Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My Reality Is Twisted ❯ Vagina Envy ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

My Reality is Twisted

By Lady Lye
(c)2001
Chapter Five

Disclaimer: Oh for crap's sake! It's not mine!! Hell, I admitted that even the original concept for the story ain't mine! … Wait, why am I writing then? OH, right! The whole 'be like Shakespeare but a woman, cleaner, and not dead' thing. Ah. Yes. See, the Bard didn't make up the stories- he just knew how to tell 'em. Thus is me. I want SAP, damnit!! So me'n my lil Beanie Bard are gonna write this ficcy. Ciao.


-Her Ladyship



Duo rushed into the house and ran into the back to find Hilde, spotting her standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom, putting on her jewelry. "Hilde! HildeHildeHildeHilde-HILDE! OMGOMGOMGOMG! You're not going to BELIEVE-!"

Hilde turned and was assaulted by a hyper and overwhelmed young Duo Maxwell. "Wha- Duo- Duo CALM DOWN, what happened!?" her mind immediately jumped to the worst conclusions. "I know- the incident today- are you hurt? Oh no, are any of the others hurt!? Has something gone wrong!? Has it escalated? Duo TELL ME!" she shook her friend by the shoulders, fear making a knot of her gut.

Duo quieted, staring back at her for a moment. "No…" she said dazedly. "Nothing wrong, no one's hurt… not like that…" her face crumpled and knees buckled and Hilde just had time to steady her before she dropped to the floor.

"Duo? Oh, Duo, what's wrong?" Hilde led her to sit on the bed, grabbing a tissue and dabbing at Duo's wet eyes.

"I'm fucking overwhelmed, that's what!" she snapped miserably. "First Heero guesses who I am and the others show up-"

Hilde gasped. "Heero is here?"

"He was," Duo took the tissue and blew her nose. "He left. After he- He EXPOSED me, Hilde!" she cried, looking straight at her friend, the betrayal ringing through her core. "Right in front of everyone, he just exposed me! Didn't ask, didn't question, didn't pull me aside- just did it. Then he walked out." She blew her nose again, her tears slowly ebbing as fury replaced them.

Hilde stared. She knew how close Duo was to Heero, how she secretly regarded him as a best friend, even more so than she. It must've broken Duo's heart… "Oh, Duo…"

She smiled weakly then. "But you know what? I have the best friends in the universe…"

"What did the others say?" Hilde asked worriedly.

"They comforted me!" she told a wide-eyed Hilde. "They were so incredibly sweet…" she murmured, thinking of Quatre and how he had seemed hurt that she hadn't told them only for her sake. How Trowa had calmly offered his loyal support to her. She flushed. How Wufei had tenderly comforted her in his own way. "H-Hilde?"

"Mhmm?"

"I- I think Wufei actually likes me."



Of course, like any girls, they spent the evening analyzing every detail of what had transpired. (AN: Shut up. We only REALLY do so selectively so shut up. I know what I'm talking about.) Their evening out became a girl's night in and stayed up for hours talking.

"Mm, I think you should give Wufei a chance," Hilde said, munching on a handful of chips. "Maybe he's not the jerk we all thought he was."

"He's a misogynist pig though!" Duo protested half heartedly. She was staring at a photograph taken last year immediately after they arrived on Earth following what they had hoped would be their final battle. Proudly and world-weary, the five of them still disheveled in their flight suits, they managed to pose for the camera. Exhaustion and exuberance clear on their faces, even a faint glimmer of it behind the masks. She put it at the back of the stack of clippings and smiled. A shot of the celebration party Relena had held. Duo drenched Quatre in champagne, spraying it from the bottle and splashing the others as well. God, those days had been fun, thinking all their troubles were finally over. "I mean, he's just a jerk, right?"

"He can't be all bad though… Sally wouldn't put up with him if he were," Hilde said seriously. "And didn't you say he was nice and offered to walk you home and everything? I think he MORE than likes you, Du. Wait, are those the pictures where I'm still all bandaged up? ACK I look SO bad in those!!" she pounced on Duo to wrestle the stack from her.

"Hey! Get your own! Those are your battle scars, you did a great thing for us, Hil," Duo kept them from her protectively. "Now if you don't mind, they're all I have of my glory days."

"Not true," Hilde turned serious. "You have me, you have the boys, you have the other girls-"

"Yeah like I really want to reminisce with Dorothy about the war," Duo snorted. Her eyes widened and then filled. "I bet Heero went to Relena. I bet he's on the phone with her right now, and I bet they're talking about how they're gonna have five kids and name them all Heero Jr. and Milliardo and Zechs and Lucrezia and Lena Jr. and- What's WRONG with me!?" she fell back and stuffed a pillow over her face.

"Stop that," Hilde yanked it away. "You're upset because you've had a major shock today. Heero's a jerk and Wufei's acting all nice to you- I'd be having a nervous breakdown too. Go to bed, it's late."

"Thanks, Hil," Duo smiled weakly. "You're a great friend," she did as ordered.



"Yeah and so then he's like 'of course you're not' as though he's never called anyone that in his whole frigging life. And then- oh my god I actually told him what I thought of him and he's like 'oh. Well then I'm sorry, I behaved badly, I apologize'- where the hell did THAT come from? So when I ask him WHY I'm not he goes 'because you're different. And special. And different. And special. But different.' What in the hell does THAT MEAN!? I mean what IS it with men, are they just unable to communicate like normal human beings or something? Present company excluded of course- you guys are cool- Q are you gonna eat that?"

