Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My reason for Living ❯ My reason for Living ( Prologue )

Hello minna. Today was not a good day….I felt like killing myself, but instead I decided to write my angst away. This will be in the POV of both Heero and Duo.

Warnings: Suicide attempt

Blood

Male/male

Language

Disclaimer: Last time I checked I owned nothing…..But tomorrow is another day….

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Heero's POV

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Usually, when the war was occurring, I would be too busy to even consider my life, what tomorrow would bring. Today, I find, the war is over and there is nothing left in my life. I fought believing that I could…no, that I would ascertain peace and that people who couldn't fight would have another chance at life. That little girl, that was killed by my own miscalculation. A miscalculation that wouldn't have happened if I was better…if I was stronger…if I wasn't there to begin with.

Now that the war is over what am I supposed to do? Where do I go in my life? There is only one thing that I am sure of…

The world does not need any more assassins.

I find myself wondering what the world would be like without me? How would the other pilots react if I weren't there? Even though I consider them as family, I don't think that it would trouble them too much. I am only associated with them to end the war and now that it is over…?

So here, I find myself, in the room shared with 02, my battl…ex-battle partner; lying on the bed, staring up at the cracked ceiling. Thinking….'what the hell has my life really got to offer me'. The first thing that jumps into my mind…..nothing.

I jump at the thought, off my bed, and rush into the adjoining bathroom and lock the door behind me. I quickly locate the razer that Duo uses and break the brittle plastic away from the blade. I raise the blade above my wrist and slice…..a deep line from the middle of my forearm to my wrist.

I watch, hypnotised, as blood breaks forth and runs down the sides of my forearm and drips onto the floor. The steady stream that is my life, escaping the very confines of my body. I am so distracted by the sight that I don't notice one very vital thing…Duo has returned.

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Duo's POV

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I can't believe it…the war is over. All the blood, sweat and tears have finally paid off and I can finally take in life. Do you know what I did today? For the first time….I went jogging. Not as in, a mission jogging from point A to point B, but an actual leisurely jog. I returned to the room sweating and disgusting.

Life is mine for the taking and I plan to take everything that is offered to me, especially if it is one Heero Yuy.

Oh come on, shut up. I openly admit that I am gay, ever since the first time I saw that I guy I couldn't stop thinking about him. The way his eyes catch in the light of the moon, the way his hair has always looked like it has been tousled by a lover's hand, or the way I can sometimes swear that he his actually smiling. If he was to be taken away from me…I wouldn't know what to do.

A crash from the bathroom brings my attention back to the present. I rush at the door and try to open it, the fact that it is locked really catches my attention. I hear another crash and don't hesitate at pushing the door down. It takes a few tries but finally I am in, the site that I first see makes me sick to the stomach.

Blood.

I thought I would never have to see that site ever again. It still amazes me that there is so much blood in a human, especially in a human of his small size. Heero's lying on the floor, unconscious, with blood pouring from his wrist in a steady stream.

`He tried to kill himself?' I ask myself, which, I think is a pretty stupid question. I mean it's fairly obvious, that Heero intended to die.

I immediately spur into action. Life has so much to offer, I will make him see what there is. That there is more to life than meaningless battles, and blood coated battle-fields.

Leaning down, I lift his thin form into my arms and carry him out into the bedroom. I place him on my bed and then run into the bathroom to grab some bandages that could stop the heavy blood flow. On returning I grab his wrist and wrap it tightly with the bandages I found.

While wrapping his wrist, I can feel salt tears slip down my cheeks and realise that it is the first time I've cried since Solo died. The fact that I could loose Heero is the only present thought in my mind, and it devastates me. I cannot imagine living life without his cute glares and his quiet `hn's'. As these thoughts run rampant through my mind, more tears join their already fallen brothers. Pride, for the first time, not getting in the way of my true feelings. Not ashamed to fear the death of the person who I love most in this world; the only person who I'll ever love.

On completion I grab the other wrist and search for an identical cut, but I never find one.

I move the first aid items off the bed and then lay down, resting my upper back against the headboard. Then I gently grab Heero's smaller body and bring him to me, allowing his head to rest against my chest.

