Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Kisama! That's MY Onna! ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: s'not mine.

Author's note: While this is not technically bashing anyone, Wufei's reputation might come out a bit tarnished…as usual. So if you like Sally and Fei romance with a little of everything spice tossed in for fun…well, here goes!

KISAMA! THAT'S MY ONNA!

Sally stifled a grin as a loud mixture of Chinese and English curses erupted from her partner's office, stridently overriding Lady Une's calmer voice through sheer volume and frustrated desk pounding. She reached for the jar of instant coffee, spooning the dark crystals into two mugs with graceful precision, then wrinkled her nose distastefully at the almost stale smell that exuded from the resultant brew. Preventer Headquarters. Damn cheap, but then again, the budget had been cut, again. She sighed wistfully, wishing for a good cup of strong Oo Loong tea, but getting that was as likely as her getting a trip to China, so she wasn't going to hold her breath anytime soon.

She was in the middle of pouring creamer in the mixture of instant, sugar, and hot water when she heard the door slam and pounding footsteps rapidly approaching her and smiled innocently over her shoulder. "Coffee?"

"ONNA!!" The windowpanes rattled shakily in their fragile frames as Wufei expended all his outrage in that one, single yell, fists held tightly at his side.

Unfazed, Sally merely blinked before glancing down in feigned puzzlement at the offending coffee mug, to hide the laughter that threatened to spill from her lips. When she had finally composed herself, she returned sparkling honey-brown eyes up to meet Wufei's threatening glower…only to choke back a giggle that threatened her bland countenance as she admonished, "I know the coffee's bad, but you'll just have to live with it, Wufei."

"Coffee?" Wufei asked blankly. He was momentarily distracted from his newest pet peeve as he grimaced at the murky chestnut colored liquid, "How can you drink that, onna?"

"I don't know, Wufei, I do not know…Oh say…seven packets of sugar-"

"When did you make plans to go out tonight??" Wufei shouted furiously. "Why didn't you inform me?"

"You're a big boy, Fei." Sally countered, allowing a slight smile to cross her lips, "Go play video games or something. As for me…well, let's just say that I need to get back into the social swing of things…after all, its been work work work since the war finished, and I need a real man."

"What…is…that…supposed to mean, onna???"

Ignoring the dragon-like flames that were spitting from Wufei's obsidian eyes, she continued doggedly, "And you need to get a life besides the workplace too, am I right? If I'm not mistaken…there's the cute secretary in level three…hmm…what was her name…Oklina, I think…that's positively drooling for a chance to go out with you." Sally brought the mug to her lips, sipping at the bitter liquid before adding, "It's not every day that our gracious Lady gives us the day off…you should make the most of it."

"Injustice!!"

"Now, now, Fei…" Sally tried her best to frown at her raging partner, patting him with a consoling hand on his shoulder, "She really isn't that bad a girl…you should give her a shot before you start spouting that 'women are weak' bit. I mean, I hear she took a judo class just for you…even though she got her butt wiped in two minutes and the sensei had to send her home in a wheelchair…but you should at least give her a shot!"

Ignoring Sally's effort to get him hooked up to that 'cute secretary in level three' that couldn't fight worth a damn, Wufei towered over his slightly shorter partner, something that he had found he was able to do since hitting that growth spurt upon turning eighteen. "Who…are…you…going…with?" Wufei enunciated carefully, and Sally knew her partner was about to grab and shake her shoulders…or wring her neck…to get the answer that he wanted.

"Careful Fei," Sally warned surreptitiously, "Or you'll get a mug full of coffee down your uniform, and coffee stains are so hard to get off, aren't they?" When the furious Chinese Preventer had gotten some semblance of control, she continued, "And what I do on my free time is my own business, so…hey, I know! How about Cherise on level fi-"

"Onna!! Stop trying to pair me with your weak, little onna friends!"

Sally coughed, before putting her coffee carefully on the table and taking both of Wufei's broad shoulders in her hands. "Wufei," She said gently, "I know that you think women are weak, and I know you are very adamant about your stance, but…" She turned him around so that he could face the angry feminist mob that had congregated around the staff room, their ominous presence lending a kind of doom in the tense atmosphere. Wufei swallowed, anger ebbing in the face of well-founded nervousness. "Don't parade your ideals here…it's not good for your health."

