Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Inner Torment ❯ Papercut ( Chapter 4 )

Papercut

lyrics: LINKIN PARK

Story written by: Tiasha

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!!!! Except for Richard Morii. Please ask to borrow should you wish to. Do not sue me for anything but my imagination, which will probably not get you very far in the courtroom anyway.

//Why does it feel like night today?

Something in here's not right today

Why am I so uptight today?

Paranoia's all I got left//

"Please Richard, one day. That's all I ask," Relena pleaded as she followed the pacing Preventer around the room. "Richard, do you have any idea how stressed I am?"

He paused in his pacing, causing her to nearly run into him from behind. He looked at her and sighed before flopping down in a nearby chair. She, however, flopped down on the floor, sitting Indian-style while watching him, clothed in a pair of faded jeans and a short sleeved shirt.

"I can only imagine Miss Relena but this--" he motioned to the news broadcast on the television that the two of them had been watching. "I can't agree to what you wish."

Relena sighed, "Richard, I promise to be careful! You can even dress me up as someone different! I just have to get out of here and go somewhere!"

"But with the card Patterson pulled, the Press will be relishing the idea of an interview with you, meaning they are going to be swamping the building."

"You doubt me," she said in awe and glee. "You doubt that I can pull it off!"

Richard blanched, "I said no such thing Miss!"

"Oh come on! I need to get out of here! Richard, I'm going to blow my mind if I don't get out of here!"

//I don't know what stressed me first

Or the pressure was fed/but

I know just how it feels like

To have a voice in the back of my head//

For the twentieth time since she turned the corner a few paces ago, Relena looked behind her, but saw no one suspicious. Sighing, she turned around and continued on her trek through the large, expansive mall, a few bags in hand. She paused in her cruising as she came upon a Gadzooks store. An impish smile graced her lips as the thought of playing a practical joke on Richard entered her mind.

She and Richard were about as close as family; she thought of him as a twin brother really. He was always doing something to lighten the mood for her, interpreting her gestures when no one else could. He was the twin brother she never had.

Relena entered the store and headed towards the gag gifts section. Her eyes caught sight of incense sticks and burners, resulting in her altering her destination for the time being. As she crouched down to look at the incense, the feeling of someone stalking her washed through her entire being. She could almost feel their eyes watching her intently, boring into her curved back as she looked at the merchandise in front of her.

//It's like a face that I hold inside

A face that awakes when I close my eyes

A face that watches every time I lie

A face that laughs every time I fall//

She attempted to glance behind her inconspicuously but she still found no one out of the ordinary. Other shoppers looking at her to make sure they did not trip while moving to get by, others looking past her at the incense sticks and burners, the salesman glancing at everyone to make sure none shoplifted.

//[And watches everything]

So I know that when it's time to sink or swim

That the face inside is hearing me/right underneath my skin//

Relena frowned at her paranoia. Paranoia was NOT a good thing at the moment, not with the vote of nonconfidence Delegate Patterson had issued. How had she become so jumpy anyway? She had never been this paranoid in her life! So why now? Why was she so out of character anyway?

She quickly left the store, not bothering to buy anything as her mind focused on those questions. She honestly had no idea why she was so uptight and losing control of herself. Was it the job? It made sense actually, for she then realized in the last six years of accepting the office of Vice-Foreign Minister, she had not once taken a vacation. Perhaps it was the stress of the job. She laughed. It would be her luck to die at an early age due to stress.

//It's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a/whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin//

She continued to cruise the mall lazily, enjoying her freedom from regulations for this one day. Midriff top, hip-hugger jeans and a small panda backpack…she could almost be classified as another teenager just cruisin' the mall. She had received more than a few catcalls and whistles but did nothing to acknowledge them; her heart would not allow her to.

She almost wished that Heero would suddenly show up, she didn't care what his reasons would be, so that she could ask him what she was doing wrong. To ask him the questions she could not ask anyone else. Why? What is the gain of her stepping down? How could she defend herself when she faced the UN council? Relena knew in her heart that he could and would help her, or at least point out her mistakes. Oh how she wished he was here, if only for a day.

