Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Mistaken Words ❯ A Slow Step Forward ( Chapter 31 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Mistaken Words

Thanks to my editors who make this readable! Pious Knight morgansgirl23 I couldn't post without you two! Thanks so much!

Disclaimer: I don't own!

A Slow Step Forward

Heero became aware slowly, feeling as though he were struggling his way through a thick fog that fought against his escape, trying to draw him back. But Heero was tired of this endless blackness; he wanted to be free of it if only for a few moments. The further from the fog that Heero climbed the more discomfort he began to feel, yet Heero found this to be a welcoming change to the nothingness, it let him know he was still alive. The progress was slow, so much so that Heero almost gave up on ever reaching his goal. But then suddenly he felt something brush across his body, and there was no turning back. Instincts had taken over.

Despite his desire to lunge forward, Heero maintained his slow ascent to the surface, knowing this steady pace would not alert any machines that might have been monitoring him, leaving his captors completely unaware. As his surroundings gradually came into focus Heero tried to remember what had left him in this situation. What battle had he been in, when had he lost consciousness, and most importantly who had him? Before he could do anything Heero knew he needed to assess his condition, but the pain wasall encompassing. His head throbbed in time with his heart, keeping his thoughts from forming at all times. He wanted to massage his temples but try as he might he could not bring his arm to move.

Once again he was aware of a foreign touch upon his body. It felt moist and cool against his skin, which felt as though it were on fire. What was happening to him? Suddenly a flash of memory took Heero, and he remembered John, and the others standing near to him. Was he on their side once more? Heero didn't dare let himself hope now. With his thoughts brokenhe was just too unsure about everything He needed to attain a stronger grasp over himself leave the darkness a little further behind.

A voice in the stillness entered Heero's thinking to accompany the unwanted touch, and it was that which Heero focused on. “This is a good start,” a male voice sounded as though he were trying to reassure another. “This should help with his fever also,” the voice continued, and Heero could feel something being wrapped about his upper right leg. He wanted to pull the limb away from the unknown hands but it would not respond to his call.

“How long has he had the fever?” a distinctly feminine voice asked softly, it was very subdued, as though afraid to speak, or perhaps too drowned in emotions.

“Off and on for the past week,” the male responded, “I've been working him off the drug as gently as I can, and so far this is really the only side effect I've had to contend with.”

What were they talking about? Heero was left confused and more than a little frustrated, were they discussing him? He wanted to know, but couldn't seem to open his eyes no matter how he tried. The longer he felt their hands upon him the more Heero found himself contending with a growing panic at his lack of control. He was sure he should recognize both voices, but the pain lancing through his head refused to let him find the answer. Drawing in a deeper breath Heero winced internally at the pain it caused, and before he could stop it a groan escaped his lips. He felt one of the beings jump away from him at that, while the other calmly continued their work.

“Can you finish without me John?” the feminine voice asked sounding almost desperate.

Heero caught the sound of a faint sigh, “Yes Sally,” John told her gently, “You did well, this is only the beginning, though,” he added.

It all came back to Heero then, at the mention of both their names, he remembered what had happened. That external prompting allowed him to find a way around the pain, to the memories of both these people. Now new questions plagued him, where was he? How long had he been out? And what had they been doing? Allowing himself a moment of thought was enough for Heero to find the answer to the last question, the other two however Heero knew he was going to have to ask. The sound of a door sliding closed broke the faltering line of Heero's thoughts, and he tried to focus all of his efforts onto opening his eyes, even just one would do.

Light began to filter through his lashes, causing his eyes to water immediately, but he kept up the fight determination driving him. Heero felt a presence lower itself closer to him, near to where he lay, and again he felt the panic. But it was quickly laid to rest, “I'm glad to see you're awake Heero,” John's familiar voice spoke up through the blurry brightness, and Heero could feel a cool hand rest upon his should while the other made its way to his forehead.

Too bright… he thought wanting to shield his eyes from the all too harsh light.

“Sorry,” the voice apologised, and the lights suddenly dimmed, for a moment Heero was puzzled, he had not realised he had spoken that thought aloud.

With the light faded now, Heero finallymanaged to open his eyes if only a fraction, but it was enough to see a blurry image of John sitting on the edge of the bed. They didn't stay on John for long however, he began roaming the room trying to see where he actually was. “Where…am I?” he finally asked in a dry voice unable to place his surroundings.

