Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Mistaken Words ❯ A Deeply Hidden Fear ( Chapter 60 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Mistaken Words

AN: At the suggestion of neekabe and a few of my readers, I've decided to post this chapter before I get any others. I'm still planning on giving you a double chapter before long, it's just a matter of I'm not sure when the next chapter is going to be ready and I hate to make all of you wait.

A huge thank you to my editors! Morgansgirl Pious Knight and Featherbird couldn't do it without you!

fdgbrig: Thank you again for the review! I hope you continue to enjoy this story, and I'll do my best to keep it up to date for you. I'm not sure how long it will be for the next chapter but hopefully I'll be able to post a double. Until then, thanks again!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, and make no money from this.

A Deeply Hidden Fear

Heero drew in a deep breath, sweat dripping down his face from the hardcore warm-up Jay had just put them through. He felt one hundred percent better than he had on the weekend. He had started feeling better by Sunday but noticed a marked difference on Monday; he had an appetite again. His head still hurt behind his right eye but it wasn't nearly so bad, just back to what it had been. He continued to push himself despite what Jay had said Saturday night. It was now the middle of the week and he wasn't going to stop for anything. No matter how long it took or what got in the way he did have a goal, one he wasn't going to let himself forget. He was pushing himself to be ready to take on the Inner Circle.

“Alright, get a drink if you need it,” Jay called out, and instantly conversation broke out among the students. It amazed Heero at times what all these people had to say. There seemed no end to it. He thought his silence seemed odd to them, their conversations sounded hollow when they were talking around him, it made them uncomfortable.

Within a few minutes they were all back on the mat and Jay was drawing everyone's attention back to him. “You've all worked hard these last two days, so I think it's about time we do something fun.” That sent a wave of approval through the ranks. “It's been a long time since we've worked on takedowns and holds, so pair up!”

Heero did a head count, quickly seeing that there was an even number of students present. Alan moved towards him smiling. He was the only one who didn't seem really nervous around him. Or maybe to phrase it better, wasn't so intimidated by his silence. Once everyone was set up Jay began explaining how it was going to work. It was all familiar to him, and he was comfortable enough with most of them to react without thinking. Not that he was going to let that happen again. His head was clear as he turned to face Alan, and slowly he made his move to attack, allowing the taller man to take control of him and bring him to the ground.

His body was pinned moments later. Pressure and pain in his arm kept him routed in place while Alan's knee was planted firmly on his side. It was only for a few seconds but for Heero it felt eternally longer. Held down as he was, the former pilot felt panic spark within him. He needed to be up to be away from this, but he wasn't about to struggle against the student holding him down. As it was, he was let up seconds later. He jumped to his feet, drawing in a breath that he had been unable to until now. He tried his best to shake the feeling as Alan came at him and their roles were reversed, but it nagged at him in the back of his mind.

They were each asked to do the takedown twice more, and Heero felt the panic rise each time, his body tensing as Alan held him in place. It became an internal struggle not to fight his way free, but to keep pretending like this didn't bother him at all. His heart raced as though he had run a marathon, and soon it didn't matter how much time he had outside of the holds either, the panic was always there. That frustrated him. He wanted to fight against it. He wasn't going to let this beat him, wasn't going to give into this fear, he was stronger than that, he had to be!

WMWMWMW

Jay wandered through the class watching his student's work on the takedown he had shown them a few months back. They all looked fairly comfortable with it, their movements at times a little jerky but otherwise at the very least familiar. There was always room for improvement, but Jay didn't expect perfection in just two classes, and besides that he had two new ones that he wanted to show them. As he moved back to the head of the room, preparing to halt what they were doing, Jay's eyes looked to Odin.

Alan had pinned the smaller man to the ground, a serious expression on his face. He might not have been as intimidated by Odin as some of the others but he certainly wasn't as laid back as he was normally. Odin's face was a stony mask, a darker expression than he usually wore, and Jay thought—though he was sure he had to be wrong—that he saw panic in the smaller man's eyes. Indeed it looked to him as though Odin was tightly controlling himself, his body rigid while still appearing normal. Jay felt a spark of fear hit him then. What if Odin lost control? Would he lash out at Alan?

