Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Lighthouse ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters of Gundam Wing and all that relates to the After Colony universe does not belong to me but to the creators of the show (Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency & TV Asahi). I'm simply having a bit of fun with them for no profitable purpose.

Summary: After escaping from OZ captivity, Duo and Heero find shelter in an abandoned lighthouse. Despite the risk of OZ finding them at any given moment, feelings begin to surface. But are they the result of their hardship or something more?

Warning: 1x2, 2x1, angst, Duo-centric.

Author's Notes: This fic will probably be my last serious Gundam Wing fic. I might write drabbles or ficlets in the future (but I can't promise that), however this is the last long piece I'm writing about that show. My love for Gundam Wing has, well, to put it gently - burnt out. It was a real struggle to write this one (it took me 3 months when it's only 40 pages long. Fics like Claudine, which was 60+ pages, took me less than a week.), and so I decided it is time to move on. Nothing is final yet, but I believe that this is it for me & GW.

That is why I will REALLY appreciate your review on this fic... anything you'll have to say about it will be welcomed.

With great thanks to Lady Oyuki for her help! *hugs*

 

Lighthouse

Heavy clouds hovered over the misty shores of Wales, Britain. Tall cliffs covered with greenery towered over narrow beaches, where soft white sand glowed under the moonlight, in pale contrast to the dark rocks scattered across the shoreline. Cold wind caressed the sand as ocean waves washed upon the shore before being drawn back into the waters. The whisper of waves was the only sound heard on the lone beach, the soft sound echoing amongst rocky cliffs and hollow crevices. In those early hours of dawn the Earth was quiet, seemingly undisturbed as nature prepared for the awakening of another day. The sun was yet to rise and a heavy blanket of murky blue darkness covered the land.

Two teenage boys emerged out of the ocean, crawling onto the cool white sand. Drenched from head to toe and panting from effort, the two dragged their bodies over the sand in a last, exhausted attempt to withdraw further away from the freezing water. A life jacket covered each boy's torso, scorched and torn in a few places. Underneath, they were dressed in simple, ragged jumpsuits, now drenched with water and covered with sand.

Their limbs left deep trails in the soft sand, the first signs of life on a lone, isolated beach. Once completely out of the water the two collapsed flatly across the sand and lay still, catching their breath.

Moments bled into eternity. A small stripe of glowing white painted the horizon. The weak rays of the European sun painted the winter sky with gray, shedding light onto heavy rain clouds.

The wind blew strongly as if coming to inspect the new comers under the new light of dawn. It caressed them with chilly hands, hovering over their still bodies and inciting Goosebumps on exposed skin. Strands of chestnut and chocolate-brown hair were tousled by the wind, the only movement from the two boys. Sand clung to the chunks of hair there were yet to dry, sticky bangs clinging to their faces and obscuring their eyes. They lay prone on the sand, facing one another. Both pairs of eyes were open, cobalt gazing at indigo and indigo gazing back. The sound of waves and their shallow breathing was their only company.

"I'm cold," one suddenly mumbled as a violent shiver tore through his body.

The other sighed and closed his eyes.

"Heero," the first continued, "it's fucking freezing. I can't feel my toes any more."

"I know, Duo," the other whispered, his eyes still closed, "Try to wiggle your toes."

A few more minutes passed in silence as both boys remained unmoving. The sun continued to slowly rise out of the ocean. Birds began chirping above the tall cliffs as weak rays of light painted the water in murky grayish-blue. The light of dawn, however, refused to offer any warmth.

"It's fucking cold," Duo murmured, shivering violently, "we should start a fire."

"Not an option," came Heero's curt reply and then a pause. He sighed and finally opened his eyes. "We should search for shelter."

"There ain't nothing here for miles," Duo let out sadly, his teeth chattering, "We're in the middle of fucking nowhere. Do you even know where the ship was headed? No one told us anything! We were loaded like some damn cargo!"

"We're still in Europe," Heero muttered with a sigh, "we've only been at sea for three days."

With quite some difficulty, he pushed himself up, supported on all fours. Cold sand clung to his wet jumpsuit and skin. He dusted some of it off, only to be covered by more sand. With an irritated sigh he stopped and turned to look around, inspecting their surrounding for the first time.

Nothing but a long strip of white beach stretched into the horizon, washed by pale winter light. Tall dark cliffs and white sand stretched as far as the eye could see. Looking up, he deducted that the sea cliffs were too high and too steep to climb. Most of them rose vertically from the shore.

"Perhaps there is a cave nearby," he finally said and rose to his feet, waddling from side to side before he managed to stabilize his tired body.

Duo looked up at him from his position on the sand. "You gonna go look?" He asked, feeling guilt for being unable to get back on his feet as fast as Heero.

"Yes," the other pilot answered, his gaze set on the rock face ahead. "Wait here," he ordered and slowly walked away, his steps shaky at first before he forced himself to move onwards with some more pride.

Duo remained lying on the sand, shaking from the cold and washed with the dread of being alone again. After what had happened, he didn't want to be left alone even for a second. He berated himself for being still too weak to move and join Heero. He rebuked himself for everything else he could have and should have done to avoid where he was now. Self-loathing did not help ease the cold or pain and alone he lay on the sand, disgusted with himself.

 

 

Storm clouds gathered over the ocean, lightening flashing inside an accumulated mountain of gray. It began raining at the shoreline, the shower gradually strengthening with the coming storm. Heero marched across the beach, staying close to the cliffs, leaning on the rock for support when his body faltered, threatening to collapse. He too was in no better shape than Duo, though he moved forward on willpower alone. Safety was his first priority; food and rest would come later.

His chilly fingers, stiff and pale from the cold, felt around the rock face, like a blind man making his way through an eternal black. The early morning sunlight painted the coast with dim light that played tricks on his eyes. That was the reason he questioned himself when he saw a rope ladder suspended from the cliff only twenty meters away. He blinked once and then twice, bewildered by the sight. When he approached he became convinced that it was indeed a ladder, made of thick, moldy ropes.

Curling his fingers around one rope he tested it, pulling at it and twisting it to determine its strength. Once convinced of its endurance he climbed a few steps to test it further. The ladder was stable and held his weight well. Satisfied, Heero jumped down and moved away from the cliff, towards the ocean, all the while looking up in hopes to see what lay waiting at the top of the precipice.

A hint of a smile touched his lips when he could see a hint of a familiar looking shape, the top of a lighthouse.

 

 

Duo sat huddled between two large rocks on the same beach where Heero had left him. The boulders offered a weak shelter from the stinging wind. He looked up with a large, hopeful pair of eyes as someone approached him.

The sun had already risen out of the ocean and was now a blurry white sphere behind a gray layer of clouds. Heero's figure was a silhouette against the sun and Duo tensed at the thought of being mistaken, that it was not Heero but rather an Ozzie who was there to recapture them. He didn't want to go back to that place, so he hid behind the rocks and remained silent.

However, tired as he was, he did not bother to wipe any trace of footsteps from the sand and the figure easily followed his tracks until he stopped by the boulders.

"Duo? It's me," Heero's voice called softly and Duo's heart sank with relief. Yes, he knew it was Heero, but he had to make sure. Sometimes his mind played tricks on him, as he was sure it did for Heero too. After all, they've been in that place for so long... so long...

"I found a safe place," Heero continued slowly, crouching between the two black rocks so he could be in Duo's eye level, less threatening. "It's about seven hundred meters down the beach," he said, pointing in the direction he had come from, "We will be safe there, I promise."

Shit, fuck, damn, was all Duo could think of. Heero was speaking to him as if he was a child, something that was so uncharacteristically Heero, and yet, at the same time, something that was very much like him. Heero's objective was to keep him calm, keep him together until they were both safe and therefore he made an exception and spoke softly instead of spitting out indifferent orders. Ironically the soft-spoke Heero was far more unnerving to Duo. It reminded him of all that happened, of how much things had changed. He didn't want to admit any of it yet. He wanted Heero to be Heero and Duo to be Duo. He wanted things the way they used to be.

"Duo," Heero spoke up again, calmly, "we need to get moving."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Duo mumbled and used a boulder for support as he stood up. Heero took a step towards him; silently offering help if it was needed, but Duo stubbornly turned him down and began walking on his own. His steps were shaky and he swerved from side to side, but still, it felt good to be able to walk on his own again. Heero had to half drag him, half carry him on the way out from that... place. Duo didn't like to depend on people, not even Heero.

The walk seemed to take longer than forever. Duo stumbled to the sand a few times, landing on all fours when his legs gave out. Heero knew better than to offer any more help. He stood and waited patiently for Duo to get back on his feet. Duo's small comfort was that Heero also seemed to waver from time to time, catching himself only a second before collapsing onto the sand.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Duo groaned when they reached their destination. He looked up at the wobbly ladder, swinging back and forth in the wind. The climb was long, and obviously dangerous.

"You should climb first," Heero said and gestured at the ladder. To catch Duo if he fell - was the obvious subtext. Duo sighed and placed his hands at each side of the ladder.

"There better be gourmet food in that damn lighthouse..." he muttered and began to climb. Heero followed, keeping his eyes on the other pilot in case he might slip.

"And a warm bed..." Duo continued mumbling as they climbed, "with clean sheets... that smell like fresh laundry..."

The whisper of the waves became distant as they climbed, leaving the beach more than ten meters below. Dark rain clouds hovered above the rocky coastline, obscuring the dim winter light. A storm was nearing, stirring the ocean with tall wave as flashing purple lightening blazed in the cloudy horizon. Time seems to slow as they climbed, each steps taking longer than the previous.

As thunder roared loudly, a strong torrent reached the shoreline. Duo cursed, screaming at the skies. Heero waited patiently for him to calm down and continue climbing. Once again they were drenched with cold water, and, to make matters worse, the wind was stronger the higher they climbed. The ladder swung widely from side to side and the ropes became slippery with rain. The climb became even more dangerous, slowing them down even more.

"This fucking sucks!" Duo shouted angrily, clutching the rope as he stopped climbing.

"Just a bit further," Heero encouraged, looking up at the dispirited pilot. "We're almost there."

They made it to the top of the cliff in what seemed like hours later. The lighthouse stood only a short distance away, at the edge of the cliff. It was a tall, ancient building that towered six or seven stories over the ground. The windows were broken and dark, it seemed completely deserted.

The front door creaked when Heero pushed it open. Duo stood behind him, hugging himself and shivering from the cold. Heero turned to look at him before entering the structure. Duo took it as a hint to keep his mouth shut and forced his teeth to stop chattering. Heero entered first in slow careful steps, his senses alert. After swallowing his fear from the unknown, Duo followed.

His eyes were glued to Heero's hands instead of the room they entered. Heero's palms were spread open and tense, fingers ready to jerk up and snap the neck of anyone who dared to attack them. Duo's heart pounded strongly in chest, but he calmed himself by putting faith in Heero's strong hands. As long as there was no sudden gunfire, they were safe, he assured himself.

The wooden floorboards creaked under their weight, a relatively loud sound that ran chills down Duo's spine. The air was moldy and unventilated, the stench of old wood and wet wool hanging in the air. Most of the windows were boarded shut, allowing little light to filter through the cracks. Furniture lay discarded in various corners, as if being thrown aside. Curtains and other fabrics were torn and faded. Some of the floorboards were missing and there were many cracks on the walls.

As they walked down a long, rounded, corridor Duo looked up and saw a portrait hanging on the wall. The frame was tilted sideways, which drew Duo's eyes to it. The moment he looked up at the portrait he was pinned by the piercing gaze of a stern old man. He hurried to look away and catch up with Heero. He had seen enough ghost movies to know that an abandoned lighthouse was a bad place to walk into.

In an attempt to calm his nerves he calculated the amount to precise explosives it would take to demolish the place, presuming that its infrastructure was at least one hundred years old and continuously damaged by the severe ocean climate.

Four sets of explosives set on four equally distant points on the perimeter of the structure's supporting foundation (logically located at the center of the structure since it was round), therefore being placed in a ninety degree angle in relation to the center of the lighthouse, multiplied by the number of floors, plus another four charges on the outer perimeter, meaning the ground floor walls. That should do it. It would make a neat blast and then the whole thing would crumble into dust.

A building was so much like a tower of cards, take the base and/or core down and the rest would follow. After all that happened to them, Duo felt very much like a demolished building, or at least as worn down as the lighthouse's infrastructure.

So lost in his musings, Duo failed to notice that Heero stopped walking, until he bumped into him. Heero jumped and whirled around, both hands ready to kill.

Duo jumped back just in time to avoid injury and raised his hands up in surrender. "Sorry! Sorry!" he whispered sharply in apology, looking into Heero's eyes. Usually Heero wouldn't have snapped like that, knowing that it was only Duo behind him, but it seemed that Heero was also at the end of his rope. They were both tense and therefore snappy.