She slipped past him, leaving him to defend himself against twenty yelling women as she sashayed down the hall. "Bye, Fei!" She called cheerfully, "Have a nice night!"

"Injustice!"

Sally winced at the force of his shout, touching a finger to her ear to ease the sudden ache there. "I know, I know," She murmured to herself, "But he really makes me feel like a babysitter with a recalcitrant child sometimes…"

"Omae o kuruso, onna!!"

***

Wufei was limping when he was finally able to struggle his way out of the staff room, favoring his right leg where a woman had spiked him with her three-inch heel in a fit of anger. Although there wasn't a smear of blood on him, he sported a new black eye and his hair, always slicked back into a tight ponytail, hung loosely about his face…well, perhaps hung was too kind a word. Imagine a lion's mane. Now, imagine a lion's mane half yanked out, the other half clumped together because of a cup of thankfully tepid coffee had been dumped over his head. Now, imagine that the lion's mane was black. That was what his hair now looked like now.

"Kuso…dishonorable onn…er…women...attacking all at once," Wufei winced as he settled himself behind his desk, leaning heavily on the armrest of his chair as he glared broodingly at nothing in particular. As a rule, women were unpredictable and violent (he wouldn't be saying weak anytime soon…), ready to defend their pathetic excuse for integrity through their wiles or in this case, through sheer numbers. What was this world coming to, when onnas were allowed to run rampant through the streets, toting guns and learning how to fight? Wufei shook his head darkly. Especially that onna. She should be locked up and sent to a mentally insane institute, leaving him to the mercies of those piranhas. What kind of partner did that? And what was that she was saying about getting a 'real man'?! What was he, a fish swimming around in a koi pond??

"Injustice!" He muttered, crossing his arms across his chest, then immediately shifted uncomfortably as the action put pressure on his already sore ribs, "And who is that woman going out with?"

That was another sore point…and he didn't mean the aches that had taken up residence throughout his entire body. Who was this man that Sally was going out with? How long had they been going out? Why didn't he know about it? Wufei prided himself on knowing and anticipating every response and action that his partner was capable of performing, from jumping off a flaming building to yanking a gun on the Southern Ambassador's head and accusing him of being, quite accurately, the leak in the Preventer Headquarter's chain of command. This sudden turn of events had not even been a probability according to his studies. This wasn't even supposed to be marginally possible. Why?

"Because that's my onna!" Wufei growled under his breath, just as his office door flew open and a cheerful, braided-hair baka barreled through the door, holding a sheaf of papers in his fist.

Duo stopped, jaw opened as he stared at Wufei, then he broke out into a grin, tossing the portfolio at his 'commanding officer.' Like hell. Wufei almost snorted, catching the sheaf neatly in his hand. The day anyone could 'command' the errant Shinigami was the day the Phoenix would rise from its one thousand years of sleep…well, unless that person was Hilde. Duo would practically sit up and beg if she asked him to.

Duo hadn't even commented on the disheveled state that Wufei was in as he socked the former Altron pilot on the arm with friendly exuberance, amethyst eyes twinkling with cheerfully. "Onna? You got a woman, Wu-man? You little devil you! You actually went out with Oklina from level three? Wait, or maybe Cherise-"

"Shut up, Maxwell!" Wufei snapped peevishly. He suddenly wondered how many people knew about these damn onnas that were chasing him to perdition and back…why couldn't the one that he wanted chase him? No, instead, she was out to find a 'real man'…Gods that was annoying! "I am not going out with those women…so stay out of my business!"

A puzzled expression came over Duo's face before he shrugged it off carelessly. "K, Wu." Duo replied, well used to Wufei's constant explosions of temper, "So I guess this rules out asking why you look like a Dragon with his scales torn off?"

"Maxwell!"

"Oops." Duo grinned unrepentantly. "I guess it does." At Wufei's dark glower, Duo held up his hands in mock surrender, then with a sigh, shook his head, stuffing the offending hands into his pockets. "Oh well, your life, your business. But damn if I'll ever understand why you let Sally outta your sight, that's for sure. I mean Sally's going out with…" Duo shuddered in mock horror…then felt his neck being possessed by the Chinese demon from hell. "Eh heh heh…Wu-man? I need to breathe!"

