Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Join Him ❯ Join Him ( One-Shot )

Fic - Join Him (1/1)

Title: Join Him

Author: Mara202 (nanashi202@hotmail.com)

Archive: ff. net, my own website (see profile page), you can have it if you want, but please ask first!

Category: tragedy, songfic, deathfic.

Labels/warnings: TWT (it takes place right after the series, no Preventer-thingies in it), shonen-ai, character-death, suicide.

Pairings: 1+2+1, 3+4+3 mentioned.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. I also do not own the song 'Join me' by HIM. I'm not making money for this, I'm just writing this for fun.

Feedback: yes, please! It's only my second ficcie... o_O

Notes:

// lyrics
normal text

*sighs* I really really suck at titles…

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They say it helps to write things down, so I'm going to write you this final letter. I just don't know where to begin. Maybe I'll just write down whatever happened to us since the end of the war. Maybe it'll help me understand why you did what you did. But I guess I already do.

During the war, I had nightmares frequently; I heard the screaming of the people I had killed resound in my head. I know you had them too. Often, when I was looking at you while you were sleeping, I saw you toss about, an expression of fear and grief on your face. I felt so powerless, knowing that I couldn't do anything to lessen the pain.

As always, I tried to hide from my memories by putting on a smile, tried to make you smile too. At first, it looked like I was succeeding. You seemed to open up a bit, even smiled sometimes. I began to think that maybe, just maybe everything would work out and we'd be happy after all.

// We are so young
// our lives have just begun
// but already we're considering
// escape from this world

When time passed, my nightmares came less often, so did yours. For some time, everything was perfect; we were a happy couple in a happy, peaceful world. Why couldn't that time last forever?

I don't know when things started to change or why they did, but I saw you fall back in your old Perfect Soldier-role. You didn't smile anymore, seemed lost in your dark thoughts. This time I couldn't get you out of it, I began to wonder if I actually had last time.

Your nightmares returned, I often heard you scream in your sleep. The feeling of being powerless overtook me again. I couldn't stand just sitting there and see you become more and more depressed. If only you had talked about it, maybe I could have helped you. But what could I have done? You seemed to be out of reach, I tried to comfort you, but you just brushed me off and continued your staring out of the window.

I guess the Perfect Soldier wasn't so perfect after all. His biggest 'faults' were his emotions and conscience. You were tortured by the acts you had engaged in the war, the people you had killed. But why did it affect you so strongly? And why now? Did you feel guilty because you had let Dr J turn you into a fighting machine? That wasn't your fault! If you hadn't done it, they would've chosen someone else, probably someone not as good as you.

// and we have waited for so long
// for this moment to come
// was so anxious to be together
// together in death

My nightmares returned too, only they weren't solely about the war, but also about you. When I saw you sitting there at the window, I knew you were thinking about putting an end to it. And this time you wouldn't come out of it alive, like the other times. No, this time there would be no escape.

So when I read your final note and discovered your lifeless body, I wasn't surprised. Nor was I sad. I guess I would have been, had I not seen this coming for a long, long time. I should have been sad though. I mean, we had known each other for quite a long time, and for the last few months we even were lovers.

These last months, we were like living a dream. The war was over and, most important, we had each other. I can't remember what started our relationship or when it started, it just... happened. I guess it was natural though, since we had gone through the same things. We both had lots of deaths on our consciences, also many civilian casualties.

It's just so ironic: now, when there is no war to claim your attention, or mine, anymore, we still can't be together. The past has haunted us and now... now you're dead.

// This world is a cruel place
// and we're here only to lose
// so before live tears us apart let
// death bless me with you

What were those scientists thinking anyway, when they put five mere kids in brutal fighting machines? Would they have ever thought about the consequences this killing would have for us? I guess they did, only they found world peace more important. Frankly, I can't blame them for that. Five lives in exchange for the lives of millions of other lives.

Yes, we're not the only Gundam Pilots with mental troubles, Quatre couldn't live with the remembrance of the people he killed, so one day he just ran away, probably to his death. Trowa was broken. He followed his lover soon and committed suicide. I hope they're happy now, while they couldn't be when they were still alive. It's just like Shakespeare's tragedies, only this is real…

Now you're dead, I don't have any reason to live for anymore. The one person that ever understood me has died. Yes, I could go to Wufei; after all, he has fought in the war too, maybe he could understand. But he has more than enough troubles of his own.

Maybe it's time for the God of Death to die himself. I have killed so many, sometimes innocent, people. I feel I don't have the right to live while they could not.

I was destined to be killed by you, and in a way, I will be.

// Won't you die tonight for love
// Baby join me in death
// Won't you die
// Baby join me in death
// Won't you die tonight for love
// Baby join me in death

I have made my decision. I'll join you. Join you in death.

See you soon.

Forever yours,

Duo.

The end
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For the complete lyrics of this song, go to http:// www. lyricsxp. com/ lyrics /j/ join_me_him.html (remove spaces) or just use google.com... that way you probably find one with less pop-up screens... -_-;

Well, whaddaya think? *hides behind desk*