Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Lord of War ❯ Useful ( Chapter 15 )

A/N: SORRY! You wouldn’t believe the last few months that I have had! I had everything from finals, to moving, to my computer crashing. *whines* The computer thing was the worst. Anyway, here is the next chapter and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter warnings: The norm plus a little fluff. Not like me, I know, but it’s the right amount of fluff for all the angst lately.

New little thing – there will be flashbacks in italics in this one.

TO MY BETA READER: My stupid e-mail deleted my address book…can you send me your e-mail again?

Chapter 15: Useful

Duo awoke with a headache, growling as the sunlight hit him in the eyes through the curtain. Rolling over to avoid the beam of light, Duo found himself making a pillow out of Heero’s chest, and being far from awake and simply not caring, burrowed himself into the man. It wasn’t until Heero’s deep chuckle that he realized what he was lying on and shot up in embarrassment.

“You looked comfortable.” Heero said with a lighthearted smirk, causing Duo to blush an even deeper shade of red. Not knowing quite how to react, Duo fell back on instincts and smacked the man in the very same place his head had been resting moments ago.

Heero jumped in surprise and couldn’t help but laugh at the Aiko’s reaction, causing the braided man to smack him once more, this time on the arm. “Shut up!”

Heero did the opposite and laughed even more, making Duo smile in the realization of how rare it was to hear the man laugh…even chuckle. Then, the reasons for Heero’s lack of happiness dawned on him once again and he found his smile faltering. The man must have caught the change in his face because he stopped laughing and looked away from him.

Kicking himself for changing the mood, Duo grabbed for Heero’s hand, gaining the man’s attention. “I’m sorry, I…there is just still a lot going through my head, is all.”

“I understand,” Heero looked away from him. “It is a lot to take in for you, not being used to our customs.”

Duo bit his lip as he pondered the questions running through his head. There was still so much he wanted to ask, but he was too mentally drained to even try asking them last night; not to mention Heero looked less than willing to continue the conversation. But now…“Heero? Can I…ask you a few things?”

Heero looked reluctant, but nodded his head.

“How old were you when you…found out?” Duo asked the question a little vaguely but was sure that Heero would understand. The man didn’t disappoint.

“I was eight when the council informed me.”

“Eight?” Duo gawked. They told him that the Emperor was going to have sex with him when he was eight? How the hell do you explain that to an eight year old?

“I might have been eight, but Emperor Ikkaku was fourteen when the decision was made.” Heero explained.

Duo nodded numbly in understanding and tried to steel himself for his next question, but to no avail as he started to fidget with the sheets. “After we…you know…I asked Quatre…um…how you…knew…ummm…and he said…well he said that…”

“You’re wondering why I knew what I was doing?” Heero asked, not meeting his eyes and turning a light shade of pink as Duo nodded. “I was taught, because of being the Right of Primary, verbally by a few people.” There was a slight pause in his speech until he continued. “What I did with you was a first for me as well.”

There was a light smile on Heero’s face that made Duo blush in return. They hadn’t ever really talked about that night since it had happened. “So…a few guys sat you down and taught you?”

“Usually, my mother would have explained things to me, but she had died before I even knew of his decision.”

Duo nodded in understanding yet again, something that was quickly becoming a common answer. That made more since then a few strangers teaching him things like…that. It was supposed to be his mother. And since the Emperor decided when Heero was eight, his mother must have died before then. “Wasn’t that…embarrassing?”

“A little,” Heero admitted. “Less so when Sally’s mother took over.”

“Sally’s mom?”

“Sally’s mother was my mother’s handmaiden since birth, and came to Lorlia with my mother when she was married to my father.”

Duo jerked his head back. “‘Came to Lorlia’? You mean your mom isn’t a Lorlian?”

“No, my mother was the first daughter and crown princess of the of Her marriage to my father was part of a peace treaty with Lorlia, and in consequence, Dovell became part of Lorlia when her father and younger brother died.” Heero explained.

“You mean…you technically have your own kingdom?” Duo stared in awe. The guy was a prince?

The Lord shook his head. “No, it is legally a part of Lorlia and under the Emperor’s power now.”

“But technically…” Duo waved his hands as if motioning him to continue.

“Technically…yes, I do.”

//Can’t you just run away to them?// The thought sped though Duo’s mind, but he stopped it from zipping out of his mouth. Saying something like that would most likely close the man up, and he didn’t want that. “So you’re a prince and a Lord, huh?”

Heero shrugged. “You could look at it that way I guess.”

Duo took a deep breath and began to delve into the thing that had been bothering him since he talked to Relena. “So…arranged marriages are pretty common then…?”

“Basically the rule when it comes to marrying outside of Lorlia, but marrying a Lorlain, as long as they are of a similar rank, it is less personified.”

“A similar rank?” Duo echoed.

“It happens that sometimes a Lorlian my have a high status by their name, but a low amount of wealth, while others have plenty of money but a low social class. It is when people such as these marry that it is usually an arranged event.”

“Is that why the Horatius’ would ‘pass out from pure joy’ if you married their daughter?” Duo quoted Tricieus, smirking at little at the memory.