Wufei tightened his fingers around Duo's much-needed windpipe so that the last part came out in a high squeak that would have made any soprano proud. "Maxwell." Obsidian eyes glittered dangerously, even as Wufei's voice settled into a tone of pleasant discussion, "I'm tired. I've been playing the part of a stress relief plush toy for these damn estrogen-oriented onnas for an hour. So it would be in your best interest if you suddenly found one or two undamaged brain cells that I know are rattling around in beneath your braided hair, and tell me exactly what I want to know, ne?"

Duo hesitated, looked up, paled, and did just that.

***

Outside Wufei's office, orderlies suddenly heard an outraged, "That onna's going out with who!? Kisama!!"

Sally winced, and decided to take the rest of the day off, quietly grabbing her car keys and slipping out the door as she heard a variety of knick knacks (including, perhaps, the computer) crash against the walls with reckless force. Duo's voice rose in caution and loud exasperation, but Sally refused to save him this time. Well, too bad for you Maxwell. You did have to go and open your big mouth.

Inside Wufei glared murderously at the broken monitor and the pictures that were wildly scattered across the burgundy carpet. At a slight motion to his right, he shifted his eyes upwards to Duo's face, which, while still annoyed, exhibited not a trace of panic.

The American God of Death merely shook his head and observed, "That'll cost you…oh…three weeks pay, Wu-man. I don't think our insurance companies cover temper tantrums."

"Dammit!" was Wufei's only reply.

He grabbed his jacket, a little worse for wear, from the hook's new place half way across the room and made his way across the broken glass to the door.

"Hey, hey, whatcha doin'?" Duo raised his voice a little, suddenly pitying Sally's date more than ever. Oh man…me and my big mouth. "You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?"

"Shut up Maxwell!"

"Come on! It's not like you clasped a leash around Sally's neck and told her to 'sit'!" Duo protested vehemently, doggedly half-running after his friend, "And besides-"

"That onna has no sense of honor!" was the unequivocal response. "He's the man she's been looking for is she? Him?!"

"Come on, she could do much worse than him. Besides, he's our frie-" Wufei stopped walking and obsidian eyes flaring with dark flames instantly shut him up. Duo sighed as he watched Wufei wheel away and stalk down the hall, muttering epithets in a mixture of Chinese and Japanese that would make even the hardiest marine sit down and take notes. (provided that that marine knows Chinese or Japanese…) "Oh well, I tried." Duo muttered, dragging his fingers through his hair. "Damn, I guess I should warn Sally." He paused. "Then again, what's the fun in that?"

***

Sally smiled, checking her appearance in the full-length mirror that graced her room. One of the few luxuries that Preventer's pay could actually handle, she reflected, twirling her hair absently. Briefly, she felt a twinge of conscience for misleading her partner like this but…well, she needed a little excitement in her life, excitement that didn't include guns, Mobile Dolls, or big Gundams, anyway. That she could have any day of the week.

Finally satisfied that her hair would not fall out from it's simple coils at the base of her neck, she picked up the purse that was draped negligently over the back of the chair and walked out of here little bedroom, just as the door chimed lightly. She nodded approvingly. Right on time. Good.

"Come in!" She called, raising her voice a little, and the door opened to reveal a man with his neatly brushed back mop of platinum blonde hair and cheerfully twinkling azure eyes. She smothered a grin as he gallantly raised her hand to his lips. "Hello, Quatre. It's been a long time since we've spoken. How are your sisters?"

"Miss Sally." Quatre smiled easily, offering his arm before leading her out the door, allowing her to lock up before they moved on. "My sisters are all fine. They were glad to push me out of the house for a night, all twenty eight of them." He chuckled in exasperated amusement before adding, "They're afraid that I'll never beget the next Winner heir. I keep on assuring them that I am but twenty years old, but then again…sisters. They'll never change."

"Mmm…" Sally nodded knowingly. "Rashid still drinking your cellar dry?"

Quatre rolled his eyes. "Would they be Magunacs if they did not insist on having a 'little' drink every day? They are becoming known as the 'Forty fourth Drunken Magunac Corp'."

"And living admirably up to the name too," Sally added, joining in with her own laughter. "Now, where are we going to eat? I'm starving." Neither of them seemed to notice the figure that stood in the shadows of the hallway, feline eyes narrowed in their direction. Then he walked to the window and soundlessly slid the glass pane up and stepped into the embrace of a towering willow…only to slip.

