Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Less Than Dirt ❯ Chapter 2

LESS THAN DIRT

PART 2

* * *

The droning sound of the respirator was the only noise to fill the small hospital room. The low sound of air being drawn in and out by the pump was the only thing to break the deafening silence. It moved slowly up and down, drawing air and then pushing it out. In and out. Up and down. In and out. It was the only thing keeping Heero breathing.

He was lying in a clean hospital bed, wearing a blue gown that was twice his size, and tucked neatly under a soft wool blanket. The respirator tube was peeking out of his mouth, going deeply into his throat and lungs. An IV was connected to his left arm, which lay limply at his side, long and pale fingers lying lifelessly on the bed. Those almost delicate-looking fingers haven't moved in nearly three days, ever since their rescue.

By his bedside, and the only other occupant of the room, sat Duo. He was also wearing a blue hospital gown, which was also a bit too large on him, sliding off one shoulder and revealing a bit of his muscled chest. His left arm was hanging limply on a bandage that supported it in a 90-degree angle, and his left shoulder was neatly bandaged. He was lucky that the bullet only penetrated his shoulder, grazing the bone and exiting his body. There was no serious infection, no permanent damage, just the lose of blood and the shock that knocked him unconscious when he was shot. He didn't suffer any grave injuries, only a few stitches here and there, including some nasty stitches on a deep cut on his forehead.

His hair was loose; the long silken strands enfolding him like a blanket. They shone lightly under the soft sunshine filtering through the white drapes, giving his hair a small bright aura. He spent the whole morning washing it, cleansing it from any mucky evil that clung to his hair during the battle. He had no spare hair band to replace the one he wore during the fight, so he let his hair remain like that. It was sort of comforting to be wearing his hair down like this. And he loved the clean smell of it. It was almost enough to make him feel better. Almost, because for some reason, no matter how many showers he had allowed himself after the battle, he still didn't feel clean. He felt worse than scum.

Sighing deeply, he looked down at his partner, lying deathly still on the bed. Heero's condition was worse than his. He was rushed into the OR the minute they arrived to this private, out-of-the-way hospital and he was let out of surgery only half a night later. He hadn't regained consciousness since then. His face was still and serene in sleep, his chocolate brown bangs obscuring his closed eyes, moving slightly up and down at the teasing of his breath. Long and delicate eyelashes rested gently against pale porcelain skin, curling upwards at the edges.

Duo's eyes lingered onto those still features, examining his profile as he lay against the window. The soft light coming behind the drapes gave the impression that a small white aura was surrounding the young teen's body, illuminating his profile and making his hair shine. His pale pink lips were forced open by the respirator tube, and therefore they were the only reminder that the boy was not naturally asleep. Other than that, Heero simply looked like any other boy, lying asleep in his bed.

Sleeping beauty... The phrase came to Duo's mind and he hurried to shake his head, as if trying to chase the thought away. He sighed and turned to look at Heero again, his eyes stopping to gaze at those long black eyelashes, feeling the need to linger onto the sight of how they curled gently upwards at the edges, in an almost feminine way. There was something quite feminine about the Japanese boy lying before him, but he found that it only added to his beauty.

Again that word! Make it go away! Duo cursed silently and clenched his eyes tightly shut, as if he it will help him if he won't see Heero.

"Ahh... damn it... what is wrong with me?" He asked helplessly, opening his eyes and shaking his head. He reached his good hand to rub the bridge of his nose, still refusing to turn his gaze back to Heero. "Too many bumps on the head, huh Heero?" He let out in a bitter chuckle, turning to face his comrade once again. His smile faded the minute his eyes fell upon the peaceful image of his friend. He was looking absolutely angelic in this light, without a hint of a frown or a scowl on his face. It made Duo wonder how he looked like when he was smiling...

"What am I thinking!? You never smile!" He blurted out as if it was some sort of an apology, or at least a way to keep his mind off his current track of thoughts.