“You're in the same wing of the agency as the other pilots, in a room Sally especially designed to treat all of you,” John explained his own eyes looking about the very large room.

“She was…here?” Heero remembered hearing her voice, but he had not been able to see her; the only image of his doctor he could bring to mind was one he wanted to forget.

WMWMWMW

John nodded his head in response to Heero's question, and reached for a bottle of water so he could offer the boy a much needed drink. It had been a week now since Heero had been brought to this room, and John could not express his relief into words at having the boy now finally awake. It had been a long and hard fought week, as John had worked to bring Heero back from the brink, and to bring Sally in there to see him. It had taken him that whole week to finally get through to her, and even that victory was not a huge one.

John knocked softly on Sally's door knowing she had only just recently entered into her apartment, after a long day of work. Determination had led him from his post to confront his friend. As he had hoped, Sally answered the door, her expression was torn at the sight of him, and she looked as though she was going to close the door then and their. John slid his foot over the threshold stopping her from doing just that, and looked her in the eyes.

“It's been a week,” he told her simply eyes boring into her.

She sighed, “John I'm tired, it's been a long day,” Sally moved to walk deeper into her apartments.

“You can't keep putting this off, nothing's going to change if you don't take the first step,” John restrained himself before he add `Because he can't!' he doubted that would do much to ease this situation.

“You keep pushing for this John,” she fumed eyes flashing with a good deal of fear, “But you also say it's going to take time! Well, which is it?”

John sighed leaning his body against the door, “Both Sally, you know that but time alone isn't going to change a damn thing, and you know it. Just come with me, just to see him.” John reached out a hand to her even as Sally backed away, “He's not awake Sally, and he's not likely to be for some time. Besides I could use a hand changing his bandages, and you're the only one availableright now.”

She fell back against a wall watching him through the corner of one eye, “You're just not going to leave me alone, are you?”

“I'm just thinking about Heero, and what he needs,” he told her gently.

Several moments of indecisive silence passed, as Sally appeared to weigh her optionswhile John waited,his mind thinking only of the boy he had left to pursue this. Finally she seemed to come to a grudging conclusion, “Alright.”

“I promised her you wouldn't wake,” John told the boy with a smile. He felt as though a milestone had been passed, here he had not expected Heero to wake for several more days, and the boy had surprised him It was a relief beyond words.

“Sorry…” the boy rasped shifting slightly as though he were trying to get a better look at himself.

John smiled and reached out to shift the blankets covering Heero's thin frame, “How are you feeling?” he asked, watching the boy's face through the corner of one eye while completing his task. Heero's expression changed slowly, as he face took on a slightly greenish cast to it, “I see you're still feeling the effects of the drug. Just relax,” he soothed, “It won't be long now before you're off it all together.” But that will only be the beginning he thought to himself. It felt to him as though he stood at the foot of a mountain he had to climb alone without the use of equipment. He could not begin to imagine how it felt for Heero, who in his present condition probably didn't have a full grasp of everything just yet.

“What day is it?” Heero inquired suddenly his voice sounding as though it had gained a little strength to it.

“May twelfth,” John responded watching closely to see Heero's reaction to that news. He wondered what it would be like to fully realise how much time had been lost, from the growing look of surprise on the boy's face John guessed it was far more time than he had expected.

Heero's eyes fell closed at that as he clearly tried to grapple with this new information, “Over…three months…” he breathed ever so softly, his tone sounding incredulous.

“Don't worry about that right now,” John told him, knowing there was no way not to but also fully aware that Heero was not going to be able to remain awake much longer. Even now his eyes remained closed, and his shallow breathing had evened out telling John that he was once more asleep.

He spent several minutes watching the sleeping boy before he moved deeper into the room, where a comfortable sitting area had been arranged. It looked out of place as though two separate rooms had been spliced together, but nevertheless John was grateful for a comfortable place to sit. As he lowered himself onto one of the chairs John reached out for a folder he had placed upon the coffee table only an hour earlier. Sally had given it to him just before they had left to attend to Heero.

“Alright,” Sally agreed softly. She didn't sound in the least been certain of herself, but so long as she was coming that was enough for the moment. John stepped away from the door to let her through, but much to his surprise she disappeared deeper into her apartment. He was about to call out after her, but she appeared moments later with a folder in hand. “Quatre called me a few days back, he told me that you knew they were Gundam Pilots,” she handed the folder over, not making eye contact.

