Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Isolation ❯ Chapter 2
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: KentraShinataku02 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 05.27.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 320 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 05.27.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 320 | Status: Completed
Title: Isolation
Author: Kentra Shinataku
Anime: Gundam Wing
Pairings: 2+4/4+2
Archive: Ask and ye shall receive.
Category: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Not at the moment.
Warning: Anorexia, mild OOC, Quatre POV, angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my notebooks, pens, and computer.
**********
Isolation: Part Two
"I'm sorry, Duo, do you need to use the bathroom?" I ask, putting on my friendly mask once again, although I know it's too late, he's already seen me defenseless.
"No Quatre," he comments quietly, playing along with my pretense. Or maybe he isn't only playing. "Wufei said that dinner will be ready in a few minutes, so you should come down."
"That's alright, but thank you for telling me. I'm not hungry."
"That's what you said when I offered you ice cream," Duo shoots back, "and lunch," he bites his lower lip, piecing too much together, "Please, just come down."
I resist the urge to scowl into the mirrors that are surrounding me as I disappear into my own room and grab my baggy red t-shirt from the floor. Slipping it over my head, I retreat again to the bathroom to brush my teeth and find that Duo is still leaning in the doorway, obviously intent not to let me escape from the food that I know they are going to force down my throat. I don't need anymore of that shit taking up space in my stomach, there's already too much in there now. But Duo is giving me that _look_ of his, that look that I can't deny with a clean conscience, and I reluctantly follow down the stairs and to the dining room.
The distinct aroma of Chinese food is teasing my nostrils, tempting me to ruin my body even more than I already have. Maybe if I just eat a little.... No. I've already had a disgusting amount of food today.
"Nice to see you attending a meal, Quatre," Wufei comments, donning a small smirk on his lips as if he's dying to yell 'I know something I shouldn't!' and if I didn't know his high sense of dignity, he probably would.
"I like my privacy, I usually eat alone."
Duo seats himself next to me at the white clothed table and picks up the utensils next to the floral plate.
"Dammit, Wu, chopsticks? You know I can't eat with these annoying things!" he exclaims with one of his many grins on his face, one of those grins that nobody else could possibly pull off.
"I cooked, I prefer chopsticks. It you want a fork, go to the kitchen and get one yourself," Wufei states calmly, his eyes smiling unwillingly towards the visual complaint. He and Duo frequent trivial arguments but they are actually very close friends. I even thought they were lovers, until my curiosity got the better of me and I asked Duo.
Grumbling, Duo stands, turning to head toward the kitchen, but I stop him.
"I'll get you a fork, Duo, I'm going to the kitchen to get some water anyways." Duo shrugs and sits back in his seat before flicking a grain of rice so that it lands on Wufei's nose. He's crazy, Wufei's going to flip on him, and I hear him begin as I close the French style doors behind me. Usually, this would make me smile, today my mind is far too near the edge, far too scattered. I feel like my thoughts are going to take over and control me, I can't hear over my mind, it's all so overwhelming, suffocating. And suddenly, it stops.
I blink when I realize I'm in the kitchen. Why am I here? Oh, water! I reach into the fridge and grab a cold bottle before looking around. The water is all I came in here for, right? I bite my lower lip, knowing there was something that I couldn't quite grasp. Oh well, I'll think of it later; It's probably not important. Turning down the hallway, I head towards my bedroom, I think that's where I just came from. I remember now, I was going to exercise.
I pop the cap of the water bottle and take a sip before setting it on the dresser where my radio is. I don't bother to replace the lid. My finger lands on a small, red button and weighs down upon it, allowing the flashing lights on the face of the radio to spring to life. And old pop song is playing, a perfect beat to match the fall of my footsteps with. This is not music I'd typically listen to- the loud female voice sounds as if she just sucked helium from a party balloon- but the background music was created with old fashioned synthesizers that carry a lot of rhythm, even if it sounds as if it came from pre-colony times.