“That's great!” Jay complemented the entire class, watching without making it too obvious as Alan let Odin back to his feet. The young man didn't relax right away, his expression still dark with his fist tightly clenched. “I have two more that I'd like to teach you if we have time today.” He pointed a hand at Odin, drawing him up to the front of the class. “They're a little more complicated than the one we just did.” He explained as he waited for his reluctant guest to join him. Jay wanted to know if what he was seeing was actually what he thought. He also thought it was safer if he were working with Odin. Yes, he had been caught off guard that other day, but he had more experience than any of his other students, and if Odin were to react he might be able to handle it, at least long enough for the young man to remember himself.

Jay tried to glance into Odin's eyes as he explained to the class what he was about to do, but as he had done on the day when Jay had touched the brand, Odin avoided his eyes. That right there told him he had not been seeing things. Subtly making sure he had Odin's attention Jay demonstrated the take down pressing Odin securely to the floor while keeping a firm hold of his wrist and the back of his neck. Jay's knee rested securely on a pressure point on the back of Odin's arm. He felt the young man tense once he was pinned and he thought Odin stopped breathing, perhaps not trusting himself to keep it normal. Jay loosened his hold a little, enough that Odin was still down but only in appearances. That didn't appear to help.

Letting Odin up, Jay watched for a brief moment as most of the class got to work. Alan, without a partner for the moment, moved towards one of the lower belts and corrected an error he had noticed. Jay ceased the opportunity, “You alright with this?” he asked softly, and watched as Odin's head jerked towards him. Surprise flashed in those eyes for only a fraction of a second before being replaced by a harsh glare. He honestly hadn't expected anyone to notice? Seemed hard to believe, Jay thought, but he wasn't going to press the issue now. He'd just keep a careful eye on Odin.

WMWMWMW

Heero pushed himself through kata after kata, and when he had worked through all he knew he started making them up. His body was tense and he fought against that, willing himself to relax. Class had been over for an hour, but he couldn't seem to shake the feeling of being held down, of not being in control. His body finally came to a stop. He was breathing hard as he straightened up and willed his body to relax. Jay's presence on the staircase had not gone unnoticed by Heero as he had worked, but he had forced himself to ignore the sensei and so long as Jay had remained where he was it hadn't been hard.

Jay stepped off the stairs, his expression serious and walked a little closer to where Heero stood breathing deeply. “You alright?” he asked after a moment, and Heero mutely nodded his head. He didn't want to talk, didn't want to think, just wanted to forget that he had ever been weak. “Do you want some dinner?” Jay inquired, following a step or so behind as Heero made his way to the change room.

“No.” He shook his head and pushed his way out of the main room. He half expected Jay to follow him in and press what ever matter he thought was the problem, but he didn't and Heero was left alone in the silence.

WMWMWMW

Jay woke late in the night, his mind sweeping from sleep to wakefulness in a matter of seconds, which was odd for him. He was the type who usually slept all the way through the night. Jay pushed himself up on one elbow and looked over to the digital clock on his nightstand. It read 2:00 am, a very strange hour for him to wake, but then this had just been a day for strange things. Odin had seemed to pull in on himself after class, hardly saying anything. Not eating any dinner before he disappeared into his room and, Jay assumed, went to sleep. He had wanted to ask Odin what was wrong, but couldn't find the right opportunity. Whatever was bothering him seemed to be as touchy a subject as that brand had been.

A sound broke the utter silence of his apartment and Jay pushed himself up completely. Was that what had woke him originally? He slid to the edge of the bed and stood up, walking out of his dark bedroom and into the dimly lit hallway. It came again. It sounded to Jay as though Odin were hitting the wall. Coming to a stop outside his guest's door Jay knocked softly. “Odin?” he asked as he slowly opened the door. The young man lay on the bed in a tangle of sheets his, limbs rigid as he almost seemed to convulse. He stepped into the room concerned and called out to the young man again, “Odin wake up!”

