Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Inferences ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: I don't own the G'boys I just borrow them to play with and return them a whole lot happier. :) I don't own any of the Nursery Rhymes contained within either and after what the boys do with them I don't think I will ever look at them the same way again.

Rating: R

Warnings: Fluff, PWP, OOC, Torture of Nursery Rhymes, Yaoi, sexual innuendo, shonen-ai, that's all I think.

Pairings: 2x1, 3x4

Notes: The Gundam boys are baby-sitting one of Quatre's nieces. The tot begins to cry, so everyone has their own thoughts on what's wrong and how to deal with it.

Archive: www.dragonball-diaries.150m.com

http://sweetlysour.net Anyone else please just ask, I'm happy to share.

Author: ShenLong

Title: "Inferences"

"Waaahhhhhh!"

Heero clamped his hands over his ears. "Kuso! Can't you shut that kid up?"

"I'm trying Heero but I don't know what else to do." Quatre held the small toddler in one arm while trying to pacify her with a dancing teddy bear in the other. "Look at the bear... Who's a cute bear then..."

"Waaaahhhhhhh!" The volume began to rise.

"Maybe she needs her diaper changing."

"You volunteering Chang?"

Wufei hastily left the room.

"She could be hungry."

"I only fed her half an hour ago Trowa." Quatre sighed as he studied the screwed up face of his sisters offspring.

"Waaahhhhhhhh!" the screaming continued.

"Maybe she's tired." offered Duo from his position sprawled on the couch.

"Then here, you put her to bed and good luck! I already tried that." Quatre placed the red faced bundle on Duo's stomach.

Duo wrapped his arms around the small child and drew her to his chest. "Maybe she just needs singing to." he crooned. "Anyone know any lullaby's?"

*Silence*

"Ohhh kay. What about nursery rhymes then? Would you like Uncle Duo to sing you a nursery rhyme Kali?"

Heero snorted.

"What? You don't think I can sing Heero?" Duo huffed.

"I know you can sing baka, I have heard you often enough in the shower."

"Then what is your problem Koi?"

"Nursery rhymes are harmful."

"Huh?"

"How can nursery rhymes be harmful Yuy?" Wufei asked as he returned to the room.

Heero looked up from his lap top. "They give the child different underlying meanings and therefore brain wash them in to a false sense of reality to the point where said child cannot distinguish reality from fantasy."

"You certainly did have a depraved childhood didn't you Heero?" Quatre dead panned.

Trowa blinked.

"Take no notice of Mr. *I went from birth to adolescence in five seconds flat* sweetheart." said Duo as he rocked the child. "I'll sing you some nursery rhymes."

Duo thought for a moment and then hastily made up his mind as the child screwed up her face again, ready to let fly with another barrage of wails.

"Mary had a little lamb..."

"Well there's one for a start!"

"Heero?"

"It is a well known fact that girls cannot give birth to lambs."

"Maybe ewe can though." snickered Trowa.

Quatre stared disbelieving at his lover. "Ewe can?"

"Yes. You.... ewe.... oh forget it."

"I don't believe I heard that from you Heero." said Duo ignoring
Trowa's comment.

"Well think about it. It's telling the child that normal healthy girls can have lambs. That is not a medical possibility so therefore the child has been fed misleading information." Heero looked smug. "I rest my case."

Duo rolled his eyes. "Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle. The cow jumped over the moon..."

"Another misconception."

"Uh?"

"Bovines do not have the capacity to travel the 384,4000 kilometers from earth to the moon without some form of jet propulsion and space suit."

"Not to mention the re entry. The steaks would be a little on the over done side." Quatre added.

"That's if OZ didn't shoot it down first." Trowa snickered.

Duo sighed. He really didn't believe he was having this conversation. He tried again. "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water." Surely Heero couldn't fault this one.

"Didn't they have modern plumbing then?" asked Quatre in all innocence. He found it hard to believe that anyone couldn't have plumbing of some form.