Wufei muffled an oath as a few dozen scratchy branches decided to "aid" in breaking his fall and only served to break his back instead as the thorns tore into his jacket and face with brutal democracy. He slammed into the unyielding cement sidewalk, hearing some definite cracks in his body as his nerve endings made it perfectly clear that he was in pain.

"Owww….Kuso!"

Sally paused just before she entered the elevator, head cocked suspiciously as her Preventer's instincts switched on. "Did you hear something?"

Quatre shrugged as the controls pinged and the door opened. "Must have been the wind."

***

Wufei glowered darkly from his position behind an ornate burgundy red and gold menu as he stared at the laughing couple. He still couldn't believe that his competition had been Quatre for God's sake. Quatre! What did that onna see in that weak little Winner boy?

Beside him, his dinner companion shifted uncomfortably and he turned his attention to Duo. On any other occasion, Wufei would have smiled in complacent appreciation at the picture the former Gundam pilot made. After that damn debacle at Preventer headquarters, he had not been able to ask any person in high heels out to spy on Sally; so who got the job instead? Wufei smirked as heavily-powdered Duo glared at him with sulky violet eyes, at least twelve pounds of eyeliner, mascara, and whatever else onnas used, encrusted on his eyelids.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me, Fei." Duo whined unhappily, tugging at his mahogany brown hair, which was swirled in a graceful coiffure. Decked in one of Hilde's ball gowns, hastily modified to fit Duo's lanky form as well as any man's characteristic lack in bust (Wufei thought that the bodice might be stuffed with socks, but forbore to ask), Duo had been 'recruited' from his nice little L2 apartment on the pretext of the mission. It was a moment neither of them would soon forget, and a moment that Duo would not soon forgive.

*~Flashback~*

Duo sighed in satisfaction as he sprawled across the couch, TV remote held firmly in hand. As the song went, it was Friday night, he had just got paid, he was sure there was a party thumping somewhere and damn, if he wasn't feeling fine. Lazily snagging a bowl of popcorn from the coffee table, he flipped absently through the channels until he saw a crowd screaming in delight as the battle for the basketball went on below. He grinned in satisfaction and settled into the plush cushions, eyes glued to the screen. Time to watch Shaq O'Neil kick some serious ass!

The doorbell chimed once and he rolled on his back, raising his voice to yell, "Hiilllddeee!"

"Duo! You're closer!" was the annoyed reply as Hilde's head peeked from her bedroom.

He smiled with characteristic Maxwell charm as he wheedled, "Please?"

Hilde threw him a glare, then marched up to the door. "You're such an ass sometimes, Duo."

"But you love me anyway." Duo replied absently. But as he turned his attention back on the game, Duo could hear the Hilde's low voice at the doorway and someone's more impatient, "Let me talk to that braided baka please and I swear not to call you an onna for two days." Wufei. Sounding outraged, annoyed, and full of insulted 'honor'.

Uh oh. Duo thought, prepared to slink away and disappear into some alley for a while, but Wufei was already storming into the living room, "Maxwell! Get up. We have a mission."

"Uh…" Duo grimaced before asking carefully, "Didn't our dear and gracious Lady give us the day o-"

"Not for you." Wufei cut him off, daring Duo to contest his authority. He turned to a mildly curious Hilde who had come up behind him and added, "We will need your help as well to help us disguise him as a woman."

"WHAT?!" Hilde merely blinked as Duo gave off a high pitched screech, not unlike the scream of a panicked woman faced with a bunch of thugs.

Ignoring the American Preventer, Wufei continued, "Our mission is a reconnaissance and scout of-"

"Oh no…" Duo mumbled, eyes wide in panic. "Awww man…you've lost it, Fei!"

"You have long hair, big eyes, and might fit into one of Hilde's dresses with a little quick fitting. Therefore, you are the most logical-"

" We are not going to spy on our boss! Sally outranks you too, and she'll absolutely kill us if we ruin her date…do you know what a virago she is when she's off her coffee?! Dammit, no. No! Hell no! I know I'm gorgeous, but I don't swing that way, and as far as I know, neither do you, damnit."

Eyes slitted dangerously and Wufei asked pleasantly, "No?"

