Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Introspection-Trowa ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

 

He knew what they thought of him.... Doukeshi... the Silent Clown... Nanashi... The Nameless One... The Soulless One. And really, he couldn't blame them. The more he lived every day, the more confused he became about himself. The world at large, he understood... it made sense, no matter what happened.

 

But when he thought about himself, he had no clue. How could something as broken as he help to save such a world as this? Admittedly the world had its own problems, but it was still more than him. More than any of them, really. But still he fought... they all fought.

 

Is past was no help to his present, other than giving him valuable lessons in warfare and human nature. It was human nature to relieve tension... to seek gratification. It was also human nature to dominate, to make the weaker submit to the rule of the strong. He knew well the effects of domination and submission, in all of their forms. In battle, the advantage shifts constantly, depending on the strength and skill of both sides of the field. In life, it was clear in master to servant, and in sex... well he knew a lot about that. After all, mercenary bands weren't always known for generosity, and they'd expected payment for taking care of him. Yes, he knew.

 

He had the feeling that Duo knew, as well. Their backgrounds weren't all that different, after all. Duo had been subjected to the life of a homeless orphan for most of his life, forced to do certain things to protect those he cared about, and to save himself. It was not an easy childhood, indeed not a childhood at all, but there was no other word for it... He knew... and that was enough.

 

The rest, they'd been raised in rather sheltered existences, even Heero, who always had guardians of some sort. He had the feeling that the only thing Heero knew of sex was what Quatre had taught him, and what he'd read. Though he could be wrong.

 

Quatre and Wufei would never get it. They could never understand the ferocity needed to survive in a wolf pack in human form, the snapping jaws and ingratiating whines needed in turns... But he did. He'd lived it. And now that he didn't have to... he still did. He was by no means an alpha, but he could take care of himself. Cunning and controlled violence went a long way in this new life.

 

The other pilots seemed to be in awe of him, his presence, his life... his silence. He didn't speak, not because he really cared, but because he had nothing to say. If he really was going to speak, he spoke. He was not a conversationalist. And he knew that unnerved some people, and that was fine with him. One or two less people to deal with.

 

He just didn't care. That seemed to be the bottom line of everyone's thoughts. He didn't care. But he did. He just didn't care about what they cared about. Duo cared about food and companionship, Heero about the mission, Quatre about everyone, and Wufei about justice and scholarship.

 

He himself cared about life. Every aspect, from the whimpering, lolling independent to the sleek, confident leader. He could be any in any given situation, and that suited him. He was a loner. A loner was an entire pack, rolled into one mass of flesh and muscle. The others, not even Duo, would ever understand. So this was his role. To teach them.

 

So, if he left, maybe they'd learn. Maybe he'd fulfill his purpose.

 

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