“Heero trusts you,” she began her voice breaking over the use of his name, “You're in this now, you'd best know about who you're dealing with.”

John stared down at the folder, feeling quite at a loss, “What…I…”

“That's everything you need to know about each of the pilots, Une and I compiled that information years back, you're the only one to see it.” Sally did look at him then but her expression was unreadable.

Closing his hands over the folder, John offered her a tiny smile, “Thank you.”

He had been shocked by that, and at the same time unsure, John had the distinct feeling that he was taking something from Sally. Something that was not his to take, he did not mind holding the care of this boy in trust until Sally was able to come to terms with her actions and how to make amends for them. But he did not want to completely usurp her either, by giving him information on all the pilots and not just Heero, he felt as though that was what was happening. Still there was nothing he could do about it now, except to keep working with Sally.

Settling back, John opened the folder, only to see a picture of Heero. It was such a stark difference from the way the boy looked now that all John could do was stare. This was not the first he had scene of Heero as he had been before all of this happened, but before he had never actually had the boy around to compare. One thing, however, had not changed, and that was Heero's eyes in both the picture and reality. They were intense, beyond anything John had ever seen.

John leaned back in the chair, his eyes looking over the sleeping boy, considering him before his attention returned to the file. He quickly read over everything that was there about Heero. Much of it he already knew through Quatre, but still he wanted to confirm what Sally had told him earlier. John didn't doubt Sally's knowledge of Heero, but the brand was there. How could they explain that? Something like that had to be something that you had tointentionally want to do, it seemed to John. His thoughts drifted back to the conversation he had had with Sally the moment the brand was discovered.

John rinsed his cloth clean, in the warm bowel of water, his eyes looking across Heero's thin bare chest to Sally who had just started to do the same. They had been working in silence for several moments; it felt like a triumph to John that she was even here. Still it would have been better if Sally were able to relax a little more. John sighed silently to himself and sat himself on the edge of the bed, “I'll hold him while you wash his back?” he made it a suggestion knowing already Sally would want it that way. But at the same time he didn't want to sound like he was forcing anything on her.

“Alright,” she responded her eyes not meeting his.

John found it difficult with all his injuries, yet he still managed to raise Heero to him and gently hold him there. One hand brushed lightly over the boy's back, as he situated himself a little better, and what it ran across caused John to look down in surprise. Heero's left shoulder blade had been scared deeply, “What's this?” he asked of Sally knowing she could lean in for a better look.

The fingers of one hand brushed lightly over the mark, as she stared at it intently, and John waited for some sort of answer. “It looks like a phoenix,” she breathed fingers still tracing the thick scare tissue, “And this looks recent.”

“He had himself branded with a phoenix?” he looked over the boy's should trying to see for himself.

Sally stepped away from the bed, “I don't understand; this isn't something he'd do.”

John caught himself before he said `three years can really change a person' he didn't feel that was the most tactful thing to say at the moment. “Are you sure Sally?” he questioned instead, “There's really know way to know how much he's changed over the years.”

Despite his gentle tone Sally still winced at his words, he didn't regret them though, nothing good would come from side stepping the truth all the time. She looked up, locking eyes with John only briefly before her eyes returned to the brand, “He wouldn't have done something like this John. It doesn't fit with who he is.”

“But something like this, he'd have to have wanted it for it to be here,” John tried to reason again, unable to conceive of any other way for such a mark to make it onto Heero's body.

“Not unless it was done against his will…” she mused softly, one hand making it way to the back of her neck to rub at the muscles there.

John gave a small start at that, “Done against his will?” he questioned aloud, “Who would possibly do that? And for what reason?”

She shook her head, “I don't know…”

Shaking his head, John forced his attention back on the folder. He wanted to find the truth to that brand, but wasn't sure where to start. He didn't really want to ask Heero about it right now.John knew thatwhen the boy did wake, he wouldn't be there enough to deal with this. Especially if it had been done against his will, John couldn't begin to imagine what that would be like. Best to leave it for a while and let Heero recover from his injuries. He had no idea what Sally was going to do with the information, thoughhe doubted anything. As she was presently he was still half amazed he had actually got her to come in here.

WMWMWMW

Wufei left his room in the still early hours of the morning, he wanted to look in on a few people before he had to go and relieve John. Turning to his left, the former pilot walked further down the hall until he came to a door identical to his own. He knocked upon it and waited, not at all surprised when he received no answer. Reaching for the key pad Wufei unlocked the door himselfand stepped in. This would have irritated the occupant had he been there, however they had never made a secret of the lock combos to their rooms. And if Wufei had been acting the way Trowa had over the last few days, he knew someone would have been coming to him looking for answers.