Heero sighed and put his hands down, turning back to gaze at the room they were about to enter. Duo came to stand next to him and took a peek as well.

They were looking at a small lounge, illuminated by the faint sunlight that filtered through a boarded window set on the wall ahead. There was a small sofa and coffee table, as well as a dining table in the far end of the room. An old and broken television set stood on a dresser opposite of the couch. Some of the dresser's drawers were open and some missing, lying broken on the floor. Puddles of water flooded various places by the walls, the sound of dripping filling the room.

Without a word Heero moved into the living area and yanked a checkered wool blanket off the couch. Clouds of dust lifted into the air and he coughed, wrapping the blanket around him. He grabbed another one from a nearby armchair and threw it to Duo. They were both still wet from the rain and shivering from the cold.

Duo took his life jacket off first and then wrapped the blanket tightly around him. The life jacket was useful as protection from the freezing wind, but now it only isolated him from the heat the blanket could offer. Duo knew all about cold and how to fight it. The life jacket was no longer necessary. When he looked up again, he saw Heero follow suit and take his life jacket off as well.

Good riddance, Duo thought to himself. Who wanted to wear a dead Ozzie's life jacket anyway? Heero had insisted that they wear them during their escape, which Duo was grateful for later on when they found themselves in the water. But now he didn't want to be anywhere near the damn jacket. He could still smell the damn Ozzie on it. It was a stench would never leave his nostrils.

"The place seems deserted," Heero's voice broke the heavy silence. "We will be safe here for the time being."

Duo nodded, his eyes glued to the storm raging outside the window, stirring the ocean waves with wind and rain. He shivered; both from the warmth that began to engulf him and the possibility of still being caught in sea during that storm. They were safe now. They were safe...

"I'm going to search for some illumination and food," Heero stated and began to walk away, towards another doorway that led to a different part of the lighthouse.

"You think there's a storage room or something?" Duo asked, just to break the silence, and followed. Heero didn't answer and continued walking. Duo didn't expect him to answer, because Heero hardly ever bothered stating the obvious or repeating himself. The only times he heard Heero use useless words was when those bastards had... and sometimes when they...

He closed his eyes and shook his head wildly. Food, he should concentrate on finding food instead of on that time when the bastards brought Heero back into the cell and he didn't speak for two days because... No, wait. Food. Must find food...

After walking around the lighthouse for a short while, they found a kitchen and a pantry. The shelves in the storage room were mostly empty but they managed to salvage a few cans of preserved food. Heero also found a stack of candles and matches. Most of them were wet and it took him a few minutes to find ones that would light up. Duo in the meantime searched the kitchen drawers for a can opener. Mice and rats glared at him when he disturbed their rest but he was too hungry to care about their presence.

They sat at a small, wobbly wooden table and ate to the light of a burning candle. Duo considered cracking a joke about candlelight dinners, but he wasn't in the mood. Heero wouldn't appreciate it anyway. He was the last person who could make Duo feel anything remotely romantic. Oh sure, they fucked a few times, but that didn't mean anything. Duo was convinced that Heero considered those times as nothing but a slipup on his part, something that shouldn't have happened. It didn't matter, Duo assured himself, as long as they were still friends.

He emptied one can of baked beans and half a can of creamed corn. Heero merely nibbled at a can of tuna and some of the creamed corn leftovers. Once recovered from the wonderfully numbing feeling of a full stomach, Duo got up to test the piping under the sink in an attempt to get some water. The fluids came out brown and chunky at first, but after a few minutes of creaking pipelines and some banging done under the sink, Duo served fresh water to the table. Heero accepted it silently and emptied one glass after the other. Duo did the same.

"You think they noticed we're gone by now?" He dared to ask, breaking the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air. He knew that Heero was thinking the same, so he asked.

"Not yet," Heero answered, thoughtful, "It will be nightfall before anyone would notice that the crewmen did not report to their shift."

Duo nodded. After killing the two guards patrolling the deck, they dumped the bodies into the ocean, buying some time before anyone would notice that they were missing. If there was one thing they learned during their extensive stay under OZ custody, was that most OZ soldiers slacked off on their duties. They reported late to their shifts, left before they were replaced and did the absolute minimum to fulfill their duties. Of course, there were always the exceptions, but Heero and he observed the crewmen on the ship until they determined which guard would best suit their purpose.

The two crewmen they killed had a habit of not only reporting late to relieve the previous guards from patrol, but they also left their station the second their shift was over, leaving the post unmanned until their replacement arrived. Therefore, no one would be surprised to find the deck empty when they report to do the following duty. The dead crewmen would only be known as missing on their following nightshift. That bought them some time. The ship must be miles away from them by now.

"You think they'll come back here?"

Heero sighed and got up. "Try not to concern yourself with this matter."

Duo looked up at him, still seated by the table. "But what if they figure out where we are? Shouldn't we at least look for some sort of weapon? Or something... I dunno... anything."

"The ship is at least twelve hours away," Heero said as he lit a few more candles, "It will take them time to realize we escaped and organize a search perimeter. We still have time."

It was Duo's turn to sigh. He bowed his head and stared at the table, studying the cracks on the thick wooden surface. Perhaps he was being paranoid because he was so used to the bastards being there, watching, abusing, testing, demanding, questioning again and again and again... It felt odd being away from that place, especially after so long.

"We should get some sleep," Heero let out tiredly and picked up a candle. "Get up. We'll search for the bedrooms."

Duo nodded slowly and did as told, picking up another candle Heero had lit for him. Sleep was a good idea. He could not remember the last time he had slept undisturbed, safe, warm, and dry... He had pissed himself one time, that was embarrassing, but Heero wasn't even there to see. It was after the bastards took him away.

But the Ozzies made a fuss over it for days. They sent him to clean the latrine as a joke. The guard on duty forced him to lick his fingers clean after unclogging the crap-house sewers. The fucking dickhead forced him to lick the shit off his fingers...

Coming to an abrupt stop, Duo leaned forward and retched, the memory playing vividly in his head. He held himself back from vomiting, feeling Heero's eyes on him.

"I'm fine," Duo huffed in between panting, "just a bit queasy."

Heero frowned, inspecting Duo under the candlelight. After receiving a large fake grin he sighed and continued moving forward. Duo followed, thankful that Heero was not the type to pester.

They found a staircase, situated at the center of the lighthouse. Heero remained on the lead as they climbed up the spiral stairway. The stairs creaked loudly with each step, yielding under their weight with a wail that threatened to collapse. Rats moved in dark corners, small feet making silent scrapping noise. That place had rats in it too, Duo recalled, but that was the last thing to bother him. His biggest concern was with the people, not the rats.

He climbed carefully, weighing each move even though Heero had already tested the step. Looking up he saw that Heero was also moving slowly, whether from caution of fatigue, Duo wasn't sure.

Gray shadows loomed all around, filling dark corners and falling to the floor. Duo looked around frantically, half-expecting to see silhouettes move across the walls, people, ghosts, anything. The lighthouse was too empty and therefore frightening. He was already on edge from everything that has happened, and the fact that the gloomy lighthouse made sounds as if it was alive did not help to calm his nerves. His short-circuited, abused and fatigued mind refused to accept the fact he was safe. Someone was bound to charge at them at any given moment, he was sure of that.

Looking up, he fixed his gaze on Heero's back. His heart clenched when he realized that his back was bent, also yielding to a great weight. His pose was usually upright and tense, powerful, but now he seemed a bit... smaller. More humane perhaps. Duo wanted Heero to be more humane, but not now. Any other time but now...

Insecurity flooded him. If they were both so tired how could they fight off whatever danger awaited them up those stairs? Maybe they should go back... it was safe downstairs... maybe they should stay downstairs...

"Relax," Heero suddenly said, and Duo gulped, realizing that he'd been panting so hard that he nearly hyperventilated.

"There is no one here but us," Heero assured quietly and turned to look at him. Duo was transfixed by the way the candlelight caught in Heero's deep blue eyes. The reflection of the flame flickered in his eyes, steady and calm. He heaved a deep sigh and nodded. They were safe. They were safe...

They found a bedroom on the fifth floor. Most of the other floors were in a total state of chaos or had locked doors and empty rooms. The fifth floor was close to the top of the lighthouse and was a bit smaller in diameter than the rest. There were only three rooms on the floor, one of them a bedroom and a den. A small cot stood at one side of the room and a small sofa stood at the opposite side.

There was a long, narrow window across from the door, overlooking the ocean. The sun suspended in the cloudy sky, peeking at the two from the window. Unlike the windows on the ground floor, that one was not boarded shut and offered a narrow view of the ocean scenery. Duo, however, couldn't care less. All he wanted was to close his eyes and sleep, caring little for the view.

Silently, Heero blew out the candle and moved over to the bunk. With a swift movement he pulled the dusty covers aside, sending clouds of dust into the air.

Duo stood by the doorway and stared at Heero make the bed. He wondered if he should go look for a different room or stay in this one. He didn't want to be alone again. Back in that place Heero promised never to leave him, but then the bastards took him away and he was alone... truly alone... just when he thought that he could somehow make it, that he could pull through as long as Heero was there after each session, they took him away and he was no longer safe... alone... and not safe... not safe...

"The sofa seems as comfortable as the bed," Heero suddenly spoke, snapping Duo out of his trance. He blinked and looked up at Heero, who was unzipping his jumpsuit. He frowned. Was Heero offering that he stayed?

"It's safer this way," Heero continued as he slipped out of his wet jumpsuit, remaining in a tattered pair of spandex and a torn tank top. Duo swallowed hard, his eyes fixed on the large bloodstains tainting Heero's clothes. He forced himself to look away when Heero reached to pull his shirt off.

"Uh, right," he let out, his eyes looking anywhere but at Heero's abused body. He heard him throw the wet clothes to the floor and then the bed creaked as he settled on it. Duo looked up in time to see the last hint of Heero's nude body as the boy covered himself tightly. He turned his back to Duo, facing the wall, and pulled the blankets as high as his neck.

"Get some sleep," he mumbled tiredly and heaved a sigh.

Duo continued standing by the door, holding his candle until it burnt out. Safe. He will be safe here, with Heero. Even in sleep, he will be safe. Yes. Safe. Safe...

Closing the door behind him, he walked into the room. After undressing completely, refusing to look down at his battered, frail looking body, he lay down on the sofa and covered himself from head to toe. Lying with his back to Heero, and reminding himself that he was still there, Duo closed his eyes and begged sleep to take him.

Heero's presence was reassuring and yet, at the same time, it did not allow him to sleep. For what felt like years of isolation he pleaded God to make the bastards bring Heero back to him. His sanity was at stake, his life was at stake. On one or two interrogations he begged them, half conscious, to let him see Heero. The bastards ignored his plea, of course, and threw him to his lonely cell.

He saw Heero again in what felt like an eternity later, when the bastards loaded them to the transport ship. They locked them up in the same cell and, at long last, they were together again. Their escape wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

Duo had been so busy forming escape plans that the reality of being with Heero again did not hit him until that very moment. Now safe and warm, lying under soft covers, he suddenly realized, truly realized, that he was not alone anymore. The reality of their escape finally settled with him and Heero's presence at the other side of the room became so real, so solid, so... powerful. He turned to look over his shoulder, glancing at Heero's curled figure, unmoving in sleep. He was there with him. They were together again. Not just safe, but together. They made it out alive, just like Heero had promised.

Sighing, Duo turned back to face the wall, preparing to sleep once again. He listened to Heero's soft breathing, allowing the quiet sound to lull him to sleep, the same way he had done when they were together in the cell, at the beginning of their capture. There was nothing more comforting that the sound of Heero breathing, especially after that time when he had almost died in those bastards' hands. Heero refused to break and the bastards tried anything and everything to break him. They did the same to him, he was just as stubborn as Heero, but he knew when it was safe to volunteer some information. Heero didn't, and he paid the price for it.

After one of his longest sessions, the Ozzies threw Heero into the cell, half dead and drenched with blood. Duo could do nothing but listen to Heero's struggled breathing for two whole days, waiting for the worse to happen. No one came to their aid even when Duo begged for some medical assistance. He assumed that OZ left Heero there to die. He held him close, allowing him to rest his injured head against his lap and waited dreadfully for Heero to draw his last breath. It was the longest time he had ever spent listening to someone breathe. He burst into tears when the third morning came and Heero opened his eyes. Then the bastards came to take him and never brought him back.

Memories flooded him, random moments of his stay in Hell. Being alone, being tortured, being questioned, being humiliated and abused over and over again. His mind reeled with hellish images and bitter, painful traces of dark feelings and loss. Whatever he tried, he could not calm his mind. Sleep was beyond him, and he was so very tired...

He tried to think about anything but that place. He ran structural schemes and demolition schemes in his head, calculating the amounts of explosive and points of insertion needed to take a building down, to take that place down and let it burn. The calculations eventually made his head hurt, but they kept his mind off other things.