Odin's face was contorted in fear as he continued to struggle against some unseen enemy. Jay hesitated to reach out and touch him. He had promised to make sure he had Odin's attention from now on, but what could he do if Odin wouldn't wake? His guest's arm shot out, cracking off the nightstand painfully sending a lamp crashing to the carpet. Jay made a decision in that moment. “Wake up Odin!” he said loudly and took hold of Odin's wrist trying to keep him from hurting himself.

Odin's eyes snapped open instantly, terror clouding them as he fought violently against Jay's restraining hands. The sensei was shocked by the sheer strength Odin's small body possessed, and without warning Odin forced Jay, back breaking free of his grip. “Odin!” Jay called knowing the young man wasn't seeing him, he was just reacting on instincts. His breath was forced from him as Odin's fist collided with his side. He did his best to block but had been caught off guard as Odin slammed him against the wall, left hand grabbing a firm hold of his neck while the other pulled back.

“Odin!” Jay shouted as the fist came towards him. Odin blinked. “It's me!” his arm jerked to an immediate stop, and terror gave way to horror before a unreadable mask over took his features.

Without a word Odin released him and backed away. He dropped down onto the edge of his bed and lowered his head, interlocking his fingers behind his neck. In under a second he had rendered himself at a severe disadvantage, leaving Jay gasping for breath. His body shook as he swallowed hard and tried to think of what to do next. Slowly he reached for the wooden chair that had been knocked aside when Odin forced him back, and he sat down upon it, eyes watching, mind feeling completely blank.

They remained in that tense silence for several long moments as Jay tried to think of something to say. It had been no secret to him that something had been bothering Odin. It had seemed like the young man hadn't wanted to admit it, but there was no denying it now. Perhaps now he'd talk a little about it, give Jay some small idea what was bothering him so much. “This was brought on by class?” he asked finally, keeping his voice low, calm, feeling very much as though he were talking to a wild animal, cornered and frightened, not sure what it would do.

For his part Odin didn't react to either confirm or deny Jay's statement, but then he didn't have too. Jay knew it had, nothing else had happened in the day to warrant this. “Are you claustrophobic?” it was the first thought that had occurred to him earlier in the day. Odin slowly shook his head, not looking up. As he sat now Jay couldn't see anything of his face, which bothered him. “No,” he gave voice to Odin's answer, “But you don't like being held down…”

“Do you?”

Odin's response surprised Jay. He had not allowed himself to expect one, but it had come as a hollow question in return. “No,” he answered honestly, “But it doesn't cause me to panic either.”

The young man's head turned then just a little, enough for the faint light from the hall to glint off his dark eyes. Jay couldn't see what was in them, but he could certainly feel the glare being directed his way.

Jay contemplated his options for a brief moment. He didn't have many, and he certainly didn't want to walk away. Odin seemed all to ready to pretend like nothing had ever happened, and Jay had already seen once what that did. He didn't want to leave this as it was. He also trusted that now that Odin was fully awake he wasn't going to lash out again, at least not physically. “You've been restrained a lot over the years?” It was only really half a question. He remembered feeling the calluses on Odin's wrist, a clear sign that he had been tied down at some point.

Odin shook his head.

“There's no reason to deny it Odin. I know about the calluses on your wrist, and I'll bet even money you have them on your ankles too.”

“So?” Odin shot back his voice clearly demanding “What of it?”

Jay felt his jaw drop, “So?” he shook his head, “How can you shrug at it like that? It's not normal, Odin, and it's clearly affected you.”

He lapsed into silence again, not responding back.

But Jay was undeterred. “You were abused as a child.” He made it a statement, not a question, “A lot of those scars I saw were old.”

Odin responded in dry tones, “Not so uncommon, is it?”