Relena suddenly wondered if Heero would also know the cause of her paranoia. And then she wondered if Heero ever became paranoid at all. It seemed almost improbable that the perfect soldier would even become slightly paranoid, but he was human after all. He probably does, she thought to herself as trekked across the mall. But I wonder if he even realizes it. Is his paranoia worse than mine?

Does he even know what's going on? Does he know what's happening to me? Does he even care?

//I know I've got a face in me

Points out all my mistakes to me

You've got a face on the inside too and

Your paranoia's probably worse//

As she passed a Bath and Body Works store, the feeling of someone watching her flooded her instincts again. She casually slowed to a stop and stood looking at a window display for a Chesapeake Knife and Tool store, trying to catch a glimpse of anyone out of the ordinary. She found no one, which puzzled her. If she had not disguised herself, she would have found it natural for everyone to stop and watch her. How often did one get to see the Vice-Foreign Minister out in a mall, doing normal day to day shopping? But she was not dressed as the Vice-Foreign Minister, she was dressed as regular, normal Relena. She was being herself, not concerning herself with what others thought of her or if she reached their expectations. She was just normal, regular Relena today.

//I don't know what set me off first

But I know what I can't stand

Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is

I can't add up to what you can//

She nervously ran a hand through her recently cut hair and continued on, the feeling now gone, but she questioned if the feeling was only temporarily gone. She just could not get over the fact that someone was watching her. It couldn't be paranoia; she was NOT paranoid! But despite her efforts to convince herself that she was not being followed, the feeling returned all too soon. This time, however, Relena whipped around and searched the crowd with panicked look on her face.

A man in his late twenties with a dark mustache quickly turned to look at a shop window, but the fact that it was a Victoria Secret store did not provide him with enough cover. Another man stood out to Relena; he also in his late twenties but with no facial hair, was near a little jewelry pagoda but quickly turned to look at the expensive items beneath the glass counters.

//But everybody has a face that they hold inside

A face that awakes when they close their eyes

A face that watches every time they lie

A face that laughs every time they fall//

Unnerved, Relena turned around and walked briskly to the nearest department store, figuring that she should be able to lose them in a department store rather than the little one room, one floor shops. She glanced over her shoulder to see if they were going to follow her, and sure enough, the two men were trying to keep pace with her steps.

Relena tried to calm herself by taking deep breaths and trying to formulate a plan. She had a cell-phone with her, due to Richard's insistence, and she figured that once she lost them, she'd get out of the mall, find a cab, then call him to come and pick her up from wherever. Coming to that decision, she broke into a run once she reached the entrance of the Lord and Taylor department store, dodging other customers and whacking a few with her bags by accident.

Many gave her rude looks or made crude comments, but she ignored them, her focus being to lose the two men after her and getting to a cab. She ran down the escalator and took a right, finding the eveningwear section was stocked with some large ball gown-like dresses. Feeling somewhat childish and earning a few odd looks, she crawled in between a few racks, moving the 'poofy' dresses so that they blocked any sight of her. She struggled to keep her breathing even and waited, her head throbbing as her heart pounded. Had she been wrong? Were those men really NOT after her? She hoped that she was wrong.

Her hope was misguided though as she heard pounding footsteps not long after. Cautiously, she peeked through the gowns and saw the two men standing in the aisle of the store, scanning for any sign of her. To her horror, three more men skidded to a halt in front of the two that had been following her, and began conversing on what to do next.

Oh God! There's five of them looking for me? She thought as she watched one of the men bark out orders to find her alive. Oh God! Please don't let them find me! Please! Don't let them find me!

//[And watches everything]

So you know that when it's time to sink or swim

That the face inside is watching you too

Right inside your skin//

The five men split up, four going off into different areas of the store while one meandered slowly away towards the "Misses" section of the store that just so happened to be on the left of the "Eveningwear." When he had moved far enough away to give Relena a running chance, she slowly crawled out of the clothing rack, trying to be as quiet as possible, and began to tip-toe away. But something yanked her back again and she had to suppress a scream when the thought of it being the man that had stopped her. But as she turned, she found that it was not the man that had stopped her but the clothing rack. Her panda backpack was caught on one of the hooks.

