Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Living Your Life According to Your Emotions ❯ Chapter 1

Living Your Life According To Your Emotions

Warnings: angst, shounen ai

Setting: Sometime after the war

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing characters belong to Mixx Entertainment, Koichi Tokita, the SOTSU Agency, Sunrise, Kodansha and anyone I may have forgotten, not to me. I make no money off of this.

Heero's eyes cracked open, taking in the dimly lit surroundings. Sunlight might have helped him see, but thick black curtains had been drawn over the tiny window, frayed cords dangling from the curtain rack. There was a table to his left, with some dark blurry object on top, and a door leading to a small bathroom. He could hear the uncovered bulb flicker and pop up in the ceiling, and there was the sound of running water in the room nearby. A cheap clock on the wall ticked the seconds off in annoyingly loud plastic clicks. His head pounded a little, but that was slowly fading into the background. Where was he? Was he...standing? Something cold was wrapped around his hands, holding him stretched out, braced against the wooden support beam. He couldn't move.

Drugged, he realized. Drugged...someone drugged me...who could get that close?

Cheerful whistling came from the bathroom, dragging his gaze up unwillingly. The door was wide open, giving him a decent view of the back of his captor. The person was short, dressed entirely in black, with boots and a cap on, but it was the hip length braid that gave him away. That, and when he closed the medicine cabinet, the cracked mirror clearly reflected large violet eyes.

"Duo..." Heero growled, his voice a little slurred.

"Oh, hey, you're awake!" Duo grinned, turning around, hands on his waist. "Great, I knew you'd wake up fast. At first I thought I'd want to keep you like this forever, but then I decided, nah, better to finish this up quickly and get it over with. Everyone gets what they want then, yeah?"

"Duo...what are you doing?" Heero tugged hard against the chains around his hands. The metal gave, but not quickly enough.

"You'll see. Just a sec, I just need to get something." Duo crossed in front of Heero and scooped the shiny crucifix from the table. Heero's eyes widened in anxiety. That large blurry object he'd seen before was his handgun. Duo ignored it for a moment as he fixed the cross around his neck and hid it under his clothing. "Okay, all ready."

Heero said nothing, using the time to fight the chains again. The metal creaked and groaned as he worked, excruciatingly slowly sliding his hands down through the cold links. He inwardly groaned. This would take too long.

"You don't have to struggle," Duo smiled, looking straight into his eyes. "I know you'd get out of there if you had enough time, no problem. They're just to hold you still a few minutes. You would never agree to this, and I don't want you getting away." He waved one hand casually as if this didn't matter, and his hand brushed against Heero's waist.

"Omae o korosu," Heero hissed. How dare he do this to me? I trusted him!

Duo's smile stayed put, but it slowly became apparent that he was forcing it, that it was too cheerful. His eyes were slowly filling with tears, marring the effect of a gleeful mask. "I know, Heero. In fact, I'm counting on you destroying me."

"What?"

Duo lowered his head so that his cap concealed his face. "I know you're leaving with Relena. Quatre told me. You're gonna be her boyfriend or bodyguard or whatever. Well, I can't stop you, so this was really my only other choice."

"Killing me?"

Duo looked up again, shocked, and two tears spilled down with the sudden movement. "No...I could never do that." He took a peek at Heero's bindings and shook his head. "Damn, you really are quick. You're almost free. Damn. I kinda wanted a little more time to do this, but I should be glad I even got this far." He took a step closer and gently put his hands on either side of Heero's face, holding him still. Heero jerked at first, trying to pull away and his efforts towards freedom became much more urgent. Duo's smile became invisible, and he leaned his body against Heero's before finally laying his mouth on him. Heero stood absolutely still, even his hands stopped moving, but he didn't respond to Duo's advance. The amazement was too much and froze him. The kiss lasted for an unbearably long time, threatening to suffocate him, until Duo finished off with a smaller kiss and backed away. He furiously wiped the tears from his eyes, then retreated to the far corner of the room to watch.

It didn't take long. Heero's hands had been halfway through when Duo had kissed him, it only took another half minute to free them completely. Confused and dazed, Heero lunged for the gun and held it up at Duo. The braided pilot just smiled again and stared intently at him, never moving, never concerned.

"I meant it when I said I'd kill you," Heero said, as if he was warning him.

Duo nodded. "I know." He didn't look away.

Why the hell am I hesitating? Heero wondered. Why is he looking at me like that? Does he want to die? "Why are you staring at me?" he demanded.

Duo's smile perked up a bit. "Because I like to look at you. Because I love the way your body moves. Because I love your personality. Because I love...you...and I want the last thing I ever see to be your face."