Other thoughts began to flood his mind. Thoughts of Heero, thoughts of those few times they slept together, hungry for something other than the pressure of war. How did it all begin? He couldn't remember. He was drunk and Heero had rebuked him about one thing or another when he stumbled drunkenly into their dorm room. He remembered grabbing Heero and pulling him to the floor. They fell down and Heero punched him in the face.

Yes, that was the first time they had sex. They quarreled on the floor until punching and cursing turned to touching and kissing. Why did Heero stop fighting he still didn't know. He didn't care either. Perhaps he was curious; perhaps he needed it as much as Duo needed it. Perhaps it was a thousand other things and more, but whatever it was, it made a good fuck. A damn good fuck. He fucked Heero silly that night and in return Heero had fucked his brains out on a million other nights. It was a 'slam, bam, thank you ma'am' kind of thing, but it suited Duo just fine. Emotional attachments were not his thing.

Then came that place and everything changed. Everything changed... everything...

He wondered if Heero felt the same way.

No, no, of course he didn't. Why would he? Why would anyone? What was there to love anyway? There was nothing he had to offer but fake feelings, fake smiles, and lies. All lies, his biggest lie being that he didn't lie at all. If he kept repeating it, people might start to believe his fake feelings. He often wondered what was worse, faking one's feelings like he did, or not showing them at all, like Heero did?

At least when Heero did show something it was honest, as rare as those times were. He envied him for that, for the ability to reach inside and pull out something genuine. He didn't know if he had anything genuine left in him. All he saw when he looked inside was a gaping black chasm. Nothing but hollow feelings and screams of the dead rose from that dark pit. A gateway to Hell, the underworld, and he its ruler, the God of Death.

He sighed, shifting positions in an attempt to beckon sleep to come. No more dark thoughts, he begged, please... no more. He had had enough of those back in that place.

Heero slept soundly, breathing heavily through his mouth. Duo assumed that he too had a stuffed nose. That was to be expected after what they've been through. He hated a stuffed nose more than anything. He'd rather have it broken than stuffed. Then again, maybe not...

OZ must be looking for them by now. They'll probably find that there was one lifeboat missing and send out Pisces and Cancer suits to search for them. They'll find the remains of the lifeboat floating at sea and presume that they drowned... that was the plan right? They burnt the boat to make it look like it had been hit by lightening and then swam the remaining three miles to shore. OZ will presume that they were dead, right? That was the plan. Heero said that it would work... he said that there was a 65 percent probability that it would work.

Duo still worried over the remaining 35 percent.

And what if they do get recaptured? Will the bastards throw them into a dark cell again? Isolate them again? Make him sit alone in a small prison cell? Alone? Will he be alone again? For how long? Until the war ends? Until he dies? Until they kill him? How long must he be alone again? No! No! No more! No more...

He shivered under the covers, and not from the cold. He felt alone again. Heero was less than a meter away but he felt alone again. Isolated. Alone with his thoughts, alone in the dark depths of his mind. Alone, just like in his prison. He didn't know what was worse, his mind or that place.

It wasn't fair that Heero was sleeping like a freaking baby and he was still awake, still alone! How come Heero was able to sleep so easily!? How come he wasn't scared?! Wasn't he worried about being recaptured? Didn't he worry at all?! Why the hell was he so calm?! What made him so fucking perfect anyway?!

Duo tsked in annoyance, tossing and turning on the sofa. How come Heero didn't have nightmares? What made him feel so safe? Didn't he feel that need too? That undeniable feeling to be closer... to stop being so alone..?

Maybe Heero was used to being alone... maybe he didn't care about being captured again. Maybe it made no difference to him to be dead or alive, captured or free. Maybe he was never free to begin with.

Was he free? Were they both really free? No... no. They were never free. They were never truly alive either. Maybe for a split second, between orgasm and reality. Maybe that's why they were such close fuck buddies. Maybe that was their way of not being alone, of being free, if only for a moment.

It was funny how pieces suddenly fell into place. He thought about it a lot during his lonely prison hours, but never reached any conclusions. Now it dawned on him all at once. Heero and he, why they needed each other. Not for love, not for sex, not for friendship and not for comradeship. They just needed someone to make them feel alive, feel free of war and pain. Anyone could fit into that role, but they chose each other due to a mere convenience. No love, no passion, no care, no lust, just need. Much like the commercial terms of demand and offer, their relationship was based on nothing but an unspoken agreement to answer immediate needs with no commitment.

And if that was all they shared, if that was what had kept him going through all the crap in that place... then why did he even bother? It was just another lie. It was nothing to live for; it was just another lie...

But... but... but he needed Heero close. He wanted him close. Even if Heero didn't give a flying fuck about him, he still needed him close. Close. Close. Close.

Close meant not to be alone. Close was good. Yes. He wanted close.

Slowly, he turned to face the other bed, his indigo eyes glimmering in the soft morning light. He gazed at Heero's back, curled under the covers in sleep. He watched the outlines of his figure rise and fall with each breath. Alive. Heero was still alive, still with him. He was alive. Alive and warm. Close was even warmer, and more importantly, not alone. Not alone.

Pushing the covers aside, Duo sat up and slowly moved out of bed. He stood naked over Heero's cot, shivering in the cold. Surely Heero wouldn't mind if he... right?

He didn't care. It's what he wanted. He didn't care.

He pulled the covers off Heero and lay down next to him, pushing Heero's body further into the bed to make enough room for the both of them.

Heero did not stir, but his breathing slowed. Was he awake?

Duo's face flushed. They were lying back to back in a narrow space, completely naked. Suddenly, his resolve faltered. He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. Was he going out of his mind?

"What are you doing?" Heero finally asked, his voice a hoarse whisper.

"I need to be close to someone," he answered slowly, "Please?"

Heero didn't say a word, but he didn't push him away either. Duo heaved a long sigh of relief. Maybe now he could finally sleep.

He laid still, his back pressed against Heero's, his hands shoved under his head like a second pillow. His eyes remained open as sleep refused to come.

Noon was approaching as the sun climbed higher into the cloudy sky. Duo watched the clouds' shadows sweep across the floor in a slow, lazy manner. His tired, red-rimmed eyes gazed numbly at the game of light and shadow that revealed and concealed the piles of dust on the floor.

He could feel Heero's back move against his own back, heaving slowly with the rhythm of life. He liked the sound of Heero's breathing. It was something he could definitely get used to have near. Aching for sleep, Duo closed his eyes and focused on the rhythm of Heero's breath.

Slumber was close, but nagging feelings still remained. He could feel Heero's back pressed against his, but when he slipped into slumber the feeling no longer registered and he jerked awake, afraid of being left alone. He needed to hear Heero's voice. He needed to hear him speak, to prove to him that he was there, that he was still alive.

Biting his lower lip in thought, Duo contemplated the risks involved in waking Heero again. The words were out his mouth even before he was done phrasing the question.

"What if they come?" He whispered hoarsely, hesitantly, as if he was trying to wake the dead.

There was a long moment of silence until he heard Heero sigh.

"The rain erased our footsteps from the sand," he mumbled groggily, "it will not be so easy to find us."

"But isn't a lighthouse kind of obvious?"

Again Heero sighed and the bed creaked as he adjusted himself more comfortably. His limbs brushed against Duo's as he moved, causing the braided boy to shiver once more.

"The odds of them finding us here are very slim," he whispered in slight annoyance, "They don't know we arrived at this particular beach."

Duo nodded against the pillow, although hardly reassured. "Yeah, I guess," he mumbled, staring dejectedly at the floor. He really didn't want Heero to go back to sleep and leave him alone with his thoughts, but he didn't know what else to say to keep Heero awake. He sighed heavily and buried his face in his side of the pillow.

The bed creaked again and the mattress yielded under Heero's weight as he moved. Duo tensed, expecting a lecture of some sort or a slap on the back of his head, followed by a 'go to sleep you idiot', or something like that. Heero didn't call him an idiot that often, but he was prone to crankiness when he was tired and someone (usually Duo) interrupted his sleep.

Instead of harsh words came another loud creak from the bed as Heero turned. Duo tensed even more, having a hard time figuring out what Heero was trying to do. He was pretty sure that they no longer back to back and that Heero now lay so that they were spooned together. Naked. Duo shivered and curled deeper into himself. A large part of him really longed for human contract, but another part was still afraid. He was nervous. Damn that place!

Slowly, Heero reached a hand up and wrapped it around Duo's torso. His breath caught in his throat and his entire body tensed as if electrocuted. Heero pulled him closer, just a slight nudge, and let his arm dangle limply over Duo's torso. It was a weak hug, hardly erotic or protective. It was an awkward embrace; yet reassuring in a powerful way that was uniquely Heero's.

Duo exhaled lengthily and closed his eyes in content. Finally, with the weight of Heero's arm against his body, he could sleep.

 

 

Hours passed in pure oblivion. Both boys slept soundly, submerged into a state of sleep similar to that of the dead. It was a thick, black and heavy slumber, one of pure exhaustion. The warmth of their two naked bodies mingled, engulfing them with a pleasant sensation.

It was dark when Duo finally opened his eyes. His stomach rumbled loudly, he was famished. He had been dreaming about devouring a mean piece of juicy steak, when the ache in his stomach awoke him. He opened his eyes and blinked, trying to make out the outline of things in the dark.

It did not take long for him to realize that he was no longer in the holding cell, and the feeling of relief that washed over him was indescribable. He even allowed himself a small, weak smile, a gesture that felt awkward on his lips. He hardly ever smiled, snarl and smirk, sure, but smile... no. There was no real reason to do that.

A small sound came from behind him, a weak moan followed by movement. A million and one possibilities of danger rushed through Duo's head, until his rational mind supplied him: Heero.

Unconsciously, his smile grew, spreading slowly across his lips. He was waking up in the same bed with Heero, something that has never happened before in their 'slam, bam, thank you ma'am' relationship. Heero always returned to his bed afterwards, and visa versa. Waking up with the feeling of Heero's naked body against his was awkward, and at the same time, wonderful. The fact that their legs were entwined was even more marvelous. He would have liked nothing more but to remain like that until Heero awoke and pulled away, but he really needed to take a piss.

His stomach grumbled again. Oh yeah, and find some food.

He was almost ready to get out of bed when the realization struck him - if he left the room he would be leaving Heero behind, which meant that he would be alone. He felt stupid for feeling such dread, but there was no denying the fear the gripped him at the thought of walking down stairs by himself.

Heero moved, untangling his legs from Duo's. Duo stilled, knowing that Heero was awake. For a long while, the two boys lay in silence, unmoving as they stared in different directions.

Outside, the storm picked up again. Torrents of rain crashed loudly against the lighthouse' window and walls. The wind howled as it raced past the round structure, and the window rattled with each thunder that rolled in the distance.

Duo gazed numbly at the moon lit floor, wondering whether his jumpsuit was already dry. It would totally suck to walk around with moist clothes, or worse- naked. He'd freeze his ass off the moment he'll step out of the warm bed. But nature called, and he had to answer it. He sighed and shifted his gaze to stare at the mattress. Maybe if he waited long enough, Heero will need to go too.

Lightening flashed and illuminated the dark room for a split second. Thunder soon followed with a loud roar. The bed creaked as Heero shifted. Duo opened his eyes when he felt him move. Without warning, Heero pulled the blanket away as he sat up. Duo shivered violently, instantly covered with Goosebumps.

"Get up," Heero said, his voice rough from sleep. Duo sighed and forced his heavy body to move. He sat up as well and prepared to move out of bed, shivering from the extreme cold. Heero then placed the blanket over his shoulders and got out of bed, completely bare. Duo stared at him with wide eyes as he walked over to the sofa and grabbed the other blanket to cover himself. He never expected Heero to do such a... caring thing.

Heero crouched on the floor, the blanket hanging over his shoulders, and felt around for their jumpsuits. Lightening flashed and lighted the counter of Heero's hunched form with a purple outline. Duo continued to sit on the bed, holding the blanket close to his chest, and watched as Heero probably realized that their clothes were still wet. He then let out a quiet sigh and began searching the pockets of his jumpsuit. Duo was surprised to see him pull out a stack of candles and a box of matches. Trust Heero to foresee the need for more candles.

Once one candle was lit Heero handed it to Duo and lighted another one for himself. He stood up and Duo did the same, following the lead. They walked out of the room, wrapped only in checkered wool blankets to fight the cold.

It was pitch black outside the small bedroom. Floorboards groaned under their feet and their shadows fell over the walls like two black giants. After searching the entire floor, they could not find a lavatory, much to Duo's disappointment. Instead they entered one of the empty rooms at the end of the hall. The room was completely bare, except for a few wooden boards (probably spare floorboards) that lay discarded and broken here and there.

