Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My December ❯ My December ( Chapter 1 )

Title: My December

Author: duo_loves_hiiro

Archive: mediaminer.org, fanfiction.net

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters herein, other than the cat Shini-neko. She belongs to me. GW is copyright of. uh, Bandai, sunrise and some other people. I can't remember who. But not me or any of the people who helped me! But if they would like to sell it to me, I have some bake sale cookies, a PSM magazine collection, and a enough money to buy really cheap belly-button lint! The song "My December" Is copyright of Linkin Park. *bows and worships Linkin Park * and I don't own Starbucks©, if I did, I'd get free Grande vanilla chai whenever I wanted it!!! *involuntary drooling.*

Warning: shounen ai, angst (I guess you could call it that.), stuff (for lack of a better word.)

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This is my December

This is my time of the year

This is my December

This is all so clear

The sun had just begun to set. That day, the snow was falling in sheets like rain. Rapidly and unexpected. The world was frozen, cold, so very cold. No one dared step outside into the blizzard, no matter how curious they happened to be. Even the elfin faced young man, a bouncy 18 year old named Duo Maxwell, sat within the warmth of his apartment petting a small gray kitten called Shini-neko, refusing to go out in the storm, even though he was dying for a Grande white chocolate mocha from the Starbucks across the street. He instead decided to watch the snow fall.

He didn't seem to notice the shadow standing in the blizzard outside, the figure of another, who stared longingly into the warmth of the apartment. The figures face was uncovered, unprotected from the cold, his hair rolling with the wind. An old green scarf, pale with age, hung almost limply around the figures neck as he continued to stare, no emotion being betrayed by his cold cobalt eyes or his face. The wind and sheets of snow made it impossible for Duo to see the figure, but whether that was a good thing or not was undecided by the figure.

'Duo... what did I do to hurt you...?' the figure thought, falling to his knees in the snow, bare knees touching the frigged earth. He watched as Duo stood from his seat by the window and walked out of view. He felt dizzy for a moment, his hand slowly reaching towards the window as he fell forward onto his face.

"Tell me..." he sighed, before passing out in the snow.

This is my December

This is my snow covered home

This is my December

This is me alone

The snow outside brought back memories, memories of another time it had snowed, when he hadn't been left alone by death, but of a time, a night very much like tonight, when he hadn't been left alone. Strange, though, was something Duo noticed. The date was the same as when a very close friend had vanished in the snow. The first snow on that date in the 3 years since Heero had vanished.

Duo couldn't remember if it had been snowing as hard that day, but he felt it was true. The wind that day had made it so much more unbearable, that perhaps that's why it had seemed so much worse. He didn't know. He was actually just content to sit in his apartment with his best friend, watching the snow fall on the December streets of New York City. Just, for once, pretending to be normal teenagers without having to worry about being killed or about their assignments from the Preventers. Duo was just happy to sit there, unconscious of the world.

Duo was quiet, and his friend was quite unnerved by it. He knew Duo was never quiet.

"Duo?" His voice was it's usual monotone as he asked, though a small, unnoticed amount of worry was evident in it's depths.

Duo sighed, picking up his mug of hot chocolate off the window sill. He looked over at his friend, "What's up Heero?"

Heero took a sip of his coffee, holding the warm mug in his cold hands, trying to push some warmth into them. "Hn. You're quiet."

Duo blinked, "I... am? Heh, I didn't even notice."

Heero nodded taking another sip of his coffee. He had glanced at Duo, his eyes lingering on his longer than he should have. It was then he noticed something, an empty look in Duo's eyes, as if something had been taken from him.

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

Duo sighed, shaking his head and walking back to the window to gaze out again. Memories where the only things he had left of his friends. But he could bet that Wufei had quickly forgotten all accounts of ever knowing Duo after everything was over. Duo smiled at the thought and sat down cross legged in front of the window, which covered the entire wall. That window had destroyed his strange habit of singing and dancing in nothing but his boxers in the living room, which, if he remembered correctly, was one of the few things that got Heero to laugh.

That night, the one he had been recalling, held many good memories.

Duo had begun to laugh. "I figured you'd like the silence for a change."

Heero continued to watch him. "Hn."

His eyes locked on to Duo's momentarily, but saw that the lifeless spark was gone, nonexistent. Perhaps he was imagining things. No, that couldn't be! Heero had seen something, whether it was pain or sadness, he couldn't tell, but there had been something. Another sip of his coffee, and Heero yawned lightly.