“They are the poorest of the four houses. They don’t want to steep as low as giving a daughter to the lower class wealthy family, so their aiming high instead. That’s why they are courting their daughters to myself…and even trying for the Emperor.”

At the mention of the Emperor, Duo felt a growl creep up from the back of his throat. He must have made a look of some sort because Heero sighed and reached out to move the curtains and slide out of bed. Duo grabbed his wrist as soon as Heero grasped the cloth. “Don’t, I’m sorry, I just…just don’t know what to think about the guy, okay.”

He just wanted a little bit longer behind that curtain, where only he and Heero existed and the rest of the world was closed off. Heero took his hand away from the curtain, but Duo didn’t let go even as he put his hand back down at his side.

“What do you mean?” Heero asked.

The Aiko blinked at him for a second. “What do you mean, “what do you mean’? Not only does the guy have you under house arrest, but he’s ordering you sleep with him too.”
“Duo, it was his father that laid down the restrictions on me, not him. And as for the last part, it is--”

“I swear to the Gods that if you say that it is an honor I’m gonna kill something!”

Heero frowned. “I wasn’t.”

Duo grunted, not believing that for a second.

Sighing in what was most likely annoyance, Heero twisted their hands so that his was on top of Duo’s. “Why is the fact that I am his Right of Primary bothering you?”

“Why do you think?” Duo snapped back. True that his head, heart and moral values all had different reasons, but that was beside the point.

“Duo.”

“What?” He shot it out so sharply that it was almost venomous.

“It isn’t rape.”

Duo stared at the man in silence for a while, in utter shock at how calmly that statement came out of him.

“Though it is true that I did not choose to sleep with him, it is not as if he is going to hurt me. Knowing Ikakku, he’ll even strive to make sure I do enjoy it.” Heero reached out with his other hand and placed it on Duo’s shoulder. “Prisca has been my friend just as long as Trowa and Quatre have. Just a more distant friend because of his duties.”

Duo cocked his head to the side. “Prisca?”

Heero smiled his usual quiet smile. “Prisca is Emperor Ikakku’s first name.”

“Oh.” Duo bit the side of his lip, thinking on the next question he had. It wasn’t quite right in the mood for it yet, so Duo pressed on with the conversation. “Do you…like him?”

“What do you mean?”

Duo shrugged. “Like if he, I don’t know, came on to you, without the Right of Primary thing, would you flirt back?”

Heero blinked at him for a bit. “Do I have to tell you how much of a teenage girl you just sounded like, or did you figure it out yourself?”

The Aiko made a sour face and smacked Heero on the arm, causing the man to smirk. “Shut up.”

Still smirking, the Lord shook his head. “It is true I have never really thought of him that way. Actually, I had never thought of any man in that way.”

Duo smiled, not missing the past-tense. “‘Had’, Heero Yuy?”

Heero colored a little the glared at him, Duo chuckled in response. This was a better setting for his question //…please let this work//. “Heero?”

“What?”

“Do you have a lot to do today?”

Heero cocked his head. “A few meetings and such, why?”

Duo bit his lip. “Is it possible…for you to take the day off?”

“A day off?” The man looked taken aback. It wasn’t like he was asking him to declare war or something. He just wanted one day. Duo had never learned so much about a person in such a small amount of time before. And worse off, what he found out was that he didn’t know the real Heero at all, just the one the man created to show everyone. He wanted to see the real Heero. He wanted to get to know him. And that took time, considering the thickness of the man’s self created wall around him.

“Why do you want me to take the day off?”

“Well, you have been working a lot, and you haven’t really done anything with me…” Duo blushed at the double meaning of that statement. “I just thought we could do something together.”

Heero rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “I don’t know. The last time I tried to do something with you I got yelled at and tackled to the ground.”

Duo couldn’t help but smirk at that comment. “Then consider it a redo. You owe me one after that.”

The man pondered on it for a bit longer before looking up at Duo again. “Alright, I will. But…maybe you should pick what we do this time.”

“Nothing too adventurous, I imagine.” Another voice chimed in.

Heero and Duo both looked at each other before the Lord drew the curtain back so they could see Wufei with his arms crossed, glaring at them.

“I was just thinking a picnic or something.” Duo explained, seeing that the monk didn’t like the idea of them doing anything together…considering something almost always happened when they tried to do anything outside of the mansion.

Wufei’s eyes narrowed a bit more before returning to normal again. “Then I will accompany from a distance. Understood?”

Heero held up his hand. “Wufei, that isn’t necessary.”

“Perhaps not, but I am coming along. And don’t even think about pulling the stunt you did last time and sneaking out, Yuy.”

The Lord sighed in defeat. “Very well.”

# # # #

Duo’s request for him to take some time off had surprised him. But now, with Sally beaming at him in pure happiness because of his announcement that they needed a packed lunch for the garden, it didn’t. He had forgotten how much Duo and Sally had been conspiring together about him. Even Shinigami was bounding around his feet in happiness, meowing to his hearts content. It was odd how much his own house had changed over the past two weeks…and he had to admit he was starting to like the new atmosphere.

