Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Mistaken Words ❯ The Calm before the Storm ( Chapter 44 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Mistaken Words

Disclaimer: Once again from one chapter to the next nothing has changed, I'm still working, and hold no rights of ownership to Gundam Wing.

The Calm before the Storm

Relena strode off the elevator with her steps light and a smile on her face. she hadn't felt this good in a long time, not since before the assassination attempt. Sure people had believed she had been happy and content with her life, moving in a forward direction, but that had just been the news media. They only saw what she wanted them to see, she had acted, performing well enough to earn herself an award. Still it had only been a façade. Those who really knew her, saw her off camera and stood by her threw the last three years they had known differently.

She smiled to herself feeling a spark of excitement quiver within her, Relena always felt that way when she made her way to Heero's room. Even now a part of her found it hard to believe that he was there alive, and still loved her. There were times when it didn't seem real or possible, those thoughts mostly came in the night or early morning hours when her mind—still half asleep—remember the loneliness. Days like those Relena practically rushed to Heero's room, to prove to herself that it was as she had left it. That Heero waited for her as she had always dreamed he would.

She felt like they had been making real progress in rebuilding their relationship these last few weeks. There had been awkward silences Relena didn't think she could cross, and Heero at times seemed bothered by something Relena couldn't understand. But despite all that they had moved closer to where they had been, she felt fairly sure Ash had helped a lot with easing relations. So much so that Relena had been sorry to see the man go, she held no animosity towards him for what had happened in the past. Seeing closer how Heero reacted with Ash it amazed her that he had found such a friend.

Coming to a stop close to Heero's door Relena smiled warmly at John as he walked from that very room. “Good afternoon John,” she greeted studying the doctor's expression carefully, hoping to gleam from him what Heero's mood might be like.

“Relena,” he smiled down at her with a fatherly air about him, “Heero will be glad to see you.”

“I hope so,” she glanced towards the door, “How has he been?”

John's eyes also turned to study the door, “Ash's been gone for five days, and Heero's moods been getting darker.” He returned his attention to Relena offering her another smile, “I don't think he realises what the problem is, but I'm sure you'll be able to help.”

“Does Ash know?” she chuckled softly imagining his face if he had heard the news.

“I called him yesterday,” John confirmed, “He was quite surprised, haven't mentioned anything to Heero.”

“That's probably for the best, has he eaten today?” she inquired feeling concerned about how thin Heero still was. Relena knew it was going to take time for Heero's body to put on the weight he had lost, but she had thought by now there should have been some change.

John nodded his head, “He's removed his IV so I've been giving him water and a food supplement, it seems to be going over relatively well. I'll be bringing him something more in a few hours.”

“Alright, I thought I might try and distract him,” one of John's eyebrows raised, “With a movie,” Relena quickly finished laughing.

“Ah…” John said smiling, “Well I'll leave you to that, I'll be right next door if you need anything.”

“Thanks John,” Relena watched the old doctor walk the few steps it took to bring him to the next door and disappear inside, before she knocked on Heero's. She waited only a moment before punching in the code and walking into the room. Heero's expression before he looked over appeared disgruntled which wasn't all that unusual, but as his eyes turned to see her his expression relaxed.

“Relena…” she felt a shiver run down her spine, thousands of time she heard people say her name, but no one could say it like Heero.

“Heero,” she returned with a wide smile, “Happy to see me?”

“Very,” he told her his own lips turning up slightly an expression very rare for Heero.

“Good,” Relena continued taking a seat on the edge of Heero's bed, “I thought we might be able to relax and watch a movie.”

Heero's body relaxed further at that suggestion, and Relena thought she could guess why. Sitting together watching a movie meant no chance of awkward moments or conversations, allowing them to simply be together and enjoy all that that meant. They had had few difficult moments over the last few weeks and Relena hoped very much that they'd continue to have less as time went on. Opening the laptop up Relena placed the data disc she had brought with her one the table and waited for the computer to come out of hibernation.