"I'm going to go to bed. It's getting late and we start our new mission tomorrow." Heero said, standing, but not taking his eyes off Duo, who was now looking ahead out into the snow.

"Yeah, okay. I'll be in in a minute." Duo said, watching Heero walk away out of the corner of his eyes, "Hey, Heero."

Stopping, Heero turned to Duo, "Hm?"

Duo smiled at the snow outside, "If somethin' happens to one of us tomorrow." Standing himself, Duo whirled and looked at Heero, "If one of us gets separated or we end up not meeting up. Let's wait 'til the next snow like this. and find each other. Heh, I'll try not to get killed. How 'bout you?"

Heero furrowed his brow, but then relaxed his face with a small smile, "We won't get separated.. But… I agree."

Duo smiled widely, sitting back down and picking up his hot chocolate from the windowsill. "G' night, Heero."

"Good night." With that, Heero walked into the room he had shared with Duo.

And I

Take back all

The things I said

To make you

Feel like that

Duo rubbed his hands together, a tight feeling in the pit of his stomach. Maybe that promise wouldn't be kept.

They had been separated. Something had happened, but, Duo couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. They had done everything the way planned. They destroyed what they needed to, and got out right after one another.. But.. Duo couldn't figure out what had gone wrong.

Maybe it was time he gave up on trying to analyze the situation. He'd never really been too good at that, and that Starbuck's Grande White Chocolate mocha was beginning to sound very good in Duo's warring mind. He furrowed his brows, and sighed loudly to Shini-neko.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go out into that frozen Hell. Of course, this place isn't much warmer! It's fuckin' cold inside, too! Maybe the Starbucks'll be warmer. I'll bring ya back some nice, warm chai!" He says to the cat, his voice happy, even though it was underlined with a hint of sadness.

With that, he stood and retrieved his heaviest trench-coat, grabbed his keys and checked his pockets for money, credit cards, etc. so he could, for once, pay. The cat mewed at Duo and cocked it's little gray head, thinking, 'My human is weird.'

Duo sighed again and walked out of the apartment and into the hallway before sprinting down the stairs.

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

And I

Take back all the

Things I said to you

A blast of cold air greeted Duo as he walked through the rotating doors. He rubbed his hands together in a quick motion. His frozen breath was barely visible through the blizzard, and the lights from the Starbucks where dulled by the merciless snow. It was like a wonderland, though frozen, that made Duo wish that he was a small child, having a snowball fight with his friends. The image of him pelting Heero with snowballs made him snicker slightly, wishing desperately that he could. He knew it wasn't possible. Not now, anyway. A thin layer of snow covered his jacket as well as the top of his head as he began to drag himself towards the coffee shop.

He halted I mid-stride, his thoughts turning slowly to Heero, an image of the last time they actually had a true conversation, right before the mission…

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to

The drive to the port had been quiet… Duo wasn't even humming along to some unsung tune in his head, as he usually did right before a mission. He was just……… staring……… out the window at the passing snow-covered scenery.

That's why it shocked Heero when Duo finally spoke.

"Who would of thought, that we'd live this long… Honestly, I thought I was gonna die a lot sooner than I should of." Duo said, his violet eyes focused on some unseen relic. He smiled lightly. "I guess I'd rather be alive than dead, I 'spose."

Heero's eyes shifted from the road to Duo for a moment. "What's bringing this up now?"

Shrugging, Duo yawned and grinned. "I dunno, I guess it's just one of those things I've been randomly saying all week. I've been feelin' philosophical."

"I've noticed, especially after what you said last night." Heero voiced, looking back to the road. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Duo's head snap back to look at him.

"I figured you weren't really listening! Heh, I'm shocked, Heero. So……… does the promise still stand?" Duo mused, lounging in the passenger seat more comfortably. He gripped the tip of his braid in his hand, playing with it affectionately.

"Do you want it to?" Heero replied simply, his eyes now focused back on the road.

Duo's eyes drifted towards the window again, a small smile aligning his face, "Of course I do! I never would of suggested it if I didn't mean it!"

"By the way…" Heero stated, his voice still monotone and his cobalt eyes blank, before he paused in mid-sentence, his thoughts falling between two ideas. Why did he find himself stealing glances at his braided partner? One quarter of his mind was pondering this very question, while another quarter wondered why he had made a promise that made no difference what-so-ever. Despite these conflictions, and the fact that he was leaving off in mid-sentence, he silenced his thoughts and focused on the mission at hand.

Turning his head towards Heero, Duo questioned, "By the way… what? Are you just gonna leave me wondering what you were going to say next?"