Stepping into the dark room, Wufei switched on a light bathing the empty room in an artificial glow. He didn't even bother calling out Trowa's name, it was clear the former pilot of Heavyarms had not been there for a while. Despite his lack of surprise, Wufei had wanted to make sure that Trowa was indeed staying as far away from the agency as he could. As he understood it from Relena, Trowa still preformed his duties but he had become distant, saying even less than he usually did. Wufei would have liked to know what had caused the sudden change, but he supposed it could have simply been the pressure they were all under now that Heero was back with them. Yet somehow this seemed to be more severe.

Fairly sure that Trowa was staying with his sister at the circus right now, Wufei considered calling him if only to touch base with the other pilot. He already knew Trowa wasn't going to be open about what he was thinking, why he had been so distant. Wufei thought better of it in the end and instead pulled out his cell to dial Une's number. She had always been an early to rise sort of woman, so he didn't fear waking her, and the wrath that would incur.

“Une here,” a stern voice spoke into Wufei's ear.

“Have we made any progress?” he skipped right to the point, knowing Une would recognise his voice.

“Just brick wall after brick wall,” she told him bitterly.

They had been trying from the moment they had discovered the Inner Circle to gleam a little more information about them. However so far they were proving to be very elusive, it had become a wonder for Wufei that Heero had ever found them in the first place. It was quite obvious now that they weren't really going to be getting anywhere without a little help from Heero, and potentially a lot of luck.

“The problem is there's no computer records anywhere,” Une ground out, displaying her obvious frustration. “Nothing we can trace anyway, this is completely unheard of.”

Wufei settled himself against the wall in the hall, eyes taking a second to scan his surroundings to see that he was alone. “Have you considered infiltration?” he could already see a number of problems with such a suggestion, but doing nothing felt so unnatural.

“Briefly, but it's not going to get us anywhere fast enough,” Une quickly confirmed his thoughts. “Besides, we have time. From what I understand they have everything they need to build Zero. Zechs told me it was clear they hadn't started yet.” Over the phone Wufei could hear what sounded like the tapping of fingers. It was not common for Une to display her impatience; she made it a point to always be in control. “And without Heero, progress is going to be slow. Dante assured me all information from the one he built had been destroyed. We can be sure they're not going to make a move until they have it complete. We also know where they're located, and where it's being built.”

“We have the advantage,” Wufei ran a hand over his hair, for them to know so much about this organisation, and yet so very little, it was strange to say the very least. “Feels strange not to go after them now,” a part of him wanted to be out there taking these men out before they could even openly threaten the peace.

“You know why we can't,” Une didn't make it a question.

“We need to make sure we have all of them,” Wufei agreed knowing already that had to be their ultimate goal, to remove this threat in one sweep.

Une let a barely audible sigh escape she hated waiting as much as the rest of them, “So the best thing we can do right now is take our time.”

“And get all the information we can from Heero once he's able to speak to us,” Wufei added. There was no greater source of information at the moment.

“Exactly. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be with him soon?” she inquired.

Wufei glanced at his watched realising the time, “Yes, I'll be relieving John soon,” he pushed himself off the wall making his way down the hall, “I'll keep in touch.”

“I want to know the moment he's speaking about what happened,” she told him firmly.

“Understood. You'll be the first one I call,” the conversation ended at that, and Wufei slipped his phone back into his pocket coming to a stop outside Heero's door. He wasted no time unlocking it and walking in. His onyx eyes landed on Heero first before quickly sweeping the room to see John. The old doctor was rising from his seat, somewhat stiffly, and he held in his hand a thick folder.

“You're early today,” John winced as he stretched his body.

“I'm usually up around now,” he responded with a shrug stepping over to Heero's bedside, “How's he been?”

“He woke briefly,” the old doctor came to a stop opposite where Wufei was standing.

“Did he say anything?” Wufei was quick to ask back.

John lay the folder down on the edge of Heero's bed with a sigh, “Nothing much, only that it had been over three months since this started for him.”

The former pilot looked down at this friend trying to imagine just what it would be like to lose three months. And to come too knowing you had far more ahead of you before you were back to where you had been. Having never been in a situation even close, Wufei had nothing to compare with it. Shaking his head slowly Wufei's eyes moved away from Heero to the folder John was once more holding, “What's that?” he asked curiously.

