Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Introspection-Wufei ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.

 

Warning: Introspection, mention of death, slight depression, my own personal thoughts on she known as Chang Meiran... eh...

 

Pairings: hints of 2x3, 1x4

 

Summary: Midnight ramblings after not reading Wufei-centric fics... I just happened to be here to write it.

 

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“You know, life is just one of those things that grabs you by the ass and drags you along whether you like it or not.” -Libby Fly, inner Ramblings

 

It's been nearly six years, and I still can't believe it sometimes. I expect to wake up with a faceful of hair and a grouchy partner, followed by idiotic advisors trying to tell me what to do with the colony... and then life comes crashing down, and the memories file in like broken records... the fights, the talks... the sex. Yes, I can be so crude. Then there's the life. I miss what I had then, and I know it's selfish, but I do. I want my wife, I want my home.

 

But then again, they're gone... And I'm left with this gaping hole, trying to fill it with scorn, with anger, with battle, with justice. Oh how I hate what I've become. But it's too late. I'm already here. And now, the battle is gone. I'm left with the anger, and nowhere to put it. I suppose that's really why I joined Mariemaia... I wanted to be able to something with all that anger. And battle was the only outlet I knew.

 

Now, I realize that I was a child then, struggling with adult conflicts and concepts that even now I don't really grasp. I suppose there's a reason for it. I'm weak. And no, I'm not going to stop doing what I'm doing because of that simple phrase. I accept it, and so it's done. I'll move on in spite of it. So now I'm here, unable to learn what life really is. I'm a Preventer. I help protect the Earth Sphere. And yet I'm somehow not allowed to live.

 

Everything I do is held up against how I was in the wars, how I was even six months ago. The wars over. I'm not in mourning anymore for Nataku's sake! I've changed, and no one understands. The only one who would, is dead, her ashes vaporized and spread across the Universe. But I suppose that's how life will always be.

 

The others, they don't get it. Trowa, he seems to be looking for a weakness he can use to gain supremacy in something... he seems to me like a wild animal, looking for a spot at the fire and finding no space.

 

Duo, he'll always be something no one understands... but he's got this... spark that makes people gravitate to him. I suppose that's why he's my best friend. But he'll never understand.... he has too much self-doubt of his own to deal with to worry about mine.

 

Heero, he won't care because it doesn't affect my performance in my job, therefore it doesn't matter to him. On some level I'm sure it does, but he hasn't asked, and probably never will.

 

Quatre may think he gets it, but even he, with his newtype abilities, will never understand in all entirety what is wrong with me. I'm destined to be alone. I long for my life as it was, and I want everything to be sane again. But it won't, and I'll adjust. I suppose that's all anyone can do.

 

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