Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Laws of Affection ❯ Laws of Affection ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Laws of Affection

Author: Hellfire_angel

Pairing: 1x2x1

Rating: R (Heero pov)

Dedication: Penguin88

Warnings: Angst, sap, mention of past NCS
Summary: Heero and Duo have recently gotten together. Heero wants to show Duo some public displays of affection, but Duo is strangely reluctant to be touched.

 

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When I finally got enough courage to ask Duo to go out with me, I feared his first response would be no. It didn't occur to me that he might say 'sure' or 'I'm free tonight.' It just didn't compute. Duo smiled and said he would like to spend more time with me outside of work, he didn't have much going on any way and it would be nice to hang out with someone.

 

I can't say how overjoyed he made me feel. As quickly as I could get my lips to move, I asked him if he wanted to see a new movie that came out recently and maybe have some dinner afterward. He agreed and we set the date for seven.

 

Everything went perfect except when I went to drop him off at his apartment. I walked him to the door and was about to give him a kiss on the cheek, when he said goodnight and ducked inside. He didn't give me an opportunity to kiss him and all but ran inside. It left me pondering if I did something to upset him, but I couldn't think of anything that would make him flee. That feeling didn't leave me the rest of the night and I had a hard time trying to fall asleep.

 

Fortunately, when I went into the office the next morning, Duo asked if I wanted to go watch a basketball game and he had two tickets for it. I had breathe a sigh of relief, then accepted and asked if he wanted me to pick him up for it. He declined and said he would pick me up instead and that the game started at seven-thirty. I think I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day and grinned like mad while we watched the game. I kept an eye on Duo though. He got up a few times whenever I would try to move closer to him. He kept saying he had to go to the bathroom and would seem fine when he came back, but would get away from me whenever I tried to get closer.

 

It boggled my mind. Why did he keep shying away?

 

Duo had always been a touchy feely person, for as long as I had known him. But then again it lessened over the years. I had accounted it as him finally growing up, or growing out of his habit of being overly affectionate, but I could see how that when he was with me he wasn't trying to be affectionate at all.

 

It bothered me that my friend had changed so much and I hadn't realized it. It upset me to see him being so unlike himself, but at the same time I wondered if there was truly a reason for it.

 

Duo dropped me off once the game was over and I thanked him and said good night. Saying I would see him at the office on Monday and that if he wanted to do anything, he should feel free to call me.

 

He never did though.

 

Monday morning, I grabbed Duo a cup of coffee and handed it to him when I walked in. He accepted it with a smile, but he was careful not to touch my hand at all.

 

When I asked if he was feeling cold and went to touch his hand, he quickly pulled it away and said he was fine and excused himself as he went to file the report he was working on.

 

When I tried to lean on him while we were standing by the coffee maker in the break room, he flinched away. With every attempt he managed to get away or shudder and then run. It hurt that he wouldn't let me touch him. I wanted to tell him I wouldn't hurt him. Wanted to tell him it was all right to reach out to me like I was trying to do to him.

 

But he wouldn't.

 

Or couldn't.

 

I needed to find out why, before going any further.

 

We went out on a few more casual dates. I stopped trying to touch him except for a few brushes against him when it couldn't be helped. Duo didn't shudder or flinch as often, but he would only allowed touches that he was expecting. Like if I handed him something, or had to show him something he missed on a document. He would allow my closeness then, but that was in an office setting, not on any of our dates.

 

It was about two months or so after we had begun dating when I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. He said sure and I said I would pick him up after we got home from work. I told him to dress casual, since we weren't doing anything fancy. He said okay and I said I would pick him up in an hour.

 

He was waiting outside when I picked him up, looking sexy in a pair of loose jeans and a t-shirt, with a light jacket wrapped around his shoulders. He got in and buckled up and just made idle conversation. He didn't ask where we were going or what we were doing, so I didn't bother to tell him.

 

When he saw where we ended up, he looked shocked and then afraid. I caught the look for only an instant before it faded and he just smiled at me. I was quick to reassure him that I had ordered two pizzas and they should be coming pretty soon as we walked up the pathway.

 

Duo said that was fine and asked what kind of movie we were watching. I told him he could pick one out, I had a lot of them of all types and showed him where they were. He quickly looked through them and picked an action one. At the same time the doorbell rang and I went to pay for the pizzas as I told him he could pop the movie in. It gave me a few minutes to get my own bearings as I paid the man and took the food inside.

