Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Loving You Against My Will ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer - It's not mine. Never was. Not the song, or the character, or any of it. So, don't sue me.

Loving You Against My Will

- I don't wanna feel your heartbeat -

- I don't wanna taste your kiss -

- I don't wanna call your name -

- I don't wanna call your name -

- I don't wanna watch you like this -

- Girl, I'm loving you, loving you against my will -

Twas' the night before Christmas, and all was not well in the Peacecraft house. Relena had holed herself up in her room, refusing to let anyone in to see her. Duo had even brought Hilde and Cathy to the mansion to try and talk to her. No luck. She had been there for two days, not speaking to anyone. She had come out only once or twice, and that was to find out how Heero was doing. After she had got away from the conference hall, he had taken a few more bullets while at the end of the alleyway. Duo and Wufei had found him lying at the end of the alley in a pool of his own blood after it was all over with.

He was still in the hospital as far as she knew. But then again, no one would tell her anything. When she had gotten back to the mansion, she had told her brother off. It had been a rather loud affair, and she was sure her shouting could be heard all over the grounds, but she really didn't care. She was beyond that point right now. She had brought Commander Une into the fracas also. After she had said her peace, Milliardo had answered her questions and tried his best to calm her down, but he wouldn't let her go see the injured soldier. So, out of retaliation, she had locked everyone out of her room and private office. She knew she was acting like a spoiled child, but she couldn't help it.

She was hurting inside, and bad. Heero had been so close to her for over two months, and no one had told her anything. In fact, they had told her everything except the truth. Even Duo had lied to her. She hit her pillow and picked up the stuffed teddy bear that Heero had given her all those years ago.

"Heero Yuy, I swear if you make it through this, I'm going to kill you myself!!" she said loudly. There were tears in her eyes as she stepped out onto the balcony outside her room.

It was cold outside, and the wind was blowing like crazy, causing her blond hair to billow around her. She shivered and walked over to the side of the balcony, peering down onto the grounds. All was well, and the snow was starting to melt. She looked down at the bear and wiped her tears away.

"You," she said, looking at the stuffed animal and pretending it was Heero, "you done this to me again. How could you come back here and not tell me?! I've looked all over the damn place for you, and now you just suddenly pop up out of no where, intending on protecting me. What were you thinking?"

She sat down on the bench and looked out over the grounds. Unknown to her, the very object of her ire was standing behind her, hidden by the thick drapes of the window.

"I waited and waited for at least a word from you. Something to at least say that you were alive. Now, I find out that you've been underneath my very nose for months, and you still didn't have the nerve to tell me you were back! God, Heero, I know you don't love me, but the least you could have done was put me out of my misery. As long as I knew you were alive, I wouldn't have worried!"

Heero listened to the woman's angry rants, knowing that he had been at fault for not telling her. He was shocked when he heard her say that he didn't love her. He loved her, and that was why he had come back. He was about to make his presence known when she started speaking again.

"You know what, Heero?" she asked the bear, who she had named after her first love. " I've had enough of this. I'm tired of waiting for someone who is never going to come around. Whatever happens to him, happens to him. He doesn't care enough to tell me, so why should I worry about him? He's going to heal, then leave again without a word to anyone who cares. You and I both know it." She stopped talking for a minute and Heero waited for what she had to say next. The only problem was, he wasn't expecting what she said.

"In fact, I think it's time I got rid of everything that reminds me of him….including you! I've tried to forget him before. I've cleared anything and everything that ever had ties to him out of my life, except you. I always kept you with me, hoping that one day everything would work itself out. What kind of fool am I?"

She picked the bear up and walked over to the ledge. She held it over the ledge and stopped. Heero watched as the emotions played across her face like a screen. He saw the hurt and betrayal. He also saw the love she still had for him. She shook her head and turned to where he couldn't see her face, her tears still falling. He stepped out of the shadows and walked out from behind the curtains, intent on putting an end to this.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" he asked calmly. Relena spun around, nearly loosing her footing on the cold balcony cement when she heard the intruding voice. She caught herself and looked at the young man standing in front of her with wide eyes. She composed herself as best she could in less than a split second, and looked at him, cold fury in her eyes.