Relena took a moment to look Heero over as they waited. his eyes were on the computer screen, giving her the perfect moment. His dark eyes looked tired to Relena, it was a tired she knew all too well, it was a tired where your brain refused to shut down. She wondered how long he had been like this, it was doubtful in the mood John had described to her that Heero would have accepted something to help him sleep. She had become accustom to how Heero looked a while back, and though she longed to see him strong and on his feet, he still looked gorgeous to her.

Blinking suddenly, Relena realised Heero was watching her, and probably had been for a little while now. Smiling at him Relena felt a blush creep onto her cheeks as she turned to slip the data disc into the computer. Through the corner of her eye Relena watched Heero shift on the bed moving towards the far right of the bed to give her room. Excitement shook within her as she looked over to Heero once more, this was more than she had even allowed herself to hope for. Relena selected one of the files on the disc before slipping her shoes off so she could stretch out on the bed beside Heero. The former pilot laid his left arm out behind her and she settled herself against him feeling as though this was a dream.

“I hope this is something you can enjoy,” she said to him softly, “At the very least you can keep track of the inaccuracies.”

He looked directly at her, their faces very close to each other now, “It'll be fine,” he assured his left hand curling up on the side of her hip.

Relena smiled at that settling a little closer to Heero resting her hand lightly on his side, she was concerned about hurting him, but the gentle squeeze he gave to her hip told her it was alright. Settling onto the bed and resting her head on the pillow Relena turned her attention to the movie which was starting, it was an action-packed movie with a good story line and just the right amount of romance, something she thought Heero could enjoy. She doubted Heero would be able to lose himself in the storyline like she could, but she hoped it would prove a nice distraction for him, something to take his mind off all the dark thoughts she could see hinted in his eyes.

When they had been together over three years back they had watched some movies together, but Relena had never been sure if Heero enjoyed them or was just humouring her. Even if he was those moments had been ones she'd greatly cherished. This felt to her like the first real moment back where they had been, and she couldn't help but close her eyes for a brief second savouring it. As though in response Relena could feel Heero relax into the bed and almost without thought the fingers on his left hand began to move across her skin gently. Had she been able to hug him tightly then without causing him extreme pain Relena knew her arms would have been around him without hesitation.

Relena found her attention flickering from Heero to the movie to random thoughts she couldn't keep from tossing through her head. She remembered the first time she had read in a magazine that her favourite movies were the fluffy girly ones, with no true plot. It had struck her as very odd considering the fact she had never said that and never would, she didn't hate that sort of movie rather she liked them to watch after a particularly stressful day. They were something she could just shut her mind down for there was no reason or need to think. What Relena really preferred was some action, suspense with a little romance, she wasn't surprised people assumed she preferred the girly ones, it just seemed to fit, but she liked to surprise people every now and again.

Her attention was drawn back to the present when she heard Heero snort in derision at a gun fight that was going on, looking up at him Relena saw him to be slowly shaking his head. “He should have reloaded twice by now,” he explained blinking several times as he spoke as though he were beginning to really feel his exhaustion.

Smiling brightly Relena laughed softly, “I knew you'd notice that,” she caught him looking down at her, and smiled a little wider. “Yes I knew that was in there when I decided to show it to you, I believe Wufei was the first to point it out,” over the years she had received some instruction from each pilot on self defence and weaponry. She had done her best to retain everything they told her, knowing that one day in a tight situation it might be what saves her life.

Returning their attention to the movie Relena was finally able to focus her mind on the story line unfolding before her. As she was lying with Heero Relena felt like she could lose herself for the first time in a long time, just feeling Heero beside her his chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. She wasn't entirely sure at what point in the movie Relena began to notice just how deep and even his breaths had become. With careful movements Relena looked over to Heero finding his head resting towards her his eyes closed and his face relaxed almost peaceful. Shock swept over her at realising Heero was asleep right next to her.

This wasn't the first time she had witnessed such a thing, but this different. On several occasions Relena had woke in her room to find Heero sleeping on the couch, but she had known, if she so much as raised her head to get a better look at the former pilot, Heero would have been on his feet. They were all light sleepers, had to be during the war, and such habits were hard to break. Relena had wondered on several occasions how Duo and Hilde managed it. Shifting carefully Relena wasn't all that surprised when Heero didn't rouse, he had been so tired, she was just grateful he was getting some rest.

