Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Love Is... ❯ Quatre ( Chapter 1 )

Author note: first time writer, not first fic I wrote but the fourth one up. Anyway, animation’s not mine, characters’ not mine; I’m poor, so don’t sue me... ... anything I forgot to mention?? Ahh... the story!! It’s MINE!! Death fic. And yea, I know it's not the right season for it, but if you don't like it, don't read it.  Or if you feel like flaming something, go after my plot bunnies, it's their faults for hopping around my brain so enthusiastically, forcing me to write it down before they would give me a rest. So yea, chase them down if you have to, just don't brain me while you're doing it. Merry Christmas!!  “What is love?” Heero asked me one day. That had been the beginning of Pilot 01’s downfall. No one had realized that at that point of the time, of course. As for me, I had been too shock to say anything intelligent for replies. Not too shock as to why Heero had asked such question, mind you, for I had always been aware of the trainings the Perfect Soldier underwent as a child.  His training had been so harsh, comparing to all the trainings we pilots had ever had, that it striped him the basic ability of understanding emotions, even when he himself was feeling it. It had also made him one of the purest of heart and soul, if not innocent. What shocked me was the fact that he had voiced out his doubt and uncertainty.  While it was okay for a normal person to feel such things, it was weaknesses and imperfections in Dr. J’s book. Since a perfect soldier had no weaknesses, Heero had always been brutally punished if he ever showed it. Though he had mellowed a lot since the beginning of the first war, I had known as a fact that Heero still suffered from mental tortures, a punishment mechanism deeply instilled by courtesy of Dr. J. For him to be able to ask such a question, I didn’t want to imagine the pain and hurt he had to endure just for daring to say the words. And I cursed myself that day as I failed my duty, my promise to protect this particular angel from falling into his personal hell, for I had been too blind to see the reasoning, the motivation of him raising the question ––    He was in love with Shinigami. He had dared to fall in love; had pushed himself, even when he was suffering a terrible psychological pain at all times, into accepting Shinigami’s love. And he had lost it because of his inability to say the words. I so wanted to strangle the braided baka with his precious hair, stuffed it down his throat until he choked and stomped him to death with Sandrock’s feet, for daring to break his heart by falling into another’s arms. By falling into Wufei’s arms. How dared they do that to one of our own? But there’s nothing I could do about those two ¡V I was too busy trying to mend Heero’s broken heart, and his rapidly deteriorating health.  Yes, even the Perfect Soldier could only take so much pain.  The stress of accepting Duo’s love, physically and emotionally, and the pressure of forcing himself to try to break free of the mental cage Dr. J had imprisoned him with, just to say those three stupid words, had really done a number on him.  The pain had been so great that it had, in turn, triggered a neural toxin that was slowly killing Heero, eating him alive from inside. I had tried every single thing I could think of, had spent every single one of my resources into finding a cure for Heero. I had wanted to notify the others about Heero’s conditions, but he wouldn’t let me. He didn’t want Duo to come back because of pity and guilt.  All he wanted was Duo’s happiness, even at the cost of his body and soul. And eventually, he showed his love for Shinigami with his own life. On that very same day, we lost Shinigami to his own hell of madness...