John pulled it away from him glancing down at it briefly before looking to Wufei, “Something Sally and Une put together for me.”

“About us,” he nodded, not surprised that they had seen fit to fill John in on everything. Wufei stepped around the bed, in the silence moving closer to where John was standing, “You should go home, get some sleep.”

The old doctor nodded his head, slowly making his way towards the door, but he halted suddenly, turning back. “Would you say Heero branding himself was odd?” the question came out of nowhere, and Wufei found himself repeating it in his mind wondering if he had heard correctly.

“Yes,” he answered finally, “Why do you ask?”

“Earlier today Sally and I found the brand of a phoenix”

“That's the mark of the Inner Circle,” Wufei realised immediately, Heero had been more than clear about that in the information that he had left them. “They mark themselves on the chest, Heero doesn't have one there.”

“It's on his back, left shoulder blade to be exact,” John confirmed.

Wufei looked thoughtfully down at his sleeping friend, “If it's supposed to be on his chest, what explanation is there for it being on his back?” he mused aloud.

“I was hoping you might be able to tell me that,” John returned, his eyes resting heavily on Heero's prone form.

“There's a problem there,” the Chinese man informer quickly, “The Inner Circle don't keep any computer records, that's what makes them so hard to track.” His hand ran absently along the rail of the hospital bed, as his mind turned over his minimal options, “I can have someone conduct a search, but I wouldn't expect any results.”

John nodded his head in understanding, taking another step towards the door before he was yet again halted by something. “If he should wake today, I don't think you should mention it to him,” John spoke softly a rather protective light glinting in his eyes.

Something in Wufei jumped out against this immediately, Heero had lived through so much in his life, why hide this from him now? Especially considering he might be the only one who could shed light on how it happened. “I really don't think you need to worry,” he reasoned trying not to sound offended.

“I highly doubt the experience was a pleasant one for him,” John returned, nothing in his voice or expression changing. “And if he isn't aware of it now, why not leave it for another day, just because the scars on the outsides of all your bodies are something you don't think about. Doesn't mean the ones they leave internally don't still hurt,” his hand gripped the folder a little tighter to him as he spoke.

Wufei stared at this man in silence, sizing him up for the first time, trying to see what it was that set this man apart from all the rest. What was it about him that allowed Heero to trust and relax so quickly? Wufei was positive it had not just been the condition his friend had been in at the time, although that may have been part of it. But there was still something about John that made him different, he saw things differently Wufei thought. And somehow managed to understand them when the rest of the world couldn't bother too. He had accepted Heero from the very beginning despite the fact that all he knew about him was bad, and somewhere along the way he had developed a fierce protectiveness for Heero.

These were all things Wufei admired, and despite the fact he didn't fully agree with John's suggestion, he was still willing to take the old man's advice. Especially considering how close to home it had managed to strike. They all had their demons, and for the most part each could be traced back to a physical scar, something they barely thought of any more. Yet it still managed to ache deep within them, a continued reminder of something they'd rather forget. He nodded his head in agreement not feeling the need for words. John seemed satisfied with this, turning then to finally leave the room, and return to his home.

WMWMWMW

Relena lowered herself slowly onto the edge of Heero's bed brushing some of his still damp hair from his face. She had just finished washing his hair with Wufei's help, she felt helpless in the face of all the injuries that Heero had to recover from. She knew clean hair didn't really make that much of a difference, but at least it allowed her to feel useful while Heero continued to sleep. Thanks to John's careful method Heero was now completely off the drug, and not suffering from any of the withdrawal, still he continued to sleep for most of the day. John had told her he had awoken a few times during the night, and Wufei had mentioned of once during the day. He was never awake for very long, as he continued to gather his strength, but Relena couldn't help but feel disappointed that she had not been there at any of those times.

She so desperately wanted to speak to him, despite the fact she was not at all sure what she'd say. Relena only hoped in the moment that his cobalt eyes opened the words would come to her, and she could take the first step towards mending the rift between them. It was difficult to be patient. She felt as though she needed to be pacing the room, until a groove had been worn into the cold tiles. Yet somehow Relena managed to remain seated at Heero's side her fingers trailing through his unruly hair as he slept on, oblivious.