Desperate now (he did not want to walk around dressed as a girl!) Duo turned to Hilde in appeal, half-begging as he whimpered, "Hilde?"

Hilde frowned, glanced at Wufei, who was glaring at her, glanced at Duo, who was staring at her, and winced. Smiling apologetically, she bit her lip and reminded Duo, "Remember Duo…I love you anyway."

And the rest, as they say, was history.

"This is humiliating, Fei!" Duo complained, and clenched his manicured fingernails over the supple wood of the fan in a futile attempt to cover his face. "Aww man…if any of the guys up at HQ hear about this…" But Wufei had long ceased to listen to Duo's griping as he watched Quatre offer Sally his arm, drawing her into the dance floor. So what if Quatre could dance?! Plenty of men could dance. He could dance. Damn, even that maniac Heero could dance. Why the hell were women so infatuated with men that could dance?

He growled, knocking back another flute of champagne that unfortunately did not contain enough alcohol content to reduce his brain to a state of inebriated numbness. Right now, he wanted to walk up and slam his blonde 'friend' into the wall and strangle the life force out of his Arabian body. Sally leaned up on her toes and whispered something in Quatre's ear, making a film of red fury descend across his vision. Dishonorable woman! On the first date and she was already flirting like a promiscuous…promiscuous…like a promiscuous onna!

How could she?! She was murmuring something in a low voice and Quatre nodded agreeably, signaling a passing waiter for a check. After Quatre had paid, they both left, passing close by Wufei's table as he prayed fervently that Sally would not see her two subordinate officers go out on a 'date'. No doubt she would be angry, but more than that, she would never stop reminding him of it. Ever.

He risked a cautious glance over the gold ridge of his menu…and locked eyes with Sally, who immediately swerved towards his table.

"Oh…man…oh man, she's coming towards us," Duo's voice was, if anything, panicked as he spread the fan as wide as possible to hide his distinctive features. "Oh man oh man, we are so screwed…"

"Shut up baka," Wufei growled, standing up to meet his approaching partner. He tightened his jaw defiantly against what was sure to be her womanish tirade, but yet again, she surprised the hell out of him.

"Wufei!" Wufei suddenly found himself in a friendly embrace before Sally stepped back beside Quatre, smiling approvingly, "I've been telling you that you needed a break from all that paperwork. I'm so glad you took my advice. Isn't the food here simply wonderful?" Without waiting for an answer, she glanced curiously at the hiding Duo, trying to see underneath the coyly curled locks of mahogany that was heaped about his head. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

Duo almost trembled in fear as Wufei coughed and replied, in an unnaturally high voice, "This is…er…Violet. He…She agreed to…ahem…go out with me tonight."

"It's nice to meet you," Sally smiled, trying to peer around the frantically flapping fan.

"The pleasure's all mine, Sally," Duo attempted to modify his baritone into a trilling soprano. Unfortunately, that lame attempt merely fell flat, emerging from his painted lips as a harsh croak that had Duo cringing and Wufei stiffening.

"She has a cold tonight." Wufei excused hastily, trying his best to run defense for Duo. He stood firmly between that prying onna and his 'date', moving in front of Sally every time she tried to peer curiously over his shoulder.

"I see. Have we met?" Sally asked innocently. That sent them into a full-blown panic attack.

"N-n-no, not at all!" Duo stammered, shrinking into his chair. Oh shit, I'm screwed…damn you Fei! "Why would you say that?"

"Well, you know my name…"

"I've told her about you, onna." Wufei interrupted, a trifle brusquely, "She doesn't talk much; she's shy." Wufei glared pointedly at her, and Sally sighed, backing down with an apologetic smile.

"Oh, I'm sorry to have ruined your night, Fei, Violet." She nodded gracefully at the 'couple' and added to Duo, "We really must get to know each other soon, after all," She winked conspiratorially at the other 'woman', "it's not everyday that someone tames the Dragon." Wufei glared owlishly at Sally, then at Duo, whose shoulders were shaking in an effort to stifle the tiny gurgles of laughter in his voice.

"I would…ah…love that." Duo squeaked and bidding a polite farewell, Sally and Quatre walked out of the room, holding hands, Wufei noticed darkly. But Duo didn't notice, having finally lapsed into the laughter that he had tried so hard to suppress.