God damn it! Of all the times for it to get caught on something! She mentally cursed as she silently placed her bags on the floor and hastily attempted to untangle her bag from the rack. Feverishly glancing back at the man, she saw one of the saleswoman, quietly shuffling over to her. Fearing that the woman would attract the man's attention, she shook her head in hopes of convincing the woman to leave her alone.

//It's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a/whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin//

But luck was just not on her side today. The woman came up to her and began to help her untangle herself from the rack, whispering to Relena to leave her bags with her. Relena watched the woman with a startled expression, before sheepishly whispering a thank you. The woman merely gave her a benign smile as they finally untangled the backpack.

"Is there any place I can send these to, miss?" the saleswoman asked and Relena nodded.

"Mariott Hotel, the presidential suite on floor sixteen." The woman bowed and took the bags with her back to the cosmetics counter she had come from.

Once the woman was behind the counter, Relena glanced back at the man only to find him turning around and spotting her. She and the man stared at each other for a moment before Relena turned and dashed around a corner. She could hear his heavy footfalls behind her as she ran through the entrance that led back to the mall. Pausing to get her bearings, Relena looked over her shoulder to see how far away the man was before heading towards the nearest escalator.

It was easier dodging people now that she did not have her shopping bags with her, but the mall had suddenly grown more crowded and as she passed the food court, she spotted a few of the male teenagers that had catcalled her earlier. Putting on the best fearful expression she could, though it was not extremely hard, she glanced long enough at them so that they would see how frightened she was. She took a few more strides before she turned around to see if her idea had worked. Thankfully, it had. A few of the older teenagers had stood and confronted the man that had been chasing her. But what she could see beyond them caused her heart to skip a beat. The other four men were running towards the commotion and one of them had spotted her, crossing over to the other side of the mall so as not to be confronted by the teenagers.

//It's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a/whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin//

Relena struggled to make her legs move but it seemed that they had decided to root themselves into the carpeted concrete floor of the mall. Eyes transfixed on the men that were drawing ever closer, she asked herself if she was truly ready to die. Was she at peace with what she had done with her life? The answer was quite simple. Yes, but there was some voice coming from a shadowed face in the back of her head that contradicted her. It screamed that she was lying to herself, that she was still missing out on some things. It screamed at her for the freedom to fight back, to fight for survival. But Relena refused to fight back against these men; she promoted pacifism! Not militarism and violence!

//The face inside is right beneath your skin//

'Run!' the shadowed face screamed at her, 'Run! There's still so much more to live for! RUN! Run or you'll betray yourself! RUN!!!'

//The face inside is right beneath your skin//

Relena could feel the lead in her legs seep away and the possibility of escape seemed ever more possible. But they were too close now, she realized in despair, she could never out run them now. Since when do I give up so easily? she asked herself. This is so not like me! Why am I giving up so easily?

'Run! Run child! Run! There's always hope! Run! RUN!!!'

I have to at least try! I have to prove that I am worthy of being the Vice Foreign Minister! I have to live! I have to-

//The face inside is right beneath your skin//

'RUN!!!'

Running is a good thing! Running would definitely be good thing right now!

And with that her legs were freed from their immobile state and Relena turned running, arms pumping at her side as she dodged less and less people. She realized that shoppers were moving out of her way now and she tried to imagine what the scene looked like from their point of view. She concluded that it looked most frightening for these shoppers to find five men chasing a young teenager around in the mall. She absently wondered when Mall Security would find them.

She found the escalator that led to the mall entrance and quickly ran down the moving stairs, jumping off the last few, and nearly falling in the process, as she took off at a dead run for the large glass doors. To her horror, she found that the sun had nearly set behind the large skyscrapers and office buildings. She nearly cried. With the sun gone, how could anyone see her immediate distress and come to her aide? She felt immediate betrayal.

//The sun goes down

I feel the light betray me//

Tackling the glass doors, Relena exited the mall and took off towards her right, seeing a taxicab releasing a young gentleman down the street. She waved a frantic hand in the air trying to catch the cab driver's attention, screaming for him to wait.