Each walked to a different corner of the room, and facing the wall, the two relieved themselves. Even after their long capture, when there was no choice but to urinate in the presence of the other in the cell, it still felt odd. Duo closed his eyes and tried to ignore everything, focusing only on the great relief in his body. It was a good minute or two later before both finished and turned away from the wall.

They stood in opposite sides of the room, watching each other in awkward silence. Heero was the first to move and reach for his candle, which stood on the floor. He adjusted the blanket around him more securely and looked up at Duo.

"We should eat," he said quietly and walked to the door. Duo nodded, picked up his candle and hurried to follow.

The walk down the spiral staircase felt shorter than it did that morning. Duo wasn't as spooked as before. His eyes were glued to Heero's bare feet walking down the stairs instead of any potential source of danger. He didn't know why the thought even crossed his mind, but he really liked the sight of Heero's feet. It was an odd thought because they were only feet, but still, they looked so much nicer than his own.

Once on the ground floor, they raided the storage room for any leftovers. While Duo checked the expiration dates on the canned food, Heero found a dirty jug and washed it clean before filling it with drinking water. They carried as much as they could upstairs, agreeing even in silence that they felt safer in a closed, small room.

Duo threw the stack of canned food onto the sofa and readjusted the blanket on his shoulder for the umpteenth time. He settled casually on the sofa and began sorting through the cans, sorting out the ones he was more inclined to eat. There wasn't much to choose from, but he would take tuna over Spam any day. A meat that was dubbed as 'Specially Processed Army Meat' was the last thing he wanted to eat, no matter how starved.

Heero lit a few more candles and placed them in various places around the room. He also closed the blinds to hide the light from any outside source that might be watching. He poured each of them a glass of water and came to join Duo on the couch.

Duo had to chuckle when he noticed the frown on Heero's face once the other pilot realized that he was left with the Spam and a can of beans. Reluctantly, he picked up a spoon and began eating. Duo watched him for a second more, amused, before digging in as well.

The room fell silent, only the sound of the rain and their quiet, thoughtful chewing breaking the silence. While the silence was a comfortable one, Duo itched to hear Heero's voice again. He briefly wondered where this strange need came from, and justified it as the need for company after a long isolation.

"There aren't many lighthouses around nowadays, huh?" he began casually, glad to have found something to talk about, though he did not look up at Heero as he spoke. "How old do you think this place is?"

Heero poked at his food with the spoon, as if debating whether or not the topic was worthy of his reply. He sighed and scooped a spoonful of baked beans.

"It is most probably ancient," he said without looking at Duo, "There isn't much use for a lighthouse in this era."

Duo nodded, chewing contently on his food. He was glad that Heero recognized the need for conversation.

"Why did people need a lighthouse anyway?" He asked, even when he had a vague idea why. While not as educated as Heero, he was no fool either.

"It was an ancient way to signal ships that they arrived to shore." Heero answered matter-of-factly while frowning at his food.

Duo resisted the urge to smile. It seemed that Heero really didn't like Spam.

"A beacon? Really?" He said, just to keep Heero talking.

"They used a catadioptric system, in which rays were both refracted and reflected from silvered mirrors to form a parallel beam visible at a distance," Heero explained between small, disgusted bites, "However increased use of radio beams and radar has made the conventional lighthouse obsolete."

Duo nodded and smiled as he dug his spoon into a can of corn. Heero was very knowledgeable and it was a shame that he did not use his knowledge to make conversation more often. He could make a very interesting person to speak with, if he only ditched all of the technicalities.

"It's kinda neat," Duo said, smiling at Heero with gleaming indigo eyes, "It's like lighting a candle in the window to let someone know you're waiting for them at home."

Heero finally looked up at Duo, a curious shine in his cobalt eyes. The gleam was only there for a split second, before Heero cast his gaze down again. Duo's smile widened and he shifted happily on the sofa, returning his attention to his meal. He liked it when Heero was bewildered by something he said; it was a small achievement, but one that gave him great joy. He did not smile often, but now when he thought about it, Heero had a unique way of making him smile freely. Maybe that was part of why he liked speaking with him so much. It felt genuine, he felt genuine.

Heero did not reply to his last comment and Duo assumed that it was the end of their conversation. There were too many taboos around Heero and Duo hardly ever knew if it was all right to say certain things or not. Apparently the issue of 'home' was something Heero was reluctant to speak about. Duo could empathize with that, so he kept his mouth shut.

The rest of the meal was spent in comfortable silence. Duo noticed that Heero was nibbling at his food without eating much, probably due to the terrible flavor, so he offered that they switch. Heero frowned at him and Duo offered a fake smile, saying that he was sick of his ration and thought it would be nice to switch. Less than convinced, Heero nodded and the two exchanged cans.

The silence returned, leaving only the sounds of the storm in the chilly air. Candles flickered in various corners, casting dancing shadows on the cracked walls. Duo watched them in a trance like stare, his mind numb. He blinked when Heero suddenly moved, placing the empty cans of food on the desk by the window before he headed to his bed. The small cot creaked as Heero lay down, facing Duo rather than the wall.

Their gazes met and remained locked for a few good minutes. Duo was once again transfixed by the way the candlelight caught in Heero's eyes, small yellow flames reflecting in a sea of dark blue. He wondered what Heero was thinking, looking at him so intently. Oddly enough, the lengthy gaze did not make him nervous. Usually he did not appreciate being looked at so closely. Some might say that it contradicted his outgoing behavior, but he was always putting on an act so people won't bother to look beyond it. He didn't want them to see the darkness he felt inside, it might contaminate them too. It might make them look away, for good.

Heero's piercing gaze did not make him feel threatened though. He did not mind him looking in so deeply. He honestly wondered what Heero saw in him, what he though about him, what he was feeling, if anything at all. He returned Heero's gaze evenly, allowing him to look. A slow smile spread across his lips, he couldn't help it.

Heero's lips twitched slightly and he looked away, finally breaking eye contact. A moment of awkward silence hung in the air.

Duo placed the cans on the floor and moved towards the bed, holding the blanket close to his chest. He stood over Heero, looking down at him. Heero turned to look up and their gazes locked once more. Duo smiled softly, appreciating the magic of the moment. There was something very soothing in the way Heero was looking at him, something that tickled warmly in his chest as he looked upon the other boy.

"It'll be warmer if it's the two of us," he finally whispered. Heero nodded slowly against the pillow.

He threw his blanket over the one that was already covering Heero and settled down on the bed so that they were both covered by two blankets. This time he lay with his back to the room, facing Heero. They stared at each other, breathing silently.

He studied Heero's features attentively. It was the closest look he ever got at him, and for a moment he was overwhelmed. Heero was very handsome, even more so under the dim light of a flame. There was an intensity about him that was incredible, breathtakingly so. His features were sharp; his cheeks prominent, fleshy and high, tinted with a warm color, and his eyes were slightly slanted upwards, as were his eyebrows, giving him an acute, almost feline look. His straight, well-defined lips and strong, slightly protruding chin added to his harsh, self-controlled appearance, whereas his small nose and unruly locks made him look younger and somewhat shy.

Duo studied him quietly, taking in every tiny detail that was washed by the dim candlelight. His eyes traced the outline of Heero's eyebrows, counting the few lone hairs that were scattered over the bridge of his nose. Heero blinked, which drew Duo's attention back to his eyes. He gazed into their depths, studying the blue irises closely. He had never noticed it before, but Heero's eyes were at least three different shades of blue, combined with a hint of green and gold, all of which formed the iris. It was beautiful, he was beautiful. All of his features combined in perfect harmony to form a face that was both gentle and strong. Heero could look deadly and tender at the same time, a combination that was mind-blowing.

His breathing slowed as warm sensations crawled under his skin. Heero was truly magnificent, too unique to be just another young soldier on the battlefield. Then again, Duo could not think of any other place for Heero to be. Perhaps he was destined for it somehow; maybe that was why he often seemed like a fallen angle, an eternal martyr.

Duo would have liked to say the same about himself, but he had nothing holy or pure in him. He fought because it was the only thing left to do, because no one else should dirty his or her hands with it. He often enjoyed it too; he lived for the thrill, the blood, and the battles. There was nothing angelic about him. He was born into the war, he lived for the war and he would die in it, hopefully. Heero was better than that. He should be given a chance to live, mostly because he probably never had.

Staring numbly at Heero's well-defined lips, he wondered if Heero ever smiled. He wondered how his eyes would light up if he did, what color would they be?

Lost in thought he failed to notice that he was slowly leaning forward until his nose brushed against Heero's. He stopped, slightly startled, and found himself staring straight into a pair of deep blue eyes. They were all he could see in front of him, shining in vibrant blue. Heero's hot breath touched his face in a slow, shallow rhythm. He licked his lower lip slowly, his lips itching for Heero's taste, for the feeling of his tender lips under the soft pressure of a kiss. Heero had such soft lips, despite their taut appearance.

"Duo," Heero whispered, breaking the solid silence. Duo blinked slowly, lazily, and looked up into Heero's eyes again. Heero didn't say anything else, he simply stared back, but Duo knew what he wanted. He heard that tone of voice before, he knew that look, and he recognized the heat that suddenly radiated from Heero. They had fucked enough times for him to know what Heero wanted when he whispered his name like that. Heero was anything but a slow learner and he knew how to ask for what he wanted. He never took by force, surprising as that may be to some, and that was why Duo obliged him, time after time. He didn't mind, he wanted it just as bad. Sex seemed like the best thing to do at the moment. Sleep didn't offer the same kind of refuge. At least fucking would help keep his mind off all the other crap, off that place. Yes, fucking would be great.

Slowly, he closed the distance between them and kissed Heero. It was a wet, clumsy kiss, fueled by desperation rather than passion. Sex between them was all about technicalities. Passion was hardly a part of it and emotionally fueled lust was never there. Duo did not dub it a 'slam, bam, thank you ma'am routine' for nothing. There was no foreplay, no thought given to the pleasure of the other. The only exception was when Duo went down on his partner, just to get him in the right mood, make him hungry for sex. Sometimes it worked too well, causing Heero to become both impatient and aggressive, which usually resulted in a quick, dry fuck in the middle of the night.

Duo didn't mind being fucked dry, as long as Heero got to it already and made him ache, made him scream, made him forget everything, and maybe, just for a little while, made him one with him, made him someone who was as wonderful as he, someone who was worth living. When he thought about it, sex with Heero offered so much more than physical release. Being fucked by him was the only time Duo felt... something, whatever that may be. It made him feel and that's why he liked it so much. His entire body ached to be ravaged by Heero, just so he could feel that little spark of something burning underneath thick layers of shit, his tattered soul.

Sometimes he wanted it the other way around. Every so often he wanted to be the one pounding mercilessly into Heero, trying to reach that well guarded core of his, trying to steal some of that light that made Heero so... everything. When he fucked Heero he looked for so much more than just satisfying his hungry manhood. He searched for a way to fill that unknown something in him, to fill the black chasm inside of him with as much of he could steal from Heero. He was, in fact, nothing but a thief. Heero would probably hate him if he knew, but at least then Duo would know that Heero felt something towards him. Hate was better than nothing.

Right now he wanted to be hated as much as he wanted to hate. Driven mad by his anxiety, the hate burned him from within, rippling through his flesh with an acid sting. It reeked and it scorched his insides, the malicious flow eating away at him. Rage, pain and self-loathing flooded his veins, coursing through him like toxic waste. He screamed in anger, growling rowdily as the rhythm of sex pounded into him with brutal force. He cursed and he screamed, clawing at Heero's arms like an animal. There was so much poison inside of him; he felt it rise with the heat of sex, overflowing until it spilled out of him by gallons. The stench was unbearable, reminding him of that place, of its people, the monstrosities he'd seen there, the things they made him do...

There were so many ugly memories he wanted Heero to kill, to crush as he drove into him, shattering the murky glass that distorted everything inside. He felt that no matter how hard, no matter how fast, how brutal, Heero would never be able to chase those memories away. Still, he begged Heero to try, taunting him with dirty words and pleas reserved for filthy street whores. He didn't give a damn about how he sounded, what he asked for. He just wanted to forget.

The sex grew fiercer. Duo shrieked in anger and hate, gasping incoherent accusations at his bedmate. Suddenly he hated Heero more than anything. He was angry with him for not being there, for still being strong after all that happened, for being able to close his eyes and sleep easily. He hated him so much he became repulsed by the mere idea of what they were doing. The very air he gasped between painful thrusts and dull pleasure disgusted him.

He began cursing furiously at Heero, in a desperate need to throw the blame at someone, to hate him, to hurt him, to be hurt by him. He begged Heero to fuck him harder, deeper, stronger, "do your worst!" he screamed again and again. His head thrashed from side to side until his braid was undone, long hair sticking out in every direction. He wrapped his long legs around Heero, trapping him, bringing him closer, as close as one human being could ever be to another. Whereas a few minutes ago he needed Heero for protection, for the illusion of safety, he now wanted him for pain, for the illusion of forgetfulness. Violence was his savior; nothing else could ever help him.

