Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Morning Coffee ❯ One-Shot

Morning Coffee
A Gundam Wing silly fic

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me. It has never belonged to me. It will never belong to me. Heero belongs to Relena in ALL my fics, so if you're a 1x2 fan, you may not like me *evil little grin*

This fic takes place during my much larger, forthcoming fanfic, GW: Watermark. There is a LOT of lemon-scented things, and true yaoi (all implied), but nothing is described. This is meant to be FUNNY. Please tell me how it is! catwho@catwho.net

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Sometime in AC 198
Around midnight

"I am dead tired," Noin said, sagging against Zechs outside the apartment he shared with Relena on Colony One. The apartment was used primarily by her, although Zechs and a few other people had keys. It was rarely occupied by anyone, even though it had five bedrooms and plenty of space. The various owners simply used it when needed, and not once had any of them bumped into each other.

"I think the next time we decide to fly all the way from Mars in one shot, we should take turns piloting," Zechs agreed, turning the key and opening the door.

The apartment was dimly lit inside, from light bleeding in from the windows. The drapes were open, revealing the colony during its night cycle. But the faint light was not nearly enough to illuminate it fully, especially since the hallway outside had halogen lamps ever three feet on the ceiling, so that their eyes had to adjust completely. As they walked inside, Noin nearly tripped over something soft and swore under her breath.

"What was that?" Zechs said, pausing.

"I don't know. I don't want to know. I just want to sleep." She yawned mightily and headed toward Zech's room.

Zechs glanced at the floor, suspicious, but it was too dark to see anything. He decided to investigate tomorrow. Probably the cleaning service had gotten sloppy again. But he was as tired as his wife, and he didn't even have the energy to be irritated.

"It smelled like...pizza in the living room," Noin said sleepily as she opened the door.

"And beer. Who else has a key to this apartment again?"

"Beer? Are you sure?"

"I know what beer smells like, Noin."

"Pizza and beer." Noin blinked. "Unless Relena's eating habits have gone downhill, I think someone else may be here."

"We'll find out in the morning."

The two collapsed on their bed, with their clothes still on, and fell asleep instantly.


1:34 AM

Something crashed loudly from the room next door, awaking Noin.

"Shit," someone said very loudly and clearly.

"I can't believe you broke that. That was genuine Lenox china! Do you know how priceless that was?"

"Excuuuse me. You're the one who thought a game of Twister at one in the morning would be fun."

"It is fun!" The voice was high pitched and sounded almost manic. "Now...its blue." There was a sound of giggling, and something thumped against the wall. Noin blearily shook her head and tried to ignore it. She was too tired.

"Umm. Can you move your elbow?"

"Only if you move your head. Your hair is right in my eye."

"I can't. My neck's already bent as far as it'll go."

"Then my elbow stays right where it its."

"Ack! No fair, no jabbing..."

"Jab jab jab jab jab!"

"Argh..."

Someone thumped on the wall again, and there was more giggling.

Noin pulled the cover over her head. Oh god, she thought. Who used that room? It didn't sound like Relena. Who else had a key, though? She tried to remember.

The giggling eventually subsided and Noin fell back asleep.

2:18 AM

This time a loud buzzing sound came from the room on the other sideof Zechs' and Noin's.

Noin groggily raised her head. "A chainsaw?" she muttered, rubbing her eyes. Zechs was dead to the world next to her. Who else was in the apartment? And why would they have a chainsaw at two in the morning?

The chainsaw cut off.

Then a shower came on instead.

Noin, whose brain had been reduced to two monkeys picking fleas off each other by the sixteen hour long flight from the Mars colony, decided to ignore it and deal with it in the morning.

3:58 AM

"This was YOUR fault."

"It was not. You're the one who insisted it was a left turn."

"Onna, I know that it was a left turn. They rearranged the streets since the last time we were here."

"Sure, sure..." The front door opened, and the voices instantly grew loud enough to wake both Zechs and Noin.

"Wu-fei....and..." Noin whispered.

"Sally Po." Zechs finished.

"We'll kill them in the morning."

"Good plan."

"What do you mean, I can't read a map?"

"I mean, of the last ten times we've gotten lost, whose directions were we following?"

"Onna, I know how to read a map!"

"Wufei, I'm too tired to argue. It's four in the morning. I'm going to sleep." A door opened, and their voices dimmed again.

Zechs and Noin stared at the ceiling.

"They have a key to the apartment?" she said in surprise.

"I think I gave Sally one once when she needed a place to stay."

"Oh. Come to think of it, I gave one to her too."

They waited for another door to open and shut. They heard none.

"They're sharing a room?"