The barrel of Heero's handgun wavered, dipping up and down. Duo noticed and calmly stepped forward until he was at arm's length. The gun was still between them, but he carefully positioned himself so that the barrel was right over his heart.

"Do it, Heero."

Heero narrowed his eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

Duo's smile returned, softer this time, happy and miserable at the same time. "Because tomorrow you leave to go to Relena."

"What does that matter to you?"

"You'll be hers," Duo whispered. He chuckled at Heero's stunned expression. "It's all right, whatever makes you happy. But I can't live in a world where you belong to anyone else but--" he broke off abruptly.

"Anyone else but who?" Heero insisted.

Duo lowered his eyes, afraid to give say it still, then remembered he was going to die and looked back into Heero's eyes. "But me..." he sighed, almost inaudibly.

"You?" Heero's face registered nothing but confusion.

Duo nodded, tears rising up in his eyes again. He blinked, and they streamed down his cheeks, but he didn't seem to notice them. Instead he grinned again and stared back up at Heero. "I know you don't want me, no one ever could...but I still love you."

Heero took a step back, all but reeling from these unexpected announcements. "That's why you drugged me and locked me up? To tell me that?"

Even Duo's fake grin couldn't withstand that blow. It crumbled pathetically into tiny pieces, leaving him at the beginnings of a major crying jag. "It's not important to you but...it was to me...even if I don't matter to you...and I knew you'd kill me, so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of losing you." He sniffled once, blinking hard to clear his eyes. "So just hurry it up and kill me."

Heero took another tiny step back, the gun shaking in his hands. Duo frowned and got close again, pressing himself against the barrel. "Just shoot me, Heero. It's better that way."

Heero shook his head, uncertain about this. It seemed far too surreal. "Why?" he whispered.

"No one will miss me," Duo insisted. "You can forget about me and go off with Relena. There's no war I have to fight in now. Just kill me, and everyone will be happy. You get revenge for me kidnapping you, and I...I got to finally kiss you. Don't worry, Heero, I'm happy. Kill me."

The ticking of the clock on the wall was the only sound for nearly a minute.

Finally the hesitant look fled from Heero's face, replaced by cold certainty. Duo smiled again, then gasped in surprise as Heero seized his shoulder and spun him around. The gun stopped digging into his body and disappeared.

"Heero, what are you--?" Duo started. His knees were suddenly kicked, sending him to the ground. He heard something crash to the floor behind him while some unknown fabric was torn apart. Before he could try to ask another question, his hands were firmly pulled behind his back and bound with the thin curtain cord. He tried to look over his shoulder and was rewarded with a cruel yank on his braid, making him face forward again. "Execution style?" he asked in amazement. "All I wanted was to see your eyes when I died."

"You are a little fool," Heero growled, dragging him back to his feet and pushing him onto the bed. "You drug me, tie me up, and force yourself on me just to tell me that you love me?"

"Quit mocking me and finish me off!" Anger mixed with misery, creating hot tears that almost burned Duo's chilled skin.

"Such an idiot," Heero muttered. He grabbed the base of Duo's braid in one hand and wrenched his head back so that he looked right up at him. "You could have told me sooner and saved us a lot of trouble."

And before Duo had any idea what was happening, Heero forced a kiss from him. None of Duo's earlier despair or Heero's confusion was held in this kiss. Both of them responded and took cues from the other, and this one lasted three times as long as the first, although neither was in danger of running out of air.

"Heero? But...I thought...you would...kill--"

The taller boy glared at him. "You do all this to me, and expect to get off with a quick death?"

Duo paled. "What...are you gonna...?"

"I'm taking you with me." Heero placed the forgotten handgun back in its holster.

"To Relena's?"

"Yes."

Duo laughed bitterly. "Proof of your undying love for her?"

Heero sighed and shook his head. "I don't love her."

"What?"

"She's only a tool to achieve total peace. Nothing more." He stared at Duo again. "You should have said something sooner, without the theatrics. Now I'm going to have to keep you tied up until I can trust you again."

Duo began to sob at that point. "Why...? You're so cruel, mocking me...you don't love me..."

Heero, who had been trained to kill but never to comfort, awkwardly put his arm around Duo and held him tight. "I do. And it may take awhile for you to believe it. But that can come later. For now..." he wiped Duo's tears away, then gave him another kiss. Unbelieving or not, Duo still took advantage of it.

"For now, this will have to do."

"Do you love me?" Duo timidly asked, staring into his eyes again.

Heero came as close to a smile as was possible for him and pulled him closer. His warm hands trailing through the long braid was all the answer Duo needed.

End