Wufei continued his job of watching over the injured pilot during the day, but had opted to give Relena a little privacy, by taking up watch in the room next door. Relena knew there were camera's in this room feeding a live link right to where Wufei would be sitting. However she also had faith that the Chinese man would have enough respect not to watch, or if he did, at least not to speak about what he had seen to the others. It had been Heero's choice in the beginning to keep their relationship a secret even from the other pilots, though they both knew from the start that there was no way the others didn't already know. Relena hadn't cared so long as she had been with Heero, and he had been happy.

Relena brushed as her eyes suddenly, thoughts of the past were difficult still to think about, as they always brought her back to that day. It had started it all, and there was no way for her to change any of that now. That was the most difficult part to live with, to know that no matter what she did now, those three years had happened. She sighed continuing to wipe at the tears that refused to stop. Her eyes were closed when she felt a hand brush against her leg ever so gently.

“No...tears…” a tired voice whispered.

Her eyes flew opened to see Heero watching her, he looked exhausted, but she thought he would for some time. Nevertheless, he was awake and looking directly at her, his eyes though tired were still clear and gorgeous. “I'm sorry,” she laughed somewhat nervously scrubbing the last tears away.

“That's my line,” Heero told her his eyes intense. Silence fell between them, as both looked deep into each others eyes. The words weren't coming Relena realised desperately, she didn't know what to say, what she could possibly offer to him?

WMWMWMW

Heero had found much to his surprise and relief that waking to see Relena sitting over him had been far easier than he remembered it being when John had been there. He still felt exhausted, but at the same time as though his strength was returning at least what of it that he had when they had hated him. He found himself wondering what all had really happened during the time he was out, but he hadn't had a chance to ask, and now was not the time. The pain he remembered upon waking before seemed a great deal less, and for the first time in a long time the lights were not stabbing daggers of pain into his brain.

He studied Relena's features in the hanging silence, noting the unshed tears that still stood out on the edges of her eyes. And he found himself wanting to brush them away, but he could not move. As though she had read his thoughts Relena scrubbed the last of her tears away and offered him a shaky smile, “How are you feeling?” she asked, voice little more than a whisper.

There was a question that Heero knew he was going to be hearing a lot as time went on, and his tolerance for answering it were going to steadily drop as that time went by. As it was he wasn't even sure how he should respond…how did he feel? Tired was the first thing to come to mind, but saying that might make her leave, something Heero didn't want. “Like death…” he told her after a moment, his lips quirking up just a little. She smiled a little at that her eyes dropping away from his face.

“Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?” she rung her hand together in her lap, eyes looking off towards the far side of the room.

Heero's first thought was to say `Just you' but something stopped him before the words could become anything more than a fleeting thought. He tried to think of what had stopped him, he should feel no hesitation while around her. This was the moment he had been waiting for all these years, to be back with the woman that he loved. So why now was he holding himself back? What part of his mind was trying to protect him? As he thought this over Heero found his eyes staring at her slowly moving hands, and something appeared out of place to his eyes, but he couldn't think what.

It hit him suddenly, like a jolt of lightning, the ring finger of her left hand was bare. Heero felt as though he had been punched, how could he have forgot something like this? Luc had proposed to her, she had found herself in another man. Sighing loudly Heero looked up to her face, finding Relena's worried eyes on him, “You don't wear his…ring?” the words sounded hallow to his ears.

Relena blinked her face becoming perplexed, “Whose ring?”

“Luc's,” he could still remember clearly the scene just before he had shut the computer. That had been the end of it all, the moment he had lost the fight for the peace, that moment had made his capture so much easier.

She stared at him, in what appeared to be disbelief, “What are you talking about?” Heero felt that although she made it a question, she knew exactly what he was talking about.

“He proposed,” He stole you away from me he added silently to himself, his eyes falling almost completely closed. He did not want to lose himself in the darkness as hidden there was a clear memory of that very moment.

Relena gasped, and all Heero could think was that despite everything she still had not been expecting this, “How?” she breathed “Did Luc tell you that?”

“I saw it…”

“Where?” Relena looked and sounded very concerned, which wasn't helping the way Heero was feeling at the moment.

He opened his eyes a little wider, and turned his head so he could focus in on the small camera in the far corner of the room. Relena followed his gaze, but when she looked back to him it was clear she didn't understand what he was trying to say. Heero drew a slow breath, trying to gather a little more strength, “There was a camera in the room…that he proposed…in.”

