Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Mourning Sun ❯ Mourning Sun ( One-Shot )

Mourning Sun

By Cheladoniel

Rating- NC-17 for citrus

Summary- someone dies and his lover contemplates his death.

Pairings- read it.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THEM. I only wish I did. Gotta q- why do we have to put these in, when we all know none of us own these scrummy characters? Or Eternal, for that matter. *Sigh* oh well. There, I did it, no one sue me.

A/N: I usually don't write in first person, so if it sucks, blame my muses *strangles little angel/demon thing that looks a lot like Yohji with electric guitar while the WK boys stand around with other instruments*

Now I stand beside your deathbed. Your breath rattles in your chest, your eyes are glassy. It shouldn't have been like this… a stray bullet from someone else's firefight. That's not a proper death for you… Drowning on your own blood that's slowly filling your lungs… No, you deserve a blaze of glory, explosions and fireworks and the attention of the world, all for the cause we fought for so long. This… this is a petty, meaningless death.

I see the others crowd around, all dry eyed, because that's how you wanted it. No tears. It's a warrior's fate to die young, we all know that, have known for years. Around the bed stand 4 people who are all destined to die before they should, but we can't think about it. I feel the shades of those we have killed among us, those dead by our hands gathering for your death. None of us are innocent, our hands are all red with blood. None of us are young, no matter how society views us because of our age. None of us have been young since we were born.

Did you know this was coming? Is that why you snuck off this morning, leaving me alone in the bed? Is that why you wouldn't let anyone go with you the last time you stepped from us, alive? Is that why it's you lying there, when it should be me in your place? You should have had the chance to live, to love, raise a family if you wanted… instead, you're bleeding to death and I'm counting the seconds between breaths, taking in and expelling air at the same time as you, like it will keep you alive longer. I can almost feel the fluid filling my lungs, choking me and ending my life at the same time as yours.

Now the shades are whispering. You're going home with them, going where you belong. It's not the Elysium Fields, the home of ancient heroes… we aren't heroes, any more than we're innocent or young. You, and me, and the others, holding back salty tears, we're killers, warriors for a cause I don't think any of us really chose. There is more time between shorter, harsher inhalations now, painful breaths. Your time is upon you.

I move from where I stand with the others at the foot of your bed to kneel beside you, taking your cold, not-quite-lifeless hand in mine. "I'm here, love…" I won't beg you not to die, there's no point. All it would do is tie you here, if you aren't already. You may already be material for a shade, a young killer, with friends and family still here in a painful existence… a shade, like the ones gathered amongst your friends, your brothers-in-arms.

You struggle to sit up and though I know I shouldn't, I help you. "Thank you," you cough and a little blood trickles out of your mouth. You reach up with a weak hand and wipe it away, examining it as though it were someone else's and not the liquid collecting in your beleaguered lungs. "I'm sorry," you rasp out.

"Don't be, it's not your fault…"

"No… I'm sorry for every time I wasn't with you… I'm sorry we only got one time to share… I'm sorry…" you cough, "sorry that I'm leaving you now…" you gasp, the exertion of speaking taking its toll.

"Shush, love… don't be sorry for anything… never be sorry. I love you."

"Ai shiteru… so much…" You close your eyes, your body relaxes. Then you whisper something, so quietly I can barely make it out. It's another language, one I don't understand. Then your breathing slows even more… and with one last rattling sigh, you slide into a place none can follow. The tears that have been threatening to form and fall do so as I lean to kiss you one last time. Your lips are still warm, reddened a bit by blood, yet slowly the blood under the skin is receding, leaving cool blue flesh in its wake.

Cold, silent tears splash on your cheeks. They almost look like you were the one crying, not me. The others around the bed are forgotten as I kiss your faux tears away. When I looked up from your body, the body that had warmed my bed only hours ago, my eyes hold no sign of tears. I pull the sheet over your beautiful face and stand.

"He's dead," I say needlessly. One of the others sinks to his knees and cries, not disturbing the shades around him. The other two clench fists of rage, one biting back tears, the other as cold and silently bitter as me.

"He deserved better than this," the bitter boy snarls.

"I know that, better than any of you! He was my lover…" I walk around the bed, turning my back on the boy, no, the man, I had loved. "Now we have to move on." I walk out of the room… I can't stand being near it… I can't bring myself to think of that empty shell as him.

Not after that night. Without thinking, I wander into the training room of our safehouse. Before I realize it, I'm standing in front of the spot we first made love. I close my eyes, watching the scene unfold behind my eyelids. I was fighting invisible enemies, so completely focused I didn't even notice him come in. Not until I finished and turned, to see him standing there, watching me appraisingly. To my great chagrin, I blushed under his scrutiny. I was shirtless and sweating, and all he did was stand there. Finally I moved to walk past him to my room. Before I could pass him, he caught my wrist and pulled me against him. He studied my face for a moment, then kissed me… gentle, burning, slow, passionate.

I found myself responding, returning the kiss and wrapping my arms around his neck. Before I knew what was happening, he had closed the door and had backed me into the training room and he had me on my back, still kissing, only deeper now, tongues sparring, hands petting and pulling clothes off until we lay naked together in the middle of the floor.

And then he had my legs spread, one finger gently stroking me from the inside as I gasped and arched against him, feeling pain but more pleasure. Another finger and he withdrew and positioned himself above me.

In the midst of memory, I sink to my knees before the spot, silent tears leaking out of my tightly shut eyes.

He took me slowly the first time, slowly so it wouldn't hurt as much. It still hurt, but then I adjusted and all I felt was pleasure. Pure pleasure and passion and love as slowly thrust into me, taking my virginity gently and lovingly. I wrapped my legs around his slender waist, arching up to meet his thrusts, gasping and screaming and crying with pleasure.