 

As I walked back in, I saw that Duo was still standing although he was watching the movie, before he realized I had walked back in.

 

"You can make yourself comfortable Duo. The couch doesn't bite." He smirked at me before sinking to the couch cushions.

 

"I thought you might want some help with them." He said hesitantly as I put the two boxes on the coffee table in front of the couch.

 

"We can eat straight out of the boxes, but I'll get some plates and drinks. What do you want? I have cola, beer, wine, ginger ale, orange juice, and cranberry juice."

 

"I ginger ale would be fine." He said and reached into the box for a slice of pizza. I grabbed two cans of ginger ale out of the 'fridge and then sat on the other end of the couch. Handing him a plate, I was sure to only offer it with three fingers and saw that Duo had accepted it the same way. Keeping a grip on it so not to drop it, but making sure not to touch me either.

 

The movie played as we sat and ate our pizza and drank our soda. When it looked like we had eaten as much as we were going to I asked if wanted any more, then with a shake of his head, I gathered up what remained and put the rest in the 'fridge. Then went to join Duo on the couch.

 

I sat closer to him than before and stretched my arm behind his head. He kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye, trying to see if I was going to do anything else.

 

I'm ashamed to say it, but I was testing him. I wanted to see how much I could do before he would try to get away.

 

Surprisingly, he let me wrap my arm around my shoulders and attempt to hold his hand. I say attempt, because he let me cover his hand with mine but didn't turn his over to hold mine. We sat like that for a while and when the movie finished, I tried to kiss Duo on the cheek. I got as far as brushing my lips against his face when he bolted.

 

He managed to surprise me but I was faster than him, so just as he tried to open the door I pushed it closed before he could get any farther.

 

He wasn't expecting that. He had always gotten away before. This time though, I wasn't going to let him leave. I think he realized it, but tried to open the door any way.

 

"Come on Heero, it's late. I should be going." He practically begged, and tried to open the door again, but it didn't budge with me pushing it closed. I had always been stronger than Duo, which I have always been thankful for, but I could see the desperation growing in Duo's eyes as he tried and tried to get away.

 

"It isn't late Duo. You've only been here for two hours. We can still watch another movie if you want to. But first tell me why you want to leave."

 

"If I leave now, I can get an early start tomorrow."

 

"Duo, it's only 8 o'clock. You usually go to bed around one or midnight at the earliest." I reasoned, but Duo was having none of it.

 

"Well maybe I'm just tried and want to go home, Heero!" He said quietly, but still wouldn't look me in the eyes.

 

"If you're tired you could just lay down on my couch. It's comfortable. You don't have to go home just to rest Duo. I told you to make yourself at home and I meant it. Come on. Let's go sit down." I grabbed his wrist tightly, but then watched as he fought me and I had to grab his other hand to make sure I didn't get punched.

 

"What are you doing?! Let me go! Please let me go Heero!" He tried to twist and turn in my grasp, but I wouldn't let him escape and pulled him away from the door and over to the couch. I twisted him around in my arms and made him sit on my lap as he tried to get away.

 

"Please, Heero! I don't want to! Please let me go! I don't want that! I don't want it! Please Heero, just stop! Please just let me go!" He begged and pleaded, but he couldn't escape from me. It scared me that he was fight me so hard, but what hurt me even worse was when he just went limp and started to cry.

 

I had only seen Duo cry once before, and that was when we had thought we lost Quatre in a booming incident. For days we all were hurting, but when Quatre was found alive, with only a few burns that needed to be treated, Duo broke down and cried. He was hurting as much as Trowa was but had been holding in all his sorrow, to appear strong and it broke him to see his friend once more, safe and getting better.

 

To see Duo cry in my arms, made me want to hold him tighter, even though I seemed to be the cause of his tears. I rocked him as he cried, loosening my tight grip on his wrists and just held him. He let me, but I don't think he was aware of anything then. I laid his head against my chest trying to soothe him with my heart beat and rubbed circles on his back. He was quiet for a long time, his tears making his eyes red and puffy and his nose run, but I didn't care. I nabbed a napkin off the table and wiped away his tears though they still continued to fall and cleaned his face before tossing the napkin away. I just held him and told him it was all right. Then kissed his forehead and rocked him some more.