"I don't want to think about it," Noin groaned, and curled up on her side.

5:23 AM

Noin woke up, unhappily. Her circadian clock was set two hours too early for Colony One. She sat up, and touched her husband's cheek gently. He looked so angelic when he was asleep. Noin smiled to herself. Her beautiful, fallen angel.

She sat up on the edge of the bed, then trudged over to the dresser, and changed out of her traveling uniform. The shower was running yet again, which meant that all the hot water was probably already gone. Nix the shower then. She needed coffee. She could almost taste it already, could almost smell it...wait a minute. She DID smell coffee. Shrugging on her robe and putting on her slippers, she padded outside of the room, into the hallway, then into the living area.

The sight before her was quite interesting. There was, indeed, a half eaten pizza in an open box and a few scattered beer cans on the couch. She winced when she saw that one can had spilled on the velour cushions. Have to get someone to clean that up, she thought, shaking her head in disgust. On the floor, about where she'd stepped on something the night before, was what looked very suspiciously like Relena's pink formal jacket. A few feet closer to the hallway was a small green shirt. In fact, there seemed to be a little trail of clothing leading from the apartment door to the hallway that had four of the five bedrooms in it.

Not awake yet, Noin thought. It couldn't be.

As she was about to step into the kitchen, someone she did not expect to see exited it. It was Heero Yuy, wearing Relena's lavender bathrobe over a pair of ragged PJs and fuzzy pink slippers . Noin felt her jaw drop open. He was carrying two cups of coffee, and appeared completely unfazed when he saw Noin.

"Morning," he said as he passed her by, and ducked into the hallway. Noin stared after him, and then rubbed her eyes in disbelief. I'm hallucinating, she thought numbly to herself. I must have inhaled some fumes during the trip...

She stumbled into the kitchen and poured herself a large cup of coffee. Strangely enough, the pot was almost empty already. Not wanting to think about it, she automatically pulled out the filter and threw the grounds away to make a fresh pot. But something in the garbage disposal caught her eye....she counted one, two, three, no wait, FOUR empty filters?

The dishwasher confirmed her suspicians. There were a lot of empty mugs in there.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

As if in answer to her rhetorical question, Hilde came in, carrying a dustpan full of broken china chips. She wore a loose, oversized T-shirt and socks.

"Noin," she squealed in surprise.

"Hilde? That was YOU?"

Hilde blushed bright red. "That was me what?" Noin stared pointedly at the dustpan in the girl's hand. "Oh. That. Yeah, well, we were playing Twister, and...well." she blushed even harder.

"Don't. Just...don't." Noin began making another pot of coffee.

Hilde guiltily emptied the dustpan.

There was a moment of silence while Hilde dusted off her hands, then the door opened again.

It was Quatre.

He was wearing naught but a loose robe.

"Oh dear," he yelped when he saw two females in the kitchen. "I didn't realize there was anyone else here."

"Neither did I," Noin said, her eyes watering. She poured herself another cup of coffee.

Trowa came in, wearing a robe that looked suspiciously identical to Quatre's. He was toweling off his hair and not really paying attention to anyone. The kitchen was beginning to get a little crowded. "Quatre, where did you put the lid to the whipped cream?"

Quatre went beet red and he quickly pulled the towel away from Trowa's face. "Under the nightstand," he hissed to the taller boy.

Trowa stared at Noin and then at Hilde, who stared back. Then he abrubtly turned around and walked back out of the kitchen. Quatre followed him, wailing, "Trowa...it's okay, wait for me! Trowaaaaa!"

"God, how many people have a key to this apartment anyway?" Noin said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"That was Quatre and Trowa..." Hilde said, faltering.

"You didn't know?" Noin took another sip of coffee. Her head was finally beginning to clear.

Hilde blanched. She'd known on a simple awareness level, but it wasn't something she wanted to *think* about for more than a few seconds. It was much more pleasant to think about Duo.

The kitchen door opened once again.

"Hilde, babe, where's that coffee -- oh, hiya Noin," Duo said. He grabbed a clean mug and poured himself a cup of coffee. His hair was loose, and there was a small cut on his cheek. His black sweashirt was on backwards, the tab sticking up, looking like a mockery of his usual priest's collar. "Hope we didn't keep you up last night We did get kinda noisy, eh Hildey?"

"Duo!" Hilde punched playfully at his arm, her expression indignant, but her eyes were smiling.

Duo winked at Noin, smirked evilly, and hugged his room mate from the side. He kissed her noisily on the mouth, and then practically dragged her out of the kitchen. "Ja," he said to Noin, and Hilde waved. Their giggles carried all the way from the hallway.