"TAXI!" she screamed over the traffic, but the cab moved back into the flow of cars as she stood still in disbelief, people around her regarding her with strange looks. What was she going to do now?

"There she is!" a male voice shouted over the bustle of people and the horns of traffic. One of the men had distinguished her from the rest of the crowd and her pursuers began their chase once again.

"Shit!" she cursed as she twisted around and shoved someone out of her way. Numerous people were shouting at her now, but she could hear those same people later shouting at the men to leave her alone. If they were willing to tell the men to leave her alone, then why didn't they bother trying to stop them?! She felt so betrayed!

//The sun goes down

I feel the light betray me//

Drastic times call for drastic measures! Relena told herself as she tipped a nearby Hot Dog cart over, spilling its contents across the gray concrete of the sidewalk. She heard some colorful words that she made note to ask Duo of once she got out of this mess.

If I get out of this…

The shadowed face was shouting directions at her but her mind was in such chaos that she could hardly focus on maintaining her speed, let alone an intricate plan of escape. Why couldn't she shut the face up?! IT was distracting her more than the shadowed figures in the alleyways were.

//It's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a/whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin//

'Alleyways! Hide in the alleyways! Hide! Hide! HIDE!!!' the face shouted at her and instead of trying to rationalize the situation, Relena veered to her right so suddenly that she nearly ran into the side of the building. As she raced the lengths of the dark corridor, she glanced over her shoulder and felt tears prick her eyes as she saw the men pursuing. She had a stitch in her side from the entire run and she was not sure how much longer she could hold out.

As she passed homeless men, women and children, she vaulted up a downed fire escape and took the steps three at a time, not once looking down. It was when she reached the roof that Relena realized that using the fire escape had been the worst choice she could have made. She was trapped.

She raced to the other side of the roof and looked down, seeing that she was twelve stories above the streets. Taking deep, needed breaths, she leaned heavily against the ledge and stared down at the people. They were so lucky to be normal, she thought in a moment bout of envy. But her envy quickly vanished as she found a couple of clothesline strewn between the two buildings.

Could she? Yeah, she could but it would take her thrice as long to get across than it would Trowa Barton who seemed to have a natural talent for balancing on anything the thickness of a clothesline wire.

Should she? Yeah, if she wanted to escape from the men.

Did she dare? Relena glanced over shoulder and decided the answer was a definite yes! And the shadowed face seemed to agree with her too…

Carefully climbing over the ledge, she placed one sneakered foot on the clothesline and slowly placed all her weight on the line. It dipped frighteningly low but she steeled herself and slowly placed her other foot on the line. It swayed for a moment as she pushed off the wall and adjusted her balance, but once steady she began to make her way across. She had only taken five steps when she heard the men shout at her to come back. She ignored them and focused on keeping her balance.

It wasn't until one of them threatened to shoot her that she looked over back at them. One had indeed pulled out his weapon and was aiming it at her. However, the one in charged yelled at him to put it away.

Relena looked down below her at the other clothesline and decided that it was risky. What if she did not catch hold of one the lines in time? She definitely would die… She looked back at the men, and steeled herself.

Looking at them, she let her weight shift and watched as the world tilted. She saw a few clotheslines pass by her vision and the next one she reached out to grab it. Her hand met nothing but air.

Frantic now, she reached out with her other hand and gripped the next clothesline, feeling the slightly taught line sag and cut savagely into the palm of her hand. Her other hand quickly found itself next to the aforementioned one as Relena's body bounced up and down, slowing to a sagging halt as she dangled a good eight stories above the ground. Only the ground was the walkway or avenue for some boutiques and restaurants, and now crowded with a bunch of people staring up in surprise at her ordeal.

//It's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my back

It's like a/whirlwind inside of my head

It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within//

Relena glanced up at the men cursing their luck and she smiled but quickly lowered her head as her vision began to swim slightly. There were so many thoughts racing through her head that she it was all she could do to concentrate on holding onto the clothesline. She could hear the astonished voices of the people below her and a few words here and there but all she really could hear was one collective murmur. And that murmur did nothing to drone out that shadowed face yelling at her to escape and survive.

