Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My Immortal ❯ One-Shot

Title: My Immortal
Genre: angst, violence, death, beta-ed COMPLETE
Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing or Evenescene's song 'My Immortal'. Though I do adore both.
Summary: Duo reflects on all that he has lost before and during the war.

A/N: This is my second songfic. Again, it is rather sad. I don't know why I came up with the story. It just popped into my head and....you know the rest. And, again, this will be a one shot thing. I'm too cheerful to be all death and angsty all the time.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

Look at me. Heh, the God of Death aka Shinigami. Would believe that this scrawny kid curled in a fetal position crying his eyes out was yours truly? Didn't think so.

Believe or not, I've been through a lot of shit in my short fifteen?...maybe sixteen...years of living. But that can be expected, growing up on the rundown streets of L2 and then the war is no walk in the park. Hell, there were many times I thought I wouldn't make to see tomorrow. But I always did.

Then why do I sound so bum when I say this? It's because I *always* make it. This fact bring me to this question....Why? Why am I always the one to live to see another day? Why could *they* survive? Did *they* deserve it? Weren't *they* good people?

Shit! I need another Kleenex!

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

What the hell am I talking about, you ask? Who the hell are they? Sister Helen, Father Maxwell, Solo and the gang, that's the fuck who! The closest people in my life. But guess where they are. Dead.

All of them. I couldn't protect them and I lost them all one way or another.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
You face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

Sister Helen and Father Maxwell died trying to get me out of a burning church. In a way it was my fault that the massacre started. If I hadn't've messed with those OZ soldiers they'd still be okay. Still telling me that stealing was wrong.

Still telling me to be a good boy. Still telling me big boys don't cry. Dammit! Why do I always have to mess things up?! She died in my arm, ya know. *In* my arms! I cried for hours over her corpse.

I didn't care that her skin slowly lost its warmth and that her chest stopped rising and falling. I never found Father Maxwell's body, but I cried over him too.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

No. Time makes the heart grow fonder and all that bullshit. Well, time just makes my heart hurt more. When I lost the only two people that actually cared for me, I closed myself off. I didn't believe I could stand to lose someone again.

I put on a jester mask to hide my pain and sorrow. Sometimes I actually believed that I was a normal carefree teenager enjoying my youthful days. But when I finally came back to reality, it wasn't pretty. I turned to cutting and all different kinds of self mutilation. For me, that was the only way I could handle my grief.

Then I met Solo.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

He made me stop cutting and put my skills to good use. We started a gang of street punks. He and I were inseparable, ya know. Just like the older brother I never had.

Again, I couldn't help him either. He died from the plague. His death nearly crippled me completely. I watched him die in my arms. Just like Sister Helen, but I didn't cry. I was too numb. I didn't want to live anymore. He had slipped under my defenses and that was all she wrote.

I didn't care much for life from there on. I went back to my ritual and let anyone on the street do as they pleased with me. I was jumped, fucked and then some before I found Howard's ship.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Howwy took me far away from that god awful place. Of course, he didn't know I was there until one of his crew mates found me. They were close to sending me back, but then G stepped in.

That's when I became Shinigami. Fitting name now that you know my story, huh? Deathscythe and me were quite a pair during the wars. I had found my calling. I was to help save the colonies and revenge the death of my friends and family.

Though I mentally justified my actions, I still felt filthy when each battle was over. I didn't let the other pilots know, though. To them, I was the fool, the comic relief, their baka. I didn't mind.

But I was scared shitless when I realized that they had broken through my barriers. Especially that asshole, Yuy. He's a cold bastard, don't let anyone else tell you different. Yet he's the only one to see through and under my charade.

I offered my friendship to him and he doesn't even bat an eye. I don't usually do things like that, I'll have you know. It just that...I don't know....he's a lot like me but different too. He's seen a lot of shit too, but he doesn't handle them like me. I think that's why. To each his own, I guess.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I still sleep restlessly. I had the gut feeling that the guys would be killed and I would lose them when I woke up.

When Heero self destructed, my gut was proven right. When Trowa's suit exploded in space, it was right. When Wufei lost his duel with Trieze, it was right. When Quatre had his encounter with Zero, it was right. My heart stopped every time.

It looked like Shinigami's curse had done them in, ne? But they came back. Each time they came back leaving twice as much damage than before. Heh, you'd think that I'd relax after realizing this...no. I still wake up expecting to see their replacement or catch their execution on the telly.

Duo Maxwell, optimist is thine middle name.

I want to believe that I won't lose them. My conscious tell me I can't afford to though. So I'm stuck here waiting.

Waiting for the day I'd fail them. For the day I'd lose them for good.



owari

A/N: Hn. I....like it....sorta. I almost cried trying to type it up, but yeah. It's okay. Review and let me know what ya think. *sigh* I need some caffeine. Ja matte ne