The door to the room suddenly opened, and Duo tensed in his seat. He turned around carefully to see who it was, and his muscles relaxed the minute he recognized the newcomer. A weary smile appeared on his lips.

"Hi Hilde." He let out tiredly and then turned back to face the hospital bed.

At the door, Hilde Schbeiker smiled softly and entered the room. She closed the door behind her and slowly approached Duo's chair.

"You missed lunch again." She whispered softly, placing two gentle hands on each of Duo's shoulders.

On the chair, the young pilot shifted uncomfortably and sighed. "Yeah... I know."

"You should eat something. You haven't eaten in days." Hilde continued, slowly moving her fingers through Duo's long hair, caressing the silken strands with the tip of her fingers. "You need to eat in order to recover."

"Yeah... I know..." He answered with a sigh, shifting on the chair again. "But I'm not hungry."

"You're feeling bad for that soldier, aren't you?" She asked, though the answer was clear. Duo had been tormenting himself with this for three days now.

"I should have helped him."

"You had to take care of Heero first. You did what you felt was right." She assured him with a sweet voice, stroking his hair with slow and calming motions. "Heero could have died if you wouldn't have found him when you did."

"It was wrong. I shouldn't have left him like this. And I didn't even come back for him like I promised. I... I lied to him." Duo continued coldly, balling his hands into fists. "I'm no better than he was."

Knowing that there was nothing she could say in order to calm his heart, Hilde chose to remain silent. She continued standing behind him, carefully gathering his long hair into her hands. She began braiding it silently, smiling slightly to herself when she noted that he showed no objections. Duo was usually very reluctant about letting other people touch his hair. He usually turned away from anyone who tried to toy with his hair, even if it was a simple caress. But after weeks of living with him on L2, and after months of being by his side on the battlefield, Hilde found that she could get close to him where no one else could. This only encouraged her to believe that her love for the charismatic young pilot was not a one-sided love. She was beginning to feel that Duo had feelings for her as well.

"I bought you some new clothes." She said sweetly as she finished braiding Duo's hair and quickly snapped a black hair band around it. "And some new hair bands. I hope you don't mind."

Brining his newly formed braid forward and examining it, Duo smiled weakly and shook his head. "I don't mind. Thanks Hilde."

"You're welcome." She answered with a smile, not letting herself be bothered by the fact that Duo still hasn't initiated eye contact with her. He was probably depressed, that's all. He didn't feel like being around people right now, that's all. And yet... he was sitting here, by this damn bed, for nearly three days now, speaking to no else but an unconscious young man who wouldn't spare him half a word or a glance even if he was conscious!

She simply could not understand Duo's devotion to this unsocial, arrogant and cold-hearted boy. But she could do nothing but accept it. She had no other choice. If Heero was somehow important to Duo, then it means that he had to be important to her as well. At least until she was sure that she had Duo all to herself.

"Have you heard the new orders?" She finally said, resting her hands on his shoulders again and massaging them gently. "We're moving out tomorrow night."

On the chair, Duo sighed and lowered his gaze. "Yeah, I know."

Hilde pretended not to hear the note of worry and displeasure in his voice. She should have known that he would be this worried for his friend. Taking a deep breath, she continued.

"They're taking out the respirator tomorrow. He should be able to breathe on his own by then. He'll be all right." She assured him, her rubbing motions becoming more and more erotic as time passed. "We'll be out of here before they'll even notice. The safe house is only a few hundred miles from here. It's very isolated, so you won't have to worry too much and just take the time to recover." She smiled and let her fingers slide under the thin fabric of his gown, massaging his warm skin sensationally. "I'll be right there with you, Duo... If you'll need anything... I'll be there..."

Duo winced and hissed in pain as her fingers massaged his bullet wound. He tensed in his chair and Hilde's hands were off of him in a second.

"I'm sorry, Duo." She whispered in an honest voice, looking down at him sorrowfully.