I lift my feet, one at a time and begin to jog in place, though I feel sluggish at first, a sure sign I haven't been working myself hard enough. It's about 6:30 p.m., according to my wrist watch, and apart from the leisurely stroll with Duo, I hadn't exercised since last night. I shouldn't have been slacking off like this, things like this are what make me gain weight.
97 pounds. I hate myself.
I barely notice that my feet pick up tempo, instinctively changing with the beat of the next song. This one sounds pre-colony also; I wonder what station this is, I don't remember turning it on. My breath catches slightly and I first realize that there is a sharp pain biting into my side. Dropping to the floor, I lie on my back and continue the workout segment with sit-ups. I do a lot of these, they can compact my stomach fat into muscle. Though obviously it isn't very productive since I've gained weight. Wufei says muscle weighs more than fat, but since I don't have a lot of muscle, I can't use that as an excuse, now can I?
The song changes again, confirming my ideas that this is indeed a pre-colony station, but I recognize this next song. Duo listens to it. It's by a band called Chevelle, a CD that I so often borrow from his CD case to work out to, it's a wonder that he hasn't noticed. The only thing wrong with this music is the inexplicable feeling of loneliness it pangs inside of me. I stand up and begin to run in place again. Besides loneliness, this music hits me with a surge of energy and power... and anger. My feet move faster and pound against the floor harder, and I do nothing to stop this familiar unreproached madness from running its course. The lyrics to this song are ones I recognize, ones that hurt me in a way no one will see. They don't understand, but I want someone to care. Before I even realize it, I'm singing the song softly to myself.
"You used to beg me to take care of things,
And smile at the thought of me failing,
But long before having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,"
My limbs ache with the amount of force I'm throwing into them, willing them to match the beat and words of the song. Is that what Duo feels when he becomes Shinigami, this undying angry adrenaline?
"I'd send the pain below much like suffocating.
Much like suffocating,"
Suffocating. That's what I feel like sometimes. Everything seems to close in around me, like everyone is staring at me, disapproving looks in their eyes like I'm too disgusting for them to look at. If I'm so damn ugly, why do they still stare at me? Is it too hard to tear your eyes from someone so hideous? Maybe it's really my thoughts that close in on me, settle me in a little box and wrap their seductive fingers around my neck. Those thoughts, the very ones that occupy my mind as a mere distraction, are killing me slowly. I wish they'd just do it and get it over with.
"You used to run me away,
All while laughing,
Then cry about the fact
til I returned."
Something feels wrong, like there's something I'm supposed to be doing right now. I wish my mind wasn't so scattered. I think Duo said something about dinner, but I wasn't really paying that much attention. It looks like I'm thankfully getting out of it though, so I just keep running, almost as if I'm running away from my life.
"Much like suffocating,
I can't feel my chest,
Need more, Drop Down,
Closing in."
It takes me a few moments before I realize there is another voice singing and it's neither mine nor the voices on the radio. Instantaneously, I look to the direction it's coming from, my bedroom door where Duo is standing looking less than pleased. Something pulls on the corners of my mind, I _knew_I was supposed to be doing something else, but even now I don't know what.
"Be right back, huh?" he asks me, trying hard to fit a devious smirk over his concerned expression, but to no avail, and he holds up a fork. With a sudden pang I know what that little something that had been nagging at my mind was.
"I'm sorry, I forgot about bringing that to you," I murmur, trying to avoid his eyes. I know why he's here, I know he's upset with me.
"Quatre." Just my simple name spoken from his lips sounds like a curse. I must disgust him as much as I disgust myself. He inches slowly toward me, as if he needs to approach with caution. "Why don't you come finish dinner with us?" he says quietly, his tone not quite matching the formal invitation.
"I-I forgot..."
"Quatre..."
"I'm not... I'm not hungry." I wish he would just leave me alone, I wish he wouldn't try to make me eat.
"Please..."
"Duo... I..."
"You need to eat..." His eyes are scaring me, there are so many emotions coming from him, fear concern, and something else, something that runs deeper.
"I don't..."
