Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Joker's Smile ❯ Just nod if you can hear me... ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I hate to interrupt the story's flow, but some of my beloved reviewers (thanks to all of you, btw! XD ) told me that they were confused. Good. That's the point right now. I want to show you what it's like in there, in Duo's head, before everything comes together. If it ever does. This started out as a one chapter thing, then inspiration struck. I love the second chapter, personaly. It might seem a bit hard to follow, but the story so far is: Duo musing about Heero, then Duo in the bathroom of the safehouse talking to the voices in his head. He breaks the mirror, then goes on a mission (presumably with Heero and Wufei) and comes back shot. There's a part in the second chapter that's a bit odd, and that's where he was counting. He's counting bodies first, then counting down seconds until his bombs explode. The third chapter is when he realizes what's going on in his head. Like a dawning of realization. But he doesn't know it yet. The voices are of his dead friends, family. The Church, his gang. They're there to remind him why he's fighting.
Hey, you try losing everyone/thing, and not losing your mind. It's tough. And, for the record, Heero and Wufei are NOT an item. It's a little clearer in this chapter. (I hope!)
I hope that helps some!
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"Will everyone kindly shut the fuck up? Please?"
Sounds so stupid to say it out loud, but I really need to think. It's something I usually try to avoid, but I really do now. Run through everything that's happened in the last two days. I mean, you sit around in a huge machine capable of mass amounts of destruction and then you just... think. You aren't doing those mass amounts of destruction (yet), but you think about them.
I can't seem to get away from them. I can't escape. I'm trapped in a loop of memories, not all of which are necessarily ones that I'd like to keep. In fact, some of them are downright distrubing.
I never asked for this. For any of this. Well, maybe the Gundam, but not the rest.
I never wanted a body count at the tender age of fifteen? I'm guesstimating here, I don't know for sure. That's part of it. I'm not sure if my count should be two higher, or if I was just left to start the count.
First the gang, then Solo, then the church. Father. Sister. And all for what? For a cause , for a belief?
What belief? What cause? I don't know. I just fight. I don't reason anything anymore. I've seen too much to believe in anything.
Even those two.
Maybe I'm so doped up I'm seeing things. It could have been anything, looking at it now. Yeah, they were on the floor, close together. Heero on top of 'Fei... But maybe they were wrestling, or Wu Fei got hurt or... Something. Anything to keep me from hitting the button that will start those engines and thake me further away from my life.
My love.
But he doesn't know. I sit there, smiling and babbling and playing the fool.
A joking, laughing, crying fool. All because if they knew the real me, they'd go away. Far away, they'd want nothing to do with me. I'd be left for dead.
Because I'm never alone. Because if I'm ever alone, I'll be dead. That's why they stay. That's why I can't let them go. Becaue when they leave for heaven, and I'm watching them... I won't be there. And the pity... Or even just the uttetly forgotten look...
I know that look. It's the one in Heero's eyes when he looks at me. The one I see everytime I look at Wu Fei. They've forgotten me. I'll still be in the room, or still be talikng, and bam. I'm no loner even registering in their minds as a human being.
I'm nothing to them.
And Quatre just looks at me with his big liquid eyes that know so much more than he lets on... He looks at me with pity. Pity. He thinks that he understands what the hell is going on in here. In my head, but he doesn't. He only thinks he does. As if someone so good at hiding who they are from the world couldn't hide himself from a fucking empath.
Well, that's what he is, isn't it? An empath. Silly Space Heart thingy...
I love him, really, but... Ugh.
And the silent one... Oh King of one-eyed stares... He just sits there. I haven't got a thing to do with him, with his anything. He's just a big, silent asshole.
Hehehehe.
Looks like I've been found out. Hi Heero! I wave jauntily, ignoring that sharp stab of pain that yells "dumbass" in my side. He looks annoyed...In that vague "I have no emotions" face of his. He pulls the rip cord, and I don't know what he plans to do, but I know that he'll never find out what I was going to do.
"This is the war that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started fighting it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue fighting it forever just because This is the war that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started fighting it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue fighting it forever just because This is -- "
There's no need to scowl so, I'm simply entertaining myself...
"Heero, I'm simply getting my bedrest somewhere other than the bed. Nothing wrong with tha-! Hey! Put me down! Owowowowowowowoowowowowowowww!!!!"
Well, the best part of this could be the view. Nice ass Heero....


---------See You Later--------