"It's okay." He muttered, not even turning around to face her. He didn't look at her once since she entered the room. All he could look at was Heero. He couldn't take his eyes off him for one moment. He studied the angelic face for hours on end, simply staring at him with thoughtful eyes. All he could think of was- how peaceful and pure Heero looked in this surrounding. Truly like an angel and so much different than what he was used to seeing on the battlefield. As he sat here now, with Hilde's hands gently touching him, all he could think of was how terribly dirty he felt. No matter how clean he knew he was, he couldn't help feeling dirty. And he knew that it wasn't solely because of that OZ soldier. No. Not at all. As he looked down at Heero's still features, feeling Hilde's hands on him at the same time, he couldn't help but feeling like the filthiest person in the world.

Strangely enough, he had no idea why.

"Duo, are you all right?" Hilde's worried voice came to his ears, and he forced himself to snap out of his gloom. He took a deep breath and forced himself to tear his gaze away from Heero, finally looking up at Hilde and offering her a small smile.

"Sure, I'm fine." He said, hiding his pain behind a smile. He did his best to ignore the nagging feeling that urged him to look back at the boy on the bed, resisting the desire to indulge himself in the sight of Heero's handsome features. He forced his eyes to remain locked in Hilde's gaze, telling himself that if he'll just spend these next few weeks of recovery with Hilde, all of these strange thoughts and feelings will go away. It was for the best. It had to be. He wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

No one likes looking at dirt. It's ugly. It's stinky. It makes you want to look away. You don't want to get near it. You want it to go away. People only want nice things around them. They don't like looking at the ugly things. Even if they're the ones who made the dirt, even if they're the ones to create it, they don't want to see it. They just want it to go away. No one cares if there's something worthwhile under all the dirt. They don't even bother to try and find out. No one likes to look at dirt, they prefer to look away.

When they look away from dirt, they want to see something nice. Something shiny and pure that makes them feel good and smile. They want to see things that are easier to look at. They want to see things that are nice enough to look at. They don't want to see dirt. They just don't. Maybe... maybe dirt doesn't deserve to be looked at. Maybe it's not meant to be seen at all. People shouldn't look at dirt... dirt is not meant to be seen. They don't look at it. They shouldn't. They should look away. They always look away. Always.

* * *

The twittering of birds was the first thing to register in his consciousness. The soft melody sounded dim and far away, but as time slowly ticked by, the fog that covered his mind disappeared and he was able to tell that the soft chirping was close. He felt as if he was being dragged out of a thick swamp. First his senses were cloudy and numb, but gradually, they cleared. He could feel the soft surface he was lying on, and he could smell the clean scent of fresh sheets. His skin tingled under the warm rays of sunshine washing over him. He inhaled deeply as a cool breeze caressed him softly, tousling his dark hair. He could smell the ocean, that salty and crisp smell that made him feel as if he was breathing for the first time. His chest ached dully, and as his chest rose up while taking a deep breath, he could feel thick bandages pressing against his skin.

Opening his eyes slowly, he was blinded by a bright light. His eyes quickly closed and it took them a while longer to flutter open. Dark eyelashes moved lazily up and down, allowing the blue jewels they protected to adjust to the bright light. When his vision cleared, his pupils finally dilated, he blinked, baffled by what he saw.

He was lying on a white bed, covered by a soft quilt and supported by a mountain of pillows. The bed was located in the middle of a large room, and a beautiful casement was at the right side of his bed. Long white curtains were moving up and down under the soft teasing of the wind, and warm rays of sunshine filtered through the lace-work drapes. The walls were also brightly colored, adding to the brightness of the room. The wooden furniture was classy and elegant, everything made of thick, polished, wood.

Cobalt eyes blinked in puzzlement, and his eyebrows drew near in a frown. What on Earth was he doing in such a posh and heavenly room?!

Groaning at the effort and pain it cost, Heero forced himself to sit up. His body was numb and tickling with pins and needles. He supposed that he had been lying in this bed for a long time. Where was he? What happened to the mission? Was it complete? How long has he been unconscious? Who brought him here? Was he captured? Where was Duo? Was he safe? Was he alive? Was he here too? Was he here with him? Was he all right? Where was he..?