How can he be so distant from it? When it clearly affected him so deeply? Jay wondered in utter disbelief. “When it's gone this far?” he shot back just short of saying `Yes it was uncommon!' But Odin's head came up again just that fraction of a degree his body tensing.

“Let it go,” he growled, “I have.”

“Bullshit!” Jay leaned forward in his seat suddenly feeling very frustrated with Odin's behavior. “It's all just an act isn't it? A soldier's nature, act all tough so you can deny it to yourself when it really starts to hurt!”

Odin seemed to pull in on himself, and Jay wished the lights were on so he could better see the young man, but he wasn't about to try turning them on. He was afraid that might shatter everything and drive Odin away, before he had a chance to make any sort of headway.

“What happened to you?” he demanded.

“Lots of things,” Odin replied quietly.

He blinked in surprise, “Has anyone ever told you it's bad to hold these sorts of things in?” he asked back hoping to be surprised again and receive another answer.

He was rewarded, Odin's head came up a little again, “A few people.” His tone sounded dry, humorless.

“You ought to try listening to one of them.” Jay leaned forward on his chair trying his best to catch a better glimpse of Odin's face. “You remember what I said to you a few days back?”

Odin watched him in the silence but didn't reply. Whether that was because he didn't remember or had chosen to lapse back into his shell Jay didn't know.

“I said you don't always have to be fine,” the sensei reminded softly, “Things hurt. We can't help it. Ignoring them only makes the pain go deeper.”

Slowly Odin's head shook again, “I don't want to talk about it.”

“Well that's nothing new is it?” Jay returned, lightening his tone, trying to ease the tension if possible.

“So why are you still here?” The words were a simple harsh demand.

Jay was determined not to be brought down, not to feel hurt. “I like a challenge,” he quipped at first, then decided to go on. “I always wanted to see the unstoppable force meet the immovable object. I'm stubborn,” he shrugged with a smile hoping Odin could see, “Take your pick.”

No surprise, Odin made no selection but remained quiet, his head down once more.

Half of Jay, the more impulsive half wanted to reach out and force Odin into a sitting position so he could look him straight in the eyes, try and understand a little better what he was thinking. But the sensible half stopped him. If he wanted to keep his arms attached he knew better than to take hold of Odin without warning, or even with, in this case, “So what happened to you Odin?” he tried again, silently praying for something, “What's at the heart of all this?”

Odin slowly shook his head, “Think whatever you want,” his voice was hollow, uncaring. It chilled Jay and frustrated him. He wanted to shake Odin, knock some much needed sense into him, but again knew better than to try.

“I'm trying to help you,” he continued keeping his voice calm not betraying any of the frustration he was feeling, “Give me something to go on.” He couldn't begin to imagine what was in Odin's past, what was haunting him, but there was no way he could miss the terror he had seen in the young man's eyes. Something was seriously bothering him, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

“I didn't ask for help!” Odin growled defensively his head coming up a little higher.

Jay sighed softly, “And can't you see where it's landed you?” he pulled his chair a fraction closer. “This isn't healthy, Odin.”

It was Odin's turn to sigh. “You can't help me.” He sounded so sure.

“You haven't even given me a chance!” he shot back, eyes narrowing as Odin shook his head, appearing entirely sure of himself. “I could help you!” Jay was just as sure, he didn't want to turn around and walk away just because this young man said everything was okay. Others might be put off by his cold, harsh nature, but Jay couldn't make himself forget the terror he had seen in Odin's eyes.

“Not with this.” It was sure, final, and Odin actually looked up at him an emotionless mask firmly planted on his face.

Jay came to his feet. “How can you be so damn sure!” He couldn't contain his emotions any longer. It was like bashing his head against a brick wall, it wasn't getting him anywhere.

Odin's eyes narrowed as he looked up at Jay. It felt to the sensei as though something had shifted, something in Odin's demeanor. His body uncoiled and he reached for the light switch on the wall. Jay shut his eyes in response to the sudden change, opening them slowly he noticed Odin wincing as he tried to shield his eyes from the light. Without so much as a sound he took hold of the back of his shirt collar and began pulling the material over his head. Jay remained totally motionless, not even breathing as he waited to see what Odin would do.