"You..."
Suddenly, I realize that his lips are pressing against mine.
**********
Author: Kentra Shinataku
Anime: Gundam Wing
Pairings: 2+4/4+2
Archive: Ask and ye shall receive.
Category: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Not at the moment.
Warning: Anorexia, mild OOC, Quatre POV, angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my notebooks, pens, and computer.
**********
Isolation: Part Two
"I'm sorry, Duo, do you need to use the bathroom?" I ask, putting on my friendly mask once again, although I know it's too late, he's already seen me defenseless.
"No Quatre," he comments quietly, playing along with my pretense. Or maybe he isn't only playing. "Wufei said that dinner will be ready in a few minutes, so you should come down."
"That's alright, but thank you for telling me. I'm not hungry."
"That's what you said when I offered you ice cream," Duo shoots back, "and lunch," he bites his lower lip, piecing too much together, "Please, just come down."
I resist the urge to scowl into the mirrors that are surrounding me as I disappear into my own room and grab my baggy red t-shirt from the floor. Slipping it over my head, I retreat again to the bathroom to brush my teeth and find that Duo is still leaning in the doorway, obviously intent not to let me escape from the food that I know they are going to force down my throat. I don't need anymore of that shit taking up space in my stomach, there's already too much in there now. But Duo is giving me that _look_ of his, that look that I can't deny with a clean conscience, and I reluctantly follow down the stairs and to the dining room.
The distinct aroma of Chinese food is teasing my nostrils, tempting me to ruin my body even more than I already have. Maybe if I just eat a little.... No. I've already had a disgusting amount of food today.
"Nice to see you attending a meal, Quatre," Wufei comments, donning a small smirk on his lips as if he's dying to yell 'I know something I shouldn't!' and if I didn't know his high sense of dignity, he probably would.
"I like my privacy, I usually eat alone."
Duo seats himself next to me at the white clothed table and picks up the utensils next to the floral plate.
"Dammit, Wu, chopsticks? You know I can't eat with these annoying things!" he exclaims with one of his many grins on his face, one of those grins that nobody else could possibly pull off.
"I cooked, I prefer chopsticks. It you want a fork, go to the kitchen and get one yourself," Wufei states calmly, his eyes smiling unwillingly towards the visual complaint. He and Duo frequent trivial arguments but they are actually very close friends. I even thought they were lovers, until my curiosity got the better of me and I asked Duo.
Grumbling, Duo stands, turning to head toward the kitchen, but I stop him.
"I'll get you a fork, Duo, I'm going to the kitchen to get some water anyways." Duo shrugs and sits back in his seat before flicking a grain of rice so that it lands on Wufei's nose. He's crazy, Wufei's going to flip on him, and I hear him begin as I close the French style doors behind me. Usually, this would make me smile, today my mind is far too near the edge, far too scattered. I feel like my thoughts are going to take over and control me, I can't hear over my mind, it's all so overwhelming, suffocating. And suddenly, it stops.
I blink when I realize I'm in the kitchen. Why am I here? Oh, water! I reach into the fridge and grab a cold bottle before looking around. The water is all I came in here for, right? I bite my lower lip, knowing there was something that I couldn't quite grasp. Oh well, I'll think of it later; It's probably not important. Turning down the hallway, I head towards my bedroom, I think that's where I just came from. I remember now, I was going to exercise.
I pop the cap of the water bottle and take a sip before setting it on the dresser where my radio is. I don't bother to replace the lid. My finger lands on a small, red button and weighs down upon it, allowing the flashing lights on the face of the radio to spring to life. And old pop song is playing, a perfect beat to match the fall of my footsteps with. This is not music I'd typically listen to- the loud female voice sounds as if she just sucked helium from a party balloon- but the background music was created with old fashioned synthesizers that carry a lot of rhythm, even if it sounds as if it came from pre-colony times.