His head felt dizzy from all the questions swirling in his mind, and he felt nauseous from worry. He was about to make the effort and get out of bed, when he heard the door open, and his muscles tensed with readiness. His eyes were trained at the door as it was slowly pushed open, and then they narrowed with a frown as he saw a long chestnut snake swing back and forth as it entered the room, followed by a body clad in black slacks and a black T-shirt.

Heero allowed himself to relax and sunk back into the mountain of pillows. He watched as Duo walked backwards into the room, after using his back to push the door open. By the rattling that followed Duo's every movement, and by the careful steps he was taking, Heero assumed that he was carrying something, a tray probably.

Humming quietly to himself, Duo had no idea that he was being watched. He took his time in handling the heavy tray he was carrying, being mindful of the bowl of water that rested on the tray. He walked backwards a few more steps, swinging his hips from side to side as he continued humming his merry tune. His braid swung around him like a cat's tail, nearly wrapping itself around him as he turned around swiftly. He nearly dropped his tray when he noticed the pair of mildly amused eyes watching him.

"Heero!" He called, choking on his embarrassment. "Y-you're awake!"

Holding back a smirk, Heero merely nodded. His eyes shone with amusement as he saw the light blush on Duo's cheeks. But the Deathscythe pilot quickly composed himself and offered a kind smile.

"Glad you finally decided to wake up, buddy!" He called out cheerfully, making his way to the bed. He placed his tray on the small night table by Heero's large bed, and turned to look at his partner again. "I just came to change your bandages." He explained, gesturing at the tray, where a bowl of water, scissors, a few bandages and antibiotic cream were laying.

A frown appeared on Heero's pale features, and he turned to look down at himself. For a moment he nearly forgot about the long stream of questions that ran through his head. Duo had this kind of affect on him. It was hard to keep concentrated around the braided beauty.

"How long have I been unconscious?" Heero finally asked, frowning again at the sound of his voice. He sounded as if a tractor had run over his voice, making it come out hoarse and croaky. Only now he realized how much his throat hurt and that his mouth was dry. He was so terribly thirsty, which could mean that...

Next to him, Duo placed a hand behind his head and smiled sheepishly. "Oh, uh... three days in the hospital, and, uh..." He swallowed and offered a small shrug. "Heh... two more days in here."

"That's nearly a week." Heero stated dryly, his suspicions confirmed.

"Uh... yeah... it is... isn't it?" Duo let out with a nervous chuckle, turning to pick up a few things from the tray.

Heero's eyes narrowed dangerously and he turned to glare at his fellow pilot. "Did you keep me sedated?"

"Now, now... why won't we get started on these bandages, shall we?" Duo blurted quickly, turning to Heero with a wet cloth in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other.

"Don't change the subject, baka!" Heero growled, his fists clenched. "Did you or did you not keep me sedated?"

Duo remained silent and Heero glared. It was a usual game for the two, and like most times, the result was the same. After a couple of long tense moments, Duo sighed, slumped his shoulders and hung his head in defeat.

"Okay! Okay! I did!" He finally admitted, waving his hand in the air as he talked. "But it was only so you won't move around so much and hurt yourself!" He hurried to add, seeing how Heero's glare was still there. "And besides, I just knew that you'll NEVER agree to the new orders if you were awake! I had to!"

The glare was suddenly gone, replaced by a baffled expression that disappeared with the blink of an eye. "What orders?"

Now it was Duo's turn to have the upper hand. He smirked and shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh... nothing too complicated. We were just ordered to take some time off..."

"Time off?" Heero echoed, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean by 'time off'?"

"I mean - Time. Off. That means no missions, no mission reports, no preparing for a mission, no Gundam repairs- no nothing. Just rest."

"For... for how long..?" Heero asked, his harsh tone replaced with that of a baffled child.

Duo grinned, taking a seat on the bed. "Three weeks." He said, nudging the blanket off the Japanese pilot's body, exposing his naked torso.