A soft almost inaudible knock on the door alerted Relena but didn't even appear to reach Heero. Looking over Relena watched as John quietly stepped into the room a small object held in his right hand. He crossed the room on nearly silent feet coming to a halt at the foot of the bed, he smiled at her warmly taking hold of the small silver item with both hands. “I hope you don't mind…” he half asked raising the digital camera before him.

Relena smiled brightly at the thought, carefully settling her head back to where it had been, “So long as I get a copy.”

“That can definitely be arranged,” he agreed with a large smile of his own.

Relena shifted on the bed a little still careful not to disturb Heero from his sleep, she turned her head towards him studying his features while relaxing her own. This close Relena all but forgot John was even standing there, she hadn't really taken a chance to look at him closely since he had come back to them. His face though still gaunt had filled out a little, returning slowly to what she remembered, chiselled features covered in slightly tanned skin. He was paler than normal but that was to be expected for how long he had been closed up inside. Relena took careful note of the two new scars that marred Heero's otherwise untouched face, as surprising fact considering all the battles he had been in.

She reached out to lightly touch his unruly hair, attempting to remove it from his eyes, Relena didn't try and neaten it, she liked it messy, she just felt it was getting a little long. It had been exceptionally long when he had been brought in, but at some point it had been cut short again, it was beginning to look like it needed to be trimmed. He looked so peaceful laying there, each breath brushing warmly across her skin.

“He's really been needing this,” John said softly as he lowered himself in the chair beside Heero's bed putting himself in Relena's line of sight.

“He's been pushing himself?” it wasn't really a question, Relena knew Heero well enough to know that's exactly what he had been doing. He was always pushing himself harder, never more so when in a position like this, where he wanted nothing other than to be standing on his own two feet.

John's expression twitched into a smile, though one that didn't really reach his eyes, “For his own good Heero's going to have to learn patience.”

“Good luck teaching him,” Relena laughed very softly.

“I'm sure you could, given enough time,” John told her with a sly smile that caused Relena to blush. A slow smile took her feature then as she turned her gaze to study Heero's sleeping face, she wanted to kiss him but feared it might wake him. “Heero asked me a rather odd question a while back,” John broke the silence suddenly, drawing Relena's eyes back to him.

“Oh?” she asked curiosity peeked.

“He wanted to know why I was here,” John sifted on his seat a little, and Relena felt a cold shiver run down her back clearly remembering a conversation which revolved around a similar question. “I answered him as best I could,” the old doctor continued, “But I could tell it wasn't what he was looking for.” Relena brushed her fingers lightly through Heero's hair, they had worked hard to move forward from that moment, and none of it had been easy. “I figured the sudden question had been brought on by a visit from you…”

Relena didn't look at John, she wasn't surprised he had come to that conclusion. That day hadn't been the only one Relena couldn't understand why—when all they wanted was to be back together—they kept hurting each other. “He asked me the same question…” she whispered finally still not looking at John. “He accused me of being here just because I felt obligated too…” slowly she looked up at the old doctor finding an understanding expression on his face.

“What did you tell him?” John prompted leaning forward in his seat.

Sighing at the memory, she wished there had been a better way of answering his question, of reassuring him despite the fact that reassuring Heero seemed so crazy. “I…told him it wasn't a fair question…” she began slowly gently running her fingers through his bangs again. “I'm not here because I have to be, but I still feel guilt for all that's happened,” there was so much she wanted to tell him, to make him understand, “I don't think he can see the difference.”

“It is a very fine line,” John agreed, “And considering he's having to deal with guilt and apologies almost every time someone walks through the door, I think we can hardly blame him…”

“I don't blame him,” Relena answered quickly intent gaze turning to John, she wanted that to be clear, “I don't.” she chewed at her lip, trying to find the words she had been struggling with when she had discussed this with Heero, “I…love him…” it shouldn't have been hard for her to say, she had felt it for a long time, had told Heero on many occasions, but it had never been said to anyone else. The pilots and her brother had all known, but it had never been a topic of conversation, at least not while she was around. It felt good to say it to someone other than Heero, to see a warm smile touch the old doctor's features as he looked at the two of them.