I lift my feet, one at a time and begin to jog in place, though I feel sluggish at first, a sure sign I haven't been working myself hard enough. It's about 6:30 p.m., according to my wrist watch, and apart from the leisurely stroll with Duo, I hadn't exercised since last night. I shouldn't have been slacking off like this, things like this are what make me gain weight.
97 pounds. I hate myself.
I barely notice that my feet pick up tempo, instinctively changing with the beat of the next song. This one sounds pre-colony also; I wonder what station this is, I don't remember turning it on. My breath catches slightly and I first realize that there is a sharp pain biting into my side. Dropping to the floor, I lie on my back and continue the workout segment with sit-ups. I do a lot of these, they can compact my stomach fat into muscle. Though obviously it isn't very productive since I've gained weight. Wufei says muscle weighs more than fat, but since I don't have a lot of muscle, I can't use that as an excuse, now can I?
The song changes again, confirming my ideas that this is indeed a pre-colony station, but I recognize this next song. Duo listens to it. It's by a band called Chevelle, a CD that I so often borrow from his CD case to work out to, it's a wonder that he hasn't noticed. The only thing wrong with this music is the inexplicable feeling of loneliness it pangs inside of me. I stand up and begin to run in place again. Besides loneliness, this music hits me with a surge of energy and power... and anger. My feet move faster and pound against the floor harder, and I do nothing to stop this familiar unreproached madness from running its course. The lyrics to this song are ones I recognize, ones that hurt me in a way no one will see. They don't understand, but I want someone to care. Before I even realize it, I'm singing the song softly to myself.
"You used to beg me to take care of things,
And smile at the thought of me failing,
But long before having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,"
My limbs ache with the amount of force I'm throwing into them, willing them to match the beat and words of the song. Is that what Duo feels when he becomes Shinigami, this undying angry adrenaline?
"I'd send the pain below much like suffocating.
Much like suffocating,"
Suffocating. That's what I feel like sometimes. Everything seems to close in around me, like everyone is staring at me, disapproving looks in their eyes like I'm too disgusting for them to look at. If I'm so damn ugly, why do they still stare at me? Is it too hard to tear your eyes from someone so hideous? Maybe it's really my thoughts that close in on me, settle me in a little box and wrap their seductive fingers around my neck. Those thoughts, the very ones that occupy my mind as a mere distraction, are killing me slowly. I wish they'd just do it and get it over with.
"You used to run me away,
All while laughing,
Then cry about the fact
til I returned."
Something feels wrong, like there's something I'm supposed to be doing right now. I wish my mind wasn't so scattered. I think Duo said something about dinner, but I wasn't really paying that much attention. It looks like I'm thankfully getting out of it though, so I just keep running, almost as if I'm running away from my life.
"Much like suffocating,
I can't feel my chest,
Need more, Drop Down,
Closing in."
It takes me a few moments before I realize there is another voice singing and it's neither mine nor the voices on the radio. Instantaneously, I look to the direction it's coming from, my bedroom door where Duo is standing looking less than pleased. Something pulls on the corners of my mind, I _knew_I was supposed to be doing something else, but even now I don't know what.
"Be right back, huh?" he asks me, trying hard to fit a devious smirk over his concerned expression, but to no avail, and he holds up a fork. With a sudden pang I know what that little something that had been nagging at my mind was.
"I'm sorry, I forgot about bringing that to you," I murmur, trying to avoid his eyes. I know why he's here, I know he's upset with me.
"Quatre." Just my simple name spoken from his lips sounds like a curse. I must disgust him as much as I disgust myself. He inches slowly toward me, as if he needs to approach with caution. "Why don't you come finish dinner with us?" he says quietly, his tone not quite matching the formal invitation.
"I-I forgot..."
"Quatre..."
"I'm not... I'm not hungry." I wish he would just leave me alone, I wish he wouldn't try to make me eat.
"Please..."
"Duo... I..."
"You need to eat..." His eyes are scaring me, there are so many emotions coming from him, fear concern, and something else, something that runs deeper.
"I don't..."
"You..."
Suddenly, I realize that his lips are pressing against mine.
**********