"What are you doing here, Heero?" she asked, ice in her voice.

"I came to explain." he said simply.

"I've already received an explanation as to why you've been here." she said tersely. "I don't need it reiterated to me." She was bound and determined to show him that he couldn't do this to her anymore. She smirked and looked at him. "I guess there is no point in asking how you got past the guards, is there?"

"Relena…hear me out!" he said.

"Why?" she turned on him. "You're just going to tell me one thing and do another. Just like before." She turned her back on him and tried to stop the tears from forming in her eyes.

"I had my reasons, Relena." he said quietly. "I thought that by leaving, I'd be removing a threat away from you. I didn't want you to get hurt because of me."

"I don't wanna hear it, Heero." she said.

"It's the truth, Relena." he said.

"I don't care if it's a pack of bull-shit lies!" she said venomously. "The least you could have done after you disappeared five years ago was to call and tell everyone that you weren't dead."

"I know." he said. "And I'm sorry." An uneasy silence settled over the two.

"You know, Heero," she said quietly. "I finally had my life in order. My job was going great, the peace between Earth and the colonies was strengthening, I had even formed a promising relationship with one of the politicians from the colonies. Everything was going great." She looked back up at him and shook her head. "Then you come back and screw it all up."

"James Dowdry was one of the gunmen in the attack on you two days ago?" he asked. "What kind of relationship is it when he's trying to kill you?"

"At least he was here when I needed someone to stand by me." she barked. "That's more than I can say for anyone else."

"So your telling me that you'd rather have someone be with you under false pretense, and in the process of planning your death, than someone who truly loves you and worries about you?" he asked quickly, his anger setting in.

"Why are you worried about it?" Relena asked. "You don't care, remember. You told me one time that the perfect soldier doesn't have emotions. He can't feel like normal people do."

"That's beside the point, Relena." he said sternly. "I was trained not to feel anything."

"Then I guess it's true that you can't teach an old dog new tricks." she said sadly. Heero looked up at her and felt his heart sink. "I tried to show you that there were people who cared about you, Heero. I tried. And every time I did, you pushed me away." She turned to stare at him, hoping that her words sunk in. "I just want you to know that rejection is a son-of-a-bitch. I couldn't take it anymore, and I'm not going to now."

"I stayed away because I thought it would do you more harm than good." he said defensively. "Having an ex-Gundam pilot tied to you isn't exactly a way to gain the populace's approval."

"That's where you're wrong, Heero." Relena said. "The populace is forgiving. They are willing to forgive what happened years ago. People like Duo and Wufei have proved themselves to Earth. They're two of the best Preventors in the organization. Even Quatre and Trowa have earned their forgiveness from Earth."

"What about you?" he asked.

"What about me?" she questioned.

"Have they earned your forgiveness?"

"You all earned my forgiveness, respect, and love a long time ago, Heero. It's just a pity you haven't seen that yet."

"I think I'm starting to." he answered softly.

"Now?" she asked, shaking her head, a sad smile on her face. He only nodded in response. Relena took a deep breath, wanting to end this conversation and go to bed. Unconsciously, she pulled the bear up to her chest and clung to it. "What jogged your awareness, Heero? Or do I even want to know?"

"I finally figured out some things while I was away." he said. "I had watched you go up the political ranks the whole time I was gone. I could tell you were happy, but not completely. Then, when that Dowdry character got into the picture, you seemed happier, but something was still missing. Then, the assassination attempts started, and I stayed glued to the television more than ever. I was worried about you, because I cared, even though I didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't want to care about what happened to you, but I couldn't help myself. I tried to stop myself from caring, but it didn't work."

"Then why'd you accept the job when Une proposed it to you if you were trying to wash your hands with me?" she asked. "That doesn't make sense." The stoic pilot walked in front of the girl and looked at her. Relena felt a shiver go down her from his intense gaze, but she willed herself not to look away.