//It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within//

'Let go and grab the next line!' the voice cried in desperation, but Relena tried to ignore it, staring at the red liquid that was trickling down one of her arms, the source being the hand that had been cut. 'Ignore the pain! Ignore everything! Just run! You must survive!' Relena shook her head, trying to rid herself of the voice but she couldn't stop hearing it…it wouldn't be silenced…the face wouldn't be shadowed and driven away…

Fine then…if you won't go then I'll just do what you ask so you'll shut up! She thought to herself and hastily but cautiously lowered herself to the ground. She bit her lip to keep from crying out every time a clothesline cut deeper into her injured hand. It could not be helped right now. All that mattered was escape.

Once her feet touched solid ground, the face screamed at her with more force than Relena thought would have been possible. 'For the love of Christ, RUN CHILD!' it screamed and Relena made no argument, taking off out of the avenue and to the main street, diving into an unsuspecting yellow cab.

//It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within

It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin//

"Uh…where to ma'am?" the cabbie asked, looking at her with startled brown eyes.

The question left Relena dumbfounded but the face quickly gave her the answer she was looking for. 'The police station, child...'

But, Relena thought, arguing with the shadowed face, even they will recognize me as the Vice Foreign Minister…

'You changed your looks before you entered the mall! On top of that, you're covered in sweat, dirt and grime! Hardly the looks of the Vice Foreign Minister…'

"Ma'am…where to?"

"Police Station," Relena replied in a tired voice, "I've got some guys chasin' me for only God knows what, I've never met them, so could you step on it too? Thanks…"

As the cabbie drove through the traffic to the police station on 22nd Avenue, Relena took off her backpack and pulled out the cell-phone Richard had given to her. She hit the speed-dial for the number to his room and waited for him to pick up. She closed her eyes in relief when she heard his voice on the other end; it was probably the sweetest sound she had heard all afternoon.

"If this is a prank call-" she heard him begin to say and quickly cut him off.

"Richard? It's me…" she said meekly, knowing full well that he would recognize her voice. And he did.

"Miss Relena? What happened? Where are you?"

"I almost got kidnapped…I'm heading to the police station, can you pick me up there? I don't want to go straight to the hotel…"

"Well, sure, of course…but how did you manage to evade the kidnapping?"

Relena bit her lower lip, trying to decide if she should take the risk of him declaring her a nutcase or not. She decided against it; she couldn't tell him that a shadowed face in her mind told her how to escape?!

No, she realized, not a face one who has lost sanity would see…but the face of… Relena realized that she must have suppressed the face for so many years…ever since the Eve Wars had ended. She had had no need for the face until now. Just about everything she would have needed it for, was taken care of for her by someone else. She had allowed herself to become something akin to an automaton over the years, not relying on herself, only Richard had tried to help her change that…just like a friend or brother would…

"Miss Relena? Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here," she answered.

"How did you manage to escape?"

Relena smiled, finding that this was one face she would welcome in the days to follow, "Intuition and instinct."

"Miss?"

"Pick me up at the Police Station?" she questioned in such a manner that Richard chuckled.

"Of course…Relena."

She smiled at the way he said her name…the way a friend would. She realized what had been bothering her lately, or at least part of it. But it was something…and she found a part of her that had been missing for years.

She had found the intuition and instinct that had made her Vice Foreign Minister in the first place…she had found her self…

Heero would be proud to know that I'm on the way to solving this, she thought as she stared at the blurry scenery. Doesn't he saw follow your heart…or something like that? Wait, who am I kidding? Heero? Say something like that? Feh! Fat chance!

But she smiled and chuckled none the less. I feel better though…this whole thing with Patterson is just a papercut compared to the blows I've endured my whole life…just a mere papercut.

Owari (The End)

Questions? Comments? Flames? E-mail me at korin012@yahoo.com

If you're into Ronin Warriors or Blue Seed I've got a few works in those categories too. Ja na minna-san!