Trowa tried very hard to hide a half smile behind his hand. He looked from the animated Duo to his wide-eyed little friend. Quatre looked completely overwhelmed by this sudden RUSH of words that had been pouring from Duo since their food had been served. He had no doubt Quatre might now be doubting how wise it had been to invite Duo to have lunch with them at Alicia's today. He tried again to hide his amusement and essentially failed.

"Uh, no, no, go ahead-" Quatre pushed the plate towards Duo, as though keeping it a barrier between himself and the gushing girl.

"Thanks, Q-man," she spooned the potatoes onto her plate and continued to talk as she ate. "You know I've noticed this A LOT. Guys just, like, don't know how to talk to each other. It's like it never occurs to them to just SAY SOMETHING. They clam up about everything and then get all pissed and defensive when you say anything. It's the goddam testosterone or this whole macho thing or SOMETHING- present company excluded of course. You two are wonderful. Neither of you EVER tries to do that whole 'My dick's bigger than yours and I'm gonna prove it by beating the crap outta you' thing. You just KNOW it's stupid. You two are wonderful, really, I mean you're being great right now, just listening to me like this. Cuz Hilde's great but, ya know, sometimes you just want a lot of people's opinions and I trust you both and I respect you and I value your opinions-"

Quatre opened his mouth to voice his and Trowa shot him a sympathetic look as Duo barreled ahead, continuing to gab.

"-You know it can't possibly be healthy to hold all your emotions in the way most guys do. I mean, I have never felt better than the last couple of months where I could just talk and say how I felt. All the guys I had to hang out with before just kept their mouths shut all the time and looked at you like you were psycho or something if you even HINTED that you had feelings."

Trowa's shoulders were shaking with held-in laughter now. Quatre looked to him desperately for support. Trowa made a helpless gesture and hid the threatening grin in his water glass, earning him a look that branded him 'traitor'. Duo didn't appear to notice, merely continuing to talk and eat incessantly, almost fervently. Quatre was beginning to get a dazed look in his eyes- overload- warning- overload- male brain unable to handle so many words per minute-

Suddenly the blonde's eyes lit and he smiled gratefully to someone entering the room, standing and greeting them loudly over Duo, bringing her to abrupt halt. "Sally! Wufei! So glad you could make it after all!"

Duo froze. From behind, it might seem nothing more than a mere, subtle tensing of her shoulders, but from the front, Trowa had a front row seat to watch as Duo's world fell apart, collapsing, crushed into rubble- and then rebuilt itself in less than a heartbeat. She whirled around before anyone else could have the chance to notice, and smiled at them brightly.

"Hey, ya'll! Long time no see, eh?" The tremor in her voice was subtle, but it was there.

"You know," Wufei began casually, tipping his head to the side to look at her. She fought against a gulp as her stomach jumped under his gaze. "I don't know how we never realized it before. It's so obvious."

"Realized what? That she's a girl?" Quatre asked bewilderedly, in all innocence.

"Well, only a woman could possibly talk that much."

Wufei was slapped from both sides simultaneously, and reeled a little from the whiplash, blinking dazedly back into reality under two stern, uncompromising gazes. One a paler sky blue and the other dark enough to near purple. Neither amused in the least. Sally and Duo glared at him.

Quatre openly gaped at the force of their reaction and Trowa sort of- blinked- in that 'oh my' way he had. Wufei himself fought to regain his dignity, face red from more than just the dual impacts. "Bakas- I was only kidding! Can't you take a joke?!" he snapped irritably, wounded.

"That wasn't funny, Wufei," Sally glowered. How stupid was he, really?! Duo was sensitive enough as it was- she didn't need him making chauvinistic, insulting remarks about her!

Quatre coughed. "I think we're all a little high-strung- how would you all like to sit? I can order up some more food-"

"How DARE you?" they all looked to the unexpected source in surprise. Duo fumed at Wufei angrily. "How DARE you make comments like that, you- you- you misogynist frigging pig! What the hell is your problem, anyway?! What have women ever done to you!? I mean, seriously, what is this?! Do you have, like, vagina envy or something that makes you want to lash out at them any way you can or do you do it just for the hell of it?! Or is it just because you're a crabby Chinese guy who hasn't been laid recently and feels like acting like an ass 24/7?"

They had continued to stare at her as her lecture began, a little shell-shocked- but at key words like 'vagina envy', Quatre, Sally and Trowa had all dissolved into mirth. Wufei with vagina envy! It was a hilarious idea! Their eyes widened at her insults to his motives, and they looked to Wufei.

He was bearing it well, standing up under her tirade with an almost bored expression on his face. He waited until she had paused for breath and then asked, "Are you through yet?"

"What the f- NO, I'm not done yet! I'm frigging pissed off with the way you treat women and I've been wanting to say something to you since we were fifteen! The hell I'm not done with you!" she glowered at him.

He allowed a beat to pass before calmly asking, "Now?"

"…" She looked awkward for a moment, aware that she had just let him have it, and then flushed a little. "Uh, yeah…"

Wufei nodded. "So what's for lunch?"



~End Chp 5~

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