Shrugging, Heero replied, "Nevermind. It was insignificant." Yet it wasn't. What he wanted to say was something that, if voiced, would either make, or break, the rest of their lives. But he didn't say it. He found that he couldn't. Or perhaps it was that he wouldn't.

And Duo never knew just what was going on in his best friends head, even with all his guesses, he was still in the dark as he sat there watching Heero curiously as they made their way into uncertainty.

This is my December

These are my snow covered dreams

This is me pretending

This is all I need

The cold had flushed his face ever so slightly as he pulled his coat closer to his chest and pulled the collar up towards his ears. He let out a shaky breath, and rubbed his frail-looking arms furiously before beginning to stalk towards the Starbucks again. He almost passed right by the nearly frozen figure laying motionless in the snow. Almost. Duo glanced around, his eyes falling on the ground as he shuffled his way through the snow. The figure was blanketed with snow, and his face was facing the other direction. His bare, red from cold, arms where sprawled out, and his legs where stretched out in what looked like a lazy manner.

Normally, Duo would've just assumed it was a homeless person, and of done something, anything really to help them. But something told him that this wasn't an average street bum, and that's what told him to go and check the situation out. He scurried over, kneeling so he could poke the man in the snow.

"Hey? Hey, wake up! You're gonna freeze out here!" Duo exclaimed, his eyes worried. He shook the man's shoulders gently, and then with more force. "Come on, man! If you don't get up you'll freeze to death! Geez, gimme a break!"

Sighing in frustration, Duo rolled the man onto his back and gasped in shock, his amethyst eyes going wide. He gulped nervously, staring in disbelief at the frozen form of Heero Yuy, whose lips had a slight blue tint to them. His, Heero's, pulse was weak and his breathing was shallow as Duo checked for a pulse. Relived to have found one, Duo takes off his jacket and wraps it around Heero, with no small amount of ease. He had to get Heero inside.

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

Heero's eyes slowly fluttered open, the feeling of warmth around him bringing him around. He found that he was in a large black sheeted bed, in a dark room without any lights on. A door stood slightly ajar to his direct left, and a small beam of soft light seemed to pour into the dismal room like water through a strainer. He pushed himself into a sitting position and stretched his arms out.

'Where am I?' he thought, his eyes studying the room again. The room had an irregular theme about it, the walls and bed where black, while pieces of randomly chosen furniture, such as a ashen winged chair standing alone by the bed. A sweet scented fragrance met his nose as he stumbled to his feet, and he closed his eyes at the freshness of it. He was suddenly aware of how cold it was in that room, and that he was only wearing a black tee-shirt and his spandex[1] . He looked down at the shirt, narrowing his eyes. The shirt was cotton, and across the front, in red letters, it said, "One by one, the penguins steal my sanity."[2]

'Who's…' his mind wandered as he swaggered towards the door and the light, barely focusing his eyes on anything. How had he gotten inside of someone's apartment? He only remembered loosing consciousness and then it was a blank. He ran his hand through unruly bangs and stepped into the light, before sneaking down the hall towards the sound of a mewing cat, music, and the scent of canned chicken soup. A gray cat strode over towards Heero, and mewed lightly at his feet. But Heero wasn't looking at the cat. Instead his eyes focused on something, no, someone else entirely. It then dawned on him where he was, who he was with…

And I

Take back all

The things I said

To make you feel like that

"… Duo…" he whispered, his stoic mask faltering for a moment when he nearly smiled (against his will, of course). He took a few more, cautionary steps forward, his eyes never leaving Duo, who was busy trying to keep the soup on the stove from burning. Duo's plait hovered dangerously close to the stoves flames as he leaned forward to grab some salt from the cabinet, and Heero, realizing he was probably going to catch on fire, cleared his throat loudly.

Duo's head snapped around, his eyes wide, before he grinned widely. For a moment, he looked like a deer in headlights. He turned the stove off, and bounded over to Heero, stopping a few feet away. His grin never fell, and he just stood there for a moment, looking Heero carefully. He'd hardly changed at all, Duo realized, and he looked… interesting… in the penguin shirt. If it was possible, Duo's grin widened.

Silence reigned for a long moment, with Duo just smiling and Heero standing there, no expression on his face.

Heero finally broke the silence, "Hello, Duo."

"Hey!" Duo laughed, before becoming very serious, "What the hell did you think you where doing out there freezing in the snow?! You could of died you know!" Duo's eyes shown with anger and worry, and he demanded an explanation.