"Tame the…dragon…" Tears of mirth made runny lines of mascara and makeup streak unnoticed down his cheeks as he almost choked. "Th-tha-that's hilarious…oh honey, dear, dear Fei, please do you want to be tamed? Should I tie you to the bedpost and-"

"Baka!" Wufei glowered, but that didn't seem to have any affect on the convulsing Shinigami. Briefly, he wondered if the man hadn't gone insane. Maybe dresses and makeup were the reasons that onnas were so invariably vapid. Some chemical or something that leaked through the pores in their skin no doubt.

"Or…or do you want to hire a pretty little lady and we can have a threesome…"

"Maxwell!" Hauling the convulsing Preventor out of his chair and practically dragging him out of the ballroom, he ignored the curious stares that were being directed his way as heh hastily exited the room. "Do you want to blow our cover? Kisama!" Duo finally looked up to see what had caused the last, frustrated curse and turned to watch the black limo bearing the Winner seal drive off.

"Oi…seems like they're in a hurry to go somewhere." Duo commented, wiping the tears from his eyes and consequently, smearing his makeup even more. "Someone can't wait to get it on tonight…"

"What?!"

"Well, after a date, what else is a couple supposed to do?" Duo demanded logically, taking out a mirror and a handkerchief from his purse. He grimaced at his own reflection and began energetically wiping off the offending face paint and rouge that had irritated his sensitive skin all night. His voice muffled by cloth, he added, "You wine and dine the girl, then you take her home and make some sweet, sweet lovin'. Never thought that Winner would have the guts to, but hey, Sally's a hot woman." He nodded appreciatively with the air of a fine connoisseur. "Woulda taken a chance with her myself if I hadn't seen Hilde. Now Hilde…"

"I don't want to hear about your damn sex life, Maxwell!" Wufei yelled, massaging his temples. He was suddenly getting a headache. No doubt from those twelve glasses of wine that he had decided to toss back in the restaurant.

"Hey your loss…you might have actually learned something, but Wu-man…." Wufei glowered at his partner in crime and Duo smirked, displaying his gown-clad body with faux brashness now that Sally was gone. "Does this dress make me look fat?" Obviously, the baka had gotten his sense of humor back. Damn.

***

Wufei finally arrived at Sally's apartment building with a still disguised Duo in tow, jamming a fifty dollar bill into the cabby's hand before leaping out and racing up four flights of steep stairs. He had ordered the man, on a 'in the name of the Preventors', to 'go after that limo!'. The man had been too delighted to object, speeding through every single red light and almost crashing the yellow taxi at least three times as they madly wove through traffic. He had, he confided, always wanted to be a spy. It had been his life's dream, but HQ had said he was too old…

Finally reaching the fifth floor, he panted a little heavily before he started to straighten up…only to freeze. Sally was smiling admiringly up at Quatre, looking unbelievably womanish in her evening finery. She laughed, a throaty contralto, as she brushed back the blonde hair from his forehead. "Really, Quatre, I've had a wonderful night. It was absolutely terrific and I've never had this much fun!"

Quatre smiled, all complacency for having pleased her and bowed graciously with the flair that had made him appear on an issue of 'The Top Ten Millionaires list'. "Well Miss Sally, it was quite a night for me as well. I very much enjoyed your company this evening, and regret that it comes to a close so quickly."

Thank you ancestors for finally ending this night. Wufei thought fervently, slumping against the wall; unfortunately, he had praised his forefathers too quickly as suddenly, Sally turned on the one hundred-watt charm that always lay just under her façade of a professional Preventor. "Well…"

No onna; don't you dare! Damn it, dishonorable woman! On the first date?! Kisama!!

"You could make this evening a whole lot more enjoyable." She winked, drawing him closer, "Hmm? And besides, aren't your sisters always bugging you to beget the next Winner heir?"

To his merit, Quatre coughed and turned a dull red before he reminded, "This is only our first date, Miss Sally."

"Oh no…just call me Sally, Q-chan." Smiling she opened her apartment door and led him inside…leaving Wufei gaping and fuming on the outside.

"Q-chan?!" Wufei ranted, turning to Duo, who had finally managed to drag himself and a ton of petticoats and bows up the stairs, "Did she just call that man 'Q-chan?! Injustice! Promiscuous witch! Defiler of innocents! That…that…that onna!"