Besides, whether or not Duo knew of it, he really had picked the best day for them to do something together. It was true that he would usually have meetings all morning, but he had remembered, much to his dismay, that the meetings he would have usually gone to he was asked not to attend for the time being.

Heero doubted the Aiko had made the suggestion on purpose to get his mind off of that fact. Then again, Duo did talk to Sally a lot, and a rumor like Heero being asked not to attend meetings that the rest of the Lords have been required to should be all over Lorlia by now.

Whatever the reason, Heero nodded to Sally in thanks as he took the basket from her and headed back out to the hall to wait for Duo. The braided man walked down the hall to him with a smile on his face and they both headed off to the gardens together.

As they made their way down the stairs, Heero stopped and turned to Duo. “Where do you wish to eat?”

The Aiko looked around; scanning the gardens with is lips pursed together in thought.

“Over there is nice.” Duo pointed at the small lake towards the east end of the grounds.

Heero nodded and followed Duo as he led the way, Shinigami bounding along behind them. Heero was amazed at how well the little creature followed them. Truthfully, he had expected the thing to run for freedom as soon as Duo had taken him out of the box, but the little demon instead followed Duo around everywhere. It was quite the sight to behold.

Once they reached the pond, Duo sat down and looked up at Heero as he patted the ground next to him. Heero took the invitation and sat down beside him, placing the basket in from of them that Sally had prepared earlier.

Heero then pulled out the food she had packed, including the small dish of fish that was meant for Shini, and placed it out before them.

“Shall we?” Duo asked with a smirk. Heero nodded and smiled back.

The lunch was very good, but Heero could tell the woman’s intentions with the food she had selected. Strawberries, wine, fine cheese, honey and bread, Duo’s favorite meat and Heero’s watermelon–the woman had planned a romantic lunch. Heero sighed inwardly as Duo qwerked a funny look at him as the braided man most likely noticed the layout himself.

Luckily, the idea of romance was lost and therefore ruined when Shini decided he liked everyone else’s food better than his own and began attacking their plates, causing them both to laugh as they raced the demon for their own food.

Shini meowed in protest once Duo managed to stuff the little character into the basket they had brought, ending the food fight.

“You can whine all you want, but it’s your own fault you’re in there.” Duo scolded the creature. Heero couldn’t help but chuckle at the man.

The rest of lunch was light hearted as they talked together, which Heero found relaxing. It had been such a long time since the Lord could just talk with someone, that he found the conversation was more enjoyable than he had imagined. True that it was Duo who was doing most of the talking, but his stories about his life and the mindless talk ///which he was exceptionally good at…// kept Heero so engaged that he barely noticed that the sun was starting to set towards the west. It was then that he came to the realization that they had spent hours by the pond just talking. It shocked him.

So, with their stomachs full and the food annihilated by the Shini-rampage, Heero cocked his head in Duo’s direction. “Perhaps we should head back?”

“It’s not that late,” Duo argued. “How ‘bout you give me a tour of Lorlia or something?”

Heero lifted an eyebrow. “A tour of Lorlia?”

Duo smiled and shrugged. “Or something. The sun is barely starting to set…or are you going to tell me you’re forbidden to be out past dark?”

The Aiko’s tone was playful, but Heero could tell that there was an underlying worry in his words. Smiling his usual quiet smile to reassure the man, Heero shook his head. “No, I am not.”

“Great! So, where to?”

“You chose.”
Duo began to scan the grounds as he thought on it. “Ummm….How about on the other side of the mansion? It sounds stupid, but I haven’t really been over there.”

Heero felt himself pale a little at Duo’s request. “Over there?”

Duo gave him an odd look. “Yeah. Is that okay?”

Heero swallowed and nodded in agreement. “If you wish to.”

The Aiko smiled, released Shini from his confines of the basket, and led the way behind the mansion towards where ‘that’ was built. Once they were upon it, the Lord waited for Duo’s questions, and he was not disappointed.

# # # #

“What the hell is that?” Duo pointed towards the pyramid-like structure in front of them. The mammoth thing looked really out of place in the lush garden, not to mention newer-looking than any of the buildings or statues that he had seen on the grounds before. It practically blinded him with the amount of gold, silver, and jewels that the thing had on it.

“That,” Heero nodded at the thing. “Was built when I was a child. It’s an altar to the gods.”

“An altar? Why?” When he had been riding to the court with Heero, he had noticed a lot of different temples and altars and such. Why would they place such a big, not to mention dazzling, altar on the lands of the Lord of War when they were already everywhere? Not to mention he already had a temple here to the Goddess of War. Why would he need another?

Shini, who was at his feet, began to hiss at the structure then bounded over towards Heero, jumping into the man’s arms.

Heero looked down at Shini then up as if he was about to explain when the pedestal in front of the altar caught Duo’s eye…

It couldn’t be, could it?

Would they really be that cruel?

# # # #

Why did he agree to let Duo come over here? He knew this would upset the man…and Heero hated coming over here. He never came over here. Ever.

All this was going to create was more problems, and make Duo angry //…like I am whenever I see it//.

Was that it?

No. Why would he want Duo to be angry too? He just brought him over here because he asked. That was it.