Orgasm neared and he became more anxious, more violent, the need for pain growing with each resounding thud of his heart. He tightened his grip around Heero, crushing his bedmate with his legs. He heard Heero let out a small grunt but the sound was not satisfying enough. Possessed by the need to show Heero the pain and humiliation he'd been through, he grabbed a handful of Heero's hair and twisted it hard in his fist. He used his other hand to claw Heero's shoulder and pull him down swiftly. A maliciously satisfied smirk twisted Duo's face as Heero crashed against his torso with a small yelp. The other boy tried to pull away but Duo did not let him. He tightened his muscles around Heero's manhood, so tight that he knew it must have hurt.

Heero's head shot up to look at him, eyes narrowing with pain and suspicion. The dark smirk remained on Duo's face, the candlelight shadows creating an ominous mask over his face. The sight was grotesque.

"What's... gotten into you?" Heero panted and winced, his eyes gleaming under the candlelight. "You are not yourself."

Duo opened his eyes and searched for Heero's face, hovering somewhere above him. Heero was staring at him blankly, unmoving, even when Duo could still feel the length of his erection pulsing inside of him.

He almost looked like he cared, but Duo knew better. No one cared. No one came for him. No one cared to offer a helping hand when he was tortured, abused and humiliated in so many ways. They did anything short of actually raping him, even when sometimes he wished they would have, just so he could feel the cleansing pain.

And through all of that Heero wasn't there, leaving Duo alone with his suffering, alone with the unknown, with the fear of abandonment, the fear of not knowing what was going to happen next, what had happened to Heero and why. Alone. Alone. Alone...

He needed Heero to hurt him now. He needed Heero to prove to him that he was there, that he was not alone. He needed Heero for so many things... couldn't he see that?!

"I don't want to hurt you," Heero whispered, frowning, "Why do you keep asking me to do so?"

Torrents of fury overflowed again, drowning any rational thought. He grabbed Heero forcefully by his arms and pulled him violently into a brutal kiss. Heero gasped into his mouth and tried to move away, but Duo did not allow him a single movement of resistance. He began thrusting his hips up against Heero and rebuilt their rhythm even when Heero refused to move. He knew his partner's body well enough to know how to tease him into submission. Heero will fuck him, if he wanted it or not, because Duo knew how to make Heero want it, and want it bad.

Soon Heero closed his eyes and resumed fucking him, though not as hard as before, less determined. Duo didn't care. He compensated for it by thrusting his own body up at Heero, taking control of their rhythm.

Watching Heero's face through half lidded eyes, a slight tingle of regret began sizzling in his chest. Heero's features were completely blank, his eyes closed. His expression was similar to ones Duo had seen across Heero's face when he was tortured. He simply disconnected and allowed his body to ride things out.

The fury subsided, slowly dying out. Duo winced painfully and turned his head away from Heero. Shame filled him with a new kind of burn. He was no better than those OZ bastards. He was torturing Heero.

The loud roar of thunder accompanied the painful understanding. The storm that raged during their fierce union grew stronger, causing the window to shudder under its great force. Lightening flashed through the room and thunder was soon to follow.

Duo stilled his body, suddenly frozen, unable to move. His muscles relaxed around Heero, and the other boy collapsed against him with a small gasp. Neither had achieved orgasm, and neither seemed to care. They lay panting on the small cot; Heero sprawled atop of Duo, too exhausted to move as he struggled to catch his breath.

Rolling thunder rumbled outside the bedroom window, though no lightening blazed prior to the low sound. Duo's breath caught in his throat. His eyes widened and his entire body tensed. Heero grunted silently against his chest, obviously uncomfortable with the tightness crushing him again. Duo felt him move, trying to pull out of him. He tried to relax, knowing that Heero's erection was slowly withering, but then another thunder roared nearby, causing the entire lighthouse to shudder, and Duo tensed again. There was no flash of lightening ahead of the loud roar.

Duo's tautness grew and his body became even more rigid than before. Heero gasped agonizingly and collapsed against him once more, panting in pain.

"Duo," he whispered, his voice strained.

"Shh!" Duo silenced him, his eyes moving frantically across the room.

"Duo you're--"

"SHUT UP! Listen! Can't you hear it?! Listen!"

With effort, Heero lifted his head to look around. He fixed his gaze on the window, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as a silent testimony to the pain pulsing in his lower body. He remained unmoving, and listened to the rain.

Lightening blazed outside their window, so brilliant that the flash was visible behind the closed window blinds. A low, rumbling sound slowly rolled near until it crashed against the window with a violent shudder. Another thunder soon followed, though there was no lightening. The sound was lengthy, slowly fading as if it was moving away.

"Jet engines." Heero whispered, glaring at the window.

"Mobile suit engines." Duo corrected, panting. Anxiety filled him again, stronger than before. "They're here. They found us."

"Ahh..." Heero suddenly whimpered and his head dropped at the sudden pain. Duo jerked his head back towards him, worry now added to his growing anxiety.

"What's wrong?!" He asked, panicked.

"You're... too... tight..." Heero moaned, struggling to support himself on trembling arms. His limbs soon gave out and he fell against Duo's chest once more, panting in effort.

Shit, fuck, damn! Duo cursed inwardly, imagining the pain he must be causing Heero. He was completely limp now and trapped inside his tight channel. He didn't really want to hurt Heero... sex made him crazy, that place made him crazy... he didn't want to hurt Heero!

"Shit, Duo," Heero groaned, wincing as he turned to look the other way. It was the first time he heard Heero curse. "Try to relax..."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He whispered, the stress building up even more. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe slowly, to allow his inner muscles to relax, but then the sound of jet engines returned, louder than ever before. It was coming from above the lighthouse.

The entire structure shuddered, furniture rattling, plaster falling from the walls. The cans of food Heero had placed on the desk fell to the floor with a loud crash. Duo's eyes snapped open. Two of the candles burnt out. The bed shook so powerfully that Duo's teeth began to chatter. All the while the strident shriek of jet engines roared in his ears, louder and louder, closer and closer until it was just outside the window. A blinding ray of white light crashed through the window as projectors scanned the lighthouse.

The ground shook with a final tremor and the sound slowly faded. Two suits landed one by one, Aireses by the sound of their engines.

Duo panted harshly, on the verge of hyperventilation. OZ was there. They were there. The bastards were there...

His heart pounded so strongly he thought it was about to burst. In any moment Ozzies will walk in and find them lying together on a small bed, naked and stuck in an embarrassing position of sex gone wrong. They were sure to have a laugh about that one. The bastards will probably remind him of it until the day he died. The media will also party over it. He could see the headlines - 'Two Gundam Pilots Caught In A Compromising Position' a news anchor would say and smirk at the camera. 'Sex Trap!' every newspaper will scream in large letters of black over white. Talk about bad publicity, as if they didn't already have enough!

Fuck them! Fuck OZ! Fuck Heero for being so damn fuckable! Fuck everyone! He wasn't going down like this!

"Duo..." Heero whispered, half whimpering in pain.

"I'm trying all right!?" He screamed back, frustrated.

"Duo, they will be entering the lighthouse at any moment..."

"I know that! Don't you think I know that?! I'm not stupid Heero so just shut the fuck up!"

"I never said you were stupid. I just... ahh... just... try to relax so I can... pull out."

Heero was in pain and he wasn't even making an effort to hide it, which meant it was bad. Duo knew how much Heero could take, and this was bad. Real bad. He was so sorry... he fucked things up as usual. The bastards were right about every name they called him in that place. He was nothing but a dumb fuck who couldn't even have sex properly with the one person he somewhat, just maybe, cared for.

He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the world around him. Heero's flesh was so warm inside him, throbbing in sync with the wild beating of their hearts. Concentrating on their heartbeats, he tried to relax, but couldn't. The feeling of Heero inside him became a nuisance, it suffocated him, and he wanted him out already!

Breathe, breathe, breathe... Duo told himself, trying to calm down and loosen his body.

A distant sound of a ramp being lowered drifted from the outside. The rain had stopped and the Earth was silent. He could hear the Ozzies bark out orders, every sound was as clear as his own shallow breathing. It did little to help him relax.

With his eyes clenched shut he ran demolition schemes in his head. He picked various famous buildings worldwide and calculated what it would take to demolish them to dust. Formulas and schematics flashed through his head and he hung onto them frantically. Both the Big Ben and the church of Notre Dame were piles of rubble in his head before he was somewhat calmer. He felt himself begin to relax.

Then a loud screeching sound echoed throughout the lighthouse, a creak coming from down below. The front door had been opened, and Duo went rigid immediately.

Heero let out a loud groan and buried his face in Duo's chest to muffle the sound. Duo felt so terribly sorry for him; it was probably a pain unlike anything Heero had ever experienced before.

Distant footsteps echoed in the dark, the sound of heavy military boots tapping against the wooden floor.

"Duo," Heero whispered urgently, "They're inside."

"Fuck fuck fuck..." Duo whispered, his eyes clutched shut. He tried to force himself to relax, but he couldn't. He could picture the Ozzies in his head, walking into the ground floor and finding their life jackets on in the living room- a dead giveaway. They should have hidden the damn things! Fuck fuck fuck!!!!

He felt Heero try to pull away again, the movement inside him stung, the friction burning his inner walls. His ass hurt like a bitch and the pain only caused him to tense more. With a painful groan Heero collapsed on top of Duo, panting.

"Duo, please, you have to relax so I can move away."

"Relax? Relax?! You think it's so damn easy to relax right now?! They're five stories below us, Heero! They'll be up here at any fucking minute! How can I relax?!"

Heero sighed and rested his head on Duo's chest, exhausted. Duo tried to focus on the warmth of Heero's cheek pressed against his chest, on Heero's feather like breath caressing his skin, but even that did little to help. He didn't understand how Heero could just lie there, accepting their fate.

"How come you're so fucking calm, huh? Don't you get it? They'll find us like this and it will be the end of us! They'll throw us back into that place and tell all their Ozzie friends how they found us fucking! We'll be the laughing stock of generations to come! They'll fucking rape us too, those bastards. Maybe even force us to fuck in front of them while they laugh their sorry asses off!"

He felt Heero sigh against his chest. "I know."

"Then why the fuck are you so calm?! Are you that anxious to get back there?! Do you miss what they did to you that much?! I sure as hell don't!"

Heero turned to look at him, his eyes shining apologetically. "Duo, I'm... I'm sorry."

"What the hell for?!" He snapped, annoyed by Heero's soft spoken manner.

Heero turned away again, staring at the wall. Silence hung heavily in the air. Duo could hear the distant sounds coming from the stories below. Furniture was moved and thrown aside with a loud crash. Muffled shouting filled the air and Duo was pretty damn sure that OZ found their lifejackets. He sighed and looked away from the door, wishing he could be somewhere else other than the damn cot with Heero stuck inside his body.

A warm touch tickled his chest as Heero placed his palm against him. Duo jumped, startled, but soon relaxed as Heero began caressing him lightly. He allowed Heero the odd gesture, listening to the rain. The approaching sound of military boots echoed throughout the lighthouse. OZ began to move up the wooden staircase. He took a faltering breath and closed his eyes, willing himself to be elsewhere for when OZ will walk through the door.

"I'm sorry I can't sympathize with what you've been through." Heero finally whispered. Duo opened his eyes and frowned.

Sympathize? Heero couldn't sympathize?! What the hell?! Duo had been present at quite a few of Heero's torture sessions, the bastards liked the idea of having them watch as they tortured the other, they thought it would break them. He was here when they ran 10,000 volts through Heero's body one jolt at a time. They let him watch, awaiting his turn, as they electrocuted the other pilot. He watched horrified as Heero puked all over himself and then fainted with his eyes wide open from the electric shock. Likewise, Heero was there to hear him scream when he'd been tortured. What the hell did he mean by "can't sympathize"?!

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" He finally growled. The dark memories like a blow to the head, and the hate combusted inside him again.

Heaving a long sigh, Heero clenched his fists and looked away from Duo, staring at the wall. There was a short pause before he spoke again.

"After they separated us, they did not transfer me to another cell. I was brought to a medical facility."

"You what?!"

"I was held prisoner under medical care for extensive injuries." Heero answered slowly, probably aware of the damage his words were causing. Hate filled Duo again, hot and angry in his veins.

"You bastard," he spat, "You were in a hospital the whole time?!"

"Yes." Heero replied evenly, looking up to meet Duo's eyes. "I would have perished if not for them."

"You could have escaped," Duo stated bitterly, his tone cold and harsh as if he had been abandoned by Heero, perhaps betrayed. He knew that reality was far from it, but inside he felt angry, hurt.

