Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My Drug ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing…rich people in Japan do!

Warning: Yaoi, Musings of suicide

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My Drug

From the Journal of Quatre R. Winner:

May 3, AC 204

I had always hated using drugs. Even those necessary for proper medical care. Yet that's what you became to me. A drug so intoxicating, that I felt I would die without you. And now, now that I've seen the world without you by my side, without a chance of you're return, I know that I'm dying. Slowly and painfully.

The others care. I know they do. They've done so much to make things easier, but I know they can't stop the slow ache inside from devouring my half of our soul. You took you're half with you to the grave. Should I do any less?

Would it really be such a sin to follow you? Would not the greater sin be to live on without you, in misery? Yet I can here you're sweet, soft voice even now. "Live my little one. Live for us both." I don't know if I'm that strong, Trowa. I just don't think I'm strong enough to carry on.

After everything that happened in the wars, I guess I'd started to think we were invincible. Who would have thought it would be a simple accident that would take one of us. It was so simple. I could have laughed…if you hadn't been dying. All the blood. Your neck at such a strange angle. It all seemed so surreal. I never got to tell you good-bye.

It was our anniversary. We were so happy. Why did that wire have to brake? The one thing overlooked in the pre-show hassle and bustle. One little thing. Cathy was the one who was suppose to check the equipment. I don't blame her.

I think she took it worse than I did. She started screaming. I sat there, silent, in shock. She ran to you. I couldn't move. She's the one under 24 hour medical surveillance. I'm sitting here, alone, in the home we built together. Unable to eat more than a few bites. Unable to sleep more than a few hours.

When I do sleep, I always wake up believing you'll be there. Are you? Are you waiting for me on the other side? Have you become the angel I always knew you to be? What's it like?

The doctors say I have depression. They gave me all these pills to take and said they'd make it all better. I haven't taken a single one. Maybe they're right. Maybe if I take all the pills it will be all better. Maybe they will bring us back together. Maybe they can bring back my drug…my love…you.