Blocking out his mind which was currently questioning his motives, Heero watched in dismay as Duo made his way over to the pedestal in front of the altar and began to inspect it. After staring at the pedestal for a bit longer, Duo pulled the gilded dagger out of the sheath imbedded in the pedestal and turned to him. “This is a sacrificial altar…isn’t it?”

His heart dropping a little from the look on Duo’s face, Heero nodded in conformation. “It was built once my father told the late Emperor of my birthmark.”

Duo’s eyes widened in disbelief. “They built the altar they are planning to sacrifice you on in your personal gardens?”

“Can you think of a better place?” Heero answered solemnly, petting the animal in his arms for the comfort he never even noticed he needed.

Duo looked up at the altar then back to Heero, his eyebrows knit together as if he were angry at him. Heero opened his mouth to console Duo but instead found himself being hauled away from the structure. “Duo?”

“I can’t stand to look at that thing.”

That was all he got out of the Aiko as he was drug back into the house and led to his own bedchambers, Shini following in tow. Once they where there, Duo pushed him onto the bed then tuned away from him. For some reason, looking at the braided man’s back and not his face hurt in a way, and Heero found himself getting up to turn the man around. But Duo didn’t budge.

“Duo?”

“How can you stand it being there?” Duo bit out, surprising Heero and causing the man to let go of the Aiko.

“I--I just don’t go over there.”

Duo finally turned around. Though it was hard to from behind the anger, there was a hopeful look in his eye. “So it does bother you? Right?”

Heero looked at him and couldn’t stand the accusatory look in his eyes; he had to turn away.

“I mean, you always say it’s an ‘honor’, or your ‘duty’, or something like that. You always hide it, Heero.”

The Lord felt a hand around his chin as it guided his face back to Duo’s eyes.

The Aiko’s voice softened. “And I know it has to hurt to hide so much from everyone. Because that’s what you do, you hide.”

Heero tried to turn away once more //He’s getting to close//, but Duo’s hand stopped him. Refusing to give in, the Lord stood up and began to walk away. He had nearly made it to the doorway when he found himself pinned against the wall by Duo, who had apparently followed him.

“Heero.” Duo said sternly.

Heero glared at the man, then made a move to get away, only to find himself flipped around and pushed back against the wall. Duo’s eyes were a stern violet.

“Let go.” Heero demanded.

“Heero.” Duo said calmly.

“Release me, dammit!” The Lord growled.

Duo stared right back at him. “No.”

“Duo.” Heero said in warning.

“Heero.” Heero made a move to get away once more, causing Duo to slam against the wall and yell at him. “Quit hiding from me!”

Heero froze, his eyes locked with Duo’s.

“Quit hiding from me, dammit.” He repeated, almost at a whisper.

The hurt that suddenly flashed in Duo’s eyes made Heero look away, turning his view down to the floor.

# # # #

The more he learned about the man, the more his heart hurt. The man just seemed so…doomed. And him accepting it and closing off his own emotions wasn’t helping any. Especially since all Duo wanted to do, what he began to crave ever since he saw the glimpse of pain in Heero’s eyes the night he had found out about Heero being a Celacent, was to see the real man behind the Lord. He wanted it so bad he could taste it.

Even with the mask, the hidden feelings and unknowns of Heero Yuy, Duo found himself falling in love with the man. Against his own better knowledge and stubbornness, he fell hard. And seeing him like this, his pain on display in the form of a hideous altar, made Duo’s chest constrict and his heart tighten. He could barely breathe. But at the same time, he found himself angry with the man. He was so mad that the Lord was so closed off. That he always had to make it so difficult, just to get to know the man.

Loving Heero Yuy was like seeing the fruit offered to the Gods. Even though you know its sweetness would cure your hunger, you are forbidden to touch it. Duo knew the man had a pure and kind heart, but though he could see it, his heart was impossible to touch.

Not only that, but time itself seemed to be laughing at him…he was going to lose Heero to fate even though he had yet to gain him. And he never would until Heero opened up and shattered the wall surrounding him.

//Please Heero, don’t leave me before I even get to really meet you//

The Lord concentrated on the floor for a bit longer, chewing at his lip as if he were pondering something, until he met Duo’s eyes. “I want to show you something.”

Duo jerked his head back in surprise, then nodded subtly, causing Heero to smile slightly and take him by the hand. He jumped at first from the touch, but soon found himself following Heero willingly through the house. They made their way down to the other side of the house, passing the doors Duo had gone through to find Shini and ending up in front of even bigger doors, superbly decorated. The Aiko recognized them and broke the silence. “These were the doors I couldn’t get open when I was exploring the house before.”

Heero nodded. “When closed, only my family can open them with a spell.”

“What’s behind them?” Duo thought it had to be something really important for that type of security.

“My parents room.”

The Aiko looked up at the doors once again. //Having to have one of the family say a spell to open the door must have been a pain in the ass// How would the servants get in? Duo though back to the young Lord’s own room, whose doors were always propped open and figured that, when they were alive, Heero’s parents must have done the same to cut down on the hassle.

Heero looked up at the doors then muttered something under his breath, causing the doors to creek open and reveal the room past them.