"I made a promise, and I kept it." Heero replied simply. His eye-contact never wavered, and he caught the worry in Duo's eyes.

"You should of come up! Or, or, went into the Starbucks! You shouldn't of stood out in ten degrees below zero weather, especially in only SPANDEX and a tank top! You're so stubborn sometimes!" Duo shouted, before sighing, and putting his face in his hands.

Shini-neko sauntered over, mewing curiously as she rubbed against Heero's legs, 'He's just in love, that's all.'

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

And I

Take back all the things

I said to you

Duo shook his head in his hands, before peaking out at Heero through a crack in between his fingers. Heero was staring at Duo, his cobalt eyes looking heavy. His left hand kept twitching, as if he wished to hold onto something but was restraining himself from doing so. Duo focused on this for a moment before snapping back to reality and removing his hands from his face.

"Well, you didn't freeze to death, so that's all that matters, I suppose. Anyway, I was makin' some soup (canned, of course!), so if ya sit down, I'll reheat it and give ya some. You kinda seem to be twitching… Ya cold? The boiler in the building is busted, so it's about as warm as it's gonna get in here…." Duo's voice filled the room, equally as loud as the song that was on, which seemed to be on repeat. He continued to speak even as Heero sat down, his head resting on top on his folded hands. Heero's eyes followed Duo's every movement, he listened to the spastic sound of Duo'd tenor voice, and he caught every gesticulation.

Heero found Duo to be fascinating. He always had. He wondered why he'd never really acknowledged it before, but now it was quite obvious that he held more feelings for the braided imbecile than he let on. Duo laughed for a moment, and then turned to look at Heero. Heero continued to stare at Duo, his eyebrow now raised slightly.

"…but you never even contacted me at all, and from what I've heard from Q-man and Fei-babe, they haven't heard anything from you either. Hell, it's like you fell of the face of the Earth! Even RELENA didn't know where you were, and she's your fuckin' FANCLUB[3]. She called me every few minutes asking if I'd heard from ya! I almost went and shot her, she was so annoying!" Duo smirked at this, almost wishing he had, "But, I still haven't figured it out… where the hell where you?"

Heero blinked his eyes. "I… don't really know. I was with a group of people, somewhere," he laid his head down on the table tiredly as Duo brought the now heated chicken broth over and placed it on the table, "Where, I don't know."

And I give it all away

Just to have

Somewhere to go to

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to

Duo's eyes traced over Heero cautiously as his eyes drooped closed. "We-ell… I'm wondering why you showed up today and not, oh, EARLIER. I didn't think you'd take me that literally…"

Heero shrugged slightly, his cobalt eyes lightly closed. He listened as Duo sighed and sat down across from him. The table moved slightly, and Heero felt something poke his arm. It was Duo. Opening one eye, Heero looked at Duo sleepily, muttering, "What?"

"That soup's gonna get cold if ya don't drink… errr… eat… errr…. What the HELL do you do to soup?? Is it eat, drink, slurp, gulp?? Oh, man!" Duo rambled loudly to Heero and then to himself, mostly. Duo saw that Heero was fighting back a smirk, and his eyes widened. "You know what, Heero, I'm glad you showed up today… not glad of how I FOUND you, per-say, but I'm glad nonetheless. So… why today, and not tomorrow? You know, when the snow's mellowed out?"

Heero did smirk, smile rather, this time, "I missed my best friend."

Duo did a double-take, his mouth hanging wide open. "Am I hearing things? Did Mr. I-am-invincible-I-need-no-friends Yuy just call me his best friend? Are you suffering from the cold?"

Heero couldn't help it, he laughed, and Duo looked even more flabbergasted. " No, you're not hearing things… but, there's more to it…"

"Well, what else is there?" Duo questioned, over the initial shock that Heero called him his best friend AND laughed consecutively. His heart was in his throat as he wondered. The one thing he wished for Heero to say, more than likely WOULDN'T be said, according to Duo's logic, and he found his mouth dry as he said, hopefully clear and crisp, "I have somethin' to say too, but you probably KNEW that! I'll wait 'til you're done. So, what's up, buddy?"

This is my December

This is my time of the year

This is my December

This is all so clear

Heero wondered suddenly, how he had gotten himself in a situation where he would have to tell Duo, finally, after dubbing it as insignificant the day of their last mission together. Duo's eyes looked expectantly at him, their amethyst depths still questioning his thoughts. The bangs that framed his heart shaped face covered a section of his eyes, and he looked like a young child. His braid dangled sleepily over his shoulder as Duo just stared. Heero found himself sipping the soup thoughtfully, and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I want to say something, yet I don't know what to say, or how it begins." He paused, looking into the chicken broth broodingly, "In order for it to begin, it must have an ending. This has no ending, and I doubt it will anytime soon."