"I accepted because I knew that there was no one else that could protect you better than me." he said simply.

"What made you think you were so much better?" she bit out.

"I knew I could protect you better because I realized something that you did a long time ago." he said.

"And what was that?" she asked.

"I realized that I loved you, even though it was against my will and my better judgement." he said. Relena's eyes jerked up to him and he could tell she was about to start crying again. He almost thought he had made amends when she jerked away from him and shook her head.

"Don't play this game with me, Heero Yuy." she said defiantly. "I'm not falling for it this time."

"I'm serious, Relena." he said. "I do love you, and I realize that now."

"You're lying to me." she said. "You just want to make me feel better before you up and leave again." She began to walk back to her room and she stopped right before she got to the door. "If you're going to leave, then go. I'm not going to say anything else." She was about to open the doors when she noticed the bear still in her hands. She gave a wry grin and turned back to the still form of Heero standing on the balcony in the winter wind. "And take this with you while you're going." She threw the bear at him, and he caught it effortlessly. "I don't need it anymore."

Heero looked down at the crumpled bear and felt his heart break more.

She had turned away from him.

He was too late.

He'd lost her.

He shook his head as anger suddenly took the heartache's place. 'Damnit, Relena.' he thought. 'You're not getting away from me now!' He gripped the bear and strode silently over to where she was standing, her back to him and her arm out to open the doors that led into her bathroom. He wrapped his arms around her and she stiffened up immediately.

"Relena, please, don't run from me." he whispered. "I'm sorry for everything I've done. I was an idiot, and I know that now. Give me one more chance, please." Relena hung her head, her emotions conflicting inside of her. One side said give him another chance, while the other one said to push him away like he had done to her. She shook her head in confusion. His close proximity to her wasn't helping matters either.

"What do you want from me?" she whispered.

"I want you to give me a chance to fix what I've messed up." he answered solemnly.

"You're asking for a lot, Heero." she said. "I can't just forget what's happened in the past five years. I can't forget what I went through waiting for you to come back."

"I don't expect you to." he said. "Just let me show you that….that….I won't make the same mistakes twice."

"Heero…." she stuttered. "I can't trust you with my feelings."

"I trust you with mine." he said simply. Relena's breath caught and she blinked rapidly. "Please, Relena."

"I don't want to be hurt again, Heero." she said. "I'm not willing to get my heart broken again. It's happened too much as it stands between us."

"I won't do it again, I promise." he said. "I know you probably don't believe me, Relena. But, I'll tell you now. If I screw this up again, I'll never bother you again. I love you, Relena. I know that now." Relena felt his hand come up to stroke her hair, and she lost what little self control she had left. She started crying and he held her tight.

Heero held her for a long time, shielding her from the wind that was blowing around them. He knew she would give him one last chance now. And he didn't intend on screwing it up. She was his, always had been. He just never realized it until she was almost taken away for good. Relena finally looked up at him and gave him a half smile.

"I love you too, Heero." she said, hugging him. "More than anything." She knew in her mind that this time would be different. This time, he would stay with her. He had changed since she had saw him last. And it was all for the better. His arms tightened around her and she knew that things would be different now. He was by her side, and she felt better just knowing that he would be there to help her.

"Thank you, Relena." he whispered to her. "You won't be sorry, love. I promise you that. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere without you with me. You'll never be by yourself again."

They stood there for a long time, each one holding the one they loved and thanking the gods that be that fate had seen fit to bring them together again. This time, they both knew that nothing would ever part them again. And that fact made that Christmas Eve night, more special than any gift anyone else could have given them.

- Girl I'm loving you, loving you against my will -

- I'm loving you, loving you against my will -

A/N - Okay. It's sappy, I know. Couldn't help it. I'm a fan of Heero and Relena the whole way. I love them to death. Anyway, hope you enjoyed my little story. I liked writing it. Thanks to everyone who read it and reviewed. Next chappy is the epilogue.

So, be sure and leave me a review to tell me what you think.

Later.

A.A.