It was very dark, but Duo could tell the place was even more luxurious than Heero’s bedchamber, even through the dust and cobwebs. The four-poster bed was large and covered in silks while tapestries and paintings lined the walls. A gilded mirror caught Duo’s eye as they stepped in, it being larger than himself as it leaned against the wall. There was also a balcony that Duo could see from the doorway that was similar to Heero’s, only bigger and complete with a fountain that was now dry with age.

The furs were still soft under their feet as Heero led Duo out to the balcony, the moon illuminating the fine things of the room as they walked past them.

“Heero?” Duo questioned. “Where are we?”

Without turning around and making it impossible for Duo to read him, Heero answered. “My parent’s room”

Duo began to look around even more because of the new information, trying to gain some type of knowledge about the people while he had the chance. But even though Duo would have liked to browse the chamber a bit longed, Heero led him outside onto the balcony.

He didn’t say anything as they reached the railing, but he didn’t need to. Duo could see it clearly from here. The alter was built in direct view of his parent’s old balcony.

“My mother used to say that there was a beautiful view of the houses and the palace from here.” Heero explained, letting go of Duo’s hand and leaning on the railing. “But the view was tainted as soon as they built that alter.”

Duo scanned the view. It must have been breathtaking before it was built. But the alter looming over the grounds and making itself known wherever you looked destroyed the majesty of the balcony’s view. Perhaps it wouldn’t if you didn’t know what was for, or didn’t know the person it was intended for…but the view belonged to Heero’s parents. He could only imagine the heartache they must have felt looking out from their room. “It must have been hard for them to see that all the time.”

“It was.”

“Then…why did they allow it to be built?”

“It was a gift.”

Duo blinked at the man. “A gift?”

Heero nodded once. “From the people of Lorlia.”

Duo still just stared at the man. Why would the people of Lorlia build such a thing as a gift? Wouldn’t the common people, most of all, understand how much that would hurt Heero’s parents and Heero?

“It was supposed to be a representation.”

Duo blinked at him then turned to look at the structure, feeling his annoyance creeping back to him. “A representation of what? Impending doom?”

Heero smiled slightly. “No. Of the gift the family had given to the people by having me.”

Duo scrunched his face up as if he had smelled something bad. “So what, they built the thing to remind your parents that you would someday die for the people and they were happy about it?”

“Not exactly. I believe it was supposed to show that they understood the sacrifice the family would be making.”

“Yeah, well, that idea didn’t exactly pan out.” Duo said bitterly. What could the people have been thinking? Couldn’t they have just given them flowers, or wine, or something? Not the monolithic sacrificial altar that did nothing but hurt people when they looked at it. The guy already had plenty weighing on his mind as just the Lord of War, like he really needed a daily reminder planted in his yard.

Duo turned around to where he was facing the room. It looked so old and forlorn. Like it didn’t even belong in the house, which was full of shining riches and beautiful tapestries. With all the dust, it was hard to imagine what the chamber had looked like in the days of Heero’s father. The only thing that could speak for its grandeur was the sheer size of the room. It had to be twice the size of Heero’s, easily, and the balcony they were on wrapped around to the other side of the house even.

The room made him wonder about Heero’s past even more than he had before. Why would Heero let the chamber that obviously held many memories fall in disarray? Did he hate them? Or was coming into this room just that painful?

Duo turned away from the room that was full of questions for him and looked at the puzzle of a man he was with. Watched Heero, he could see the pain he felt reflected in his eyes. It was obvious that Heero didn’t like being here and that the view was painful for him. But still the man kept looking, like he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. Duo could only imagine how the altar plagued him and his mind, just knowing that it was there, waiting for him. It would be like having Death himself nod to you every day as you walked by as if to say ‘see you soon’.

Looking over at Heero, whose Prussian eyes were still scanning the horizon though filled with unreleased emotions, Duo moved from the balcony to stand behind him. He felt the man jump in surprise as Duo wrapped his arms around him, laying his head between Heero’s shoulder blades.

Duo closed his eyes and listened to Heero’s heartbeat intently, as if trying to memorize the tune. It took a bit, but soon the man relaxed in his arms and placed his own hand over Duo’s.

They stayed like that for a while, content with each others silent company. The light of the moon played against the grounds, lighting up fountains and beckoning fireflies to come out and play as the frogs and crickets sang. But Duo didn’t see or hear any of it. The only thing that existed to him for the moment was the constant beat of the Lord’s heart.

//I love you…//

The thought rang through his mind like a sutra as the perfect moment stretched on, but his lips didn’t move. Though he wanted to, he just couldn’t say it. He was too afraid to open himself like that. It was so hard and had taken him so long to convince himself that he did love the man that now he was too petrified to trust that fact to anyone else. He felt like a coward, and he hated the feeling.

Trying not to think on his cowardice, Duo wrapped his arms tighter around Heero and buried his head deeper into the man’s back.

“Duo…” Heero whispered.

“Yes?”

There was a small silence until Heero squeezed his hands tighter around Duo’s. “I hate that thing.”