It surprised Relena at how comfortable she felt laying here talking to John—of all people—about Heero and her. It had been a long time since she had felt comfortable even bringing Heero up in conversation. And if almost felt like a floodgate had opened, there was so much she wanted to say, she hadn't even really realised all she had been holding back. But could she speak with John on a subject she hadn't with anyone else? In the fatherly way John smiled at her, and that open understanding light in his eyes told Relena she could. And with Heero continuing to sleep beside her it wasn't like she was about to go anywhere right away.

“I think it's safe to say that your relationship with Heero, as been anything but normal,” John eased the silence, while leaving her an opening.

Relena chuckled dryly at that, memories flashing before her eyes of so many moments shared with Heero, either together with him—which hadn't been saying very much—or staring down the barrel of his gun. “There were so many moments, around the time I first met him that I thought I was in a movie. But then a battle would break out or I'd be staring down the barrel of Heero's gun…” she shook her head.

John gave a little start at that, “He pulled his gun on you, and you weren't scared off?”

“I was an idealist,” her fingers played with the blankets that covered Heero, “Still am I know, but I'd like to think I've gain a little more sense through experience.” Through the corner of her eyes Relena caught John nodding his head in agreement, “I just saw something in his eyes that wouldn't let me walk away.”

“I know exactly what you mean there,” John nodded his head quickly, leaving Relena to only imagine what he had seen in Heero's eyes when he had first walked into that room.

Relena's expression became darker then as her blue eyes studied Heero's sleeping face, “I sometimes find myself wondering why he puts up with me. I was just a spoiled little girl following him around back then, he was a soldier fighting for a cause. I just wanted to see the fighting ended, I must have stepped in his way more than once.”

“He puts up with you because he loves you.” the old doctor told her firmly.

“You know he's never said it to me,” she said sadly, “I know it's something that wouldn't be easy for him, but I thought we had been making progress that I might actually be able to hear those words.”

“Relena…” John spoke her name gently but the young woman just shook her head.

“I know it shouldn't matter, he expresses so much more with actions that words could ever do…”

“He had given up!” it was John's turn to cut in leaning close to her his brown eyes intent upon her face. “That day you and Wufei came to see him, he had given up, it was hearing you that brought him back.” He settled back a little then an understanding smile warming his face, “I understand this isn't easy, for either of you, but it's coming I can already see the difference.”

Relena rested her head next to Heero's letting her whole body relax, it was true, she could see the changes herself. But they were overshadowed by the tension and distance between them, she wanted at all times to feel relaxed with Heero, to be able to wined down after a long day by listening to the sound of his heart. With how they were now Relena couldn't help but wonder if that could be just around the corner.

WMWMWMW

John relaxed back in his chair, the warm sunlight falling across his neck and shoulders as he watched Heero silently. The boy was working diligently on his laptop, face focused intently on the screen, Heero's stubborn nature never ceased to amaze John. It was the last day of June, and the old doctor finally felt Heero might be ready to make the next step on the road to his recovery. Over the past few weeks Heero had been working at regaining strength and control in his limbs, through games of chess, working on the laptop, and Trowa coming in to see him during the night. John watched as Heero bent his right knee a little drawing the leg off the bed before relaxing it and without thought moving to the next.

He had been going back and forth like that for a while now, and as pleased as John was to see the progress being made, he couldn't help but be concerned as well. Heero was determined, most definitely to a fault, and John doubted the boy would be willing to give his muscles the necessary time to rest. John could understand Heero's want and need to be back on his feet, and now that he was finally seeing some progress he'd only want to work harder. Still John was concerned, what Heero was continuing to do was just the first step, it was going to take a lot of hard work to get Heero back on his feet. And John had been thinking for a while he was in way over his head, he was no physical therapist, but he was positive Heero was going to need one.