Together, we learned that climax is that much sweeter when reached with someone you love. Crying out simultaneously, I covered our stomachs with sticky white fluid as he filled my body with his hot seed. I shuddered in residual pleasure as he withdrew and lay beside me, sweetly kissing away the tears and beads of sweat on my face as I wrapped my arms around him, curling up against his warm body.

"Ai shiteru," he whispered in my ear for the first time.

"Ai shiteru," I replied, murmuring sleepily against his chest.

As I slipped into sleep in my memories, I know he carried me to my room and set me on my bed, then lay down beside me to sleep. I awoke to the real world and the tears still on my face, no lover to kiss them away now. I kiss my fingers and press them to the ground where we had lain.

Slowly I rise, turning to face the boys in the doorway. "He really is gone."

One boy leans into the other's embrace. "He really is." With one last glance at the floor, I walk out of the room, lightly touching the crying boy's shoulder. I know he's taking this nearly as bad as I am, because he was in love with the same boy… no, he had been a man, more than any of us… but he hadn't been loved back and they had accepted each other as friends and brothers, nothing more.

I walk past door after door until I reach the one I want. The room that still held parts of him, his life. I walk into it, closing the door behind me. I curl up on his bed, inhaling his scent. I close my eyes and I try to die. I will my heart to stop beating, my breaths to slow to nothing.

Eventually I fall into an exhausted sleep, still alive. In my dreams I open my eyes and I'm surrounded by the ghosts of people I've known, and his, strongest and foremost, comes to me. "Don't be sad, love, don't try to die. We need you to help the others to avenge us." His shade kisses my cheek and holds me tight. He feels so real, I forget I'm dreaming and I wake, for a moment thinking I really am wrapped in his arms, in his bed. Then I realize it's just a dream, the arms wrapped around me are my own, that I'm in his bed but I'm alone, the scent is just a remnant, not from his warm body next to me.

I quickly fall back to sleep and once again, I'm held tightly in my lover's ghosted arms. I look at his face, so peaceful now, then down at our bodies. We're wearing formal dress, and suddenly there's a ballroom floor beneath our feet and strains of music reach my ears. "Dance with me…"

Without waiting for an answer, he takes my hands and leads me through the dance. He moves as graceful as ever did, following patterns laid down centuries ago.

Calling mihate nu yoru no toiki no omosa

Setsunasani kokoro ga uzuite

Mou nanimo mienakunaru

Hanasenai

hanarenai

Tatta hitotsu no shinjitsu dake ga

Aa, kuchiburi wo atsuku suru

Calling in the night

Mune no kodo wo kande

Night after Night

Ai ga naiteru

Silent kotoba ni sureba kieteiku yume

Kamishimeru omoi no nigasai

Moo nanimo kikoenaku naru

Ienai ieyashinai

Ochiteiku yoru no atsusa dake ga

Aa, tada hitotsu no mirage

Silent all the night

Itsuka mita yume no hate

Omoi wa toiki wo kande

Towa no kanata e

Calling, the heavyness of the sighs on the endless nights

I am in pain from missing you

I can no longer see anything

don't let me go

don't leave me

Only you I believe in

Aa, to warm my lips

Calling in the night

My emotions make my heart pound

Night after Night

love is crying out

can hear silent words in my dreams

Shut out the bitter memories

I can no longer see anything

Don't tell me, don't say anything at all

Falling into the heat of the night

Aa, It's all just a mirage

Silent all the night

Someday I'll see that remote dream

My feeling for you bares sighs

To a faraway place

The song ended and as another begins my lover kisses me gently. When I try to pull to me and deepen the kiss, he steps back and vanishes into the crowd of people dancing around us.

I begin to crumble, my legs giving out and I fall. Strong arms catch me before I hit the polished dance floor. "Don't be sad, love… I don't have to fight any more. I'm free." I try to turn, to see his face one last time, and for some reason, I can't. He kisses the top of my head. "Don't look, love… you'll see me again soon enough…" I don't think about what that means. I start to cry silently. "Just take me to France, love. Bury me there, wherever it feels right. I need you to live for me. Fall in love again, raise a family, anything, but live and be happy. For me…" he repeats. He kisses me one more time and as I wake, I hear his last words to me. "Ai shiteru, Wufei."

"Ai shiteru, Trowa."

~Epilogue~

When I turned that time, it was Heero holding me, comforting me. I had sleepwalked to the room where Trowa had died and collapsed. Heero had heard me and followed me, catching me when I fell, kissing me and waking me gently. Duo and Quatre stood nearby, waiting.

A week later, I stood in front of an fresh grave in a forest clearing. A simple headstone, just an engraved slab of local granite, read:

Nanashi

Trowa Barton

Ai Shiteru

The grave was on one of the Winner family's many estates. It was the first place we had gone in France. The first day, I had wandered into the forest and stumbled across the clearing. It had been quiet, peaceful, and it had felt right. I ran back to the house and told the other pilots I had found the place.

The next morning at dawn, we stood around an open grave and carefully lowered a simple pine coffin into the hole. Inside lay my lover, looking as though he slept, wearing the double of what he had in my dream. Catherine stood with us, tears leaking from her eyes. Together we said goodbye to our brother, friend, and lover.

Eventually the others left and I stood there, alone, at the edge of the grave, a mound of dirt and a shovel beside me. With one hand, I took some of the rich soil and threw it onto Trowa's coffin. "Ai shiteru, forever." With that, I picked up the shovel and began the task of burying my beloved in the mourning sun.

A/N: Lyrics are Eternal by ? (no idea, it wasn't on the site…) from Ai no Kusabi. Me no own. I only wish I did. http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/aikusabi/anketrnl.htm