The Aiko opened his eyes in shock at Heero’s confession. Though he was hoping for Heero to open to him, even just a little, he never expected him to admit his feelings so deadpan. Duo laughed quietly as he let go of Heero and leaned against the railing. “I think that was the most unforgiving speech I’ve heard from you yet.”

Heero smiled quietly. “It…felt rather good.”

Duo smiled widely at the second confession. “I bet it did.”

Looking back at the room they had passed though to get out here, the Aiko felt his wave of questions resurface. Maybe, just maybe, Heero would tell him just a little bit about himself. //Its worth a shot// Duo took a breath and held it as he spoke. “Heero?”

Heero turned to him. “Yes?”

“What happened to your parents?”

# # # #

He had been waiting for the question really, ever since he brought Duo in here. And for the first time, he really didn’t feel closed off about it. It was almost as if, deep down, he had been begging Duo to ask. Perhaps that was why he showed him this place. The chamber in which Sally had been begging him to move into for years.

It was rightfully his, as the master of the house. But Heero had never been able to do it. After all, to him, the room would always be his parents. Never his. No matter how old he got, that would never change.

Heero turned and caught Duo’s eyes, which were looking at him in trepidation, waiting for either him to answer, or possibly scorn him for his insolence.

Smiling quietly, Heero stepped closer to Duo and placed his hands on the Aiko’s arms. “My room.”

Duo searched his eyes for a moment before nodding, then took Heero’s hand and led the way back. Duo’s grip was tight, as if to make sure Heero wouldn’t get away, making the Lord smirk despite himself.

As they made it to the bedchambers, Duo led Heero to the bed. Ironically, the bed had turned more into a place of talking and conversation than its usual uses between and Lord and an Aiko. They always seemed to talk well under the comfort of the satin sheets and behind the heavy curtains.

Taking the hint, Heero slipped off his sandals and gold adornments and slid under the covers. Duo soon followed and they were both lying under the covers, looking at one another expectantly.

It was then that Heero realized what he had gotten himself into. Duo was waiting for the answer that Heero had promised him with his earlier smile. He felt the wall around his heart that had been slowly falling down begin to build back up for him to hide behind. The longer he looked at Duo, the more he wanted to recoil and hide behind his self-made fortress.

Admitting he didn’t like the altar was one thing but…

//I can’t do this…//

# # # #

He had looked so open, so willing back in his parent’s chambers, but now, Heero looked ready to close himself off once again. His eyes were slowly getting duller with each passing moment. Duo could see the war waging inside the man; his heart trying desperately to break through the wall around it. If Duo waited much longer, Heero would become hidden from him once more.

Not really thinking, Duo edged his way over to Heero and lightly touched his cheek with the back of his hand. “Tell me.”

Heero’s eyes closed in response to the touch and opened a bit clearer.

“Please?” He added, hoping that it would bring back the willingness Heero had shown only moments ago.

The Lord nodded quietly, and began to speak, his eyes lighter than Duo had expected.

“My mother always doted on me, and even though my father put up a strong front, he was no better. They always seemed to not care whether or not I grew up, content on letting me be a child forever. Perhaps they were that way because they knew of my destiny, I don’t know. But, even though I was a nearly five year old boy, they always welcomed me into their bed whenever I showed up at their door, upset from a nightmare.

“When I found out about my fate, I would often have bad dreams about hooded men killing me…and the only thing that would make them go away was if I was in my parent’s bedchamber. Mother would always beckon me in, and my father would scold me as he was tucking me in between them. Usually with a smile on his face no less.”

Duo watched as Heero’s eyes turned from the bright light of reminiscing to the dull, grey shade of sad remembrance.

“It was on one of those nights, when my childhood fears got the better of me and I made my way to my parent’s room for comfort. I slid in between them as they made room for me and hugged my mother’s arm, falling back asleep as if I had never woken.

“I know I was asleep for a few hours before I woke up again. I was cold. I hugged my mother for more warmth…but she was cold too. I remember pulling the sheets up to cover us both and feeling that some of the sheets were wet and almost slimy. I tossed them aside in confusion and rolled over to my father. I fell back asleep.

Heero stopped for a moment as Duo took in his words, his heart aching for the child like innocence Heero was describing. The Lord closed his eyes for a bit, looking determined to get through his story, then continued.

“It wasn’t until the sun was creeping over the horizon that I awoke once more. It was earlier than I would usually wake up, but I was cold, and my hands felt sticky from where I had touched the sheets earlier that night. My vision was still blurred from sleep, but I could make out my father, whom I was laying next to. I remember seeing his head at an odd angle and sitting up to wake him. What I saw…I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to understand. I turned to my mother to wake her…” Heero trailed off.

Duo was staring at him, wide eyed. He understood. From the moment Heero said that his mother had been cold, he had understood.

What could that have been like?

Duo could only imagine.

Heero looked ready to close down, obviously shaken from the amount of information he had already told Duo. But, to his surprise, Heero took a deep breath and continued.

“They were the same, only my father’s eyes were open while my mother’s remained closed. He must have awoke when the men were over the bed, but not early enough to save my mother or himself. The sheets were soaked from the blood coming from the wounds at their necks…and so were my hands.