“I was tortured,” he said bluntly, eyes staring daggers into Jay's skull as his free hand gestured to the new scars that tore down his chest and abdomen. “How the hell could you help with that?”

Jay fell back on his chair eyes staring at the jagged scars that had been pulled down Odin's thin body. “Tortured…” he breathed. He could honestly admit he hadn't been expecting this. His mind wanted to grind to a halt over this unexpected information, but Jay shook the daze off. He said he could help. Perhaps torture was beyond what he was expecting, but he was going to try his best. Whether Odin wanted it or not he deserved that much. “How did this happen?” It was the first logical question, and he was silently pleased that he had been able to voice it as though totally recovered from the shock that Odin had delivered.

The young man looked down at himself for a time and Jay noted a very slight tremor run through Odin's hand. Even with the lights on Jay couldn't see Odin's face. His hair shielded his eyes from view. He shifted leaning forward trying to catch a glimpse, sure that he'd see something of value. This had affected Odin fair deeper than he was willing to admit.

“Who did this to you?” he tried, concerned about opening unhealed wounds, but still positive this had to be better than trying to play like it had never happened. Odin shook his head lowering himself back to the edge of his bed. “You were tortured,” he began stressing the word, it wasn't often used, and he wanted Odin to know that, “Do you blame yourself for what happened?” Odin's hand clenched a little tighter around the material of his shirt that he now held before him, both arms resting on his thighs.

He had struck on something there, it had only been the slightest of reactions on Odin's part but it had been a reaction. That alone told Jay he was on to something, but how could this young man blame himself for something he almost definitely couldn't stop? Not knowing the circumstances Jay couldn't say anything positively. “It's not your fault Odin,” he attempted and received nothing for it. “This may be a broad assumption, but I think it's pretty safe to say there was nothing you could do.” The fact that the torture came up in response to Odin's being held down told Jay that they young man had probably been restrained.

“Exactly,” Odin breathed his hand still clenched tightly on the shirt.

“There's no shame in that,” Jay was fast to point out, unable to understand Odin's apparent self-hatred at what had been done to him.

The muscles in his shoulders bunched together, “I should have been better than him,” he shook his head adamantly, “I'm supposed to be better than that!”

“Odin, you're human,” Jay contended, “There's only so much a human can take.”

But the young man just continued to shake his head.

What standards has he been held too that he can't accept himself? Jay wondered looking at this young man. He felt he had to remind himself of Odin's age. Twenty years-old and he had been tortured, forced to live through experiences Jay couldn't begin to imagine. He had survived jaded and clearly unsure of this regular world around him. He looked closely at Odin catching sight of one cobalt eye, “You got out, obviously. You're alive. Does that count for nothing?”

Silence was his only reply, and there was nothing reflected back from Odin's one eye to say if anything that Jay had said was getting through. But the sensei wasn't about to give up yet.

“Tell me Odin, how is it that you're here now?” he leaned back in his chair folding his arms across his chest, he wanted an answer to this question.

Odin drew in a breath. “Friends came.” There was a deep bitterness in his voice as he spoke those two simple words.

“You hate yourself for needing their help?” Again Odin's body tensed, but Jay didn't wait for an answer. “Had roles been reversed would you have left them to deal with it on their own?”

Odin's head came up then. Jay couldn't say he saw surprise in his guest's eyes, but maybe a dark consideration. Perhaps he was seeing this in a different light for the first time.

“Odin, look, I'm not going to even pretend to know the first thing about how to truly deal with this, but I can tell you one thing. You can't ignore it.” That seemed to be Odin's method of choice. What Jay couldn't understand was why his friends let him. It was a question he intended to ask Wufei, the first chance he got.

“I don't want to talk about it.” Heero stressed each word tiredly as he slowly pulled the shirt back over his head.

