Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Loneliness is not for me! ❯ Loneliness is not for me! ( Chapter 1 )

Hi! I have such a hard time with the DBZ fic 'My Suru Lover' that I need, no, I m carving to write s story on the side!

1x2 Duo's POV

Warning: Depression, lots of thoughts and lemon (I m suck at writing a good lemon >-<'')

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Loneliness is not for me!

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I never thought that it would end this way. Of everyone in this cruel world, why you? You have fought all of your life for the good of all man kind.

You were in the beginning, cold and you didn't have any sort of emotion. You didn't know what joy was, or what love could do to you. But, after the war, you changed.

It was like a spell that had been broken. I had always loved you, and you knew that. You had respected my feelings, but you never returned them. Until now. I was away for just a while, but the moment I stepped through the door, my life in darkness turned to life in internal light. There you were, dressed in your finest of tuxedos, waiting for me. You had prepared a feast like I never seen before. Two candles were lit, I think you were thinking of us. After that heavenly meal, you told me that you loved me. I couldn't believe it at first; I started to accurse you for playing with my feelings. But you didn't back down and you silent me with the first kiss I ever experienced. I melted right there in your arms.

I know that I have sinned. I have beaten, steeled and killed, so don't think that I see myself as a saint, God! I know that I wore your cross around my neck when I took another person's life. I called myself God of Death, and I still believed in you. I should have thanked you for given me a chance in life when I met Mother Helena and Father Maxwell. But I still chose the path of death and destruction. Why didn't you punish me?

You took him from me, like you kill the candle light with a puff of breath. I know I sound pathetic, but that's the truth. You didn't even let me be there when you stole his life. I hate you for it. You took his life like you took my parents, Helena's and Maxwell's. You should have taken me. I was the one who sinned, not my lover. He changed for the better; I stayed the same way as I had during the war. He stopped killing, I have killed after the war. He got emotions, I got nothing.

I miss you so much! I m lying in your bed, hugging your pillow to my chest, thinking it's you. But I know it isn't. You are gone. Just like that. I wished I had told you that I loved you when you walked out that door. I wanted to change the words `be back soon' to `I hope that you know that I love you with all my heart'. But that will never happen.

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It's been a while, science I thought of you. No, now I lie. I never stopped thinking of you. It's been years science you died. I still don't know what happened to you. I don't think I want to know.

The rest of our friends have long ago given up hope. They can't change me back to the one I was. That person had you on the side. I love you still, but I m not like you knew me anymore.

It's rare that I leave the apartment we lived in. The times I don't work, I spend in our home. Our friends from the war has tried to sheer me up, taking me to places that I didn't know existed. It wasn't the same without you. But today I sit in that little café that you liked, though you never admitted that. I have ordered you favourites: a cup of coffee with just a squint of milk and a sandwich with eggs, ham and cucumber. I can't help then to brake down. GOD I MISS YOU!!!

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I have just called Quatre, telling him that I will be gone for a while. I don't know where to go, I just walk. Walk blindly on the streets of our town. I'll never leave this place. I must be going mental, but I think that if I don't leave, you'll come back to me. I just can't let go of that though even as Quatre had called me crazy. I just can't.

I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden, I m being ragged into a dark ally. Hands are holding tightly on my shoulders and I m being forced down on the ground. I presume that it is about three or four guys that are hitting me, though I can't tell for sure. My ribs and arms are hurting from where they are hitting me.

"What's wrong, sweet stuff? Don't tell me you don't like pain?" a voice from somewhere in the blur asked.

Pain? Why would they presume that I like pain? I have hurtled over many years, I don't have a need for more pain. This pain that they are dicing out are though now at painful as you death, love.

"Why do you presume that I love pain? Why do you like to give pain?" I ask, not sure if they hear me.

A flash of blade glimmers in the darkness. "You look like one who likes pain, Bitch." The blade is at my throat, the edge of death pressed to my skin. "A person who have your looks must be a whore, I m right?"

Bitch? Whore? Is that all I m? do I look like one? I m going to die as a whore? You were the last one who touched my body that way, love. I'll fight if so, I won't be taken like that!

I struggle, putting my training as a Gundam pilot into test. This is no training, its life or death. I haven't fought this hard science the war. But that training doesn't stop them.

I m on my back now with my hair lying around me. Forgot to braid it this morning. They are holding me down, my legs spared on the sides of one of the attackers. I can see him. His grinning face is looming over me. I'll remember you. The blade of death cuts my pants, taking my boxers with them. I hate them, I send them to hell in my mind. What have happened to me? I was the God of Death! Have I lost that and you?!

Ok, I m scared. Do you hear me God? I m scared of what to come! You must be laughing your butt of! Fuck all of this!!!!

The person with the blade starts to take of his pants. I do not struggle, I just want it over with. If they kill me, so be it.

Pain. Excruciating pain flows through me. That's it. I m done for. See you soon love. But before the blackness takes over, someone comes rushing at the attackers. That someone swings a big object, I can't tell what, at the head of the one in me. Warm blood sprinkles me in the face and I can hear cracking from the others skulls as they are smashed into the concentrate. I feel betrayed of the death that would reunite me with my love.

That face, there is something about it. I remembered it from a time a long time ago. Those loving eyes of the stranger warm me in a way that I haven't felt in ages. I want to say the name from long ago, see if it's him. But blackness takes me down. With my breath I whisper:

"Hee….ro…"

TBC…

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What do you think? Like/hate it? R&R