"Nani!? Three weeks!? Are... are you sure?" Heero stuttered, completely amazed. He didn't even notice it when Duo began cutting off his bandages.

Duo's gaze was serious once again as he began to carefully tend Heero's wounds, gently peeling off the old bandages. "Yes, Heero, I'm positive. The order came from J himself." He said seriously, not taking his eyes off his work as he carefully cleaned the injured flesh.

"Shikashi... but... but that doesn't make sense..." The boy let out quietly, looking like he had just been doomed for a life in exile. His gaze was fixed on the window, looking at the beach that spread right outside his bedroom window. He turned back to Duo, looking down at the chestnut head that was bowed in front of him, tending his injuries. "We are no longer needed? That doesn't make sense..." He repeated, clinging to the belief that there was some sort of error, or that Duo was just goofing off as usual. Though, he knew deep inside, that Duo never joked when it came to orders.

"Heero, it makes TONS of sense!" The braided pilot exclaimed, his head jerking up and his violet gaze glaring at Heero with a fierce amethyst fire. "You're in no condition to be back on the battlefield right now. We've been on one mission after the other for three months straight!" He reminded his injured partner, his fists clenched around the blanket.

Heero's eyes darted down to look at how Duo's knuckles were turning white as he clutched the blanket. His features softened as a warm thought slowly wrapped itself around his mind. He looked up at the boy sitting before him, his gaze softer than before. It looked like Duo actually cared...

"Heero, we're both exhausted! Look what happened to the mission! I guess that J finally realized that even we need some rest once in a long while. We could have gotten killed because we were so worn-out!" Duo finished his ranting, slightly panting from talking for so long. He was about to try and convince Heero some more, but then he noticed the look in the boy's eyes and all words just slipped out of his mind. Heero's gaze was different somehow. The look in his eyes was different. Softer. Kind. It looked like they were shining... as if he was smiling inside. As if he understood what he was trying to say, without him actually saying it.

Relief washed over him and he allowed himself a small smile. He reached for Heero's hand, covering it with his palm. He could feel Heero tense at the touch, unfamiliar with such closeness, but after a few seconds he relaxed, and turned his gaze back to Duo. The braided boy smiled softly, his eyes shining with content. Heero couldn't help but notice a small and faint scar on Duo's forehead, where he had been injured during the battle. It seemed to appear only when he smiled, and that fact saddened Heero greatly. He turned his gaze to meet Duo's, waiting for him to continue.

"Heero, look, the rest of the guys can take it from here. And if anything major will happen, we're there. But until then, we are ordered to just sit back and relax, okay?"

"Ordered... ka?" Heero repeated, holding back a small smile. But it seemed like he had slipped, for he felt his lips curve slightly up and then Duo's smile grew into a smirk. The braided boy nodded his head and tapped on Heero's hand lightly.

"Yes, Heero, that's an order..."

It must be the only order he ever received, that he was willing to follow happily. Three weeks in Paradise with Duo... it's more than he could have ever hope for. For a short period of three point four seconds, Heero actually considered smiling happily and tell Duo how happy he was to be with him.

But those three seconds were gone with a blink of an eye, for then the bedroom's door opened, and in came Hilde Schbeiker, peeking into the room with the sweetest of smiles on her pretty features.

"Duo, lunch's ready! Are you com---" Her smile faded and her eyes darkened the minute she looked up from where Duo was sitting, and met a pair of fierce cobalt blue eyes, glaring at her. Her hand clenched tightly around the doorknob, but her sweet smile quickly returned.

"Oh... Heero... Good morning. It's nice to see you finally awake..." She let out sweetly, walking into the room with feline grace. She stood next to Duo - who was still sitting beside Heero - and rested a possessive hand on his shoulders. "How are you feeling?" She asked, the sweetness of her voice almost sickening.

"Hn. Fine." Heero answered curtly, turning his gaze away to look out the window. His features were hidden once again behind a cold and indifferent mask, his body tense and not as relaxed as it was a moment ago. He had to hold himself from flinching as he felt Duo's hand pull away from his. He pretended not to care, not to notice... to just ignore the facts that were thrown into his face. He was trying his very best to convince himself that it shouldn't matter. That he didn't care. He shouldn't. He can't. He won't!

