Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ New Beginnings: Missing ❯ One-Shot

Missing

By Red Pearl

I don't miss Milliard.

When morning comes, and I'm waking up alone in the bed, sunlight streaming through the open curtain, spreading warmth over the rumpled sheets. I can still smell his scent lingering, but he is gone, left on a mission and won't be back for many days. But I just stretch, yawn, pull the cover up and around me and fall back into sleep again.

I don't miss him.

It's different with Treize.

With Trieze, every minute together were ecstasy, every second apart were torture. I craved him, the way an addict craved his next fix. Treize was my drug of choice. When I wasn't with him, my whole body aches with incessant longing. Every molecule inside of me was drawn to him to way iron fillings drawn to a magnet. I was sure that if I were blown apart, every little pieces of me would still struggle to crawl back to him.

I had tried to resist. I had tried to find mindless pleasures with faceless bodies. It never worked. I was naïve to think it would. What Treize and I had had never been just about sex, whatever I tried to tell myself.

In the end I always went back to him, back into his arms, the only place where I could find peace. A peace that paid for dearly by the guilt that tormented me every minute I was away from his hypnotic presence.

I loved him. I hated myself for loving him. Sometimes I even hated him for making me fell in love with him. Everything would have been so much easier if he were the monster I imagined him to be.

I still missed him.

It's different with Milliard.

Trieze was pale moonlight, secrets and darkness, pain, passion and obsession; Milliard is warm sunrays, lazy mornings, chocolate flavoured kisses and sweet whispers in my ears. With Milliard, everything is light and easy, there are no shadows under the sun. With Milliard I feel happy and content for the first time since before the war began.

I can go out with Milliard, taking a walk with him in the park, holding hand with him in the darkened movie theatre, or even just go shopping with him, pushing a cart and watching everyone passing give him admiring looks and know that he'll be going home with me. I can go to bed with Milliard, falling asleep with my head on his shoulder, snuggling in his embrace and knowing I don't have to get up and leave before dawn.

I can be with him in the sun.

He feeds me when I'm working too hard and forget to eat; he carries me off to bed when I'm falling face-in-book asleep; he fills in the silence of the apartment with his voice and brightens it with his smile…

And he knows how to fix my coffee.

Perhaps I do miss Milliard, a little.

But is this love? I can scarcely believe it. Love isn't supposed to be this easy, is it? Love isn't safe and happy, a clear, fresh stream replenishing my desert heart; Love should be harsh and fiery, burning bright, a ball of fire exploding before my eyes -

…

…

Oh, Heaven…

Trieze…

My breath is choking and my heart's clenching together in a tight knot of pain.

Trieze…

Milliard.

…

I wish he's here to hold me.

…

I miss him.

The End.