Noin felt her headache beginning to return. How much worse could the morning get?

"KISAMAAAA!" The cry came from the bedroom that was on the other side of the apartment from the rest of them, closest to the front door. Apparently that was where the team of Preventers had crashed for the night.

Noin sighed and rummaged around a cupboard for some aspirin.

"Wu-fei, calm down. It's just the alarm clock."

"And who set the alarm clock for five thirty in the morning?"

"You did."

"I did no such thing."

"Yes you did, last week."

"I did _not_."

"Did too. Go back to sleep, Wu-fei."

"Stupid woman."

"I love you too, Wu-chan."

"Hmph."

Noin found the aspirin and toddled out to the breakfast area. She sat at the small table, and rubbed her aching temples. She remembered giving a key to Sally, and one to Hilde, that time there was a conference....and one to Quatre, actually, because there had been a small party thrown in Relena's honor and Quatre had done most of the organizing...but who had given them all permission to start LIVING here?

Relena came out of the hallway. She was wearing her own robe again, but her feet were bare. She smiled apologetically when she saw Noin. "Good morning," she said, and sat in the chair across from her. "Heero said you were here. I'm sorry the living room is such a mess. We didn't have time to clean it up...ah...last night." Relena blushed and coughed delicately. "We weren't expecting anyone else to be here. The apartment was empty when we left yesterday afternoon. Then we saw the pizza box last night, and realized we weren't alone, but we...we were busy..." She blushed even harder.

"I'm not going to ask. Don't worry." Noin shoved a cup of coffee at her. "I think you might need this as well."

Relena looked at the cup. "No thanks," she said, going slightly green. "We went through a whole pot yesterday trying to recover from the jet lag. Well, I went through it. Heero seems to think sleep is optional anyawy." Relena sighed and rested her chin on her hand.

"You and Zechs both have trouble with jet-lag. It can take him up to a week to recover."

"It must be genetic, then. What are you two doing here, anyway?"

"We just finished building a teaching dome and need to recruit some teachers. We have quite a few young children who will need to be educated in the next few years, and it takes civilians some eighteen to twenty four months to adjust to Martian gravity." Noin sipped her coffee, then frowned at it. It was growing cold. "What're you doing here? I thought you weren't speaking to Heero after he left the last time without saying goodbye." Noin had to admit she was curious.

"We've since gone back to friendly terms." Relena blushed yet again.

"I see." Noin wasn't sure that Zechs would like the idea of his baby sister with the former Gundam pilot, especially in light of all the hijinks that had apparently gone on the night before. But she wasn't going to pry. "So it wasn't you who ate the pizza then. I wonder who that was? Hmm, probably Duo and Hilde..."

"What?" Relena said, confused. "I thought you were the ones who ate the pizza."

"Relena, we didn't get in until midnight last night."

"But why would Duo and Hilde be the ones to have eaten it? They're not even here...." she trailed off. "You mean they're here too?"

"Apparently so. As are Quatre, Trowa, Wu-fei, and Sally." Noin was beginning to see the humour in the whole situation. "Ten people in one apartment, and no one thought to give us notice that they'd be here. We're going to have to start charging them rent."

Relena frowned and said nothing.

Heero walked into the kitchen, wearing jeans and a light blue shirt. He held the morning paper in his hand. Relena's expression instantly softened as he sat down at the breakfast table next to her. Heero noticed and lightly touched her arm in greeting.

When did they...Noin thought, then stopped. Relena had called it "friendly terms." Noin decided that she'd best leave it at that.

Trowa and Quatre came in, the latter holding the aforementioned whipped cream. He guiltily slipped it back into the fridge, then they sat down at the breakfast table. Noin made a mental note to buy some more whipped cream and throw that stuff out. She did not want to even know what they had been about.

Heero raise an eyebrow when he saw them but said nothing. Relena nodded politely. Quatre blushed and buried his head in Trowa's arm in sheer embarassment.

Noin sighed. "I'm not asking for any specifics -- please -- but why are you two here?"

"The circus is in town here on Colony One, and I needed a place to stay," Quatre said uncomfortably. "I remembered this apartment, and since it was so much closer than all the hotels --"

"That's enough." Noin reached for the aspirin again.

"We're sorry if we caused any inconvenience. I thought no one ever used this apartment." Trowa's face was as expressionless as always.

"I thought so too. It seems to see a lot more action than any of us knew." Quatre winced at her choice of words, and Noin reaffirmed her vow to throw away the whipped cream.

"Morning again Noin!" Hilde sang as she bounced in the room, fully dressed this time. She stopped short when she saw Relena and Heero. "Oh, I didn't know you two were here. Good morning to you, too then!" She plunked down in the last empty chair at the table, and smiled cheerily at everyone. Relena and Heero both stared at her in horror. No one should be that bubbly at six in the morning.