"I know that, Duo," Heero whispered, "But I chose to stay."

"Why's that?" Duo muttered as both anger and confusion fought for dominance inside him.

"Because I knew that once they would deem me healthy they will bring me back to the cell." Heero replied simply, his eyes shimmering under the dim light. "It was my best chance to get us both out of there."

The pieces began to slowly fall into place. No wonder Heero was the one with enough strength to carry out their escape plan. No wonder he was the one who didn't falter, didn't faint, and didn't fall to his knees in exhaustion. He had been healthy and strong, despite the injuries that still littered his body. Heero was prepared for their escape the moment they were loaded onto the transfer ship. He knew what to expect, he knew what to do. No wonder he seemed so damn confident!

"You fucking bastard..." Duo muttered, shaking his head.

Heero closed his eyes and bowed his head, letting out a small, frustrated, sigh.

Duo looked away stubbornly and listened to the sound of heavy boots roaming around the lighthouse. The bastards were probably exploring the floors below and would soon reach their room. He bit his lower lip, anxiety coursing through him again as his mind drowned in nightmarish memories. He must have tensed again, but Heero no longer responded. He simply lay against him, breathing silently, waiting for anything that might happen. There wasn't much he could do anyway. Duo closed his eyes and sighed. Toxic feelings flooded him; mocking him for being so useless he couldn't even fuck properly. Damn his body, damn him, damn everything to hell and back!

Hell. Soon he will be thrown back into it. The bastards will surly be thrilled to see him again. They probably had more than a hundred new humiliating tasks for him to perform. Maybe this time Heero and he could share some of the 'after school activities' the bastards enjoyed handing out. He'll be happy to see how Heero would like cleaning the latrine with his tongue while the bastards watched him, laughing like he was a fucking sitcom. Maybe then, when the bastards will force him to masturbate in front of them, Heero would regret not running away from the hospital.

Why did Heero come back for him anyway? What did it all mean? Surely not to kill him, because then he would have done so the minute the cell's door was locked behind them. What was the point in killing him, saving him, doing anything with him? Why did Heero stick around anyway?

"Duo," Heero's whisper brought him back to reality. He wasn't sure he wanted reality anymore. It was easier to be lost in the world of dreams or maybe even the world of nightmares... insanity. At least in those places, he couldn't feel things happening to him the way that he could when he knew for a fact they were real. The things he couldn't escape no matter how hard he tried, how much he want to. And there, right at that moment, Heero was reality. And Duo didn't want to deal with Heero and their situation any more then he wanted to deal with life itself now. Damn Heero for confusing his mind so. Yet things were beginning to make sense to Duo and that prospect too, scared him. No, it couldn't be what he thought... could it possibly be that fucking simple? No way. Duo would never count himself that lucky…

"Duo," Heero tried again, turning his head so he could face Duo. "We still have a chance." Chance? A chance?! Yeah right! Like hell they did! What were they going to do? Even if Duo could manage to get himself to relax, where were they going to hide? What were they going to do? Miracles didn't happen for people like them, only pain did. His anger turned into snide sarcasm as Duo felt everything dissolve into failure.

"Right, if you say so." He snorted.

Heero's features hardened at his sarcasm, although his eyes remained unusually kind, understanding. "I promised that I'll get us out and I intend to keep true to my word."

"Well then Heero, good luck to you."

Heero sighed heavily, shaking his head. "I wouldn't have come back for you if I thought it was useless."

Duo turned to look at him harshly. His patience was at an end and the anger was now being replaced with something... deeper. Hurt. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, and under it all Duo knew he wanted to be held and loved by Heero. But, at the moment, the infuriating madness was all that managed to come through. All that managed to speak... "Why did you come back?"

Heero looked at him lengthily. "You really don't know?"

"Enlighten me!"

Heero looked away for a moment, then back at Duo. "I... there is no point doing this without you."

"Doing what exactly?!" No, this isn't what he really wanted to say. Stop yourself moron, before you say more words out of anger that you don't mean. Duo tried to listen to his rational mind, but the threads of sanity were wearing terribly thin. It all came down to that, to Heero's response. Whatever Heero had to say, he damn well better speak his mind now, before it was too late. Before everything was too late.

"Living, breathing... anything." Heero replied softly.

Duo's eyes narrowed. "What?" Had he just heard what he thought he did?

"You... I want you to..." Heero paused, stumbling over his words for the first time since Duo met him. "Before we met there was... nothing, I... I simply did what was needed to be done. But now you... you make me do things... feel things I never..." he paused again, looking away in embarrassment. "I am not good with words, Duo. It's... difficult." He looked at him with shimmering eyes, searching for understanding. "I couldn't leave you there... it would have been worse than being there myself. I need you with me, by my side. I... do you understand?"

Duo stared at him, shocked. That was an unexpected turn. Totally not what Duo had expected to hear. The words destroyed the anger, but left Duo with a feeling of complete confusion. How was he supposed to react to this? Fall into Heero's loving embrace? Everything was happening so quickly. No time to even decide how he truly felt... not yet anyway. But wasn't it obvious? Was he just in denial of his own inner feelings?

"Uh, I, uh... think so. Yeah." He managed to mumble.

Heero looked relieved. He released a long breath before meeting Duo's gaze. "Leaving you behind was never an option."

Never an option... the words imprinted themselves in Duo's mind. Never an option. How many things in life were "never an option"? How many things were that solid? Were Heero's feelings for him really that solid? If so, why did he never show it until now? Too many questions flooded his mind.

"Heero... I..." Duo found his body trembling against his will. He couldn't think of anything to say.

Heero then laced his fingers into Duo's and kissed his lips in a gentle kiss. Certainly not the rough, bruising kisses they were both used to. It was a warm and soothing kiss as well and Duo found himself melting into the softness of Heero's lips. His body relaxed reflexively, sinking down onto the cot. So lost in the sensations that he was experiencing, he was almost unaware of Heero sliding out of him. He could almost forget about the impending threat coming up the stairs with a consistent tap of leather boots against the wooden floor. Almost, but not quite.

Heero didn't forget either. He broke the kiss after a few sweet moments and moved away from Duo. Breathless, Duo continued to lie on the small bed, staring at Heero with glazed indigo eyes. His short-circuited mind was unable to process what had happened. It took him a moment to realize that Heero had slid out of him.

Then came a second shock. Heero had kissed him, not before coming close to confess his feelings to him. Out of all things to do at the time, Heero chose to share his feelings, to admit that he cared. What the fuck?!

A big question had been answered and yet a thousand more arose. Heero cared for him, but why, and since when? And why the hell didn't he say anything before? Is that why he went along with the sex? Is that why they fucked each night they happened to spend together? And if that was the case, then why did Heero keep it so damn impersonal? Why was it never beyond fucking? If Heero really did care, then why just fucking? Was it something he did to make Heero act that way? Or maybe Heero didn't know any better? But the kiss they had just shared... it expressed things Duo never thought Heero was capable of expressing.

God damn it! What did it all mean? What did he want it to mean? Did he care for Heero too? Yes, no... of course he did! But did he care for him because of what had happened in that place, or did it happen before that... and when? What made him care for Heero anyway? He didn't remember giving his heart permission to do so, the damn traitorous thing! No, no, no! He couldn't care! Not now, not ever, no matter how much he wanted to. It was just sex to make them feel good, that's all. Just fucking. So what if he enjoyed Heero's touch more then anything in his entire fucked up life. So what. It didn't mean anything. He simply couldn't afford the risk of another broken heart, another part of his soul ripped apart from him, another meter or two added to the large chasm inside his chest. He didn't want to be alone, but being that close to someone was even more dangerous. There were no guarantees, especially with Heero.

Was it even worth it? Was Heero worth any of it? Yes, no, maybe... yes. Okay, yes! But not now, maybe not ever. There were far more pressing matters to deal with now! Why was he still lying in bed like a dumb fuck?! He was looking too deeply into things. Heero probably just wanted to help him relax so he could pull out. The end always justified the means. The kiss, as sweet and tender as it was, was just a big lie meant to sooth him. He was stressing over nothing. Yes, it was nothing.

Was he happy with that? He didn't want it to be nothing...

"Duo, get up," Heero urged harshly, snapping Duo back into the real world, "There is no time."

Reality crashed upon him like a tidal wave and for a moment he was too disoriented to do anything more than blink. He watched Heero move about the room, collecting their belongings with haste. The sound of tapping boots soon reached his ears and he remembered - there was no time to waste. OZ soldiers were climbing up the stairs and he had no more time to dwell on other matters.

He jumped off the bed and hurried to collect the cans of preserved food from around the room. Heero in the meantime collected the candles, snatching them from various corners. Duo looked around frantically for a place to hide everything. There was no good place to stash everything so he jerked the window open and threw everything out. Heero hurried to follow suit, moving even faster than Duo. They were both still naked and panting from anxiety and effort.

Duo gave the room a quick once over, searching for anything that might give them away. In his mind, a billion thoughts raced simultaneously, trying to figure out a place to hide, a way to fight, and a way to get out of this mess so he could start asking Heero some real questions.

The sound of tapping boots came nearer, probably already on their floor. OZ will be entering the room at any minute now.

"Duo, the window," Heero whispered and immediately began to climb on the desk standing under the said window. Duo nodded hurriedly, agreeing that there was no other choice. Heero looked down and saw a narrow ledge surrounding the perimeter of the lighthouse. He turned to Duo and nodded his head before climbing out.

Duo waited for Heero to exit first and prepared to follow. Then he noticed their wet jumpsuits lying on the floor and hurried to kick them under the bed. The room seemed clean enough of evidence, though the bed was still messy. He made a step towards it but then heard the footsteps echoing loudly behind the closed door.

To hell with it, he thought grimly, knowing that it didn't matter now. OZ will find them eventually. He jumped towards the window and climbed out of the room. He had but a split second to close the shutter behind him as the door opened.

The ledge suspended at least fifteen meters above ground level, facing the sea cliff. The overhang was about twenty meters high, offering a nasty fall onto a rocky ocean surface. It was a long way down to where the waves crashed against a rocky coastline, a quick clean death if he chose to take it.

The ocean stretched into a dark horizon, stars shining in the clear black skies. The storm had faded, the rain clouds drifted elsewhere. Without the rain the night was eerily silent, only the whisper of the waves calling out softly. A large white moon hung over the black ocean, washing the waves with glittering white sparkles.

Nature's beauty managed to leave him in awe for a few seconds until everything else registered. It was arctic cold outside and the air froze in his lungs. He gasped as his entire body went rigid from the cold. Goosebumps covered his nude form and he felt himself shrink away, trying to hide from the cold.

"Fuck!" He hissed in between clenched teeth and pressed his naked back against the lighthouse outer wall. The surface was as cold as ice, biting into his flesh, but it was either that or to lose his balance and fall into a rocky death. As much as that thought appealed to him, he wanted to leave that jump as a last resort.

Looking up and away from the chasm ahead of him, he turned to look at Heero. His fellow pilot stood at the other side of the window, also naked and pressed against the wall. He could see that Heero's fists were clenched, the only evidence of his current state of mind. Heero's features were completely blank, giving away nothing. Duo wanted to punch him in the face for that, but thought otherwise when he noticed that Heero too was shivering from the extreme cold. Soon they would both freeze their balls off and that would be enough of a punishment, right?

He smirked at the thought, escaping reality for a few precious seconds. Then he heard the bastards' heavy military boots enter the room. He recognized that sound well, it had haunted his sleep in that place for many nights. Oh God no...

He closed his eyes and tried to send his mind elsewhere, far far away. He could hear the bastards rummage through the room and realized that they could probably see that it had been occupied recently. For the love of God, the bed was probably still warm! God damn it! It probably reeked of sex too!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, dammit!!! How could they be so careless?!

With his eyes clenched tight he curled his fists and began running demolition plans in his head, trying anything in his power to escape, anything to ignore the words he could hear the bastards exchange between them. They probably figured that something was up. Their recapture was nearing at mach ten point nine per second!

Heero said they would be safe there for a while! He... he promised... and Duo trusted him, just like he had trusted him to get them out of that place. He wanted to believe in Heero more than anything. If he couldn't believe in Heero, what will he believe in?

He opened his eyes, shocked at his own revelation. Was Heero really all that he had left to believe in? Was Heero all he had in the world?

Slowly, he turned his head to look at his fellow pilot... no, his friend. His... occasional lover? Or was he the only person who made him smile for real, who made him feel at ease? The only person he allowed to look into his darkness, the only person who will never turn away once he saw it, who will face the dark underworld that poisoned his soul and will not even flinch.

What did it make him then? His savior? His death? His lover? His fuck buddy? His comrade? His cell mate? His companion? His friend? His... what?