"ARGH!"

"Sorry Duo."

"Little boy blue, come blow your horn...."

"Impossible!"

"Now what Yuy?"

"Given the size of little boy blue it would be physically impossible for him to blow himself."

Duo nearly choked, Quatre looked thoughtful, Trowa went into hysterics and Wufei hastily put his head between his knees in an attempt to coax the blood back to his brain and not his feet where it seemed determined to go.

"Oh I don't know about that Heero." offered Quatre. "Trowa is rather flexible..." Quatre looked up at three sets of eyes staring at him in shock and began to turn a rather fetching shade of red. "Well he is!"

"Ohh Trowa.... All those years in the circus... I often wondered what you got up to." Duo snickered.

Trowa just shrugged. "Has its advantages."

"Okay then Yuy, what about Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row." Duo was feeling quite smug having gotten out a whole rhyme without one lewd comment.

"That's a blatant lie if I ever heard one Maxwell. I'm stunned you could even suggest such a thing considering you aren't supposed to lie." Wufei stared at the braided American.

"Nani?"

"Everyone knows that for gardens to grow you need dirt, water, sunlight and fertilizer."

"He's right Duo." Quatre said.

Duo rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Twinkle Twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are..."

"Weren't you ever paying attention in school Duo? Everyone knows that stars are made of gasses and particles..."

"Little Miss Muffet sat on her Tuffet..."

"Now I suppose that's a nice way of saying she sat on her ass."

"Heero!"

Heero continued his little monologue. "Also who in their right mind eats curds and whey? As for the spider... She should have stamped on it."

"Only an onna would be scared of an arachnid."

"Oh I don't know, some of the spiders I have seen would send normal people screaming." said Quatre locked in thought. "Haven't you ever seen the old classics 'Arachnophobia' and 'Eight Legged Freaks' ?"

"Little Jack Horner, sat in the corner...."

"In that case he either was a dunce or pissed the teacher off royally." Trowa answered.

"Baa, Baa black sheep, have you any wool?"

"Racial prejudice. What's wrong with white wool? Not to mention that all sheep have wool anyway." Wufei said.

"Unless they have just been shorn. Didn't think of that did'ja?" quipped Duo.

"Point acknowledged."

The grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men..."

"Lucky bastard."

"You trying to tell me something here Heero?"

"Just think what stamina he must have." mused Quatre.

Trowa stared at his blonde. "All these years with the Maguanac's. Now I know where you get yours from."

"No, No, No Trowa, You have it all wrong... I never..." Quatre turned beet red.

"Oh yes, keeping secrets now are you blondie?" chuckled Duo.

Quatre thought it best to shut up before he shoved any more of his foot down his throat.

"Ride a cock horse..." Duo's eyebrows shot up and he quickly looked around the room. Several pairs of eyes gleamed back at him. "Errr...."

"I'd much prefer to ride your cock." sniggered Heero.

Quatre squirmed and began to brush suggestively against Trowa,
Wufei decided now was probably the best time to exit permanently.

"Oh you would would you Yuy?"

"Most definitely."

"Then what are you waiting for lover boy?"

Heero nodded to the tot still in Duo's arms.

Duo glanced down and smiled. He brushed a golden curl away from the sleeping face before looking back at Heero. "She's asleep." he murmured.

"Good. Put her to bed so I can have a riding lesson."

Duo stood, still cradling the tot carefully. He followed Quatre to one of the mansions many rooms and lay her gently in the cot. Tucking the blanket around her sleeping form the pair then tip toed out of the room, shutting the door softly behind them.

Once clear of the room the pair broke into a gallop and separated to find their respective lovers.

A short while later only the soft sounds of moaning could be heard. Gradually they increased in volume and frequency until....

"Waaaahhhhhhhh!"

"Trowa! did you have to wake the kid?!"

~ Owari ~