"Heero, you don't necessarily know that. I mean, maybe it does have an ending, whether it's good or bad. I think you just don't want to say whatever it is because you're afraid. You're afraid that it'll end in a bad way, or maybe you're afraid it'll end too quickly. I don't know. But it scares you, I know that much." Duo sighs. "Sorry, I went off on a tangent… ignore me like always, if you will."

Heero looked up from the soup and furrowed his brow in concentration. "No, Duo, you're right… I hate to admit it, but you're right. I am afraid. But there's more to the fear than that."

Again Duo looked flabbergasted, but he didn't speak. He knew Heero needed to speak, for once DUO was doing the listening and he was going to do a good job of it. Heero took the silence the right way and continued.

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to

"Duo, I am aware that I was always cold to you, and that I always seemed to ignore you, but that really…" Heero paused for a moment, looking down at the soup once again before taking a deep breath. He looked back at Duo, square in the eyes, "… but I really did hear your every word. I listened to everything you said. I thought over everything you said."

Duo couldn't resist any longer, "You had a funny way of showing it. I mean, I spent MONTHS trying to get you to indulge in conversation, but you almost never would. The mission… it was always about the mission…" He sighs and shakes his head. "I guess I spent too much time in my own little world to even notice that you were even paying the smallest hint of attention to what I was saying. I'm holding you up, aren't I?"

"I, firstly, no matter how much it goes against my ways, want to apologize for always being distant and indifferent. It wasn't directly directed at anyone in particular, least likely you." Heero took a deep breath and I another gulp of the soup. His eyes broke contact with Duo's astonished eyes, and the wind picked up outside, whipping the snow against the window. "Secondly, I want to tell you what I meant to tell you before that last mission. I know you'll condemn me for this, but I believe that I'm taking the wisest course of action in my situation."

Duo tried to regain eye contact, despite the fact that he felt that he could cut the tension in the air with a thermal scythe. He finally regained the needed eye contact and stared into Heero's cobalt eyes curiously. He remained silent.

"Duo… I just want to say… I think I'm in love with you." Heero broke the eye contact, looking down like a kicked puppy. His eyes focused on the floor, and when he heard Duo stand, he figured next would come Duo forcing him to leave and never wanting to see him again. But, no harsh words, no shoves towards the door. Just the comforting presence, even though it was quite awkward at the moment, of Duo's hand on Heero's shoulder.

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to

Duo knelt down in front of Heero, gently pushing his chin up. "Listen to me Heero, never be afraid or ashamed to say 'I love you,' it's one of those risks you just hafta take, you know? I'm very glad you took the risk, ya know, because guess what I was gonna explain when you'd finished talkin'?"

Heero looked back into Duo's eyes, and saw something, much like that lifeless spark from 3 years earlier. And then it hit him. That lifeless spark, that darkness from years earlier, was fear. Fear of being alone, rejected, and fear of what he, Heero, would say. Heero saw that image change in Duo's eyes into a look of just the opposite. Heero wanted Duo to continue, so he said, "What?"

"I was gonna say just the same thing! I'm kinda glad you said it before me though… I would've choked on my words. But now I can say it, too. Heero, I love you, too, and I don't think you have a problem with it now." Duo said, a smile crossing his face. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Heero's lips.

And Heero smiled. A true, honest to god smile as he latched his arms around Duo in an endless embrace, Duo closing his eyes in happiness at the same time. Heero said nothing, he just listened to the sounds of the apartment, to the sound of Duo's breathing.

"Heero… remember that you'll always have someone to come home to."

Shini-neko sauntered out of the room, her tail held high, 'Finally, he can stop moping around.' But which of them she was thinking about is still unknown.

~Owari

[1] Yes, it's been a long while, and he's still wearing the damned spandex. I'm STILL wondering if they are, in fact, spandex… maybe they're radioactive rubber pants.

[2] Sorry, I want a shirt that says this! Penguins are coooool! *smirks* Have a TAAAACCCOOO!!

[3] As if you needed to be reminded of THAT horrible li'l bit of information.

A/N: Alright! I've edited this, so now it's a oneshot rather than a multipart, and I made a few changes to make it flow a bit better. ::sweatdrops:: I wrote this originally 2 years ago, and I finally am getting around to making it a oneshot, like it was meant to be. ^_^