His Heero. There was just no other way to put it. Heero was all of the above and more. So much more... too much to put into words and earthly definitions. No human mind had been able to describe such an emotion properly and he was no different. Being neither a poet nor a scholar he couldn't care for phrasing things right. He was happy to simply feel it, deep down inside. It was something genuine and warm. New warmth filled him, chasing away the biting cold.

He looked up at Heero, studying the boy's moonlit profile. The same features he had memorized by heart only an hour ago. He was probably the first to give them so much notice. He wanted to know what Heero saw in him too, what he thought about when he looked at his face. He wanted to know how deep was the care that Heero had confessed to earlier, but then again, after looking lengthily at Heero's profile, washed with moonlight, worry and fear, he was rather certain that he knew how deep it went. Deeper than the chasm gaping in front of them, deeper than the chasm that stretched inside of him, deeper than the dark hell OZ was going to throw them into.

He didn't need to hear Heero say those words and explain, one look into his eyes, even from the side, told him everything. The moment he realized that, he no longer wished to jump into an inventible death. He will cling to life by tooth and nail if necessary, just as Heero would. It was the only way for them to be together, for death offered nothing but darkness, he should know.

Heero must have noticed that he was being looked at, and turned to face Duo. Once again Duo was mystified by the way the light caught in Heero's eyes. The moonlight reflected on the cobalt surface in a somewhat celestial shine. If there were angles, Duo mused, they lived in Heero's blue eyes. The thought filled him with more warmth and he smiled at Heero, despite his chattering teeth and shivering body.

Heero responded with a frown, probably confused by the smile. It was okay, Duo never expected him to get it.

They remained on the narrow ledge for what felt like, and probably was, a good hour. The cold had numbed both their bodies to the point of callousness and fatigue. OZ refused to leave the lighthouse, scanning it again and again, turning furniture over violently. They wracked havoc inside and all Duo could do was flinch each time he heard a table or a closet being smashed to bits.

He gazed at the vast ocean, his dull eyes counting the waves as they glittered under the moonlight. Cold wind returned to caress his body with invisible icy fingers. It was hard to believe that only a while ago it had been Heero's warm fingers against his skin. Closing his eyes he concentrated on that, letting the illusions of hot sex warm his frozen body.

Once a horny bastard, always a horny bastard, he smirked inwardly. He was a hopeless case, but at that point his mind was willing to do anything to escape the cold. He briefly wondered if he could get it up under such extreme cold. That would make one hell of an achievement. If he were to die right now, he would like to have it engrave on his tomb that Duo Maxwell could still get it up under a temperature of minus ten fucking degrees. Wouldn't that make a good laugh?

His mind continued wandering, too cold and numb to remember where he was and why. Something in the back of his head kept reminding him that he should watch his balance and lean against the icy wall, but he no longer knew why. It had something to do with Heero, no? That must be it, because he wouldn't go through such an annoying experience for anyone else. He'd collect his pay later, it's been quite a long while since he last fucked Heero. Oh yes, there would be hell to pay for making him feel so cold and aching. Where was Heero anyway? He couldn't see him anywhere. Oh wait, he should open his eyes first...

His neck was stiff but he moved it anyway, something telling him that he had to look sideways if he wanted to see Heero. He chuckled when he finally spotted him a short distance to his left. Heero was standing completely nude by a narrow window, his pale skin washed by moonlight and his hair tousled wildly by the wind. What the fuck was he thinking, standing naked in such a frigid weather? What a strange way to try to kill himself!

Heero turned to look at him, blinking slowly. His lips were completely blue and Duo felt suddenly worried. He shouldn't be standing like this in the cold! And what the fuck was he doing standing on a narrow ledge suspended over a cliff? Duo's eyes widened impossibly as he looked down at the rocks below. Was Heero going to jump?!

"Duo," Heero whispered, teeth chattering, "look at me."

Duo looked down at himself and noticed that he was naked too. Well no wonder it was so fucking cold!

"Duo," Heero tried again, "Snap out of it. If you go into shock you will fall."

Oh he wouldn't want that, it was a pretty long fall and the rocky bottom seemed nasty. He looked up at Heero, slowly, and blinked a few times.

"Hey Heero, it's fucking freezing, let's go back inside," he slurred, lips numb and heavy, "You can jump later."

"I am not going to jump, Duo." Heero answered slowly, his voice barely above a whisper. "And it is not safe inside. You are in shock."

"Well duh! It's not every day I find myself standing naked at the edge of a cliff!" He said animatedly, waving his hands in the air until he almost lost his balance. "Who wouldn't be shocked?!"

"Duo, be quiet!" Heero called out and extended a hand towards him, though out of reach. "Stay still!"

"Yanno Heero, if you move around a bit you won't be so cold." Duo stated in an all-knowing manner, waving his hand in front of his face. "Hmm... we should do some exercises!"

"Duo, don't move!" Heero called out harshly and began to move towards him, "I'm coming over."

Duo watched Heero make a slow, careful approach, sliding cautiously against the cold wall. He stepped over the window to Duo's part of the ledge. All the while the wind howled loudly around them, making Heero's approach even more difficult.

Did Heero say something about shock? It was really hard to think, they should go inside and get warm. If he stayed out in the cold for too long he really will go into shock! He'd seen enough medical TV dramas to know that!

When he looked up again Heero was already standing next to him, still naked and pale as a ghost. He really should put some clothes on, not that he minded the view... but still, Heero looked better when he was hot and sweaty. Heh, and screaming his name, shaking and thrashing beneath him... God he should fuck him sometime soon! It was the only time Heero truly let go. Maybe that's why it was so rare... Heero hardly ever let him fuck him.

"Duo, look at me," Heero whispered and Duo smirked.

"I am!"

Heero sighed in annoyance and placed two chilly fingers under Duo's chin, pulling his head up so they were looking eye to eye. Duo chuckled.

"Oh, you meant up here!"

"Duo," Heero said his name again, slowly, harshly. Duo had to wonder what he did wrong.

"You need to focus, don't give in to the cold."

His teeth began to chatter violently again. He stood and stared at Heero, his eyes becoming unfocused as he gazed at Heero's ice-blue lips. He wondered if the inside of Heero's mouth was still warm... maybe he could get warmer if he moved a bit closer... maybe into his mouth a little... to get warm...

Heero's freezing arms were suddenly around him, holding him when his feet gave way. It took him too long to realize that he almost fell and it was Heero who caught him. They stood embraced, Heero's grip so tight around his waist, and his face buried in Heero's naked, ice-cold shoulder.

He took a quivering breath, trying to calm his racing heart. It hurt when it beat so fast. With his eyes closed he concentrated on the little warmth their two frozen bodies shared. It was probably nothing more than an illusion of warmth, but it was enough to help him come back to his senses. Things slowly began to settle with him and he shook his head against Heero, trying to clear the fog engulfing his mind.

"I'm all right," he finally whispered, his voice small and hoarse, "I just lost it for a sec, I'm all right."

He could feel Heero nod, the movement rubbing against the top of his head. "Try to keep awake, it will be over soon."

"I wish they'd just leave already..." he mumbled tiredly, leaning heavily against Heero. When he felt Heero shake he realized that the strain must be too much and forced himself to gain some balance.

"They will leave soon," Heero promised, and Duo did the only thing he could do - he believed him.

The two embraced teens continued to stand on the narrow ledge, Heero leaning sideways against the wall, his arms wrapped tightly around Duo who stood facing forward, only his head leaning sideways onto Heero's shoulder. It must have been difficult for Heero to keep his balance like that, Duo thought, and he appreciated Heero even more for the life saving embrace. If it wasn't for Heero's arms around him, he would have fallen long ago.

Time continued to crawl forward in an agonizing pace. With each moment that passed Duo leaned more of his weight against Heero, his heavy eyelids closing before he forced them to open again. If he fell asleep, it would be the last time he would close his eyes and he didn't want that. Not when he finally had someone to open his eyes for.

Sounds drifted from inside the lighthouse, sometimes dim and distant, sometimes frighteningly near. Soldiers returned to inspect the bedroom time and time again, convinced that there was something they were missing. Each time they rummaged through the room Duo's heart stopped beating, certain that the end was near.

He didn't realize that he'd been drifting to sleep until he heard the bedroom door creak open for the umpteenth time. Heero's body tensed and his grip around him tightened. Duo smiled softly, enjoying the feeling of protection. Opening his eyes, he turned his gaze up to Heero's face. He studied him quietly, enjoying the faint outlines the moonlight created over Heero's features. His jaw was tense and a stern frown hardened his face. His eyes shone with too many emotions, so many that even the unearthly moonlight failed to illuminate them all.

Suddenly, a small scrapping noise came from the direction of the window. Both boys became rigid, hearts pounding wildly. Duo swallowed hard, trying to breathe over the overflowing sense of fear. Someone was at the window.

The scrapping noise returned, followed by a silent creak and a light groan. Someone was trying to open the window. Duo held his breath and watched, his fearful eyes gazing at the window behind the shelter of Heero's head. Heero too had turned his head to look, and Duo was certain that there was a deadly glare awaiting anyone who might peek outside. He waited breathlessly to see the face of their captor.

A small, red headed soldier poked his head out the window, looking at the opposite direction so all Duo could only see was the back of his curly, red-haired head. Heero's grip around him tightened even more, nearly crushing his hipbones. He had to give Heero credit for still being able to draw that much strength. He half expected Heero to start growling like some guard dog, so strong was the sense of protection emitting from him.

The redheaded soldier turned his head their way, and froze. For a moment time stood completely still and not even the sound of breath broke the silence of the night.

Duo stared numbly at the young soldier, gazing at his freckled face, and thought that he looked more like a high school kid who hadn't even reached puberty rather than an intimidating solider who was about to throw them back to hell. The redhead kid was about their age, and he too seemed shocked to see them. Duo couldn't blame him, considering their current unclothed and embraced state.

The Ozzie kid continued to stare and Duo simply stared back. Heero, for some reason, did the same, making no move aside from glaring at the freckled boy.

At long last, the young soldier sighed and moved back inside, closing the window behind him. Duo and Heero continued to stare, the shock allowing them nothing else but to look at the closed window in disbelief.

Duo's legs began to shake violently until they almost gave way. He caught himself in the last possible second, grabbing Heero's shoulders forcefully for support.

"Did he just... leave?" He whispered, voice quivering.

"Yes," Heero whispered back, "He did."

Duo could not begin to fathom why, he was just grateful to hear the bastards leave the lighthouse. A few minutes later the sound of jet engines roared as two black Aireses lifted into the air. Duo watched them soar into the sky, disappearing above the black ocean.

Silence returned, falling over the lighthouse like a soft blanket. They were safe.

"Why did he..." Duo began and trailed off.

"Perhaps he pitied us." Heero offered and carefully released Duo from his hold. He began moving towards the window.

Duo snorted. "Pitied us? Are you for real?!"

Heero shrugged. Duo watched him struggle to open the window with stiff fingers that didn't seem to cooperate anymore.

"I don't need no OZ pity..." He mumbled stubbornly and came to assist Heero with the window, as if to prove his point somehow. Together, they opened the windowpane and entered the lighthouse.

Duo stumbled off the desk and fell onto the floor, glad to be out of the cold. The heat was like sauna compared to what went outside, it was wonderful. Duo had never been so grateful to sit his naked ass on a hard wooden floor. Life had its sweet moments, and that moment was definitely one of them.

Looking up, he saw Heero also sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed. He too seemed exhausted and unable to move. The two boys remained seated on the floor and allowed their aching, nude bodies time to recover. Heero, of course, was the first to move again. He reached a hand to the bed and pulled the covers off swiftly. He threw one at Duo and wrapped the other around himself.

More heat surrounded Duo when he cocooned himself in the blanket. His teeth were still chattering though, and his skin quickly covered with Goosebumps, unaccustomed to the heat. A shiver ran from his neck and down his spine, making him shake like a dog out of the water. The chill was ten times colder now that he had the heat of a blanket. Damn frigid weather.

Still shaking, he crawled towards Heero and sat so that their bodies pressed side to side. He wrapped the blanket around them both, sharing body heat. Heero looked at him silently, nor a question or confusion in his eyes. In fact, he leaned his head against Duo's shoulder, slumping down heavily in exhaustion. Before Duo could even open his mouth to speak, Heero had fallen asleep. Duo soon followed him into slumber, and both boys slowly slid to the floor, asleep in a pile of cozy wool.

 

 

Warm rays of sunshine tickled Duo's skin, signaling his body to awake. The sensation was divine, heating the wool blanket around him and caressing his skin. With little recollection of where he was and why, his mind only registered warmth and the softness of another's skin pressed against him. He snuggled closer to the warm body, half-awake dreams of sex heating his loins.

He rolled over, tossing inside the warm blanket, raising dust into the air. Coughing, he opened his eyes, finally realizing the reason why he was wrapped in a blanket. He was no longer in the holding cell; he was lying on the floor of a lighthouse with Heero lying next to him, naked and warm.