“Maybe not to me, but there are professionals out there trained to deal with this,” Jay almost pleaded. It was a self-destructive path Odin was on, one Jay really wanted to see him leave behind. “They can help you.”

“I don't want their help.” He used the same tone this time looking Jay directly in the eyes. He looked old and tired, and it only made Jay want to press the issue harder. But he had to know when to retreat, and seeing how it was nearly three in the morning, he thought it had to be about now.

With a sigh he came to his feet, and stood before Odin for several minutes in the silence. Finally he sighed again, “There are people and options out there Odin, whenever you're ready.” He walked over to the door and hit the light as he passed the threshold, “Try and get some sleep if you can.” Jay wasn't so sure he'd be able to now, there was just too much running through his mind. He closed the door to Odin's room and remained standing there for several minutes, unable to let go of the door knob and walk back to his own room. He was seriously worried for this young man, and it bothered him that there was nothing he could do.

However there was someone he could call. Jay's eyes narrowed as he finally walked down the hall to his room. His eyes briefly glanced at the clock on his nightstand, but he didn't really care what time it was.

WMWMWMW

Wufei was pulled from sleep by the ringing of his phone reaching out for it with a growl he turned it on and brought it to his ear, “This had better be good,” he greeted whoever was on the other side. No one he knew had the nerve to call him at five after three in the morning.

“Did you know he had been tortured?” a low voice asked after a moment of silence.

Jay? Wufei's mind processed the voice quickly, and he repressed a sigh, How does he keep doing this? Jay's instincts were a little too good, Wufei was realizing. “Yes, I knew,” he answered finally, pushing himself up to a sitting position while pulling a hand through his loose black hair.

“This happened recently,” Jay continued and Wufei could hear his tightly reined emotions. “While he was in your protection?” It was an accusation.

“Jay, tell me, what happened?”

“You tell me why he's still on the streets!” Jay fired back.

“Because that's where he chose to be,” Wufei countered with a sigh.

“Well obviously he's not acting in his best interest.” He was keeping his voice low, clearly concerned about alerting Heero, but Wufei could tell it was an effort for him to do so.

The former pilot shifted on the bed drawing his legs up to him beneath the blankets, “He's not a child, Jay--”

“What difference does that make!” Jay cut through, “He needs help. Did you ever try to give him any?”

“Of course we did!” Wufei growled angrily into the phone, but dialed himself back quickly not wanting to take his anger out on Jay. “Of course we did, but there's only so much you can do when he won't accept help.”

“I don't like it,” Jay said bitterly. “He deserves better than this.”

“He does, and you're not the first to try and help him, but now you know how far the others got.” Wufei could understand how frustrating it would be to try and help someone who didn't want it. But he also understood Heero. Neither of them wanted to give of themselves, not from that deeply buried `weak' side.

“How much longer are you going to need him Wufei?” the sensei asked darkly, “The agency isn't just going to toss him out when they're through are they? You'll make sure he gets the help he needs.”

Wufei bit back his anger. Jay didn't know what was truly happening, he had only pieced together a small portion of the puzzle as he saw it. “We're going to look after him Jay.” There was no way they were going to let Heero take off again and pull something like this, even if they had to chain him to a bed to keep him here. “But at this point we just don't want to scare him off.”

“Who did this to him Wufei? How did it happen?” It sounded as though he had asked those questions before. No doubt Jay had, and he wasn't surprise Heero hadn't answered.

“It was a lapse in judgment,” Wufei said bitterly. He was going to have to keep this vague; not wanting to get into the details of that day which would only lead to more questions, ones he couldn't answer. “As for the man torturing him, he's dead. I killed him.” His voice was emotionless.

“Damnit Wufei, what sort of life are you guys living?”

“The only ones we've known.” It was the only answer he could think to give. The silence stretched on for several minutes, and Wufei was positive Jay was trying to come to terms with this. He could understand how hard it would be, but there wasn't much more he could offer his friend to help him. He truly hoped Heero would choose to come back soon. Too much longer and he was bound to become aware of these phone calls. Still, what else could Jay possibly discover about Heero? Other than the fact that he was Heero Yuy. That was enough to make Wufei shudder.