 

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Duo limp in my arms, not even trying to escape any more. His tears had finally run out, but he was still resting against me, seemingly calm for the moment.

 

He moved a little after a while and I was ready to hold him back if he was going to attempt to run away again. He startled me when he started to talk, but what he said made me freeze.

 

"I know you won't let me get away, but maybe it's for the best anyhow. I like being with you, Heero. But I don't want it. You could take me any way if you really want. I won't fight you any more. I'm sick of fighting. Too tired of running away. I know I can't get away from you, so if you want it just take it. I won't tell anyone. He haven't told anyone about the other times they've done it to me. So you don't have to worry. You don't have to keep pretending to want to date me. You could have just asked to fuck me and I would've laid down for you. Only for you though. I always wanted you, but it doesn't matter any more."

 

He grew quiet then, but I was frozen. His words were haunting. I could barely believe he said them. He had to be joking. But-

 

I looked down at him and tried to see his face but he wouldn't let me see it. "Duo?" I asked quietly, but I didn't know what else to say. He slid away then and got up and started to unzip his pants. I looked at him horrified, but he was tugging at them.

 

"Here. I'll make it easy for you." He stated coldly and that finally made me move.

 

"Don't! Don't do that, please!" I tugged his pants back up and zipped them closed. It was an intimate move, but my mind wasn't thinking about sex. I was thinking about what Duo had said. About everything he had said and what it really meant. What had happened to him?

 

"Who did this to you?" I asked holding him gently by his biceps. I could feel him trembling under my fingers, but didn't tighten my grip.

 

"What do you mean? Who did me? Is that what you want to know? Just so you know who had the first taste of me? They've been dead for a long time. But the recent ones, they're in the same office as us. The wanted to "date" me, before you did." He quoted date with his fingers and I saw red. I practically gritted out the next question, I didn't want to ask but had to know.

 

"Why didn't you try to get away?" He frowned at me.

 

"You think I didn't try?! Hell, Heero! Our date was one of them picking me up, taking me somewhere then getting pinned down and fucked raw by all of them taking their turns and holding me down. It was supposed to be just a date. I don't usually bring my gun or a knife with me when going out to dinner or some shit like that!"

 

He yelled the last part, and I knew what it cost him when he fell against me. I wrapped him up in my arms and let the tears that wanted to escape my eyes fall. Duo had been through so much and he expected me to use him and toss him the same way. He had been on guard ever since I had asked him out that first night. Always expecting something to happen and jumping away before anything could happen, except for tonight when I wouldn't let him get away.

 

"Duo? You don't have to be afraid of me. I don't want to do that to you. I won't do that to you. Ever. Okay? I care about you too much. So please stop trying to run away from me. I won't hurt you."

 

"You say such pretty words, Heero. But how can I really believe you?" He looked into my eyes then, and it felt like he was trying to stare into my soul. How could he really believe me? That was the real question.

 

"Do you want to leave?" I asked even though I didn't want him to, I had to give him the opportunity. He nodded but still stared at me as if I was going to try to jump him. "Then I'll take you home." His eyes widened and watched me as I went to get his coat and mine then opened the door for him.

 

He was wary of me, I could tell by the hesitant steps he took and the tense way he took his jacket from me. As if he thought I was going to grab him as he reached for it, but I didn't. He climbed into the car before I could as I got ready to take him home. The entire car ride was done in silence until we were a block away from his apartment.

 

"I'll make a promise to you Duo. I swear I'll reach for you again until I have your permission first. Whatever you offer me, I'll give back, no more no less from now on. I promise you. You have the first and final say in whatever we do." He looked at me as if he couldn't believe anything I had said, but I swore to him and I was bound to keep it.

 

I let him off at the curb and he hurried out, probably thinking that if he didn't I could come after him. As he hurried in I could tell, he was worried. I was worried more about him, if I was honest with myself. I wanted him to reach out for me, but if he never did it was his call. I still wanted him no matter what, baggage and all, but I knew it would take a long time or the rest of his life to be able to act like he once had.

 

For the next few weeks, Duo was like a shadow. He was quiet and seemed to listen to everything that was happening around him and taking it all in. He seemed to be testing my promise as well. He didn't come within touching distance to me and I accepted it and showed the same to him for the first two weeks.