Too warm, he realized, and reached a hand to touch Heero's flushed features. The boy was running a slight fever. It made sense, after their nightly artic adventure. Duo was used to the cold, so he was more resilient to it. He wouldn't catch a cold from one night of freezing his ass off. Heero, however, seemed less durable in that aspect. All the more reason to stay in bed, Duo decided and pushed closer to Heero. He wrapped an arm around the boy's heated torso, and rested his head on the teen's chest.

Heero slept soundly, his chest rising and falling with shallow breath. Once in a while he let out a cough, rocking Duo's head which lay on his sweaty chest. Duo drifted back to sleep, the rhythm of Heero's life lulling him into sweet slumber.

When he awoke a second time, Heero was already up and staring into thin air. His body was still warm with fever, a tint of red painting his cheeks. Duo studied his features for a while, enjoying the silent moment. His lips began to tingle with the need to kiss Heero. He pushed himself up, slowly, and pressed a soft kiss to Heero's lips. Heero turned to look at him, a small, wary question in his eyes - 'now?'. Duo couldn't blame him, for he was sure that Heero was not up to it yet, not to their usual sex that is. Little did Heero know that he had something else in mind.

He placed his palm on Heero's chest, caressing him gently. Looking into the boy's cobalt eyes, he smiled softly.

"Let me be the one to..." he whispered until his voice trailed off, enchanted by the shine in Heero's eyes. The soft winter sunlight made them shine beautifully. "Let me show you what I feel..." He whispered again and buried his face in Heero's chest, kissing him softly.

He felt Heero's breathing falter, his neck muscles stretching as he nodded his head in agreement. Duo never expected him to submit so quickly, and he was thankful for the trust. Knowing Heero as well as he did - and only now did he realize that- he knew what it meant for Heero to give himself up like that. It was a gift he will forever cherish.

He kissed Heero's body, sliding his tongue over hot skin and salty sweat. Heero laid beneath him, panting silently, his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open, face washed with needy pleasure. Duo licked and nibbled, touching everywhere but Heero's most sensitive spots. Long ago he drew a mental map of where he should travel to evoke pleasure in his lover's body, he knew him so well, but he avoided those spots on purpose. He intended to drive Heero mad with passion, to test his desire, his willingness to share something deeper than just sex.

From Heero's moaning and thrashing, it seemed as though the plan was working. Heero wasn't as anxious as usual, allowing Duo the long foreplay. Perhaps he was too tired to do otherwise, but Duo was certain that it was more than that. He was showing Heero something new, something more than just fucking. His mind was set on making it their most pleasurable union so far. His mouth failed him when it came to verbally express the things he truly felt, but his body didn't know how to lie. Not to Heero.

The sex they knew so far became more than just plain fucking. Heero trembled, weak with passion and hot with lust. Duo felt him shake beneath him, his whole body tensing and relaxing again and again. He tried to push his chest up into Duo's mouth when Duo circled a tongue around his nipple, refusing to suck the erect nub just yet. Duo couldn't help but smirk. His lover was unused to so much teasing, foreplay was never a part of their act. He wondered how long Heero would last. Could he make him cum without touching him at all?

Looking up at his lover's face he saw that Heero had turned away from him, a hand thrown over his eyes to conceal his needy expression. His mouth was hanging open though; his cheeks flushed a strong shade of red. Sweat trickled down his temples and messy locks of hair clung to his sweaty skin. When Duo's fingers hovered above his hipbone and down to his groin, Heero licked his lips eagerly, hips jerking up as a small moan escaped him.

He almost pitied his lover when he began thrusting his hips up, letting out small, choked whimpers each time their erections brushed. Duo gave in to the needy gesture and rewarded Heero with a bit of friction. He refused to create a rhythm, and soon moved his attention elsewhere, teasing Heero's body further. The boy beneath him let out a small sob.

Duo smiled, his eyes shining with joy. He continued teasing his lover, watching his face intently as Heero began to moan his name, in short, raspy breaths, squirming under him, glowing with heat and desire. He was too beautiful to put into words, Duo never wanted to stop even as Heero started pleading with him.

"Touch me... touch me..." he whispered longingly, hiding his face from shame, refusing to lift his arm from over his eyes. Duo found the gesture endearing. He smiled gently and leaned to kiss Heero's exposed neck. He traced his tongue up the stretched neck, one hand twisting a nipple as the other reached down to caress the boy's groin.

Heero gasped loudly, his body twitching as if in pain. His panting grew harsher, desperate and wild.

"Why won't you touch me..? N-nugh... please, ahh... touch me Duo... touch me!" He repeated over and over, trying to push himself into his lover's skilled hands.

"Don't worry, Heero..." Duo panted into his ear, also having a hard time to keep himself for advancing further. "I'll touch you... I'll touch you hard and deep."

At those words a loud groan tore from Heero, and he thrust his head aside, shaking with burning need. His harsh breathing filled the room, interrupted only by his throaty moans. He placed an arm over his face again, embarrassed by the sounds his lover was forcing out of him.

"I like it... when we're like this..." He confessed silently, panting, the words coming out in short gasps.

Duo stopped, sitting up a bit. He gently pried Heero's arm off his face, placing it aside so he could look into his eyes. ""Then why didn't we do this before?" He asked honestly.

Heero blinked a few times, adjusting to the light, and then stared ahead in thought.

"I..." he began, hesitating, "I wasn't sure I was allowed."

"You thought I only liked it rough?" Duo asked, his hand caressing Heero's chest absentmindedly.

Heero shook his head and slowly turned to look at Duo. He held his gaze for a moment before speaking. "I didn't want to alarm you with my feelings. I... I can barely come to terms with them myself."

Duo's heart skipped a beat. "How long have you been feeling like this?"

Heero closed his eyes, breathing slowly as he thought. "It feels like forever, I can't tell the exact timing."

"Since that place?" Duo pressed on, moving away from Heero. The issue was making him wary. Thoughts of that place surfaced once again, their sting bitter and angry. He shouldn't have brought it up.

Heero turned to look at him, a calm, silent light in his blue eyes. "No, Duo. I assure you that it didn't start there."

"You know those bastards did some pretty nasty shit to me. I don't need your pity and I don't need to be your charity case if you feel guilty or something. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, Duo, and that's not why I want to be with you. I'm sorry for what they did to you. I was kept heavily sedated, but when I was awake, all I thought about was you. I asked about you, but the doctors had no answers for me. They simply put me back to sleep."

"I was sure you were dead. Do you have any idea how that felt like? Do you know how shitty I feel whenever we go on separate missions? Do you know how much it hurts to be apart from you? How it hurts to even admit it?"

Heero smiled gently, a gesture that surprised Duo. He was even more surprised when Heero reached a hand up and wiped away his tears. Tears he didn't even remember shedding. What the fuck was wrong with him?

"I know exactly how that feels," Heero said quietly, "and I am grateful for feeling this way. It gives me a reason to move forward, to survive. When we are apart, I long to see you again. That is why I've been a bit... rough, when we finally met. I'm sorry."

"We're totally fucked up, you know that?" Duo mumbled in embarrassment, looking away. His heart was beating so fast he thought it would explode, or maybe stop. "And just for the record, I happen to like it rough." He added in an attempt to lighten things up.

Heero nodded, a hint of a smile hovering over his lips.

They gazed at each other lengthily, studying the way the sunlight played games of shadow over the other's naked body. Once again Duo wondered what was it that Heero saw when he gazed at him so intently. Or was it fondly?

"What do you see?" He finally dared asking, tilting his head aside in a curious, almost childish, manner.

Heero frowned before his features softened once more. "When I look at you?"

Duo nodded, anxious to hear the answer.

Silence fell as Heero seemed to ponder over the question. For a long while the two boys merely stared at each other. Duo was beginning to get nervous.

"I enjoy looking at you," Heero finally said, shrugging his shoulders against the floor. "I can't seem to get enough of it."

"Yeah, but what do you think about when you look at me?" Duo insisted, unsatisfied with the answer. Surly there was something that caught Heero's eyes!

Again Heero paused to think it over, his gaze drifting across the room before settling on Duo's face again.

"Nothing," he said simply, "Nothing at all."

Duo blinked, dumbfound. "You don't think of anything?" He echoed dumbly, staring at Heero in disbelief. To him it seemed like the wheels were always turning in Heero's head. He always had a calculated gaze, a look in his eyes that always assessed, analyzed and scrutinized every little detail. That look was always there except for... except for when Heero looked at him. Did that mean... what did it mean, exactly?!

"So I make you think of... nothing." Duo repeated, slowly, confused as hell.

Heero nodded, that half-of-a-smile still twisting his lips. His blue eyes shone brighter than usual, but then again it might have been the sunlight. "Is that so bad? I feel at ease when I look at you."

"I'm not that interesting." Duo muttered, looking away in embarrassment. But neither was Heero and he couldn't keep his eyes off him either. His features, his eyes, and the way his hair stuck out in every possible direction. He liked stealing glanced at him, especially when he was doing everyday things like brushing his teeth or getting dressed. Better yet, getting undressed...

Slumping his shoulders, Duo let out a long sigh. Maybe that's what Heero enjoyed looking at too, for whatever odd reason. Maybe that was the whole point, liking each other for everything and nothing at all. He should stop searching for a reason behind everything. Some things just happened. He had always accepted that shit happened to him no matter what, so why shouldn't he regard the good things the same way?

Did it really matter why and when he started feeling this love for Heero? Did it make a difference if it was because he had the most fuckable ass in the universe or because he had the most enigmatic and fascinating mind in the world? In the end it didn't matter if it was Heero's looks, mind or soul that captured his heart. What's done is done, all that mattered now was how he would handle it.

At that moment, looking down at Heero lying under him, content and relaxed, a shadow of a smile on his usual stoic features, Duo decided to simply accept things as they were. He had full faith in Heero and that was all that mattered. He was willing to forgive his heart for the slipup, and hope for the best. There wasn't much point doing otherwise.

He sighed, not sad or angry, but relieved. His chest felt somewhat lighter, the chasm less deep. He smiled down at Heero, gently, and counted the different shades in his eyes. They truly were brighter when Heero smiled. The two simply smiled at each other, feeling no need for words.

Soon they will have to leave their shelter and face reality, Duo thought in disappointment. They will have to leave the safety of the lighthouse and face the real world again. Fighters such as themselves could not afford to take time off and celebrate love. Too much depended on them, even when no one cared what would become of them. He had nothing waiting for him outside the lighthouse, no one who would care if he was safe and sound. No one who would wait for him to come back from a bloody battle. No one but Heero. He had little time left to show Heero how much he meant to him, how important was the love he was offering so freely. If nothing else, they should at least make the most of the time they had.

With that thought in mind, Duo leaned towards his lover's body, eager to chase the worry away with the taste of Heero on his tongue, the feeling of his flesh under his fingers. Worry should be left for later, he decided, traveling up and down Heero's body. For now all he wanted was to make Heero feel good, maybe even loved and cared for. He wanted to be the first and only person to make Heero feel that way, and he set on the task to bond their bodies by flesh and soul.

The sex was sweet and slow, heartwarming. They moved against each other in perfect rhythm, expressing everything their inexperienced mouths could not say. Heero sunk comfortably into a submissive role, allowing Duo to teach him what he's yet to learn. It was a learning experience for Duo as well, and he was happy to be in the leading role, guiding Heero into regions of pleasure he's yet to explore. There was no sign of the roughness they used to show each other. Their lovemaking was careful and tender, sugary and warm on Duo's tongue.

He thrust slowly into Heero, in and out again and again. Names were rasped in heat of passion, arms groping and holding onto the other with feverish lust. They joined together again and again, losing count of how many times they touched heaven. Golden rays of sunset caressed their sweaty skin and still they continued into the night. A small spark that had begun burning in their hearts, back in the days before their capture, grew stronger with each touch, each tender whisper. Their lovemaking was like fuel added to the fire, and the sparkle grew and grew each time they opened their body to each other. The small glitter had been hard to keep burning during lonely prison hours, but Duo had shielded it no less. Now he could finally let it go, unleash the flame and allow it to consume him whole. He burnt for Heero, inside and outside, the fire eating away at all that was wrong, lighting the darkness inside him, making bridges tumble over the chasm in his heart.

In a technological era with no need for loners to live in a round structure by the shore, Duo still found a need for a lighthouse. Life had its ups and downs, full of dark moments and uncertain fog. Through it all there was a single person who stood firm against the storm, whose shining light withstood all hardship and wrong. He was Duo's own private lighthouse, his shelter, his home. Years from now, when asked, Duo will look back and say that he fell in love with Heero Yuy in an old, abandoned lighthouse, and ever since that day, Heero had become his shelter, a fire in the night, his candle at the window, his beacon in the storm.

 

Owari.