"Ah... Hilde... I thought it'd be ready in an hour..." Duo finally broke the tense silence, pulling away from Heero and turning to face the girl who stood beside him. He eyed her hand - which was still resting on his shoulder - with slight apprehension, and then he put on a smile, turning to look at her. "Do you need help setting the table?"

Taking her gaze off from where she'd been glaring at Heero, Hilde smiled and turned to look down at Duo. "Oh no you don't! I told you I'll smack you for each time you'll DARE to do ANY work around the house!" She spoke with a mock-scowl, earning a tired smile from Duo. God damn it, a minute ago he was smiling beamingly at that blasted Japanese pilot!

"Aren't ya a dream girl..." Duo let out with a small laugh, though his gaze was bitter. "The last girl I dated would chase me with a baseball bat if I forgot the toilet seat up or something..."

Though it was forced out, Hilde let out a good-hearted laughter, smacking Duo lightly on the shoulder. "Now now, if it were under normal circumstances, I would have smacked you a long time ago for not lifting a finger around here, but since it's your time off, I'll forgive you for being a slob. Just this once."

Duo rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks Hilde."

All this time, Heero continued to sit there quietly, gazing out the window. He pretended not to be in the room, not that it mattered, because it didn't seem like anyone remembered that he was there. He turned away from Duo and Hilde, even when he felt Duo's gaze rest on him for a moment or two. A stinging burning feeling in the back of his head- a feeling he knew that had to do with Hilde's glare on him - soon followed it. He hated the way the girl was looking at him. Like a bug that she wanted to crush. He felt so small under her glare. He hated it. But he was stuck with her now. For three. Whole. Weeks. Three weeks in this house... alone with Duo and his obnoxious love interest. And for a split second there he was actually glad for the opportunity to rest. Happy for the chance to be here with Duo for so long. But now... now he couldn't wait for these three weeks to be over.

Heero sighed quietly when he felt both gazes leave him and the two continued their hollow conversation. He did his best to shut out the sounds and carefully lay himself back on the bed. He curled at the far edge of it, away from Duo, and tried to escape into the realm of sleep. The weight of Duo's gaze was on him again, but he just closed his eyes tighter and tried to ignore it. It did not exist. It was not there. And if it was, it was probably because of all the wrong reasons. He shouldn't delusion himself. Here... all he had to do was wait perfectly still for about three seconds and that gaze was turned back to Hilde. It was probably going to stay on her for the next three weeks. Perhaps... perhaps it was for the better.

* * *

Sometimes, it's better for dirt to remain hidden down on the ground. It's going to get stepped on anyway... so why bother to try and rise? Dirt's place is down on the ground, where it is ignored, hated and stepped on. At least when dirt remains down on the ground, it doesn't have to suffer the feeling of being pushed down there again. Sometimes it would be better if people would just step on it real hard and send it six feet under. There is no pain there and dirt can hide there forever. No one will have to look at it ever again.

There's no use to try and rise. Hope was never meant for dirt. Dirt does not know the meaning of hope. It was crushed long ago; when it was sent down to spend its life in the gutter. It's dry now, empty. Even grime is livelier than dirt is. Dirt doesn't cry anymore, so it can't be mud. It doesn't try to rise and fly up, so it can't be dust. It's just dirt, shoved into the corner and ignored. Everything that it could have been was crushed and destroyed long ago. It's just dirt now... sitting in the corner and waiting for life to pass by... you can't hurt it anymore... it stopped caring. There no need for you to try and crush it, so don't even try... it's already crushed. Already dead. Stop looking at it like that... it won't do you any good... it's already dead... dead... dirt is dead.

...so why do you look at me like that..? Please stop... I don't want to be seen... I can't be seen! It hurts! I will not rise and I will not fly! I will not be crushed again! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!!!

Part 3

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