Silence took the room as Relena fully took in what that meant, “You say that…” there was a great well of sadness in her voice at those words. But suddenly her eyes opened wider, and there was a little of the brightness and life he remembered, “You didn't watch to the end?”

Heero shuddered involuntarily, “Couldn't risk it.”

Relena suddenly took hold of his right hand with both of hers, “I'm so sorry you had to see that Heero, but I refused him. I could never love Luc…” she trailed off and it felt to Heero as there was more she wanted to say but at this time could not say it.

He stared up at her trying to reset his thinking from the moment he had witnessed the proposal. All hope was not gone, she was here and he was no longer hated. But he could still feel a huge gap between them, something that would not be easy to cross.

WMWMWMW

It became painfully obvious to Relena, as she was sure it did for Heero, that nothing was going to go back to the way it was. At least not as quickly as they had both hoped, the pieces were just too small and scattered to simply pick up and put back together. Relena almost thought their only hope was to wipe the slate clean and start new. But she couldn't bring herself to do that, she wanted very much to see both their actions draw them together as stronger people. It was going to take a great deal of time, that was for sure. More time than she had originally been expecting, then again before now she had only been able to imagine. Everything was finallycrashing home now.

Opening her eyes, Relena turned her gaze over to Heero, only to find his eyes now closed, and he looked to her as though he was asleep. She sighed, regretting that their conversation had ended there, and she had not been willing to say more to him. She wondered at how he had come to see that proposal, and why if he checked in on them thought the camera, did his timing have to be so bad.

A soft knock on the door as it slid opened alerted Relena to the presence of another, and she forced herself to tear her gaze off of Heero to look up at Duo. She offered her bodyguard a wan smile, as her hand reached up to absently brush away a tear threatening to fall. Duo looked apprehensive as he just stood on the threshold, his eyes continuing to flicker from her to Heero. She felt for him, felt for all of them, but progress would be made in time, and all any of them could do now was wait. Reluctantly she got up from the bed and walked over to Duo, but she couldn't leave the room without looking Heero over one last time. She would wait not matter the length of time until everything was right once more.

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To Say “I'm Sorry”:

Heero couldn't tell for sure how long this went on, but as the time slipped away Zechs seemed to become more agitated. He began to mutter harshly under his breath, and though he was clearly attempting to keep his voice down, stray words found their way to Heero's ears. “…Sorry?” it was thrown out there with a dry laugh, and Heero could almost feel Zechs shaking his head as he said it. “…Won't help…” he continued as he worked away at that one poor strip of floor. Heero wondered how long this would continue, he could feel Zechs' discomfort, but he still lacked the motivation to open his eyes and say something. He felt fairly sure that it was the fact that his eyes were closed that had Zechs in here at all.

Finally Zechs dropped himself down in the chair that sat near to the bed, and it sounded to Heero like Zechs pulled both hands through his long hair with a frustrated sigh. “Why can't I find the words?” he asked into the silence. Heero hear him sit back, and could feel his heavy gaze sweeping over him. “We've fought together many times,” Zechs mused softly, “You get a real feel for the way a man thinks when you watch him fight. But there are just some things that can't be learned that way…” the last was a whisper.

“I'm sure you felt that way, when I took on the earth with White Fang,” he paused for a moment, sitting forward suddenly. “What's so different about these two situations? It looked to the whole world like I had betrayed them, that I would go to the extreme length to end the war. Hell the world was almost destroyed if it hadn't been for you…” Zechs trailed off and silence reclaimed the room.

“Look at me, I turned my back on the earth, threatened to destroy it, and they make me king,” his words were clearly disgusted. “Why couldn't I see? Why did I let myself be blinded by rage?” frustration permeated his voice as he spoke shaking his head, “I didn't even bother to leave hints so people would know what I was trying to do, I hadn't cared.”

“You left us those hints, and we couldn't even bother to see them. I hated you the moment I found out, and it only strengthened when I was forced to tell Relena.” Heero found himself flinching at that thought, and he hoped Zechs had not noticed. “And then when I got you out…” Heero thought he heard Zechs shudder, “I just stopped thinking, I was drowning in my rage, and I reacted.” The sound of his knuckles popping reached Heero's ears, as Zechs clenched both fists. “That doesn't excuse it I know, I'm not trying to excuse it…I'm…I……Damnit!” Zechs was on his feet again pacing the room, “Why can't I find the words?”

Morganeth Taren'drel