 

By the third week, he was brushing passed me as if to see if I would grab him. But I didn't and if a needed something and he was in the way I would say excuse me and brush past him to get it then return to my seat. It scared him at first but after the first few times he allowed it and I thought there was a few times when he would lean into my brief touch. It could have been wishful thinking on my part though, however I'm not really sure.

 

During the fourth week, Duo would sometimes lean up against my side and even draped his arm around my shoulders in a brief hug, but no longer than a few scant seconds. I returned the hug later on when he was working on something and warned him that a hug might make him feel better. He smiled and accepted it, but then went right back to work.

 

We were at a stand still after that though. That is until Duo asked me out.

 

I don't know what made him do it. Or if he had finally just wanted to see if he could push me farther, but he arranged for us to have a rather fancy and expensive dinner then took us back to his apartment. I think it was a test to see if he gave me an advantage over him if I would take it and go back on my word.

 

I just had to hope that I wouldn't.

 

Duo invited me to come drink some wine he had gotten, which wasn't odd for him since we were both know to drink wine occasionally. But something was off once he offered me a glass and started to sip his own. The wine was tasty but strong. My head began to feel funny after half a glass and I warned Duo about it, but he had already finished his glass and was on his second.

 

He sat on the couch and turned on the TV and invited me to sit with him, but just sitting next to him wasn't good enough and decided to climb into my lap. Snuggling his way into my arms, he rested his head on my chest and laughed at the show that was on before drinking the rest of his wine and setting the glass on the table behind me.

 

Duo tried to curl all around me and try to get as close to me as possible before I could even ask him if holding him was all right. He tugged my arms around his body and seemingly content with it he kissed my chest and promptly fell asleep. I just had to blink at him, wondering if he was just faking it to see if I would try anything or if was actually sleeping. Deciding that I couldn't tell what he was doing I shifted to get as comfortable as I could and watched the show that was on until I felt sleepy and dozed off with Duo still on top of me.

 

I don't know how Duo woke up because I wasn't aware yet when he first awoke, but the feel of a soft pair of fingers stroking my face was nice to wake up to. I knew they belonged to Duo and I could still feel him laying on top of me, but the wet spot on the front of my shirt was a new sensation that caused me to open my eyes and look at the man in front of me.

 

Duo didn't stop stroking my face when my eyes opened. His fingers still ghosted over my features and I just watched him. He was crying, which accounted why my shirt was damp, but why he was crying remained a mystery to me. Daringly, I reached up and wiped his tears away from his cheek, then wiped the other side with my other hand when Duo didn't flinch. Instead, he smiled and stretched forward to give me the first and sweetest kiss he had ever given me.

 

It was soft, brief, and tender, but it was still sweet and memorable. As he pulled away, he crumbled and wrapped his arms around me as much as he could, whispering to me and kissing my face all over with soft kisses.

 

"You meant it." He kept saying over and over and I knew I had been able to get through to him finally. The words and kisses seemed to make it all worth the wait and Duo seemed to finally lose his wariness of me. When he was finished fawning over me, I gave him a tender kiss and told him that whatever we did next was up to him, but I was willing to do anything. And with a grin, he tackled me and kissed me with a passion that I had never seen in him before and I returned it with everything I had.

 

You would think that we would finally be able to talk everything out, but I'm sorry to say we still can't.

 

Duo has told me a lot of what has happened to him and even though, I don't like it. I know I can't do anything about what has happened in the past. I wish to the gods that I could, but instead I just accept it and let Duo shed some light on me about it.

 

There are still times when Duo doesn't want anyone to touch him. And I make sure that no one does. I have his back and I'm there for him when he reaches out to me.

 

It's been about four years now since we've started dating and even though Duo's more secure than he had been, he's still afraid on some level, that what he went through in the past will catch up with him again one day.

 

I'll always remain at his side to make sure that never happens. I'll try my hardest to make those bad thoughts go away and never hurt him like that again, but I know I can't reach all of them.

 

All I can do is be there for Duo, and love him as much as I can to make those thoughts disappear.

 

I know I'll have to do it for the rest of our lives, but you know what?

 

Duo is worth it, and I wouldn't have my life any other way.

 

The End.