Heero paused in his work to look John's way, a questioning eyebrow raised, the old doctor merely smiled, “Not leaving until you finish your meal.” He doubted such a threat would get any sort of results in fact it could keep him sitting here for the rest of the day. For his part the boy rolled his eyes before returning them to the screen.

So John continued to study the boy, he wasn't in a rush to leave the room, there was nowhere he really had to be at the moment. Heero paused in his work again, a barely audible sigh escaping him as he slowly worked his right arm. John was surprised Heero had gone this long, his arms had to be aching from holding them as he did to type. The Japanese boy switched his focus to his left arm then, and John watched as Heero carefully moved it, “Is that arm very sore right now?” It shouldn't have been giving him more problems than his right, it had sustained less injury.

“Old injury,” Heero answered glancing towards John, as he massaged the shoulder, “Lost some movement in the shoulder.”

John knew what injury Heero was speaking about now, he had seen the large scar that marred Heero's shoulders. As he understood it Heero had received that injury when he had self destructed his Gundam. And if he remembered correctly Trowa had been the one to work Heero back onto his feet. The situation had not been ideal at the time, and it was no surprise Heero had lost movement in the joint due to the injury. Being reminded of this John was all that much more determined not to see that sort of thing happen again, he wanted Heero back to one hundred percent, whatever that was before all this happened.

Having come to a sudden decision one he had been considering for some time John stood from his chair. He wanted to get Sally's opinion on the matter before he set anything into motion, she still knew Heero better than John did, so for the moment she'd be the best judge. Walking across the room John could feel Heero's eyes upon him and through the corner of one brown eye John thought he saw the boy smirk. So he thought he won had he? “I hope you have that finished before I get back, or I may just have to have Wufei hold you down,” John smiled then at the dark expression Heero sent his way, but he could see there was no real heat behind it.

Striding from the room John made his way out of the pilot's wing of the agency, and headed for the medical wing, positive Sally would be found in her office at this time of the day. He smiled at everyone he passed finally feeling more like himself now that Heero was well and truly on the mend, and there was less tension from the people around him. He knew his wife was relieved, it had hurt him to cause her concern, but he wasn't in a position to tell her. He knew she would continue to be understanding about it. John wondered if there would ever come a time where he could tell his wife about who he had been caring for, he hoped so.

John walked calmly into Sally's clinic eyes glancing over the few patients sitting in the waiting room before smiling up at the receptionist. “Would you mind letting Sally know I'd like a few moments of her time?” he asked leaning a hand on the desk.

“Sure John,” Sarah nodded with a smile, “Go right on in, she shouldn't be too long.”

Returning the smile John walked on passed and made his way down the door lined hall to Sally's office. Once inside John took a seat in front of her desk and waited, unsure how long it would be until Sally got to him, John reach out for a medical journal resting on the wooden desk. Flipping through it without really seeing anything of interest the old doctor sighed before his eyes randomly caught sight of a familiar name. Brodie Marks, the surgeon who had repaired the damage to Heero's left hand, had recently seen to the needs of a rising pianist who had been in a near fatal car accident. John's right eyebrow raised when he read the list of injuries focusing especially on the man's impaled right hand, and injury nearly identical to Heero's. For a brief second John had almost thought Brodie had been speaking about Heero, just choosing to fill in the blanks with information he liked.

“John,” Sally's voice broke the silence of the office, “What brings you down here?” she walked around the desk to her chair and settled back. She had relaxed quite a bit over the last few weeks, seeming more like her normal self. relaxed her eyes no longer flashing with guilt every odd moment.

John closed the magazine tossing lightly back onto the desk, where Sally stopped it's momentum with her hand. “I actually wanted your opinion on something,” he said running a hand across his jaw.

“Oh? Opinion on what?” she looked pleased though she had to have known it involved Heero in some way, that pleased John.

“Heero's getting to the point now where I think it's time to bring in a physical therapist to help with his recovery.”

Sally's eyes widened at that, “I hadn't even thought that far ahead.”

“Well it's no longer far now, I have no training in that area, and I don't want to see Heero lose any mobility because of this,” John explained.