“I remember staring at my hands in shock, trying hard to believe that it was not my mother’s blood on them. But once I looked from my hands back over to my mother…I don’t even really remember what happened, only that Sally’s mother was there, whisking me to the baths. She began to clean the blood off me, all the while crying into the bath water.

“I felt numb. Like the world around me wasn’t real. And I stayed feeling that way until news came to me that they had caught the killers.”

Heero let out an odd chuckle. “It was stupid of me, but I truly did not believe they were dead until they referred to the captured men as murderers. It was until then that I still believed that I would wake up soon, just a victim of another bad dream.”

Duo bit his lip, trying fruitlessly to think of a response. But nothing came. There was nothing Duo could think of to say, his mind still wrapping itself around the story Heero was telling. He wouldn’t want to believe it either. What adult, let alone a five year old would be able to grasp the idea that their parents were cold because warmth had left their bodies for eternity? That the sticky sheets were covered in drying blood? That they had been sleeping…with their dead parents bleeding out around them?

The Aiko shivered.

Heero looked even more uncomfortable, and Duo could tell that he was having a hard time continuing. He reached out to hold Heero’s hand for comfort (just as much for Heero’s comfort as it was for his own) but was rejected as Heero turned over, facing his back to him. For a moment he had forgotten that this was the Lord of War he was dealing with. Heero Yuy wasn’t one to take pity or comfort from anyone.

Duo thought Heero was ending the story, most likely reaching his limits, until he heard him speak up once more.

“It wasn’t until a few days later that they allowed me to confront the men that had killed my parents. I only had one question…

“Why did you not kill me?” The young Lord demanded, refusing to let the tears welding up behind his eyes spill over. It was hard, looking at them. The people who had murdered his parents. But he had to know. He needed to hear it from them why he was spared.

The taller one of the three sneered at him, even as he was being restrained by two guardsmen. “I should be obvious, little brat.”

“Yeah, we aren’t stupid.” One of the others chimed in.

Heero felt rage enter him so swiftly that shattering the vase on the wall close to him was all he could do to control it. The three murderers and the guardsmen alike jumped from the sound, causing the silent one of the three men kneeling before him to whimper in fear.

“We-we-we would n-n-never offend the Gods in such a way.” The skittish one replied.

The young boy still glared death at all of them, his heart heavy with hate, but his glare was cut short by the weight of a hand on his shoulder. The Emperor had gotten up from his seat and was standing next to him, his own guard standing close to both of them. Heero had been so absorbed in the presence of the men who had killed his parents that he had forgotten he was in the Emperor’s throne room.

“Your actions, I believe, would testify against your claim. Both of your intelligence, and of your wish not to anger the Gods.” The Emperor commented.

“Did your really believe that murdering the Lord and Lady of War, who were not only selected by the Gods for their positions, but were also given the duty and honor of raising a Celacent, would not anger the Gods?!” The Emperor’s guard spat out, unsheathing his sword just enough to show them the glint of his blade.

The skittish one turned even paler while the others tried to hold their resolve.

“Oh please,” the loudmouth one began. “We only spared you because you are useful.”

His partner laughed. “Yeah, why kill you now when there are so many other things to use you for later?”

“Silence!” Heero screamed back at them. The guardsmen tightened their hold on the traitors.

“As if you have any real power!” The leader screamed back, the sneer on his face growing even uglier. “You’re just a cute little lamb awaiting your slaughter!”

The Emperor’s guard rushed forward and slammed the hilt of his sword into the man’s mouth. “You will watch your tongue or I will have it.”

But the damage was already done. Heero felt all the life drain out of him.

Useful?

Was that all he was?

Was that what the people thought of him? That he was their little lamb, just waiting for their cry for help?

“Young Lord Yuy is still the Lord of War, despite his other station in the Kingdom.” The Emperor coolly stated. But despite what the Emperor was trying to do, his words stung Heero’s already tender heart like lemon juice on a paper cut.

“Take them away.” The Emperor’s guard demanded of the other guardsmen. They all nodded and began to drag the men away to their fate, the pale one screaming for mercy. But Heero didn’t hear it, he was too lost in his own mind. Even as the Emperor spoke to him, he didn’t hear any of it. Nothing.

The pain in his heart was too much. It was too heavy for him. He couldn’t breathe.

Useful…

It was because he was useful that he was separated from his parents by life, when what he really wanted was death.

But he was useful.

Just useful…

“I was useful.” Heero bit out. “They knew I was a Celacent and didn’t want to waste my death. That was all.”

Duo stared at his back, his eyes unfocused. That must have been the first time Heero had ever been confronted by his own fate…especially in those words. And from the mouths of the people who killed his parents no less.

But, the reaction he had described was exactly what Duo had been trying to get out of him for some time now. How was it that, even though Heero was hurt in the past, he still always dismisses his fate as an honor? He just said he had felt hurt and his tone spoke of his bitterness about it.

Why was he so brainwashed then?

Perhaps he was reading things wrong?

“Heero…” Duo spoke up, touching Heero’s shoulder. “Turn around.”

