Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Love Letters and Hate Mail ❯ Famous Green Tanktop ( Chapter 2 )

Warnings: songfic, shonen ai, extremely mild language, angst, angst, angst

Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I wish I did. It's just so fun to mess with their little lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also have no rights to "Famous Blue Raincoat" by Leonard Cohen.

A/N: This is the letterfic that started them all. It will clarify the frantic phone message from Quatre in the last fic.

blah= lyrics


Famous Green Tank Top
By Solanum Dulcamara

Heero,

I'm not really sure why I'm writing. I guess I kinda just needed to talk to you. How've you been? I can say I've had better days.


It's four in the morning

The end of December.

I'm writing you now

Just to see if you're better.

New York is cold, But I like where I'm living.

There's music on Clinton Street

All through the evening.

Oddly enough, I don't lead a glamorous life. In fact, I don't even live a wealthy life. Surprising, isn't it? But some how I'm satisfied with my simple apartment and view of the skyline. It's too bad all things can't be so simple.


I hear that you're building

your house

deep in the desert.

Are you living for nothing now?

Hope you're keeping some kind of record.

So, I heard that you're "learning to live." Must be nice. How do I know, you might ask. Well, you above all people should know that there are few secrets that can be kept from us pilots. Especially those regarding locations. Well, I'm just surviving; getting by in day to day life. Is getting out into the world on your own, everything you expected it to be? I hope so. Otherwise, everything was such a waste.


And Duo came by

with a lock of your hair.

He said that you gave it to him,

That night that you planned to go free.

Did you ever go free?


Why did you fill him with all of those false hopes and impossible dreams? Why did you pick him up only to let him down? Didn't you have any feelings for him at all? And if you didn't, why did you pretend to? Do you know how hard it was for me to clean up the mess that you made? When he came to see me that night and told me that you gave him that hair to rememberyou while you were away, I was the one who had to tell him that "while you were away" meant forever. You left that part out didn't you. He thought a mission or something, doesn't matter that the war is over, because you would never leave him without telling him, right? Wrong! He couldn't have been more wrong. I was the one who held him while he cried. Held him while he clutched onto that bit of hair, chanting your name over and over, as if it were a spell that would cause you to rematerialize. But you would no more come back than he would stop loving you. But I guess that you weren't exactly having the best time either.


Oh, the last time I saw you,

You looked so much older.

Your famous green tank top

Was torn at the shoulder.

You'd been to the station

To meet every train,

But he never showed up,

I mean Trowa Barton.

And who did you come to at four A.M., when you needed an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on? Who was there for you when Trowa didn't come, even while your "boyfriend" was asleep in my bed after crying himself tearless? I kept thinking, "You should've known he wouldn't come and you shouldn't have lost control of your emotions." But I had no words of comfort for you. I didn't want to give you any. So, I just sat stupidly, while you related the evening to me. But you should've been more careful.


So you treated some woman

To a flake of your life,

And when she got home,

She was nobody's wife.

You hurt Relena, you know? She really did care about you. And I'd be willing to wager that she still does. I mean, she obviously cared about you, if she let you take advantage of her like that. Have you picked up a paper recently? Read the part about the world's foremost pacifist diplomat becoming the world's newest teenage mommy? And what does that make you? Her name is Hikari. I'm sure you already know that it means light. She calls your child, your creation, a light of hope in a dark world. If that doesn't show how much respect Relena still has for you, I don't know what does. And even though she's lost credibility with many of her elder ambassadors and government officials, she never lets anyone speak poorly of "the man who abandoned her and her child." She has shown so much strength, when all you did was run away. When did you become so reckless?


I see you there with a rose in your teeth.

One more thin gypsy thief.

Well, I see Duo's awake.

He sends his regards.

You might say that you robbed Duo of his joy. He'd not nearly as happy and carefree as he used to be. I think it would have been easier on everyone if you had just been honest. I didn't want him to see me writing to you, but he's taking it surprisingly well. Those once vibrant violet eyes are now dull, sunken in, and red-rimmed. Dammit! He's been crying again. I thought he was asleep in his room. I've tried everything to cheer him up, but all of this has been hard on me too.


And what can I tell ya?

Oh what can I tell ya?

What can I possibly say?

I guess that I miss you,

I guess I forgive you,

I'm glad that you stood in my way.

And if you ever come by here,

Be it for Duo

Or for me,

I want you to know

Your enemy is sleeping.

I want you to know

Your man is free.

You knew about my feelings for Trowa, but you went ahead and did your thing anyway. Impressive to break both my heart and Duo's in one single action. . . that happened on several occasions. And if you think I didn't know every single time, you are so wrong. I guess that's the drawback to working with an empath. It was probably for the best though, because he didn't think of me that way. In reality, you saved me from serious rejection. Do you want to know where Trowa was that night, and why he never came? He found out about Duo, but he wasn't jealous or angry. He felt guilty. Don't ask me how he found out, I'm not even going to pretend that I know. And don't you dare think that I told him because you know that it's beyond me to betray someone's confidence. Whether I like it or not. All I know is that he called me from your apartment. He had apparently been looking for Duo, and when the he wasn't there, Trowa wisely phoned me. He wanted to come over and apologize to us, before he started a new life.


And thanks for the trouble

You took from his eyes.

I thought it was there for good

So I never really tried.

He seemed so alive when he came to see us. I've never seen those emerald eyes sparkle so much. He told us that he'd learned how to live and how to love. And he said that he was sorry that we were the victims of his "lesson in life." He also told me to tell you that he was sorry. He'd learned how to live, but he had to learn who he was, so he needed some time alone. And like you, he didn't want any painful good-byes. I'm sure he'll look you up when he's ready. As he dashed off to "become an individual," I realized that I could never have made him feel that free. God, was I glad that Duo was there to be my stronghold.


And Duo came by

With a lock of your hair.

He said that you gave it to him,

That night that you planned to go free.

I guess I never realized what an important friend he is. I think all of us have taken him for granted. All that he ever tried to do was make us happy. A smile means more to him than anything else in the world, and I want to give him that much needed smile. Well, we talked after Trowa left, and before you arrived, and he wasn't ready to live alone, and I was tired of it, so he moved in two days later. Your apartment is pretty much deserted now. But things have worked out. He listens to my ranting after a hard day at work, and I'm there for comfort and support when he needs to cry. It's actually an extremely comfortable living arrangement. He's my best friend and now both of us have someone that we can depend on. It's the first time anyone has ever taken care of me, of his own free will. The other night when we were talking about stuff, you came up in conversation, as you often do, and I decided that I needed some closure on all of this soap opera crap. There aren't any hard feelings, and I don't expect you to write me back. I just had to get some things off of my chest and I thought you might like to know exactly what's been going on. I honestly do wish you the best.


Sincerely,

A Friend


Quatre