“I understand what you're saying John,” Sally agreed quickly, though there was an obvious `but' in her tone. “But I just don't see it working out, a therapist is going to have to get close to him, forget for a moment the world needs to think he's dead. A therapist is going to have to touch him work with him, know his weakness…” she shook her head in all seriousness, “I doubt he'll be for it.”

“So you think he'll sacrifice his mobility to defend his pride?” John fired back, incredulous.

“He won't see it that way, he's a soldier John, has been his entire life. Acknowledging weakness is something very hard for them,” she smiled a little then, “Why do you think I have to fight tooth and nail to get them to accept any treatment.”

“I won't sit by and let him ruin his chances at a full recovery,” John told her vehemently.

“I understand,” she placated, “You've been thinking about this for a while now?”

“Off and on, I've got someone in mind, she incredibly talented and trustworthy,” he had known Lauren for many years had watched her work with many of his patience and had always been pleased with the results.

“Can she handle a pilot?” Sally asked then.

John smiled a little at that, “She used to butting heads with both stubborn patients and the parents of. I'm sure Heero will be more of a challenge but I think she's up to it, and he couldn't possibly be in better hands.”

“I'll admit I don't see this working, but what choice do we really have?” she leaned forward on her desk, “Have you thought about what you're going to say to Heero?”

“A little,” John responded, “I don't really want to give him too much time to argue with me about it.”

Sally sucked in a breath, “I hope you know what you're doing,” John just smiled at that, “So who do you have in mind?”

John smiled, he knew sparks would fly because of this even if Heero wasn't the boy he was, “Lauren Stokes.”

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Heero shook his head, none of this mattered, none of this was John's concern, he would make it back on his own terms as he always had, “No,” he growled the word out as an end to the conversation, but John was far from through.

He folded his arms across his chest with a shake of his own head, “The only answer here is yes,” he stated as though it was the only fact important to the world. “I understand you're lack of trust in someone you've never met, but Leon's the best there is--”

“Trust has nothing to do with it,” Heero ground out, it wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't at the true heart of the matter. He wasn't in control, and that was a place Heero felt he needed to be no matter what.

“Heero I don't want to sit by and watch you lose movement like you did in your shoulder, not when there's something I can do to prevent it,” there was a note of finality to John's voice then.

Briefly Heero considered his shoulder, it was something he hardly ever thought about anymore, at the time there had been nothing they could have done differently. Why wish for something you couldn't change? He had simply worked at getting as strong as he could, and learned in the process how to compensate for the lost movement. “Why do you care so much!” he demanded then, knowing he had asked a similar question of the old doctor not too long ago, this time he was searching for a different answer.

John appeared slightly taken aback by that question, a flash of hurt racing across his eyes before he managed to hide it again. “Isn't it obvious Heero?” John asked back in a quiet gentle voice, that betrayed a little of the hurt he felt. Heero held firm to his anger, not wanting to let himself feel regret over this, in the end it had to be his choice, no one would run his life. “I'm going to see you get better no matter what it takes,” he said firmly as though reaffirming his resolution in his own mind, but it did nothing to change Heero's way of thinking.

“It's not your decision to make,” Heero said, desperately wanting to be on his feet and closer to eye level with the old doctor.

“It is this time,” John folded his arms as though that should have ended it all.

“Why!” Heero's hand gripped his gun until it hurt, but the pain proved an outlet to his anger.

“Sometimes Heero, parents do what they feel is best for their children,” John explained his voice becoming gentle again, as he lowered himself to the edge of the bed, “Despite what their children want.” It was so matter of fact, and so straight to the point that Heero felt stunned, it was the last answer he had expected to receive.

He didn't honestly know what to say to something like that, he was not at all familiar with the definition of parents. He knew there was something fundamentally different between parents and guardians, which he knew he had had a few of over the years. But that didn't help him to know how to deal with this. A part of him wanted to flare up at the statement, what difference could that make? John feeling like a father to him? It shouldn't have mattered to Heero at all, but somehow it did. The more rational side of his mind told Heero, he couldn't disregard what he didn't fully understand. Still at the same time he was no less eager to let that physical therapist near him.

Morganeth Taren'drel