The Lord did as he was asked, but didn’t meet his eyes. He looked contented to just stare at the sheets between them. Duo caught Heero by the chin and lifted his head so he could see those dark blue eyes. The sadness in them was almost palpable. Duo caressed Heero’s cheek with his thumb, trying to, in some way, make the memory less painful.

Heero leaned into the touch as he closed his eyes, surprising the Aiko. It was then that Duo realized how little physical contact Heero probably had growing up…let alone physical comfort for those hard times. Even though Duo was an orphan, he still had Solo’s mom, who would give him bear hugs whenever he needed them, and a sort of brother in Solo, who would sleep next to him if he pouted.

Moving his thumb back down to his chin, Duo encouraged Heero to open his eyes. It was then that Heero spoke up. “They took what I believed to be a great honor and threw it back at me like no one ever had.” Heero opened his eyes and looked at Duo. “They belittled my very existence.”

Duo looked at him for a moment. “That must have hurt a lot.”

“More than anything I had ever felt.”

Duo felt bad for him, but the longer Heero talked, the more confused he became. Why then, after feeling this bitterness, would he become the way he is now? “Heero, you’re not making any sense. You always define your fate as an honor or even a duty…but from this story and how hurt you were by them…I…I just don’t get it. What changed?”

The Lord stared back at him, as if contemplating whether or not to explain.

“Please, Heero.”

Heero studied his face for a bit longer before speaking up…

“Do not let what they said bother you.” The Emperor smiled as he kneeled down and took Heero by the shoulders as the screaming men were being drug away. “You position and power was given to you by the Gods, and that is a great honor. They have given you the duty of carrying out their will, of protecting and sacrificing yourself for the people of Lorlia. Never disrespect that honor with selfish or bitter thoughts, Heero. Make your parents proud and honor the Gods in this life, then you may see them in the next.”

Instead of feeling a swell of pride and happiness, Heero felt ice growing around his heart. He had to make his parents proud and do his duty. He had to be selfless and kind, always portraying what the Gods expected of a person they had chosen. It was an honor the Gods had bestowed upon him, to be able to sacrifice himself. It was an honor.

The young boy’s eyes dulled a bit.

It was an honor…

“The Emperor was right. My power and station are an honor, and I must always look at it like that.” Heero said it like a mantra. Like he had told himself that a hundred times in his head...and still did.

“Heero…” Duo was lost for words. He could see the ice around Heero’s heart that had been slowly melting since he had met him start to freeze once again from the memory of the Emperor’s speech.

But his eyes were still as bright as they had been on the balcony, as if there was something that was stopping him form closing off completely once again. Duo could tell that he was holding onto something, holding on to some sort of hope. That’s when he realized…

Those eyes were looking at him in hope.

Duo took a deep breath, knowing that what he said would either open Heero up, or close him down once again. “’Ro,” Duo started quietly, touching Heero’s cheek with his thumb once again. “Your parents would have never wanted you to not feel.”

Heero looked away for a moment, the back at him.

“It’s okay for your heart to hurt, to feel sad.”

“I cannot. It is my station--”

“Stop it!” Duo all but yelled, quieting Heero. The man looked at him in surprise, causing Duo to sigh and then speak quietly. “Let me in Heero. Just…let me in.”

Heero stared at the sheets quietly as Duo remembered what Sally had said:

“It is pleasant to have someone to talk to at the end of the day as well, you know.”

“Heero…if you must act closed off…if you feel like it is your duty to be humble and selfless then…at least…let me help. Let me be your confidant, ‘Ro. Tell me things. Get them out of you.” Duo took Heero’s head in his hands and pulled it so they touched foreheads. “Open your heart again.”

The Lord looked up and finally met his eyes, the hope and yet caution in them clear as day. Heero’s hand came up and enclosed Duo’s, which was still lying on his cheek. “Duo…”

“Just say yes, Heero.” Duo whispered.

Heero was silent for a moment before sighing in defeat. “Very well.”

Duo couldn’t help but smile broadly at the man.

Heero quietly smiled back. “I will try.”

“Only try, Heero Yuy?” Duo chided playfully.

Heero blinked at him then smirked. “Of course. After all, I have you to find out whether or not this is just a ploy to make sure I don’t try and sleep with you.”

Duo gawked at the man, then pinched the cheek he had been caressing nicely only moments ago in retribution.

“Ow!”

“Serves you right, Yuy.”

The Lord smiled back. “Does it now?”

Duo was about to say something back when Heero dove in and captured his lips. The kiss was sweet, tasting like the strawberries Heero had eaten earlier, and slow as Heero caressed his lips carefully.

Even after Heero pulled back from him, it took Duo a while to recover from the shock and open his eyes once again. He was met with the kind and clear eyes he had been waiting to see for a while now, and it made him smile.

Heero smiled back with his usual quiet smile. “Good night, Duo.”

Duo found Heero’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. “Good night, Heero.”

Heero slept the whole night, his hand never leaving Duo’s.


TBC…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know, that took forever and a half. I’m sorry. Just felt like I needed to apologize once more: GOMEN!

My next chapter will be up much faster…considering things are about to move much faster. *wink*

Later!