Both knowing the conversation had come to an end, they rang off, but it was a long time before Wufei moved from the position he was sitting in, Jay's words running through his mind. He didn't know what had happened to bring this reaction out of Heero. But it showed Wufei that things hadn't changed since Luc's torture, not that he had expected them too. These weren't the sort of scars that could fade away in a few months, but Heero had shown almost no signs of problems since he had received the gun from Trowa. Obviously the pain was deeply hidden, and Jay simply had the misfortune of bringing it out.

It all left Wufei wondering what they could really do to help Heero when he chose to come back to them. How could they approach this subject? They were never going to turn Heero away again, but at the same time they didn't want him feeling like he had to leave them either. So Wufei knew he wasn't going to want to force the issue of the torture. In Heero's eyes he was fine. They'd have to let him remain like that. Perhaps John might have some ideas. Perhaps he might be able to get through to Heero. But Wufei wasn't about to hold his breath.

Thanks for Reading!

Return to the Pack:

“What, leaving without saying goodbye?” Jay asked with a hard to read expression.

“That was the plan,” Heero admitted putting the case down, it was easier to just disappear he didn't have to deal with what to say.

Jay slowly shook his head as he came to his feet, “Not on my watch,” he said easily coming to a stop in front of Heero, “Did you get any sleep?”

“Not much,” there was no use denying it, though he doubt he looked as tired as Jay.

“So how about some breakfast?” he asked sounding a little hopeful.

Heero shrugged, he wasn't in a hurry, it didn't matter what time of the day it was when he returned though it was more likely that he'd find the pilots there in the evening. Jay took his lack of verbal `no' as a yes and walked into the kitchen.

“So where are you going to go?” Jay inquired as he started searching for what he needed.

Taking a seat on one of the two stools Heero shrugged again, he couldn't tell Jay the truth of matters, “Its just time I moved on.”

“Why? Because of what happened last night?” it sounded to Heero as though Jay were already positive that was the reason, and thought it was ridiculous.

“That's the second time I've almost killed you,” Heero pointed out resting one elbow on the counter before dropping his head onto his upturned palm.

“I never said I wanted you to leave,” Jay countered, “Besides where are you going to go?” he wasn't going to let this drop.

What could he say that wouldn't be saying too much? Or would it be best to just walk out without giving Jay anything? He surprised himself by discarding the second thought almost instantly, and settled on something else, “Back to where I'm needed.” It was a truthful answer although a little vague.

“So what? Does that mean you're moving back to the colonies?” Jay asked his voice sounding oddly pointed as though reminding Heero of the story he had told Jay the day the met.

Heero shook his head, “No I still have business here,” true enough and still vague, all around a safe answer.

“Where are you going to stay?” Jay asked then placing some bacon into a frying pan his head turning a little so he could regard Heero through the edge of his glasses.

“I have a place…” slipping back into the agency would be interesting, he wondered what sort of reaction he'd be met with from the pilots, Sally was someone he definitely felt would be better to avoid for a little while.

“You didn't when you walked in here over a week ago,” Jay pointed out an eyebrow raised as he continued with preparing breakfast.

Heero repressed a sigh, now really beginning to wish he had managed to slip out unnoticed. Briefly he debated his answer, what did he really want to say? He hadn't given Jay all that much information about himself the day he walked in, “I needed a break.” Still he was finding it easy enough to give answers that would serve his purpose.

“Why all the lies?” Jay was determinedly probing.

“Easier that way?” Heero returned shrugging the matter aside.

Jay stopped what he was doing turning around to fully face Heero, a disbelieving look firmly etched on his face. “You're trying to tell me, it's easier to tell me vague lies that only cause more questions, than the truth?”

The former pilot kept his expression perfectly blank, “Oddly enough yes…”

Morganeth Taren'drel