As I stare up at the pale ceiling, I run my hand through his chocolate locks and am surprised to feel how soft and silky they are. My other arm is wrapped tightly around his waist and rubs his back, in a soothing motion. The hand originally placed in the chocolate locks moves down and softly touches his cheeks. Yet again, I am surprised to feel the softness underneath the roughness of my callused hands.

Heero's breathing is slow, but even; the only sign that he is still alive. I can feel his pulse, against my side, it's slow and even pace making its presence known.

Suddenly, the breaths become shallower and I can feel his heart beat becoming weaker and weaker. Through my hazed mind I finally realise what's happening…Heero's dying.

Tears began streaming down my face again as his breaths became shallower and his heart became weaker. I hug his body tightly to mine, but he is unresponsive…just as I expected. Tears stream down my cheeks as I try everything I know of to keep my partner, no not my partner, my love alive. I shook him hard, as if I could wake him up, I gave him mouth to mouth, so as to bring his breathing back to normal and I even hit is chest to make his heart beat stronger. Nothing worked. As a last result I tried something that I haven't done in a long time. I prayed.

"Are you there God? Please be there for me…just this once. If there is nothing else in life that you can do for me, the killer, the God of Death, please grant me this one prayer. Please, let Heero live. I love him. I…I don't want to let him go. Please"

I pulled Heero's unresponsive body closer to mine and buried my face in his mess of chocolate brown locks. Inhaling the scent of his shampoo and noticing that it was the same as mine. As his breathing became shallower yet again I allowed myself to break down and openly cried, tears streaming down my cheeks and falling into Heero's hair. I cried and cried and cried…until I fell asleep. Realising, just before I lost consciousness that I wouldn't be there to witness Heero's last living moments.

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I'm not sure how long it was until I awoke, but the first thought that struck my mind was the well being of Heero. The last I had seen of him he was breathing his last breaths. Panicking I shook the figure nestled in my arms and waited for a response.

Sadly, I received no outward response from Heero's small body. I couldn't take being near the body of my dead love and therefore began climbing out of bed. But when I moved, a nearly inaudible groan escaped Heero's pouting lips and the arms wrapped around my body tightened their hold slightly. `Did I really just feel that? Or was it just my imagination?'.

"Heero? Are you alive?" I asked tentatively

A slight groan was his response. I moved my head in order to see his face and was pleasantly surprised when I was met with deep ocean blue orbs. He simply looked at me for a few seconds before his eyes shut and he fell back asleep, obviously warn out from the blood loss.

Smiling, I lowered his body to rest on the bed and then allowed my body to relax besides him. Pulling his light body to me, I brought his head to rest on my chest and wrapped my arms securely around his body. Simply happy to have my koi still alive and thanking God for performing this miracle.

I relaxed into the pillows and allowed one of my hands to run through Heero's soft brown hair.

I will tell him my feelings one day, when he has fully recovered from today's incident. I will tell him how much I love him and how much I need him, that I couldn't live my life without him. And do you know what? He'll love me to. How do I know this, you ask? Its simple. Despite the fact that Heero's body is being held securely in my grasp, I do not have complete control over his body. He's cuddling into my chest.

Heero's resting his bandaged arm on my chest next to his face, while the other is resting underneath his body. He is breathing soft, even breaths that are brushing against my chest sending warm shivers up and down my spine. Just before I to fall asleep, I feel him sigh and snuggle softly into my chest. I hug him tighter to my body and fall asleep with my love.

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Heero's POV

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Through my pain hazed mind I can feel the warmth of love keeping me alive. No matter how much I want to give up…I can't, something is holding me back. I open my eyes and come face to face with violet orbs.

`Duo'

Before I can properly analyse the situation my body begins to shut down again, demanding sleep. I snuggle into the warmth that is surrounding me and feel an arm firmly hold me in place. I can feel the arm hugging my to a warm, soft surface and another hand running through my hair. Creating a soothing motion that slowly lulls me back to sleep.

Is it really Duo? Does he really care about me?

I think I have found my reason for living, why I must survive. Duo needs me…but more importantly…I need him.

Owari

Hello minna-chan. Thankyou for reading my story and I really hope you enjoyed it. I do not think I am suited to writing happy fics, so therefore I think I will stick with these depressing, but good ending, fics.

I will update `Friends or More' soon.

Please read and review my story. I love hearing form all of you.

Ja ne!

Yume Maxwell-yuy.