"Heh heh…hate to say this, Wu-man, but neither of them is any innocent," Duo pointed out, "Neither am I, if you want to get technical-"

"Shut up, Maxwell!" Wufei fumed furiously, "That onna has no sense of honor at all! Does she not know that one must have a ring before they leap into the conjugal bed?!"

"Guess not." Duo replied reasonably, "Wedding rings are cheap little trinkets nowadays. I mean, this is the twenty-first century, and women's rights and all. Hey, if guys can have a little fun on the streets, holds that a girl's got that same right. You can't just forbid her to have sex, Wu-man. You might be as chaste as a Buddhist monk, but as far as I know, she's an atheist." Duo smirked, then abruptly frowned as Wufei narrowed his eyes and started walking forward with carefully measured steps. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

"Borrowing a cup of sugar." was the clench-jawed reply.

"What?! You're gonna ruin her sex life by asking for a cup of goddamned sugar?! Hell no! By now, their clothes are off and they're in the petting stages, man! Hey, hold up!" Duo grabbed at Wufei's arm, then ducked as a Chinese fist came swinging his way. "Holy crap, Wu-man, have you lost your mind!?"

"I need sugar! Doesn't a man have a right to sugar?" Wufei ranted, and inexorably dragged Duo towards the door.

"I'll give you a damn cup then!" Duo replied through gritted teeth as he hung on for dear life. "Don't you know it's considered highly improper to bust into someone's fun? Damnit Fei!!"

But it was too late as Wufei raised his fist to pound on the oaken door, "Onna, I-" Before any other word emerged from his lips, the door was opened a cup brimming with tiny white crystals was shoved into his face. He looked up in surprise over the cup and belatedly became suspicious at the barely suppressed laughter that was causing her shoulders to shake uncontrollably.

"Nice acting, Duo." She commented and Duo straightened up, grinning wickedly.

"Yeah, I know. You owe me for this, Sally."

"What is going on?" Wufei found his voice and ignoring the sugar, turned to his partner in righteous fury. "What kind of games have you been playing, onna?!"

"Well, I haven't been playing any tricks," Sally replied innocently, lips curving upwards in a guilty grin, "I've just been having a nice date with Quatre. Now, them on the other hand…" She opened the door wider and suddenly, Wufei was bombarded by streamers and confetti, leaving him looking ridiculously like a clown.

"April's Fool Day, Wufei!!"

"Fool's day…" Wufei echoed weakly and winced as he saw the faces that were peering out of Sally's living room. Hilde, grinning cheerfully from behind a large can of silly string. Quatre, who looked slightly uncomfortable. All the Preventors…damnit, even Relena and Heero were there to witness his humiliation.

"Yep, it's April first, and this year, you're the fool." Duo caroled cheerfully, jamming a jester's hat on top of Wufei's sable head. "You see, if you remember, every year, us pranksters need to get some crash time and our gracious Lady Une draws the name out of the hat to find out who's the prankee on glorious April first. And guess who's tight ass name got drawn this year, eh?"

"This was…"

"All a trick!" Sally confirmed, lips widening at his stunned expression, "You forget, that Quatre and Dorothy have been a couple for the longest time, Wufei. Lucky for us, Dorothy lent us Quatre tonight on the condition that she gets full recording of this incident. Which reminds me…" She gestured towards Trowa and he nodded silently, camera still held to his eye. "Didja catch it all?"

"Yes." was the monotone reply, and Wufei finally found his voice as he clenched his hands by his sides.

"Onna, how dare you trick me like this!? You taped it without my permission and I will-"

"Never be allowed to forget it." Sally interrupted, beaming with pleasure. "Delightful blackmail, isn't it? Which reminds me. Since you haven't been a sore loser about this…" She sidled up to him and suddenly, Wufei found himself in no position or any wish to complain about anything at all. Quite the opposite in fact, with Sally's lips locked firmly to his.

Duo, still in his dress but not minding it as much now, nudged Trowa and whispered, "Still rolling?"

"Yes."

"Heh heh…excellent." Duo smiled evilly and one could only guess what diabolical scheme he was hatching this time…

~Owari

Author's note: ^_^ and that's the end. Much love, minna-sans; I hope you enjoyed it! Please r&r!