Duo started to come in with a plate of toast, but he stopped when he saw that there were no more chairs left. There were four more people at the table than he'd expected. He set the plate of toast down, and turned around. "Man, you shoulda told me, I'd have made more..." He disappeared into the kitchen again.

"And you...Hilde...wait, don't tell me." Noin rubbed her eyes, and asked God for patience. "There was something happening here on Colony One and this apartment was closer than all the hotels, right?"

"How'd you guess? It's the Orgy XIV concert tonight, and Duo managed to get us tickets." Hilde happily snatched up a piece of toast. "I hope you don't mind, it's only for two days. It seems a shame to use a hotel when there's plenty of room here. They're one of the oldest bands around, you know. Their ancesters, the first Orgy, created the band way before humans even built the Colonies. Fourteen generations of nothing but Orgies..." She did not seem to realize how citrus that would sound taken out of context. "Have some toast. Duo makes the best toast. He manages to get it just right. Ne, Heero?"

Relena choked on her toast and coughed violently. Heero gave Hilde a Death Glare and patted Relena on the back, but Hilde ignored it, and chattered on happily about the history of all the Orgies. Noin learned more about the ancient alternative genre than she'd ever wanted to know.

Duo came back in, carrying a much larger plate pilled high with toast, and dragging one of the dining room chairs with him He squeezed in next to Hilde and Heero, and grabbed a few pieces of toast. His hair had been braided hastily, so that a few wisps were loose and trailed like copper threads behind him.. At least he had turned his sweatshirt around, although the tag was still sticking up.

"So, how is everyone this morning?" Quatre said brightly, trying to break the growing tension at the table. Everyone stared at him.

Then Zechs stumbled into the breakfast area from the kitchen, still wearing his uniform. Upon seeing seven people at the breakfast table, he muttered something about needing more sleep to deal with his own existence and headed back into the kitchen.

"The gang's all here, it seems," Duo said, slapping Heero on the back. Heero shifted his Death Glare to Duo, who also ignored it. "Only ones that're missing are Wuffie and Sally."

On cue, the voices rose in argument again.

"Wu-fei, we only got two hours of sleep. This is no time to be so punctual."

"Don't be weak, woman. We have a strict timetable to follow."

"One that you wrote! No one will care if we're an hour behind."

"I will care!" A door slammed open, and Wu-fei stalked across the living room, in full view of everyone in the breakfast area. He wore his rumpled Preventers uniform, but carried his socks and shoes in his hand. He opened the apartment door and went into the hallway, slamming the front door open as well. Sally Po followed seconds later, grinning widely as she followed her partner. She shut the door much more quietly than it had been opened, and for a moment, there was stunned silence.

"They didn't even notice us," Heero finally commented.

Noin drained her cup of coffee. She stifled a yawn. "Look, Duo, Hilde, I'd appreciate it if you cleaned up the pizza box and beer cans before you left. The cleaning service is often lax. And Relena, can you pick up your..." Seeing the look on her sister-in-law's face, she changed her mind. Relena lived here, at least. She knew where the laundry room was.

"Hey, that's not our pizza. And we don't drink beer." Duo looked offended. "Hildey doesn't like the way it smells."

Noin blinked. Then... "Trowa? Quatre?"

"Not ours," Trowa said, raising his hands defensively. "I don't like beer either, and Quatre won't eat pizza."

"It's greasy!" Quatre piped in.

"Then who..."

"Wu-fei and Sally?"

"No, it couldn't be, they came in at four in the morning." Noin said distantly.

"Woke you guys up too, eh?"

"We were already awake..."

"Doing what?"

"I don't know about the rest of you, but a chainsaw woke us up last night. Who in the world had a chainsaw here?"

"Wasn't us. It wasn't us! Hildey doesn't trust me with heavy machinery."

"Then who had it? Quatre...no, don't tell me..."

Noin clutched her head and left the table. The aspirin hadn't worked, and she decided that a few more hours of sleep were in order for her as well. She dumped her empty coffee cup in the sink and left the kitchen.

Hmmm. Relena had claimed one pot of coffee, but that left three empty filters unaccounted for. And no one had claimed the pizza or the beer. Out of curiosity, she walked over to the couch and picked up the pizza box. There, on the side, in neat printed writing, was the name of her person who had ordered the pizza, and in all likelihood was responsible for the beer and two or three pots of coffee, as well.

The name was Dorothy Catalonia.

Noin fled to the sanctuary of her bedroom.

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Por fim!

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