

//Let me strip the plain/Let me not give in/Free me of your lies, inside my heart dies/Your dreams had never had changed/Don't lay that shit on me/Let me live my life//

"He had hit here again, and I had tried to dissuade him, to get him to leave her alone. It didn't work. He yelled at me more then went after her again. He had hit her so hard, though, that she had become dizzy and confused. He made her go to her knees and I knew what would happen next, and I tried again, I stood in front of her and tried to hold my ground, but his dreams of raping his wife won out again, and I was just pushed near the corner, to busy looking for escape or defense to see what happened. When I looked back, I found out, and what I did next made me loose my feeling...my sense of emotions."

Relena was crying, he could tell, but he was looking into the past, trying to get rid of it, and she was the one to hold the memory for him now.

//Cry, a sick mom, with a fucked dad, dealing with your life, dead bodies every where/ You really want me to be a good son, then why you make me feel like no one?//

He came over to me, since just before he finished her off, he had said "Why you little, ungrateful, bastard! You want this instead then fine, Nananshi, you'll have your turn: after her!" I knew I was going to receive a punishment, and I knew what it would be, so I grabbed the closest weapon, a dagger, and when he came to me I ran, but stayed, and when he came after me again…I killed him…I don't remember how, or how long it took, but I remember how it looked when I came to, and what I would give to forget. The dagger was in his abdomen, deep in there. What I did after is a blur. I have no idea. I guess life just went on, in a way. All I wanted after that was to forget and be something, but I never forgot the woman, and I never forgot the man… and I never forgot, ever, the bodies. After that, I never forgot any of the bodies that I caused to fall down dead" Trowa was crying again, and Relena held him close. She never knew…

//You want me to be, something I can never ever be/ You want me to be, something I can never ever be/ A sick mom, with a fucked dad, dealing with your life, dead bodies everywhere. / You really want me to be a good son, then why you make me feel like no one? //

"I'm so sorry Trowa. I never knew. I wish I could take it all away. Trowa, you don't have to be anything. And you don't have to carry that memory anymore. Forget it Trowa, or at least just ignore them" she thought about what she said and rephrased it. " I know you can't ignore them, but just remember, I'm here, and I can share your pain, as long as your willing…I'll always be here for you" her words died down and she just held him close.

She had listened, and she didn't curse him for his deeds, did not curse him for killing that man, and she didn't curse him for all the other dead bodies he caused. He felt safe...for once, he felt safe.

//Dead bodies everywhere //

//Dead bodies everywhere //

//Dead bodies everywhere //

//Dead bodies everywhere //

//Dead bodies everywhere //

//Dead bodies everywhere //

//Dead bodies everywhere //

//Dead bodies everywhere //

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NA: Well, tell me what you think, either by email or review: ladygundam1303@aol.com